Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[EvertonRhys]

...internet therapy reported on BBC lunchtime news;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-38528160

Interesting. Also heard a piece on the radio last night about how virtual reality is being utilised for mindfulness. Think it's really important for technology to be used in this way. Certainly can be tough to engage person-to-person with some things. Remember my therapist used to try mindfulness in some of our sessions and all it made me feel was a little uncomfortable. If a person can access help in a way they feel comfortable, they're more likely to remain engaged in their care.

 

[EvertonRhys]

Hi chaps, occupational health said I can go back to work, I didn't phone my boss for a return because don't want to go back until Monday hehe.

Its been a hard 6months very hard in fact but to know I'm out the other side is an amazing feeling.

I've had some great support through my gp, first steps, even work have given me the time I needed and of course this thread. Hard to explain to anyone who hasn't suffered depression but knowing others are experiencing similar and sharing those experiences as well as offering advice is of great comfort at times.

Don't give up if you're struggling and most of all talk to someone, even if you just start in here anonymously, its a step in the right direction.

Fantastic that mate, well done! You'll be a great help to friends and family who will no doubt go through/ have been through similar too.

Feeling a little similar too today to be honest. Got my debt sorted with a Debt Relief Order, my mate's taking me to the City game (my first this season- missed it so much), I've been given a part-time job while off from uni and things seem to be progressing with Mind. Just a little scared I'm getting too optimistic too soon so trying to take it down a notch. It is a nice feeling when you see the first glimmer of light in a long time though

 

[Blue Cheese]

Fantastic that mate, well done! You'll be a great help to friends and family who will no doubt go through/ have been through similar too.

Feeling a little similar too today to be honest. Got my debt sorted with a Debt Relief Order, my mate's taking me to the City game (my first this season- missed it so much), I've been given a part-time job while off from uni and things seem to be progressing with Mind. Just a little scared I'm getting too optimistic too soon so trying to take it down a notch. It is a nice feeling when you see the first glimmer of light in a long time though

Brilliant mate, that's good news. Sounds like everything is heading in the right direction. Don't be scared to feel optimistic, go with your gut feeling, if it's positive then embrace it. The job will be good for you get you back in the swing of things. Pleased for you, good start to 2017.

 

[Eggs]

Interesting. Also heard a piece on the radio last night about how virtual reality is being utilised for mindfulness. Think it's really important for technology to be used in this way. Certainly can be tough to engage person-to-person with some things. Remember my therapist used to try mindfulness in some of our sessions and all it made me feel was a little uncomfortable. If a person can access help in a way they feel comfortable, they're more likely to remain engaged in their care.

...exactly. The bloke interviewed on telly said he found it much easier because there was a computer between him and the therapist. Just typing out the problems he had was therapeutic and much easier than discussing face to face.

 

[EvertonRhys]

Brilliant mate, that's good news. Sounds like everything is heading in the right direction. Don't be scared to feel optimistic, go with your gut feeling, if it's positive then embrace it. The job will be good for you get you back in the swing of things. Pleased for you, good start to 2017.

Likewise mate Routine's what I need- to stop me oversleeping. So easy when you've only got menial things to do just not to want to get out of bed. Back to routine and then hopefully as long as the 'fitness to practice' panel at Uni agree- back to it March! I'll ride with the positivity, until we lose tomorrow against Leicester I guess!

 

[EvertonRhys]

...exactly. The bloke interviewed on telly said he found it much easier because there was a computer between him and the therapist. Just typing out the problems he had was therapeutic and much easier than discussing face to face.

Definitely. Definitely for men too as a whole I think. I'm pretty open, but lots of my thinking and positive decision-making happens when I'm on my own and reading up on things etc. Helps empowerment in that sense I'd say.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

...internet therapy reported on BBC lunchtime news;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-38528160

Without raining on the parade I would like to say be careful, there are some strange people out there and the anonymity of the internet allows for some bizarre behaviour. Adults can be groomed too. Just because somebody is an online therapist does not always mean they are a good person. In the course of my employment I came across an online counsellor (legit, fully qualified) who had completely exploited a vulnerable young woman to the point that she sent him a nude photo of herself. He was very clever, he manipulated her completely- saying stuff via email like "I wouldn't dream of asking you your bra size" or " I won't ask you about anal sex or swallowing". I had a transcript of all the emails. Total perv.

Whilst I'm not suggesting that any of you would end up sending a nude pic of yourself to an online therapist, just be wary. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't right.

 

[Eggs]

Without raining on the parade I would like to say be careful, there are some strange people out there and the anonymity of the internet allows for some bizarre behaviour. Adults can be groomed too. Just because somebody is an online therapist does not always mean they are a good person. In the course of my employment I came across an online counsellor (legit, fully qualified) who had completely exploited a vulnerable young woman to the point that she sent him a nude photo of herself. He was very clever, he manipulated her completely- saying stuff via email like "I wouldn't dream of asking you your bra size" or " I won't ask you about anal sex or swallowing". I had all a transcript of all the emails. Total perv.

Whilst I'm not suggesting that any of you would end up sending a nude pic of yourself to an online therapist, just be wary. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't right.

...very good advice.

 

[EFCPaul]

Just ask her.

I get exactly what your thinking mate and believe me I had the same issues and probably would do again if found myself single so it is all normal feelings

But believe me, just ask her out. Worst case scenario is that she says no and if you ask her in private chances are it won't be gossip in the office. If you like her then rather than wait around and wait for her to meet someone else which will happen eventually , take the plunge and just ask her out. One thing to consider here mate, either she is interested or not. In a work environment she has already made her mind up on that subconsciously so no point in winning her round , just ask her out for dinner or drinks or whatever you had planned and perhaps, just perhaps she will say yes to you.

Plus if she is single she will love the idea that someone fancies her in the workplace so another reason why it wouldn't get spread about. Unless she is a complete b then she will be flattered so wouldn't want to hurt your feelings if she said no.

But until she says otherwise there is always the chance she says yes to you, so being a tit and fumbling about and being shy would be all for nothing if the answer would be yes either way.

So yeah, if you feel that strong, just get it out of the way because otherwise it will dwell on your mind far too long until eventually you can't ask her anymore.

I actually floated the idea to her Thursday night of coming with me to play pool after work (I was going anyway to meet up with a mate and she lives nearby the place). She said no (after telling me she had no other plans for the night) so I took that in the moment as a clear sign she's not interested .

My mate who I've told about her and the situation laughed and said I should have just asked her out outright for a drink because it probably come across a bit cringey and not in a way that will have let her know I'm interested. I not sure to be honest, I felt she was basically knocking me back but in a gentle way but as you can tell from my posts I'm terrible for over-analysing situations and mis-reading people in general.

I not seen her since, back in together on Sunday and I'll see how it is between us but I'm expecting it to be business as normal. I'm now not sure whether or not to write it off completely, I don't want to feel stressed out over it anymore but equally I am still interested, just not definitely sure how realistic it is.

If there are any gals reading this thread, please help a fellow blue lol. Was that a gentle rejection or just a poor effort met with an automatic, confused reaction?

 

[COYBL25]

I actually floated the idea to her Thursday night of coming with me to play pool after work (I was going anyway to meet up with a mate and she lives nearby the place). She said no (after telling me she had no other plans for the night) so I took that in the moment as a clear sign she's not interested .

My mate who I've told about her and the situation laughed and said I should have just asked her out outright for a drink because it probably come across a bit cringey and not in a way that will have let her know I'm interested. I not sure to be honest, I felt she was basically knocking me back but in a gentle way but as you can tell from my posts I'm terrible for over-analysing situations and mis-reading people in general.

I not seen her since, back in together on Sunday and I'll see how it is between us but I'm expecting it to be business as normal. I'm now not sure whether or not to write it off completely, I don't want to feel stressed out over it anymore but equally I am still interested, just not definitely sure how realistic it is.

If there are any gals reading this thread, please help a fellow blue lol. Was that a gentle rejection or just a poor effort met with an automatic, confused reaction?

Maybe she doesn't like pool ?

Just a suggestion x

 

[Ashtonian]

I actually floated the idea to her Thursday night of coming with me to play pool after work (I was going anyway to meet up with a mate and she lives nearby the place). She said no (after telling me she had no other plans for the night) so I took that in the moment as a clear sign she's not interested .

My mate who I've told about her and the situation laughed and said I should have just asked her out outright for a drink because it probably come across a bit cringey and not in a way that will have let her know I'm interested. I not sure to be honest, I felt she was basically knocking me back but in a gentle way but as you can tell from my posts I'm terrible for over-analysing situations and mis-reading people in general.

I not seen her since, back in together on Sunday and I'll see how it is between us but I'm expecting it to be business as normal. I'm now not sure whether or not to write it off completely, I don't want to feel stressed out over it anymore but equally I am still interested, just not definitely sure how realistic it is.

If there are any gals reading this thread, please help a fellow blue lol. Was that a gentle rejection or just a poor effort met with an automatic, confused reaction?

To be honest mate that offer might have not come across the right way and might have sounded like a matey thing , like me offering a girl in work if she wanted to come home and play some xbox so to speak haha

Give it a few days mate , a week or so and then just ask her out on a date. In fact don't beat around the bush and just say you want to take her out one night and that way get the answer you want. If you paint it up then it might not sound like you want it to, but to word it that you mean a date then you will get your answer.

In fact say something along the lines of this.

Hi, I was wondering if you like to go out sometime for a meal or to grab a few drinks?

Or

Sorry about the other day, I didn't mean to ask you for a game of pool. The truth is I really like you and I was hoping you would like to go out sometime for a meal or drinks?

Just something more snappy like that. What it means is you will get your answer. Believe me, the answer is already set here, if it's a yes or no then she will already have that answer for you so like schnodingers cat (obviously wrong spelling there) the cat is alive or dead, you just need to open the box to find out

And if the answer is yes then fantastic! If it is no then don't take it too much to heart because it is tougher to ask someone out in work especially someone you see on a daily basis. Much easier to ask a random girl out, but these things do happen and the main thing is to ask her and not leave it to chance.

 

[EFCPaul]

Maybe she doesn't like pool ?

Just a suggestion x

Haha. Maybe mate but it wasn't just about the playing of pool, it was me asking her to spend time with me outside of work and it was met with a "oh well I'm tired and I think I'll just go home, I'll let you know" and then her not mentioning it again and meet not pushing the issue admittedly.

I'm hopeless with women as you can tell but I read that as a sign she's probably not up anything, least not with me. Who knows, maybe it came across badly wrongly and she has no idea I was basically (or at least attempting) asking her out in a casual way but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

 

[EFCPaul]

To be honest mate that offer might have not come across the right way and might have sounded like a matey thing , like me offering a girl in work if she wanted to come home and play some xbox so to speak haha

Give it a few days mate , a week or so and then just ask her out on a date. In fact don't beat around the bush and just say you want to take her out one night and that way get the answer you want. If you paint it up then it might not sound like you want it to, but to word it that you mean a date then you will get your answer.

In fact say something along the lines of this.

Hi, I was wondering if you like to go out sometime for a meal or to grab a few drinks?

Or

Sorry about the other day, I didn't mean to ask you for a game of pool. The truth is I really like you and I was hoping you would like to go out sometime for a meal or drinks?

Just something more snappy like that. What it means is you will get your answer. Believe me, the answer is already set here, if it's a yes or no then she will already have that answer for you so like schnodingers cat (obviously wrong spelling there) the cat is alive or dead, you just need to open the box to find out

And if the answer is yes then fantastic! If it is no then don't take it too much to heart because it is tougher to ask someone out in work especially someone you see on a daily basis. Much easier to ask a random girl out, but these things do happen and the main thing is to ask her and not leave it to chance.

See what you're saying mate, maybe I did have a chance and have blown it now with a such a poor attempt haha. The exact conversation was this;

Me: "What are you doing later?
Her: "Nothing I think, just going to go home. What about you?
Me: "I'm meeting my mate for a game of pool and a drink, it's that (so-and-so) place.
Her: "Oh are you? Well it's good for some isn't it?"

She takes a phonecall, I stay and stand there like a lemon waiting for her to finish.

Me: "Come with me, it will be a laugh and it's by your place isn't it? Better than sitting in."
Her: "What, just me with you and your mate? Imagine it."
Me: "Nah we'll have a laugh and because it's by your flat so you'll be able to go whenever you feel like."
Her: "That's true isn't it? I'm tired though and will probably just go home, I'll let you know."
Me: "Sound, it's up to you."

She goes back to what she's doing, it feels slightly awkward so I leave to get back to work as well. Not mentioned again the rest of the night and I decided not to bring it up again.

Told my mate this and he was like "Lad, you've not made it clear to her you're interested. She probably just felt confused and said no cause it felt awkward. Now you're agreeing with that.

I should go on Take Me Out and have Paddy McGuinness help me out.

 

[Ashtonian]

See what you're saying mate, maybe I did have a chance and have blown it now with a such a poor attempt haha. The exact conversation was this;

Me: "What are you doing later?
Her: "Nothing I think, just going to go home. What about you?
Me: "I'm meeting my mate for a game of pool and a drink, it's that (so-and-so) place.
Her: "Oh are you? Well it's good for some isn't it?"

She takes a phonecall, I stay and stand there like a lemon waiting for her to finish.

Me: "Come with me, it will be a laugh and it's by your place isn't it? Better than sitting in."
Her: "What, just me with you and your mate? Imagine it."
Me: "Nah we'll have a laugh and because it's by your flat so you'll be able to go whenever you feel like."
Her: "That's true isn't it? I'm tired though and will probably just go home, I'll let you know."
Me: "Sound, it's up to you."

She goes back to what she's doing, it feels slightly awkward so I leave to get back to work as well. Not mentioned again the rest of the night and I decided not to bring it up again.

Told my mate this and he was like "Lad, you've not made it clear to her you're interested. She probably just felt confused and said no cause it felt awkward. Now you're agreeing with that.

I should go on Take Me Out and have Paddy McGuinness help me out.

Yeah I will tell you one thing there

She didn't sound resistant to the idea based on that conversation. In fact if that was the convo then it seemed the mood changed in her the minute you mentioned your mate

So believe me ask her out directly. You haven't blown your chance and if you tell her you really like her then she will get the message then and based on that convo, it didn't appear she would have said no to you. Just get that point across that you like her, tell her directly because until you do, it will sound like you just want to hang out with her rather than date her. She won't have a clue until you tell her

Or if you want me to ask her for you then I'm more than happy to

I actually have a little faith here that she will say yes to you. Especially if you had given her something you do rather than a outstretched invite because she said she want doing anyway thing

 

[chrismpw]

I actually floated the idea to her Thursday night of coming with me to play pool after work (I was going anyway to meet up with a mate and she lives nearby the place). She said no (after telling me she had no other plans for the night) so I took that in the moment as a clear sign she's not interested .

My mate who I've told about her and the situation laughed and said I should have just asked her out outright for a drink because it probably come across a bit cringey and not in a way that will have let her know I'm interested. I not sure to be honest, I felt she was basically knocking me back but in a gentle way but as you can tell from my posts I'm terrible for over-analysing situations and mis-reading people in general.

I not seen her since, back in together on Sunday and I'll see how it is between us but I'm expecting it to be business as normal. I'm now not sure whether or not to write it off completely, I don't want to feel stressed out over it anymore but equally I am still interested, just not definitely sure how realistic it is.

If there are any gals reading this thread, please help a fellow blue lol. Was that a gentle rejection or just a poor effort met with an automatic, confused reaction?

I asked a girl at work out to play pool once. Well on the third occasion (genuine soundingbexcuses) she agreed. 6 years later she's my wife. However, to this day she denies that the pool games were a date because she never suspected they were. How wrong she was!
I was sooo cunning, obviously!

What I'm saying is, maybe your intended just thought it was an invitation to pool, not a date.