Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Had a very similar experience but never found one I was comfortable talking to.

I remember with the first two counsellors I saw I would often tell them what I thought they wanted to hear. With the 3rd one I tried that and she called me out on it. She just used to let me tell her what was bothering me, talk through it and break it down. It's exactly what I was looking for in a counsellor.

 

[SiEdmo]

Update time.

Wednesday marked;

1. One month since my last bet. Feel massively in control, never want to go near what I had been doing before, constantly doing it over throughout every day. At very worst I know i'll only ever be bothered about putting an acca on for the Saturday afternoon for some fun. Looking back I can't believe how I let it take over and become an every minute of every day thing. This must have been the longest i've ever gone without a bet for something like 10/12 years. It just must be. Being able to spend money on proper Christmas presents has been great.
2. Started the new hours at work, a little bit more responsibility but has basically been a payrise as haven't done much more as of yet.
3. Surgery has gone well, trying to get exercise in when well enough and very positive feelings.
4. 3 stone lost since dieting started a month ago. Having a bit of trouble this week as I've not lost or gained despite having a very low calorie diet (surgery enforced diet).

Still have bad days but a lot less frequent and usually involves Everton as well. In such a better place than I was a month ago, work wise, mentally, personally.

Now just Everton buck their ideas up and life is good.

well done mate nice one, onwards and upwards bud!

 

[SiEdmo]

Small update and maybe some advice if anyone is still following this ridiculous story of mine!?

Well, today i well and truly stood up for myself. The ex was meant to bring me my bike out of the shed yesterday but she didn't. She was then meant to bring it this afternoon but instead, i got a message saying your bike (£350 worth) is out side the front. Better come and get it before it gets robbed!

That was the moment i stood up for myself and thought enough is enough of this bitchy attitude making everything 50 times harder than it ever needed to be. So i said that since the split, my life has been turned to crap and i've had to rearrange things, do things and adjust everything so i can stay living around here for the sake of the baby.

Then i told her that as she wanted the split, she wanted to jump into bed with a fella within a week or two and her life has now changed that it's time she rearranged her life to suit that. Told her without a car (remember she took her 2nd car back the other day) i won't be taking the baby to school or having her on only the days that revolve around her job. Time to move stuff around for today's busy "Single" mum.

She of course flipped, called me everything, SH*t dad this, pathetic man, idiot, lowlife all sorts. She desperately was trying to get me to admit i refused to get the bus which isn't at all what i was saying. i kept saying that until i can buy a car, things need to change."So admit now that you're refusing to lower yourself to get the bus and take the baby to school" my reply was "I never used the words lower myself,and as a fully grown adult what i choose to do regarding how i get around town and my travel arrangements are totally my choice".

Aaaanyway, after lots of insults and "Fine, i'll get the solicitors involved, go to court and you won't be seeing the baby again" i kept my cool, called her bluff and said, OK, that's your choice. See you in court.

She is selling her other car, i made her a monthly offer that i can afford. She turned it down, just to be awkward. Worked out a tenner less a month as she is paying for it. Kept saying no. She said she will quit her job because I refuse to take the baby to school etc etc. Again, i kept firm and called her bluff.

Ok i said, that's your choice. All i said was you will have to arrange for the baby to get to school another way until i get a car.

Long story short....stuck to my guns knowing full well she wouldn't quit work and go to court. Eventually after many awful insults she accepted my offer on the car. I will probably buy it and give her a cheap monthly payment, can take the baby on days out and to school, she can keep her work shifts and i get a to pay a lot less in petrol, tax and insurance!

It sounds so petty and from her side, it was. I kept it mature and straight down the line. Gave her the options and that's it. She tried many times to make it hard. using the baby as a weapon. I kept telling myself don't bend over to this. i didn't, now things are going to happen on my terms not hers. it'll all be amicable and flexible from my side but also firm when i need to be. Time to get my own life on track now and do things for me a bit more.

She told me last week that she split up with her fella, said she's on her own now. She went on to tell me earlier during the insults that she is still seeing him and she lied about splitting up. She is making a fool out of herself. She couldn't handle not being in control today. She hated it. You know you are making an impact when the insults fly. also, lies like that i just find cringey.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, i'm now going to have to arse about with the car insurances and that due to the swapping of the cars etc. Does anyone know a way i can do that and avoid admin fees? Trying to keep costs down and i don't need a fee for no reason.

Also, i'm keeping her car insurance in my name as it's cheaper for her, would it be cheaper to put the other car on my multi car policy or get a separate one?

I know it's all sounding petty and daft but i couldn't take anymore insults and walking all over me all the while she was having it all on her terms. I had to put an end to it.

TL;DR: I'm a low down, pathetic sh*t dad but now (may) be able to buy a car so i can do the school run!

nicely done mate, takes some minerals to stand your ground but you did it, well played, hopefully just one of many upcoming steps in the right direction

 

[Grinch]

@MrD you know I am rooting for you bud! Do whats best for YOU. You always have the GoT family to fall back on for support

 

[Tipp blue]

Update time.

Wednesday marked;

1. One month since my last bet. Feel massively in control, never want to go near what I had been doing before, constantly doing it over throughout every day. At very worst I know i'll only ever be bothered about putting an acca on for the Saturday afternoon for some fun. Looking back I can't believe how I let it take over and become an every minute of every day thing. This must have been the longest i've ever gone without a bet for something like 10/12 years. It just must be. Being able to spend money on proper Christmas presents has been great.
2. Started the new hours at work, a little bit more responsibility but has basically been a payrise as haven't done much more as of yet.
3. Surgery has gone well, trying to get exercise in when well enough and very positive feelings.
4. 3 stone lost since dieting started a month ago. Having a bit of trouble this week as I've not lost or gained despite having a very low calorie diet (surgery enforced diet).

Still have bad days but a lot less frequent and usually involves Everton as well. In such a better place than I was a month ago, work wise, mentally, personally.

Now just Everton buck their ideas up and life is good.

This all sounds like good news, with regard to the weight loss, the hard bit is starting your new routine you've done that, the best bit is the first few weeks when weight just falls off you've been through that, you've entered a difficult part where a few weeks can go by without seeing much difference, no gain is a good result some weeks. Keep it up well done.

 

[David09]

Please don't give up on your daughter mate, they can be fickle , and influenced at that age.
I had a son who my ex , tried (subtely) to turn against me , to justify her new partner.
It was a case , from her , of whooing him , at the outset.
In the long run , he and I , are as close as ever , if not more !
Stick with it , as in our case , he was about 12 , and is now almost 30. Mine's a great bloke !

Thanks mate. My ex wife is using her parents instead of me all the time and my daughter doesn't understand my frustrations at this. I can't even take her to a swimming club. It is always " thanks but grandad is taking me" . I just don't understand the hurt tgey are continually inflicting on me.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Thanks mate. My ex wife is using her parents instead of me all the time and my daughter doesn't understand my frustrations at this. I can't even take her to a swimming club. It is always " thanks but grandad is taking me" . I just don't understand the hurt tgey are continually inflicting on me.

As many have said, don't give up on her. She'll be desperate not to upset her Mum because that's who she lives with. And she's 14 - a horrible age for most, raging hormones, growing up, wanting to "fit in" with what the current social trends are. Can you not just arrange a day with her. Like somebody else said, don't give her a choice. Just say the date the time and what you have planned. You could cook together, make pizzas, go to the beach - fun even if it's freezing! She'll feign that she's bored rigid ( because that's what they do) but will like it.

 

[barmcake]

My lad started at his new school on Monday. He's not been to school for over 6 months and even before that his attendance wasn't good. At one point he'd not left the house for nearly 3 months. Despite that he's done a full week, done incredibly well and enjoyed it. It's gone far better than we could have imagined and I just hope this continues. Its been a strange week as its brought back some of the worries/memories of earlier this year whereby I'm worried during the day, has he gone to school, how was it, any issues etc. I'm not sure that will go away for a good while and part of me will always fear some form of regression.

Six months ago we were in a dark place and a hit a low of sleeping on a pull out bed in hospital with a suicidal 13 year old son. We were lost, had little support and no idea how we would wake from a nightmare that had pretty much gone on for two years. Support from friends was good but close family didn't understand. We withdrew as a family, stopped going out, attending family occasions etc. We couldn't really say why as it's not something you shout about. My wife was off work sick and it really felt like we were going nowhere. However, we stuck to it and we pushed CAMHS, the GP, the Psychiatrist until we got the help we needed. Today, he's improved dramatically, he's back in school and my wife is back in work full time. A few months back I was offered a promotion and my wife had the chance to go for one. We decided she wasn't in a good enough place to cope with that so we passed but I took mine as I felt I could manage and didn't want to pass on it. That's proved to be the right decision.

So I guess in summary, if you are in a bad spot right now and can't imagine a way out then don't give up hope. Seek help and support. It is out there. It can get better.

Once again, thanks for all the support.

Well it's been over a month since my son went back to school and he's not missed a single day. He's had a couple of minor wobbles but he's still gone to school. To say he's achieved 100% attendance is remarkable considering he hadn't been for 6 months and he's changed schools. The feedback from school has been great and he's made new friends. I even found him doing some extra homework the other night....I almost cried with the way he was so calm and showing me the extra work he'd been doing to catch up. Something so basic that most people take for granted means so much to us as a family.

In the back of my mind however I dread this coming back. Is it a case of an incident bringing him crashing back down, exam stress, coming off meds, etc etc. I'm not sure I'll be able to relax about that for a long time and I do worry about his future. Maybe I'm over thinking it.

My other worry is that his ambition is to join the army and I wonder how this year will affect his chances. On their website it says no more than two episodes of anxiety/depression and CAMHS have said this would be classed as one episode. He might change his mind over time but it's something he's been adamant about for a while.

A while ago CAMHS recommended family therapy for us. After being on a 6 month waiting list we've finally got an appointment. We are still going to go although my eldest son doesn't want to go. We aren't going to force him but we are going to take our youngest son whose ten. Over the last three years he's seen/heard a lot of things that he shouldn't have. Seeing his older brother having panic attacks, crying on the floor, saying he wants to kill himself etc etc could have influenced him. He seems fine but I'm conscious that much have this is associated with high school and he goes to high school next year. He may also think we've given the eldest much more attention given his situation which we probably did at times but not by choice. We'll see how it goes.

Once again, thanks for the support and for "listening". I always feel a little better after posting in this thread so I encourage others to do so too. People may not see the support that goes on beyond this thread either. I've had numerous members contact me via private message to offer support and I'll always be grateful for that.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Well it's been over a month since my son went back to school and he's not missed a single day. He's had a couple of minor wobbles but he's still gone to school. To say he's achieved 100% attendance is remarkable considering he hadn't been for 6 months and he's changed schools. The feedback from school has been great and he's made new friends. I even found him doing some extra homework the other night....I almost cried with the way he was so calm and showing me the extra work he'd been doing to catch up. Something so basic that most people take for granted means so much to us as a family.

In the back of my mind however I dread this coming back. Is it a case of an incident bringing him crashing back down, exam stress, coming off meds, etc etc. I'm not sure I'll be able to relax about that for a long time and I do worry about his future. Maybe I'm over thinking it.

My other worry is that his ambition is to join the army and I wonder how this year will affect his chances. On their website it says no more than two episodes of anxiety/depression and CAMHS have said this would be classed as one episode. He might change his mind over time but it's something he's been adamant about for a while.

A while ago CAMHS recommended family therapy for us. After being on a 6 month waiting list we've finally got an appointment. We are still going to go although my eldest son doesn't want to go. We aren't going to force him but we are going to take our youngest son whose ten. Over the last three years he's seen/heard a lot of things that he shouldn't have. Seeing his older brother having panic attacks, crying on the floor, saying he wants to kill himself etc etc could have influenced him. He seems fine but I'm conscious that much have this is associated with high school and he goes to high school next year. He may also think we've given the eldest much more attention given his situation which we probably did at times but not by choice. We'll see how it goes.

Once again, thanks for the support and for "listening". I always feel a little better after posting in this thread so I encourage others to do so too. People may not see the support that goes on beyond this thread either. I've had numerous members contact me via private message to offer support and I'll always be grateful for that.

That is so good to hear. Much love to you and all your family x

 

[messymascot]

Hi everyone it's been a bit since I posted in here. As some of you might remember I've struggled with both my mental health and actual health. I think last time I posted was just after I found out my chemotherapy had failed. Since then I have had no treatment but by some strange event my tumour has actually shrunk. This is baffling them but it's got to be looked on as a positive. Unfortunately I let myself go whilst undergoing treatment and feeling sorry for myself and piled on 3 and a half stone. I also now have this under control and have started to lose a bit. There is still a long way to go before I can be totally happy but I feel like I've had a bit of a boost. The cancer will still probably get me but I feel like life is worth it again. I hope I can inspire anyone whose in a dark place that there is always something to cling on for. I was just checking my posting history and it was about a year ago I first reached out for support on here. I can't thank GOT enough as at times it was the best thing for me as the advice was coming from articulate people who were removed enough to give objective advice. Sorry if I've gone on a bit but I just wanted to let you all know how I am getting on and feeling!!

 

[blue to the bone]

Update time.

Wednesday marked;

1. One month since my last bet. Feel massively in control, never want to go near what I had been doing before, constantly doing it over throughout every day. At very worst I know i'll only ever be bothered about putting an acca on for the Saturday afternoon for some fun. Looking back I can't believe how I let it take over and become an every minute of every day thing. This must have been the longest i've ever gone without a bet for something like 10/12 years. It just must be. Being able to spend money on proper Christmas presents has been great.
2. Started the new hours at work, a little bit more responsibility but has basically been a payrise as haven't done much more as of yet.
3. Surgery has gone well, trying to get exercise in when well enough and very positive feelings.
4. 3 stone lost since dieting started a month ago. Having a bit of trouble this week as I've not lost or gained despite having a very low calorie diet (surgery enforced diet).

Still have bad days but a lot less frequent and usually involves Everton as well. In such a better place than I was a month ago, work wise, mentally, personally.

Now just Everton buck their ideas up and life is good.

Well done mate . But do not be tempted to even put on the acca on a Saturday.
One bet can tempt you back in
And I speak from experience

 

[The Missing Lineker]

And I’ve lost him today. My oldest and dearest friend. We grew up together.

Died alone in his flat. Found when his landlord hadn’t heard from him for a couple of days. Called police who found him dead.

Spoke with him 2 weeks ago. Sounded great. We made plans to get together with another mate in the next few weeks. I missed his call 5 days ago. Was meaning to call him back but “too busy”.

Heartbroken. I’m usually telling others to try to let go of negative thoughts but I can’t get rid of a tremendous amount of self-hate right now. Things are raw I know and I should feel better in due course. But he died alone and broken. How the hell do I live with that?

Thank you all for your kind words of support. Genuinely means a lot to me.

Funeral was delayed because of the inevitable post-mortem. Was a great send off though, really well attended.

I was asked to say a few words. That was hard. Declined at first because I didn’t trust myself not to have a dig at individuals who I can’t help but blame for the misery he suffered. I did do a speech in the end because I know he would have wanted me to.

If you don’t mind, there’s one part of my speech I’d like to share with you. My friend was a really good guy. I mean a really really good guy. Instantly loveable. And the reason for that is he would genuinely be interested in you and care about your needs and desires. I know that everyone who attended are - like I am - suffocating under a crushing weight of guilt. Each of us wondering “what if I did this or did that...”.

I suggested to everyone that he would not want us to despair by always carrying around that horrible feeling...but he would want us to always remember that hurt. The next time a loved one leaves a voicemail asking you to get in touch and you don’t make plans to call back because you’re “too busy” and it can wait - he’ll want us to remember this pain at those times and make that call back. When you haven’t contacted a good friend for a while because you’re too busy and it can wait - he’ll want us to remember this horrible heavy feeling in our heart and have it drive us to pick up the phone and say “how’s it going, let’s meet up”.

Folks, if you’re lucky enough to have friends and family please don’t take them for granted. Keep in touch with them regularly. The conversations may not be stimulating or even interesting for you but you remembering that person will mean so much to her/him. I’ve learnt that little tiny things I did or said to my friend, that I thought nothing of at the time, meant so much to him that he told all his family and friends about it.

That is apparently how easy it is to make good memories for your loved ones. What can be more important than that?

Thank you again for your thoughts. When I joined this forum I thought I’d contribute to trying to give advice here. I never thought I’d ever be in a position where I’d be asking for support myself. But when I did have to you guys came good for me xx

 

[collymcd]

Update time.

Wednesday marked;

1. One month since my last bet. Feel massively in control, never want to go near what I had been doing before, constantly doing it over throughout every day. At very worst I know i'll only ever be bothered about putting an acca on for the Saturday afternoon for some fun. Looking back I can't believe how I let it take over and become an every minute of every day thing. This must have been the longest i've ever gone without a bet for something like 10/12 years. It just must be. Being able to spend money on proper Christmas presents has been great.
2. Started the new hours at work, a little bit more responsibility but has basically been a payrise as haven't done much more as of yet.
3. Surgery has gone well, trying to get exercise in when well enough and very positive feelings.
4. 3 stone lost since dieting started a month ago. Having a bit of trouble this week as I've not lost or gained despite having a very low calorie diet (surgery enforced diet).

Still have bad days but a lot less frequent and usually involves Everton as well. In such a better place than I was a month ago, work wise, mentally, personally.

Now just Everton buck their ideas up and life is good.

Amazing! Well bloody done. That's really impressive stuff. Keep up the battle. Next logical step is to cut out those shams Everton

 

[jinkyali]

I am struggling a wee bit.

Few weeks back was told part of my heart isn't performing as well as it should and its not really repairable.

It wasn't that much of a shock as I was born with heart issues and have congenital defects.

But since being told that I have been down, anxious and a bit unsocial. I have also started developing some symptoms I. E shortness of breath physically that I was told may occur as a result of this issue.

Having trouble sleeping too.

This despite never having a symptom prior to being told. I am convinced that its the anxiety causing it as the breathing becomes easier as I relax more.

Not really sure where to go with it. Am already on low dose of citalopram for health anxiety.

 

[cronullasharks]

I am struggling a wee bit.

Few weeks back was told part of my heart isn't performing as well as it should and its not really repairable.

It wasn't that much of a shock as I was born with heart issues and have congenital defects.

But since being told that I have been down, anxious and a bit unsocial. I have also started developing some symptoms I. E shortness of breath physically that I was told may occur as a result of this issue.

Having trouble sleeping too.

This despite never having a symptom prior to being told. I am convinced that its the anxiety causing it as the breathing becomes easier as I relax more.

Not really sure where to go with it. Am already on low dose of citalopram for health anxiety.

Anxiety can definitely mimic health problems and cause somatic problems particularly when you focus on them, i know first hand how much health anxiety can control your life too. The more you focus the more the mind races which will cause the insomnia.