Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[chicoazul]

ive been aware of it for a few years, im reguarly missing work and find myself at a low ebb alot of the time.

it was taken out of my hands when my parents turned up, which is probably for the best.

like i say im just hoping that the medication will get me somehwere near to being able to function normally again.

You've made sound judgement so not all credit to your parents as you had to turn up. You done that and if you have an open minded approach to the affects of the medication and trying out some new things to bring balance into your life then you'll feel better than you were. Which is no bad thing.

I mediate now which I'd have buzzed off not so long back but I find 15 minutes every day or two helps me out. Sleep, focus, breathing, thinking.

Each to their own but having an open mind and trying different stuff usually yields improvements. Maybe you'd like to read some suggested books from others. Or dietary changes, exercise etc. Whatever works for you. But you've made a good start to tackling a common problem.

 

[kithnou]

ive been aware of it for a few years, im reguarly missing work and find myself at a low ebb alot of the time.

it was taken out of my hands when my parents turned up, which is probably for the best.

like i say im just hoping that the medication will get me somehwere near to being able to function normally again.

Good luck mate. Hardest part for most things in life is acceptance and getting started. You are on the right path

 

[GwladysBlue]

Apologies for assuming you were a woman mate.

It makes absolutely no difference whatsoever though. The situation remains the same.

If you're in Liverpool, they have a dedicated Police Officer, whose only job is to look after the Gay community.

You need to report it, as by not doing anything you're actually making him more powerful.

He's assaulted you twice, the violence is escalating each time - txt book domestic abuse.

What's next, broken bones, teeth or worse ?.

It's not your fault that he's gay / bisexual and can't accept it. Let alone beating the crap out of you afterwards.

This is just going to get worse.

I think deep down you know what you have to do mate.

Tell me to do one if you like, but down the track you'll realise that you are disrespecting yourself a million times more than the bloke beating you when you keep making excuses for him and going back.

Sorry mate, but "I love him" just doesn't cut it for me.

Call me harsh, but I have your welfare in mind.

I'm just not going to see him again.

You're right, the violence is only getting worse.

He has got issues that he'll probably never resolve.

I know that if this was me that did it to him, I couldn't live with myself.

 

[GwladysBlue]

I know it may not particularly seem like it but you've done the right thing in a very difficult situation. Both the event and the emotional part of it all. But mostly because you're cutting him out for now. If you care about someone you don't physically hurt them.

It seems he has some things he has to confront himself about before he's ready to even be friends with you once more, if indeed ever.

Keep going man. The right things and good deeds pay off in the long term. Never doubt that.

Thanks mate.

I think it's human nature to always try to see the good in someone.

I'm just remembering back to when we were going to away games together and just having the best time.

Most of the best (and now worst) times in my life have been with him.

 

[kithnou]

I'm just not going to see him again.

You're right, the violence is only getting worse.

He has got issues that he'll probably never resolve.

I know that if this was me that did it to him, I couldn't live with myself.

Good to read. Be strong. You deserve better. He deserves a restraining order.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Good to read. Be strong. You deserve better. He deserves a restraining order.

When I told my therapist about him, she said he has all the traits a psychopath has.

He is successful, everyone loves him and he is very manipulative.

He was by far and away the most popular lad in my school. He has carried that through to his adult life.

 

[Prevenger17]

and getting turned down because i have not done the job before

That's not why you're getting turned down, I can almost guarantee it. Next time you have an interview, let me know. If you send on the job spec, I'll call you from my office one of the days and go through some prep. I'm serious btw, I can help you with this, I'm giving a talk about interview skills next month and it's something I genuinely understand

 

[COYBL25]

When I told my therapist about him, she said he has all the traits a psychopath has.

He is successful, everyone loves him and he is very manipulative.

He was by far and away the most popular lad in my school. He has carried that through to his adult life.

I can highly recommend this book, to help you understand him.

It's written under a nom de pleume by a high functioning sociopath. ( similar to psychopaths but without the violence ).

It's written by a lady who is obviously in top end professional job.

Some of it's a bit wordy, but it's a fascinating read.

Get it very cheap now off the likes of Ebay and Amazon.

 

[GwladysBlue]

View attachment 34842

I can highly recommend this book, to help you understand him.

It's written under a nom de pleume by a high functioning sociopath. ( similar to psychopaths but without the violence ).

It's written by a lady who is obviously in top end professional job.

Some of it's a bit wordy, but it's a fascinating read.

Get it very cheap now off the likes of Ebay and Amazon.

Thanks mate.

He is the most arrogant person you could ever meet.

I'm not even a physically weak person, I go to the gym and I'm fairly active.

He just makes me feel weak. When I'm around him I feel totally under his control.

What annoys me the most, the first time he asked us to go with each other, I rejected him.

It was after our FA Cup semi-final against Man Utd.

If he knew how angry he would be about doing it, why did he carry on to do it a further three times?

I know it was wrong with me to go with him knowing he has a girlfriend, but I feel like I have more right to than somebody who he has known for two seconds.

There is no way he can keep up this pretence for the rest of his life.

 

[blueloon]

Thanks mate.

He is the most arrogant person you could ever meet.

I'm not even a physically weak person, I go to the gym and I'm fairly active.

He just makes me feel weak. When I'm around him I feel totally under his control.

What annoys me the most, the first time he asked us to go with each other, I rejected him.

It was after our FA Cup semi-final against Man Utd.

If he knew how angry he would be about doing it, why did he carry on to do it a further three times?

I know it was wrong with me to go with him knowing he has a girlfriend, but I feel like I have more right to than somebody who he has known for two seconds.

There is no way he can keep up this pretence for the rest of his life.

Mate, as a complete non expert it does seem to me reading your last few sentences that you are wavering in your view never to see him again. It almost seems that you want him to realise who he is , ditch the girlfriend and realise it's you he wants. Whatever happens you are the strong one in this relationship, you can't go on exposing yourself to potentially more punches - take a look in the mirror the marks will still be there. It's easy for me to say as relationships when we are in them are the most important things in our lives, but I think you know deep down that this relationship is , in the long run ,not good for you. Others on here will give you better advice than me, suffice to say you have a lot of people thinking and caring about your best interests, good luck with the decisions you need to make.

 

[COYBL25]

where do i start...

i think ive known for a good couple years that i may be suffering from some sort of anxiety or depression...

any ways, long story short , i wasnt turning up for work, and sleeping way more than i should, kind of hiding away i suppose, but it all came to a head when the lad ive been working for, went round to my parents and told them he was proper concerned about my well being.

my parents turned up at my place totally un announced and sat me down and we went through it all. its very hard to admit to how im feeling, my parents are proper old school as in 'a good weeks work and you'll be fine' kind of approach. however they said they had been concerned about me for some time and knew i wasnt myself.

for someone who never opens up to family or friends for that matter, i found it really difficult to talk about.

my parents sorted me an appointment at the docs last week, and i missed the first appointment as i just couldnt face going. i managed to get another appointment last friday and found myself in the docs room, telling how i was feeling.

ive been diagnosed with having depression and anxiety issues and put on some tablets and been asked to see a councillor.

the doc said the tablets would take about 3 weeks to kick in properly and i shouldnt put myself under too much pressure to work while im starting them.

i know its not a quick or easy fix, im just hoping they help me get re-motivated to get my life back on track after a really crap couple of years

Brave post mate and you've obviously got a very good and caring mate. Not many fellas would go to their mates parents and do what he did.

You're parents maybe " old skool " but their love for you obviously cuts through that.

By going the Docs you've taken an enormous step to getting better.

Anti depressants can be hit and miss before they work, so don't despair if they initially don't seem to be working. It could just be that you need to give another type a go.

You don't say what kicked it off, if anything ?

The reason I ask that, is that imo a big part of the battle with depression / anxiety is understandance and acceptance.

Keep posting mate, there's loads on here who will help you and support you x

 

[Frank Gallagher]

Brave post mate and you've obviously got a very good and caring mate. Not many fellas would go to their mates parents and do what he did.

You're parents maybe " old skool " but their love for you obviously cuts through that.

By going the Docs you've taken an enormous step to getting better.

Anti depressants can be hit and miss before they work, so don't despair if they initially don't seem to be working. It could just be that you need to give another type a go.

You don't say what kicked it off, if anything ?

The reason I ask that, is that imo a big part of the battle with depression / anxiety is understandance and acceptance.

Keep posting mate, there's loads on here who will help you and support you x

i think there have been a few triggers for me personally. all from about 5 or 6 years ago. i basically sold up and cashed in whatever money i had and went and travelled round SE Asia on my own for 18 months - 2 years in 2009 till 2011. Had the time of my life, untill it was time to come back.

Came back at possibly the worst point i could have with the recession hitting everyone hard. Basically went from living like a king to watching my dad lose his business and house and everything that goes with that. moving 3 or 4 times and being involved between my parents who were obviously at a low point. we just got on with it tho and tried to csarry on regardless.

then a couple years ago i lost a good friend who i had met over in Thailand, quite suddenly and over christmas. that didnt help things.

since being bck tho i have really really struggled to motivate myself for work, looking back i was obviously suffering from something, ive tried to just crack on as normal but this last 12 months has been a real struggle and ive been alot worse.

i fallen out with my family as i wasnt working , (ive always worked for my dad's bussiness) as i just couldnt get up and get myself to work, if i missed one day, it would spiral in to missing a week or maybe 2 at a time. im constantly creating anxiety for myself doing all this.

i tried a change of job just before christmas hoping a new challenge might get me going again, but i struggled through that and it never worked. @roydo

anyway after getting through christmas, my old mate offered me work back in the building and i took him up on it, determined to get going again, but as ever ive let him down and have been facing the same symptoms, which have definatly got worse. to the point where im not answering my phone or going to work, hence why my mate stepped in and went and told my parents.

the doctor has advised me not to pressure myself with work for the next 3 weeks whilst the medication starts to work, so thats where im at currently.

im lucky that my mate who has intervened has been going through something similar, and he could see it in me that i had the same symtoms.

thing is i dont think ive EVER been to the doctors, im 37 now, and im very stubborn and would cut my nose off to spite my face normally, well ive been doing that for the last 4 or so years, ignoring the problem hoping it would mend itself. i was wrong!

 

[GwladysBlue]

Mate, as a complete non expert it does seem to me reading your last few sentences that you are wavering in your view never to see him again. It almost seems that you want him to realise who he is , ditch the girlfriend and realise it's you he wants. Whatever happens you are the strong one in this relationship, you can't go on exposing yourself to potentially more punches - take a look in the mirror the marks will still be there. It's easy for me to say as relationships when we are in them are the most important things in our lives, but I think you know deep down that this relationship is , in the long run ,not good for you. Others on here will give you better advice than me, suffice to say you have a lot of people thinking and caring about your best interests, good luck with the decisions you need to make.

I'll always still care about him. Imagine the person you love the most in your life now, then imagine trying to hate them.

But after this, it is now completely impossible to get back to what we were.

This wasn't a few punches, this was a full on attack.

When he first hit me, I thought it would never happen again. This time was 100x worse.

You should see my eye and ear. My back is also in agony.

 

[COYBL25]

i think there have been a few triggers for me personally. all from about 5 or 6 years ago. i basically sold up and cashed in whatever money i had and went and travelled round SE Asia on my own for 18 months - 2 years in 2009 till 2011. Had the time of my life, untill it was time to come back.

Came back at possibly the worst point i could have with the recession hitting everyone hard. Basically went from living like a king to watching my dad lose his business and house and everything that goes with that. moving 3 or 4 times and being involved between my parents who were obviously at a low point. we just got on with it tho and tried to csarry on regardless.

then a couple years ago i lost a good friend who i had met over in Thailand, quite suddenly and over christmas. that didnt help things.

since being bck tho i have really really struggled to motivate myself for work, looking back i was obviously suffering from something, ive tried to just crack on as normal but this last 12 months has been a real struggle and ive been alot worse.

i fallen out with my family as i wasnt working , (ive always worked for my dad's bussiness) as i just couldnt get up and get myself to work, if i missed one day, it would spiral in to missing a week or maybe 2 at a time. im constantly creating anxiety for myself doing all this.

i tried a change of job just before christmas hoping a new challenge might get me going again, but i struggled through that and it never worked. @roydo

anyway after getting through christmas, my old mate offered me work back in the building and i took him up on it, determined to get going again, but as ever ive let him down and have been facing the same symptoms, which have definatly got worse. to the point where im not answering my phone or going to work, hence why my mate stepped in and went and told my parents.

the doctor has advised me not to pressure myself with work for the next 3 weeks whilst the medication starts to work, so thats where im at currently.

im lucky that my mate who has intervened has been going through something similar, and he could see it in me that i had the same symtoms.

thing is i dont think ive EVER been to the doctors, im 37 now, and im very stubborn and would cut my nose off to spite my face normally, well ive been doing that for the last 4 or so years, ignoring the problem hoping it would mend itself. i was wrong!

Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can come back up mate.

Your Doctor sounds like he / she understands what's going on, as that's good advice re work.

There's loads of little ways that you can help yourself and these all add up in the end.

Here's a few little things that I've found helped me over the years mate :

Don't drink in excess, ale and depression go hand in hand, but just make it much much worse.

Limit your caffeine intake - boosts anxiety / insomnia.

There's loads of herbal stuff, but you shouldn't take it when on prescription meds.

Keep busy. Doing nothing gives you time to dwell and the bad stuff creeps in then.

Aerobic excercise is brilliant, as it releases those feel good chemicals in your brain. ( it can be horrendous forcing yourself to excercise when depressed, as it can be the last thing you feel like doing, but once you make it part of your routine it becomes much easier ).

As @chicoazul says meditation can be a big help too - can you send him that link you sent me ?.

Don't lock yourself away. You've got a good mate and good parents too. Go and talk to them about all this stuff ( I know it'll be hard, as it doesn't come natural to fellas ), but taking about it, will help release all that stuff that's rattling round your head.

Keep us updated mate x

 

[Frank Gallagher]

Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can come back up mate.

Your Doctor sounds like he / she understands what's going on, as that's good advice re work.

There's loads of little ways that you can help yourself and these all add up in the end.

Here's a few little things that I've found helped me over the years mate :

Don't drink in excess, ale and depression go hand in hand, but just make it much much worse.

Limit your caffeine intake - boosts anxiety / insomnia.

There's loads of herbal stuff, but you shouldn't take it when on prescription meds.

Keep busy. Doing nothing gives you time to dwell and the bad stuff creeps in then.

Aerobic excercise is brilliant, as it releases those feel good chemicals in your brain. ( it can be horrendous forcing yourself to excercise when depressed, as it can be the last thing you feel like doing, but once you make it part of your routine it becomes much easier ).

As @chicoazul says meditation can be a big help too - can you send him that link you sent me ?.

Don't lock yourself away. You've got a good mate and good parents too. Go and talk to them about all this stuff ( I know it'll be hard, as it doesn't come natural to fellas ), but taking about it, will help release all that stuff that's rattling round your head.

Keep us updated mate x

thanks for all the advice. very much appreciated. will keep you updated on how i get on with these meds