YoboCopter
Player Valuation: £50m
Any tips on stopping worrying about trivial things? Im not too bad but sumtimes ( usually lying in bed) can overthink...
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AmericasToffee
Player Valuation: £40m
IMO stress hormones predispose the mind to "race". Try to exercise often (it burns stress hormones) and avoid stimulants like coffee.
Tipp blue
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
If you have any screens in your bed room TV, Tablet, Laptop or Phone get rid of them if you use your phone as an alarm then go out and get an alarm clock. Screens and the light they emit aren't good and will have your mind racing, grab a book if you feel you need something to do to get to sleep. I can only say to you what's helped me but it might be worth a shot that is if you have screens in your bedroom.
EPSBLue
Player Valuation: £100k
Having a terrible year, with the death of my father to cancer, losing my best friend and the family at war with eachother, I've finally accepted I'm not coping.
Seeing all the publicity and posts for World Mental Health day prompted me to take the plunge and book an appointment with a counsellor.
I've always bottled up my feelings and tried to deal with it so I'm not sure how easy it will be to open up to a stranger, but I'll put myself in the hands of an expert and hopefully she will help me find a way to get better.
Seeing all the publicity and posts for World Mental Health day prompted me to take the plunge and book an appointment with a counsellor.
I've always bottled up my feelings and tried to deal with it so I'm not sure how easy it will be to open up to a stranger, but I'll put myself in the hands of an expert and hopefully she will help me find a way to get better.
LydiateLee
Player Valuation: £8m
Be very, very proud of yourself.
Life is tough and it's normal for things to get on top. Look after yourself and those coping mechanisms.
Well done mate and good luck.
AmericasToffee
Player Valuation: £40m
Accept that it's difficult for you to open up but I hope you make the effort and do it. You will be glad you did. It's impossible for a counselor to help you with what they don't know.
Tipp blue
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Starting to talk about things and contacting a counsellor is the most difficult step. Be 100% truthful with her, cry if you feel like crying, I'd imigine you're not going to say or do anything that she hasn't heard or seen before. Well done for taking the first, hardest and most important step and best of luck.
Blueclouds
Player Valuation: £35m
The issue with opening up to a doctor can be bad for your career.
Not really.
Tipp blue
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Not really understanding this one?
YoboCopter
Player Valuation: £50m
He just means it might be on your record im assuming
So, this is quite difficult to post. I sent a similar message to all of my friends last week, and thankfully, the support they offered me without hesitation was incredible.
Even in the dark, there is light.
About 6 years ago, I met the woman that I thought I was going to marry. We had the same interests, objectives, beliefs and fears; even mutual peripheral friends. I fancied the pants off her. No way could I have had my perfect woman message me and want to meet up.
She did, we met up and within 2-3 months, we had moved in together. The alarm bells should have rung when she checked facebook messages between me and one of my best mates about our first "liaison" and kicked off with me for being "disrespectful"
Nonetheless, I moved along, being in the first flushes of love.
Maybe the time that she confronted me about the dating sites (one of which was the one I met her on) that I still had password to, but never used.
Soon after we got a flat together, a debate about the events of 9/11 culminated in a glass being thrown at me across the room.
In the intervening years, I was repeatedly told how "devious & untrustworthy" I was. I defended myself and promised, truthfully, that she was the one for me, and I had eyes for no other.
Occasionally, arguments would get totally out of hand and she would wrestle me to the ground, kicking, punching and biting. Her debating "tactic" was to shout over anything I had to say, then on her terms "allow" or instruct me to speak. Things would escalate and I would end up being punched, slapped or screamed at. I am not, and have never been a fighter. I'd much rather walk away or diffuse the situation. As rows got more heated, and the violence escalated, I would either leave the house, blockade myself in the bedroom, or stay with my Ma or my sister until things calmed down.
On my return, I would be the bad guy for "fleeing" an argument, and made to believe that I was the one in the wrong.
Once she had wised up to this, she would follow me to the bedroom, bathroom or wherever, cornering me in a room and being incredibly verbally aggressive and abusive. Every single time I walked back in the door, I would encounter a frightened little girl (her) who was bullied at both primary and secondary school and lost her dad very suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 21. I'm a gentle soul and see the best in everyone, and for 2 or 3 years reasoned that her justification was perfectly legitimate.
Slowly but surely, the violence escalated. Slaps became punches; every time it was due to my "shitty attitude" or not being able to answer appropriately. Every time it was down to me. Every time I walked away, I would come home to get things and see the woman I loved crying, looking like a "frightened little girl" Every time, I went back.
I worked away as a site manager for 6 months in Essex, 200 miles away. The job was high pressure and under a strict time limit. As a result, I had to work for between 100 & 120 hours per week. Whenever I rang her late, I was accused of cheating on or lying to her. I resorted to video calling her from site as I locked up to assuage her doubts. The one time that I was genuinely worried about her and sent my mum to our house to check she was OK, she went ballistic at me.
Whenever I got home, she would check my wallet and phone (unbeknownst to me) to ensure that I hadn't been cheating.
The obstruction during arguments became so aggressive that I would have to force my way past her to get out of the house and occasionally result on bruises on her arms ( From holding her off me of trying to get away from the situation ) Every time, I would get pictures of the "injuries" that I had "caused" sent to me on whatsapp.
Other incidents include a glass being smashed over my head, mugs, phones, glasses, my work laptop, being thrown at me and destroyed. Every time it would be my "fault" for "winding her up", "pushing the right buttons" or bringing back the bullying that she had suffered.
My mum, sister, aunt all told me that things would only escalate and get worse. Stupidly I kept going back.
Last week, after attending a pub quiz, during which I was accused of "eyeing up the barmaid" then called a "f-Ing idiot" for having too many house keys for her to drunkenly find the right one, she headbutted me, which broke my nose, then sat in front of the door to stop me from fleeing.
After numerous similar incidents, I rang the non-emergency police helpline and reported her assault.
Due to the nature of the allegation, the police were obliged to investigate and advised me that if I did not make a statement and she gave a different story, I would most likely be arrested. As a result I spent several hours in the police station describing our relationship and the various instances of violence that had occurred, even showing the photos of bruises that I had "inflicted"
Fortunately, I stumbled across some video filmed in the early hours of Boxing day demonstrating her aggression and furnished the police with it.
Going though that kind of mess with a total stranger, about somebody that you love is an incredibly difficult and emotionally draining experience. At the end, they concluded that I had been in an abusive relationship, something that deep down, I already knew. The process of describing what had happened refocused my mind, relived the events, but still left me incredibly conflicted
She has been asked in for questioning tomorrow, and has set her own narrative of events working in her favour, whilst making me responsible for her behaviour.
I am not ashamed to share this, as NONE of this is my fault, and I have just been unfortunate enough to have met an utter nut job. I feel stupid for allowing things to escalate, and for going back to that same old BS time and time again.
If it happens to you, speak up and don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, because you have done nothing wrong. I'm OK and have a fantastic network of friends, who despite not seeing me for the past few years have got my back and are there for me.
Men are not the only people who abuse, and there is absolutely no stigma to being the victim of it. If you are suffering, don't do what I did for 3 + years and accept it. Report it!!!. It is not acceptable and is just as bad and awful as when it's the other way around. Thanks.
Even in the dark, there is light.
About 6 years ago, I met the woman that I thought I was going to marry. We had the same interests, objectives, beliefs and fears; even mutual peripheral friends. I fancied the pants off her. No way could I have had my perfect woman message me and want to meet up.
She did, we met up and within 2-3 months, we had moved in together. The alarm bells should have rung when she checked facebook messages between me and one of my best mates about our first "liaison" and kicked off with me for being "disrespectful"
Nonetheless, I moved along, being in the first flushes of love.
Maybe the time that she confronted me about the dating sites (one of which was the one I met her on) that I still had password to, but never used.
Soon after we got a flat together, a debate about the events of 9/11 culminated in a glass being thrown at me across the room.
In the intervening years, I was repeatedly told how "devious & untrustworthy" I was. I defended myself and promised, truthfully, that she was the one for me, and I had eyes for no other.
Occasionally, arguments would get totally out of hand and she would wrestle me to the ground, kicking, punching and biting. Her debating "tactic" was to shout over anything I had to say, then on her terms "allow" or instruct me to speak. Things would escalate and I would end up being punched, slapped or screamed at. I am not, and have never been a fighter. I'd much rather walk away or diffuse the situation. As rows got more heated, and the violence escalated, I would either leave the house, blockade myself in the bedroom, or stay with my Ma or my sister until things calmed down.
On my return, I would be the bad guy for "fleeing" an argument, and made to believe that I was the one in the wrong.
Once she had wised up to this, she would follow me to the bedroom, bathroom or wherever, cornering me in a room and being incredibly verbally aggressive and abusive. Every single time I walked back in the door, I would encounter a frightened little girl (her) who was bullied at both primary and secondary school and lost her dad very suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 21. I'm a gentle soul and see the best in everyone, and for 2 or 3 years reasoned that her justification was perfectly legitimate.
Slowly but surely, the violence escalated. Slaps became punches; every time it was due to my "shitty attitude" or not being able to answer appropriately. Every time it was down to me. Every time I walked away, I would come home to get things and see the woman I loved crying, looking like a "frightened little girl" Every time, I went back.
I worked away as a site manager for 6 months in Essex, 200 miles away. The job was high pressure and under a strict time limit. As a result, I had to work for between 100 & 120 hours per week. Whenever I rang her late, I was accused of cheating on or lying to her. I resorted to video calling her from site as I locked up to assuage her doubts. The one time that I was genuinely worried about her and sent my mum to our house to check she was OK, she went ballistic at me.
Whenever I got home, she would check my wallet and phone (unbeknownst to me) to ensure that I hadn't been cheating.
The obstruction during arguments became so aggressive that I would have to force my way past her to get out of the house and occasionally result on bruises on her arms ( From holding her off me of trying to get away from the situation ) Every time, I would get pictures of the "injuries" that I had "caused" sent to me on whatsapp.
Other incidents include a glass being smashed over my head, mugs, phones, glasses, my work laptop, being thrown at me and destroyed. Every time it would be my "fault" for "winding her up", "pushing the right buttons" or bringing back the bullying that she had suffered.
My mum, sister, aunt all told me that things would only escalate and get worse. Stupidly I kept going back.
Last week, after attending a pub quiz, during which I was accused of "eyeing up the barmaid" then called a "f-Ing idiot" for having too many house keys for her to drunkenly find the right one, she headbutted me, which broke my nose, then sat in front of the door to stop me from fleeing.
After numerous similar incidents, I rang the non-emergency police helpline and reported her assault.
Due to the nature of the allegation, the police were obliged to investigate and advised me that if I did not make a statement and she gave a different story, I would most likely be arrested. As a result I spent several hours in the police station describing our relationship and the various instances of violence that had occurred, even showing the photos of bruises that I had "inflicted"
Fortunately, I stumbled across some video filmed in the early hours of Boxing day demonstrating her aggression and furnished the police with it.
Going though that kind of mess with a total stranger, about somebody that you love is an incredibly difficult and emotionally draining experience. At the end, they concluded that I had been in an abusive relationship, something that deep down, I already knew. The process of describing what had happened refocused my mind, relived the events, but still left me incredibly conflicted
She has been asked in for questioning tomorrow, and has set her own narrative of events working in her favour, whilst making me responsible for her behaviour.
I am not ashamed to share this, as NONE of this is my fault, and I have just been unfortunate enough to have met an utter nut job. I feel stupid for allowing things to escalate, and for going back to that same old BS time and time again.
If it happens to you, speak up and don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, because you have done nothing wrong. I'm OK and have a fantastic network of friends, who despite not seeing me for the past few years have got my back and are there for me.
Men are not the only people who abuse, and there is absolutely no stigma to being the victim of it. If you are suffering, don't do what I did for 3 + years and accept it. Report it!!!. It is not acceptable and is just as bad and awful as when it's the other way around. Thanks.
I've just started the same process mate. Having a terrible year also with my soon to be ex wife destroying me and our family with her lying cheating ways and it seems never ending.
I've moved into a bedsit, heavily in debt with no future mortgage prospects whilst my wife keeps everything. I'm also struggling with my 13 year old daughter to which is getting me further down.
I'm waiting for a first appointment having signed up for something called CBT.
Good luck mate.
The Police are duty bound to take all forms of " domestic violence " seriously mate.
Male on female.
Female on male.
Same sex on same sex.
This follows on from years of the Police not taking " domestics " seriously, sometimes with tragic consequences.
You don`t say whether you have had your injuries catalogued after she assaulted you - GP / Hospital.
The reason I say this, is that it`ll be almost impossible to prove the " assault " without medical evidence.
A good mate of mine found himself in a very similar situation with one of his ex partners, although his situation escalated much quicker than yours and culminated in her smashing him over the head with a wok ( seriously ) when he came home late one night after working unscheduled over time.
From his experience, your ex partner is unlikely to leave it at that, no matter what happens with the Police.
I don`t wish to be the bearer of bad news, but people with personalities like your ex partner can`t accept rejection and she`ll bombard you with phone calls / txts / messages etc.
If you don`t respond, she`ll more than likely start to infer that she is going to harm herself or worse if you don`t come back, as she can`t live without you and will weep like a baby, swearing that she`ll never do it again.
Sorry mate, but once that first punch / headbutt was thrown, she crossed a line that she`ll never ever be able to come back from and it just gets easier from then on to assault you, as you " deserved it / made her do it / wound her up so much " etc etc.
It will never get better and only get much much worse - as you`ve seen with the escalation.
You need to be thinking about the next steps, which will / should include a restraining order.
If you need any help, please pm me mate, as I have a very good friend who is Barrister who specialises in this type of stuff and she can point you in the right direction.
moyeslovechild
Player Valuation: £15m
if any one could help
its been a slow realisation that i have big problems. i started off last year by telling my doctor i suffered from anxiety since i started uni (i'm 24 now) and went on a group cognitive course for like 6 weeks. since then i have realised just how deeply embedded a lot of my problems are (mainly anxiety based) and how they have been present for pretty much all of my life. i know ideally i really do need some type of therapy but i am unsure that nhs will be able to provide me with the quality i need t, given there will be a lot of peole with much more serious problems than me and just how underfunded mh services are.
its to the point where i know if i actually did invest in it and go private it would be a worthwhile investment but just wondering the thoughts on nhs/doctor route.
part of the reasons i think i need therapy and good therapy is that i suffer from a chronic pain issue and pretty sure this goes hand in hand (although even without this my problems get in the way of life enough)
its been a slow realisation that i have big problems. i started off last year by telling my doctor i suffered from anxiety since i started uni (i'm 24 now) and went on a group cognitive course for like 6 weeks. since then i have realised just how deeply embedded a lot of my problems are (mainly anxiety based) and how they have been present for pretty much all of my life. i know ideally i really do need some type of therapy but i am unsure that nhs will be able to provide me with the quality i need t, given there will be a lot of peole with much more serious problems than me and just how underfunded mh services are.
its to the point where i know if i actually did invest in it and go private it would be a worthwhile investment but just wondering the thoughts on nhs/doctor route.
part of the reasons i think i need therapy and good therapy is that i suffer from a chronic pain issue and pretty sure this goes hand in hand (although even without this my problems get in the way of life enough)