Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Bungle]

Please don't go. He's manipulating your feelings again. He's not a nice friend.

Please, please don't go. Whether he is off the drink or not he has demonstrated he can't be trusted and only thinks of himself, your own safety is at risk.

@GwladysBlue I can't add a great deal more than the ladies above other than to say my mum was with a fella exactly like this for years and years, knocked her about and then she would leave, only for him to cry and swear he'd turnt his life around, and then within no time at all return to knocking her about again.

If you've managed to avoid contact for months and the feelings have numbed a bit then stick to your guns and just say you aren't interested. You might have had some great laughs but he's a manipulative tit that has treated you terribly more than once.

 

[Jokerdan]

@GwladysBlue I can't add a great deal more than the ladies above other than to say my mum was with a fella exactly like this for years and years, knocked her about and then she would leave, only for him to cry and swear he'd turnt his life around, and then within no time at all return to knocking her about again.

If you've managed to avoid contact for months and the feelings have numbed a bit then stick to your guns and just say you aren't interested. You might have had some great laughs but he's a manipulative tit that has treated you terribly more than once.

Wholeheartedly agree. The pain of not seeing him pales into insignificance to the physical and mental pain and anguish you will have if you continue believing his lies. He is nothing more than a user who is feeding off your goodness like a leech who feeds off the blood of its unsuspecting hosts. Waxing a bit lyrical but he does not warrant your time or attention. Let his 'problem' be somebody else's and move on with your life instead of playing the victim. Harsh l know but you have the choice.

 

[Zezti]

So my 'mate' who did this to me has text me to say he wants to see me next weekend.

We've hardly spoken since this happened. He has sent me a few snapchaps that I have ignored.

He has told me that he is off the drink and he is feeling good about it.

I really am in two minds as to if I should see him. As mad as it sounds, I have really missed him, but my feelings for him have been numbing lately.

Half of me wants to believe he is off the drink and he wants us to be mates again like we have been since we were kids, the other half of me just thinks he wants his gay fix that he's been without for months whilst trying to keep things normal with his 'girlfriend'.

I want to believe the former. The laughs we used to have when we were together can never be reached by any of my other mates.

Sometimes its the ones we want to call 'friends' who can hurt us the most, don't risk it mate. You're stronger without him in your life.

 

[riddick]

Sometimes its the ones we want to call 'friends' who can hurt us the most, don't risk it mate. You're stronger without him in your life.

Too true. I've got 3, maybe 4 people I can genuinely call friends. If I have a problem and I need them there, they will be. You can only control what you have in front of you, trying to live someone elses life and wondering why they don't reciprocate is an exercise in futility.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think you're all right, as hard as it is, I can't look back.

Also, thanks for sharing your own personal story, @Bungle. It's definitely a horrible mental and physical torture.

I had to lie to everyone in work/family and say I'd been in a fight in town. I haven't been in a fight since I was 12.

Deep down I really don't think he is a bad person. Before this past year he was my best mate who I could turn to for anything.

He's put a lot of pressure on himself by getting in a relationship he clearly shouldn't be in. Then when the real him shows up after a drink, he feels terrible guilt and lashes out.

People love him, he's charismatic, but I'm the only person who knows the real him and he's terribly depressed himself.

 

[EFCPaul]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think you're all right, as hard as it is, I can't look back.

Also, thanks for sharing your own personal story, @Bungle. It's definitely a horrible mental and physical torture.

I had to lie to everyone in work/family and say I'd been in a fight in town. I haven't been in a fight since I was 12.

Deep down I really don't think he is a bad person. Before this past year he was my best mate who I could turn to for anything.

He's put a lot of pressure on himself by getting in a relationship he clearly shouldn't be in. Then when the real him shows up after a drink, he feels terrible guilt and lashes out.

People love him, he's charismatic, but I'm the only person who knows the real him and he's terribly depressed himself.

There's a difference between someone who has issues in his own head but loves you deep down and wants to prove it to you and someone who just uses because he knows you're there for him when he feels in the mood. This man sounds very much like the latter mate, it sounds like he takes far more than he gives and it's not fair to you.

I am utterly against violence in relationships, people should never physically lash out at their partner whether it be heterosexual or homosexual. Words are one thing, some people can say horrific things to their spouses or friends when they're emotional and wound up. Sometimes things like that can be forgiven because we know that wasn't the real them talking in the heat of the moment. Physically striking you is something different entirely, he clearly has a very nasty side that he can't or isn't willing suppress, not even towards you.

Personally, I think you should distance yourself as much as you can from this bloke. He can't be allowed to treat you the way he has done, you have to make clear you won't be his punching bag or his bit on the side. Walk away and start afresh, don't let him and his moods dictate your life. Regardless of how long you've known him and close you once felt the two of you there, you don't belong to him or owe him anything, you're your own person who should have respect for yourself and expectations. If one day in the future he tries to contact you pleading about how he's sorted himself out and seen the light then that's up to you whether you give him the time of day or not, but if you do make sure it's only friendship.

Stay strong mate, it will work itself out and get better.

 

[Zezti]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think you're all right, as hard as it is, I can't look back.

Also, thanks for sharing your own personal story, @Bungle. It's definitely a horrible mental and physical torture.

I had to lie to everyone in work/family and say I'd been in a fight in town. I haven't been in a fight since I was 12.

Deep down I really don't think he is a bad person. Before this past year he was my best mate who I could turn to for anything.

He's put a lot of pressure on himself by getting in a relationship he clearly shouldn't be in. Then when the real him shows up after a drink, he feels terrible guilt and lashes out.

People love him, he's charismatic, but I'm the only person who knows the real him and he's terribly depressed himself.

That might be the reason, but it's no excuse. If he has issues, he needs to sort them out and not at the expense of others such as yourself.
Remember; misery loves company.

 

[jinkyali]

I have been undertaking some CBT over the past two months or so.

Where I am now to where I was on March 27th is incredible. 7/8 weeks and I feel/am acting so much better.

I had my hardest CBT coursebook today; confronting my fears. It was tough and small steps but felt like once I can overcome the fears, It will go a long way to me being able to deal with the anxiety I have (health anxiety).

I recommend CBT thoroughly; I pay about £40 a session and its been immense.

My fiance has said I am like a new man; I feel so much happier and in control. I have lost 8lbs and have a new outlook on things.

I read this thread with great interest daily; I was always naive to 'mental illness' and 'depression/anxiety'. The CBT has addressed many of my perceptions and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers mentally. I do strongly believe help is out there though.

Its funny; I talked to my mates about it, admitted I am seeing someone and amongst a gang of 9 of us, it turns out three of us are /have had treatment for mental illness/CBT/counselling. None of us knew and It was me coming out and telling my mates my situation that prompted two others to admit it too.
The old adage of 'talking' is never more apt.

I urge anyone to talk to a loved one/GP/family/counsellor. Even on here.

 

[COYBL25]

I have been undertaking some CBT over the past two months or so.

Where I am now to where I was on March 27th is incredible. 7/8 weeks and I feel/am acting so much better.

I had my hardest CBT coursebook today; confronting my fears. It was tough and small steps but felt like once I can overcome the fears, It will go a long way to me being able to deal with the anxiety I have (health anxiety).

I recommend CBT thoroughly; I pay about £40 a session and its been immense.

My fiance has said I am like a new man; I feel so much happier and in control. I have lost 8lbs and have a new outlook on things.

I read this thread with great interest daily; I was always naive to 'mental illness' and 'depression/anxiety'. The CBT has addressed many of my perceptions and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers mentally. I do strongly believe help is out there though.

Its funny; I talked to my mates about it, admitted I am seeing someone and amongst a gang of 9 of us, it turns out three of us are /have had treatment for mental illness/CBT/counselling. None of us knew and It was me coming out and telling my mates my situation that prompted two others to admit it too.
The old adage of 'talking' is never more apt.

I urge anyone to talk to a loved one/GP/family/counsellor. Even on here.

Great stuff mate and it's always good to get good news on here, as it shows there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I reckon the chances are that everyone knows someone who's suffering or has sufferred from mental illness.

 

[jinkyali]

Great stuff mate and it's always good to get good news on here, as it shows there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I reckon the chances are that everyone knows someone who's suffering or has sufferred from mental illness.

Absolutely.

 

[EFCPaul]

I'm starting to think I have real anger issues that need addressing. I don't lash out physically at people or anything but just thinking of certain people gets me annoyed to the point where I swear to myself and have dark thoughts about causing injury to them, it can ruin my mood even when they're not around! There's a particular person, a co-worker (I write worker in a loose sense) and he REALLY touches a sensitive spot with me and I can't seem to just put him out of mind or into the realm of non-importance where he belongs.

Me and this lad, we barely talk to each other in work, not even in passing really. Even from the beginning we didn't exactly gel but recently it's begun to feel a bit tense between us. I assume he's that aware of the fact that I don't like him at all because I haven't been shy about telling certain people and don't even bother to be polite anymore because I have so little respect for him as a person or a colleague. He's not shy, I can tell the difference between someone who feels at a loss what to do or say sometimes and someone who just outright isn't bothered and thinks they're something they're not. He's lazy, arrogant, ignorant, has a crap personality, gets all the benefits of nepotism from management and the girl I fancied for ages likes him far more than me (God knows why).

The majority of the workforce, the good people whom I get along with, don't like him either. He's part of this notorious little clique I've talked about many times but he literally follows the leader around all day, every day, like a sidekick. Doing this bloke's work for him even when he's meant to be working elsewhere (and he's never told off for it). It's so pathetic that it's actually a running joke now among some of us at how much of a disciple he is and whilst others just roll their eye for some reason I can't, I feel an overwhelming urge to slap or at least verbally obliterate him. I know I shouldn't be feeling this hostile towards someone I don't really know personally but I do, he just gets to me so much.

I guess he's just a personification of everything I don't like about the job and people in general, my polar opposite in a lot of regards. I want to know how I get this anger to go away, it's not healthy or constructive. I've felt better the past few weeks and really do feel I've made progress but this is still a big rock I'm for some reason still carrying around and want to drop.

 

[efcforever]

Just really trying to get on with things but not been feeling great. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. If I could go back to bed now and stay there for the rest of the day I would. I can't do that because my wife and daughter are counting on me and I won't let them down.

I just feel tired all the time. I've gone to bed around 9pm last 2 nights. I tend to wake up a few times a night drenched in sweat. I drink about 3 litres of water everyday and don't drink alcohol, so I'm not dehydrated. My daughter is 18 months old and has never been a good sleeper. She wakes us up at least once every night so that isn't helping but I guess that's kids for you.

Seeing the doctor again in a few weeks so I'll see how I'm doing then.

 

[COYBL25]

Just really trying to get on with things but not been feeling great. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. If I could go back to bed now and stay there for the rest of the day I would. I can't do that because my wife and daughter are counting on me and I won't let them down.

I just feel tired all the time. I've gone to bed around 9pm last 2 nights. I tend to wake up a few times a night drenched in sweat. I drink about 3 litres of water everyday and don't drink alcohol, so I'm not dehydrated. My daughter is 18 months old and has never been a good sleeper. She wakes us up at least once every night so that isn't helping but I guess that's kids for you.

Seeing the doctor again in a few weeks so I'll see how I'm doing then.

Go and see the Doctor as soon as you can mate, if you leave it for a few weeks, you'll be that exhausted that you'll be no use to anyone. Plus being that tired makes you snappy, affects your judgement and ability to think properly.

It could be that you're meds need tweaking or even changing ( sweats ).

 

[COYBL25]

Anyone got any advice on kids and grief ?.

The reason I ask is that our 10mth old pup got ran over and killed at the weekend ( no ones fault )

My eldest lad (11) has taken it very very badly - hasn't stopped crying, can't eat, can't sleep, shaking. He's been like this for the best part of two days now and looks ill.

He's dealt with grief before, as our old dog died just over two years ago.

The difference this time, is that the pup was his dog, where as our old dog was mine.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't even there when it happened.

He's buried next to my old dog in the woods by ours and he's been to the grave several times over the weekend, but when he went yesterday, he all but collapsed and I don't really want him going back for a while, as it's making him worse.

Any advice would be much appreciated

 

[Armel]

Anyone got any advice on kids and grief ?.

The reason I ask is that our 10mth old pup got ran over and killed at the weekend ( no ones fault )

My eldest lad (11) has taken it very very badly - hasn't stopped crying, can't eat, can't sleep, shaking. He's been like this for the best part of two days now and looks ill.

He's dealt with grief before, as our old dog died just over two years ago.

The difference this time, is that the pup was his dog, where as our old dog was mine.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't even there when it happened.

He's buried next to my old dog in the woods by ours and he's been to the grave several times over the weekend, but when he went yesterday, he all but collapsed and I don't really want him going back for a while, as it's making him worse.

Any advice would be much appreciated

I am sorry for your loss mate.

Can't really help you though.

I did some googling and like I see it what he's undergoing is quite normal. His loss was very recent and his reactions are normal.

"From ages 9 to 11, children come to understand that death is inevitable, even for them. However, children in these age ranges may still feel somewhat responsible for the pet's death, thinking their beloved pet may not have died if only they'd taken her for more dog walks or kept the water bowl full. So called 'magical thinking' and they may believe that their own thoughts have somehow led to something bad happening to
their loved one."

Things to help:

Talking

Talking to your child in an open and honest way about the death of their pet is very important. This way, your child is more likely to feel that they can trust you and talk to you about their feelings if they need to.Talk to your child in a caring and compassionate way and let them know that it is ok for them to feel sad, angry or confused about the death of their pet. Let your child know that you are there to answer their questions in an open and honest way. Let them know that you also feel sad or upset that their pet has died, but that these feelings will pass and the normal routines of life will carry on.

Supporting

It is important for your child to know that you are there to support them through the difficult emotions that may arise when they are grieving the loss of a pet. Provide them with physical comfort, such as a cuddle, if they will accept it. Also give them the time and space to ask questions and talk to you about their feelings. Remember that strong emotions may come and go in waves and may last over the days, weeks and sometimes months to come.

Remembering

It can be very comforting for children to have some way to remember the pet they have lost. This may be by having a photo of their pet, doing a drawing of their pet, or having a ceremony at home to say goodbye. All of these activities can help to acknowledge the important role the pet has had in your child’s life and that they are no longer there.