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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Havnt posted for a while but still visit this thread on a regular basis, it is indeed very supportive. For anybody suffering from any form of depression, mental health issues, be positive, there is always light at the end of every tunnel. On a personal note, Im 100% better than I was 3/4 months ago, without doubt with help from posters on here. Thank you one and all.
 
EFCPaul said:
Cheers everyone, felt a bit better today though still not anywhere close to 100%. So wracked with insecurities that it's wore me down, have started really beating myself up a lot over the state of my life and what I view it as. From the outside looking in most would say I've got loads going for me but I just can't focus on the positives, I keep focusing on the negatives. Got to keep trying to go forward though I guess.

Thanks for the concern everyone. :)
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What or who are you measuring up against mate? There will always be people better or worse off in financial, personal and work terms. I urge you to go back to counselling. The help it gave me in retraining my brain when the bugger starts on a downward spiral has been life affirming.
 
EFCPaul said:
Spent the last few hours on my own doing some very serious thinking, have a reached a conclusion on what I need to do.

I badly need to go back to counselling, I just don't feel good about myself and need to talk to someone about finding a way to put things into perspective. I only feel contempt for myself, every time I try to do something with life that would make me feel like I'm doing well it seems to all end up just failing miserably or luck doesn't go my way. I analysis my own life and look at it with not much pride at all, I don't feel good about where I am or where I think I'll end up. It's a horrible mindset but I've been stuck in it for too long, I can't just keep doing nothing or I'll sink only even further down into the soil. My mate said to me a few months back.

"You don't love yourself, do you?"

I answered with no and I don't remember a time where it was ever any different really, because I don't feel like there's anything to love. Almost all the time I just wish I was another person in another body with another personality. To be able to just erase the person I am currently and start again as someone new because I effing hate him and wish he'd just disappear. Other people obviously have more serious problems to be dealing with and I realise that, it makes me just hate myself even more for getting upset over things that other people would surely view as tiny.

One thing that might be someone's treasure is someone else's trash, that's how I feel about myself. This is surely not a normal way to feel and it's no way to live.
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Sorry you're feeling like this; the bit I've highlighted in bold really struck me because I'm sure lots of people will say to you "but you're great, we love the way you are" or "you need to be kinder on yourself/ learn to love yourself" etc- so here's my alternative viewpoint- why not try and reinvent yourself and make the old you that you hate disappear? Sure, it's not easy, and can be exceptionally painful (letting go of stuff that you've always felt defines you as "you" is incredibly, incredibly hard, even when you know it doesn't serve you well- from someone who is still going through this process), but it's a hell of a lot better than feeling stuck in the negative space you're currently in.

You can change-make the decision, find the right support, and stick at it. And good luck.
 

Feeling a bit melancholy, got a lot of things buzzing around in my brain.

Me and friend have been talking about moving in together for a while, we're both desperate to leave home and we found a decent little place not far from his house. We went for a viewing of the place on the weekend and it's affordable and suitable. Problem is that although i'm in full time employment right now (and so is my friend) but my job doesn't have any security right now because I'm still on a probation period. I'm hearing conflicting things about the future of department, some say we don't need to worry whilst others are convinced we'll be laid off any day. What if I reach the end of my probation then basically get told they don't have enough work for me after all? They took me on during a hectic summer but since I arrived things have dropped off dramatically and people are worried. I can't get an official answer on how things stand.

My mate is kind of pushing me for an answer, the flat won't be available long and although he says he'll understand if I don't go through with it I will feel very bad myself, what if it's something I regret letting go later when I'm stuck at home for the foreseeable future? I want my independence but not at the cost of everything I have saved away for years. I can afford it, I've got enough saved away and so does he. It's just what if my jobs goes soon and I've blown through my savings for something I can't sustain long term. I feel so torn.

On top of all that I'm stressing out over another girl I quote like. Have known her for a while now and we've gotten very friendly. I fancy her like mad, I think she likes me but i haven't made a move for a variety of reasons. Planning to do it next time I see her but the wait is agonising.

Brain is so fried, too many things buzzing around in my head right now. Thank God for my tablets, they've pulled me out of my funk I was in last week but I'm still stressed to hell.
 
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EFCPaul said:
Feeling a bit melancholy, got a lot of things buzzing around in my brain.

Me and friend have been talking about moving in together for a while, we're both desperate to leave home and we found a decent little place not far from his house. We went for a viewing of the place on the weekend and it's affordable and suitable. Problem is that although i'm in full time employment right now (and so is my friend) but my job doesn't have any security right now because I'm still on a probation period. I'm hearing conflicting things about the future of department, some say we don't need to worry whilst others are convinced we'll be laid off any day. What if I reach the end of my probation then basically get told they don't have enough work for me after all? They took me on during a hectic summer but since I arrived things have dropped off dramatically and people are worried. I can't get an official answer on how things stand.makimg

My mate is kind of pushing me for an answer, the flat won't be available long and although he says he'll understand if I don't go through with it I will feel very bad myself, what if it's something I regret letting go later when I'm stuck at home for the foreseeable future? I want my independence but not at the cost of everything I have saved away for years. I can afford it, I've got enough saved away and so does he. It's just what if my jobs goes soon and I've blown through my savings for something I can't sustain long term. I feel so torn.

On top of all that I'm stressing out over another girl I quote like. Have known her for a while now and we've gotten very friendly. I fancy her like mad, I think she likes me but i haven't made a move for a variety of reasons. Planning to do it next time I see her but the wait is agonising.

Brain is so fried, too many things buzzing around in my head right now. Thank God for my tablets, they've
pulled me out of my funk I was in last week but I'm still stressed to hell.
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Hi mate, I think you know the right answer to this already.

Wait until you're job has been confirmed as full time and out of your probationary period before making any financial commitments.

If you committed to the flat and got the heave ho at the end of your probationary period, imagine how stressed you'd be.

There'll be other flats mate and if your friend is a proper mate he'll understand.
 
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EFCPaul said:
Feeling a bit melancholy, got a lot of things buzzing around in my brain.

Me and friend have been talking about moving in together for a while, we're both desperate to leave home and we found a decent little place not far from his house. We went for a viewing of the place on the weekend and it's affordable and suitable. Problem is that although i'm in full time employment right now (and so is my friend) but my job doesn't have any security right now because I'm still on a probation period. I'm hearing conflicting things about the future of department, some say we don't need to worry whilst others are convinced we'll be laid off any day. What if I reach the end of my probation then basically get told they don't have enough work for me after all? They took me on during a hectic summer but since I arrived things have dropped off dramatically and people are worried. I can't get an official answer on how things stand.

My mate is kind of pushing me for an answer, the flat won't be available long and although he says he'll understand if I don't go through with it I will feel very bad myself, what if it's something I regret letting go later when I'm stuck at home for the foreseeable future? I want my independence but not at the cost of everything I have saved away for years. I can afford it, I've got enough saved away and so does he. It's just what if my jobs goes soon and I've blown through my savings for something I can't sustain long term. I feel so torn.

On top of all that I'm stressing out over another girl I quote like. Have known her for a while now and we've gotten very friendly. I fancy her like mad, I think she likes me but i haven't made a move for a variety of reasons. Planning to do it next time I see her but the wait is agonising.

Brain is so fried, too many things buzzing around in my head right now. Thank God for my tablets, they've pulled me out of my funk I was in last week but I'm still stressed to hell.
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Also, to add to COYB's advice, I wouldn't do anything about the girl you like for now either. Think you need to focus on yourself and learn to take things easy. From your posts, you strike me as someone who homes in on these things as fixes and then beats themself up if it doesn't happen. A successful relationship doesn't forge a healthy mind, a healthy mind makes a successful relationship. Get better before you throw a woman-shaped grenade into your life
 

Havent posted in here for a long long time, but some of you like Paul will know about how i've had my ups and downs with my moods and everything.

Well im pleased to say im genuinely in a much much better place now and i can only highlight it to one thing, my job. I left my old job end of June, went on a two week holiday and started my new job in the end of July and since then i've felt so much better. I'm having a much more positive view about things, as well as starting to hold myself in a much higher regard. Despite only being two months into it i feel very comfortable, settled and part of the time. May sound cringey but i had a late 'First Month Review' last week with my Manager and the outcome was 'Exceeding Expectations'. After a year in my old job hearing how i wasn't good at this, this and this, to have my first review at my new job have that outcome put the biggest smile on my face.

So basically, don't put yourself through hell five days a week at work. If its not for you, get out of it as soon as possible. Your health and wellbeing should always come before picking up a wage slip at the end of the week/month. You spend 35-40hrs a week in a place, with people that are making you unhappy, causing you all kinds of problems, no one should ever have to live like that.
 
MartSlinger said:
Havent posted in here for a long long time, but some of you like Paul will know about how i've had my ups and downs with my moods and everything.

Well im pleased to say im genuinely in a much much better place now and i can only highlight it to one thing, my job. I left my old job end of June, went on a two week holiday and started my new job in the end of July and since then i've felt so much better. I'm having a much more positive view about things, as well as starting to hold myself in a much higher regard. Despite only being two months into it i feel very comfortable, settled and part of the time. May sound cringey but i had a late 'First Month Review' last week with my Manager and the outcome was 'Exceeding Expectations'. After a year in my old job hearing how i wasn't good at this, this and this, to have my first review at my new job have that outcome put the biggest smile on my face.

So basically, don't put yourself through hell five days a week at work. If its not for you, get out of it as soon as possible. Your health and wellbeing should always come before picking up a wage slip at the end of the week/month. You spend 35-40hrs a week in a place, with people that are making you unhappy, causing you all kinds of problems, no one should ever have to live like that.
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Well in mate
 
MartSlinger said:
Havent posted in here for a long long time, but some of you like Paul will know about how i've had my ups and downs with my moods and everything.

Well im pleased to say im genuinely in a much much better place now and i can only highlight it to one thing, my job. I left my old job end of June, went on a two week holiday and started my new job in the end of July and since then i've felt so much better. I'm having a much more positive view about things, as well as starting to hold myself in a much higher regard. Despite only being two months into it i feel very comfortable, settled and part of the time. May sound cringey but i had a late 'First Month Review' last week with my Manager and the outcome was 'Exceeding Expectations'. After a year in my old job hearing how i wasn't good at this, this and this, to have my first review at my new job have that outcome put the biggest smile on my face.

So basically, don't put yourself through hell five days a week at work. If its not for you, get out of it as soon as possible. Your health and wellbeing should always come before picking up a wage slip at the end of the week/month. You spend 35-40hrs a week in a place, with people that are making you unhappy, causing you all kinds of problems, no one should ever have to live like that.
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Top post and made up for you mate.

Health not wealth ;)
 
MartSlinger said:
Havent posted in here for a long long time, but some of you like Paul will know about how i've had my ups and downs with my moods and everything.

Well im pleased to say im genuinely in a much much better place now and i can only highlight it to one thing, my job. I left my old job end of June, went on a two week holiday and started my new job in the end of July and since then i've felt so much better. I'm having a much more positive view about things, as well as starting to hold myself in a much higher regard. Despite only being two months into it i feel very comfortable, settled and part of the time. May sound cringey but i had a late 'First Month Review' last week with my Manager and the outcome was 'Exceeding Expectations'. After a year in my old job hearing how i wasn't good at this, this and this, to have my first review at my new job have that outcome put the biggest smile on my face.

So basically, don't put yourself through hell five days a week at work. If its not for you, get out of it as soon as possible. Your health and wellbeing should always come before picking up a wage slip at the end of the week/month. You spend 35-40hrs a week in a place, with people that are making you unhappy, causing you all kinds of problems, no one should ever have to live like that.
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Glad you're feeling good about yourself mate. Hopefully it lasts and you're over your problems, or at least the worst of them. I'm in a down period right now but hopefully I'll come back up again soon. It happens to everyone I guess but it's about pulling through to the other side.
 

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