Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Aye, doing our best mate, some days good, some days bad. Kinda hits home not having family around though, you know?

I know what you mean, my parents hardly showed their face when our youngest was born disabled.

I’ve come to realise that they just didn’t know how to handle the situation or what to say / do.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I know what you mean, my parents hardly showed their face when our youngest was born disabled.

I’ve come to realise that they just didn’t know how to handle the situation or what to say / do.

Aye, that sounds familiar. Anyway. Bed for me. Too much excitement for one day.

 

[efcforever]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

Very sorry to hear about this. All the best to you and your wife.

 

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

I'm so very sorry this happened to you and your wife. I'll be saying prayers for both of you. There are pregnancy loss support groups online that might help.

If you and your wife want to pursue being parents, I don't think its too late age wise. My co-worker had her first child at 40 and 2nd child at 42, and that is not an isolated case nowadays.

 

[Zezti]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

So sorry to hear this Bruce. I don't know what else to say apart from I truly hope things improve for you two, just don't bottle it up inside.

 

[Whiteandblue]

Horrible news, thats a crushing feeling you are going through... We were in a similar situation 8-ish years ago and really only got over it with the birth of our little princess... Mind you, we had 2 from earlier so the house never was empty and there was plenty to do. A big hug to you and your wife, remember to talk and support each other.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Horrible news, thats a crushing feeling you are going through... We were in a similar situation 8-ish years ago and really only got over it with the birth of our little princess... Mind you, we had 2 from earlier so the house never was empty and there was plenty to do. A big hug to you and your wife, remember to talk and support each other.

Cheers mate, that's very kind of you.

 

[roydo]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

Sake mate, that sucks.

Thoughts etc etc, but on a practical level, (happened to us ages ago), deal with it in the way that you are both comfortable with, and tell the world to do one.

If that is by grieving, naming the child, marking the day, seeking comfort with each other or in religion/faith, if it works, thats sound.

If it is by seeking comfort in a practical, "its nature/medical" type of approach, if it works, thats sound.

Best wishes to you anyrate. Xx

 

[coollino]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

My gf had two miscarriages in the last year and a half.

The first time, only her parents knew but she told people after the second time as she was sick of pretending to be happy to people. As soon as she told her friends/extended family they did a lot to help her but I can see why she chose not to at the start.

She is currently around 30 weeks pregnant now, all going well, but she still has nightmares a few times a week.

Hope you two get through it as much as you can, you just need to try help her whenever you can as it may be the smallest things which can get to her.

Welcome to PM me if you ever need anything.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Sake mate, that sucks.

Thoughts etc etc, but on a practical level, (happened to us ages ago), deal with it in the way that you are both comfortable with, and tell the world to do one.

If that is by grieving, naming the child, marking the day, seeking comfort with each other or in religion/faith, if it works, thats sound.

If it is by seeking comfort in a practical, "its nature/medical" type of approach, if it works, thats sound.

Best wishes to you anyrate. Xx

My gf had two miscarriages in the last year and a half.

The first time, only her parents knew but she told people after the second time as she was sick of pretending to be happy to people. As soon as she told her friends/extended family they did a lot to help her but I can see why she chose not to at the start.

She is currently around 30 weeks pregnant now, all going well, but she still has nightmares a few times a week.

Hope you two get through it as much as you can, you just need to try help her whenever you can as it may be the smallest things which can get to her.

Welcome to PM me if you ever need anything.

Thanks fellas, that's very kind of you

 

[Bishop Thumpety-Thump]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

So sorry for your loss, that's heartbreaking.

We lost a baby at 16 weeks a few years ago when my wife was 42. She blamed herself and got quite depressed. Nothing you can do but be there for her and support her as much as you can. Counselling defo helps.

 

[Woolly Blue]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

Ah, that's sh1te that mate, and is tough to deal with. Went through the same kind of thing many years ago ( but without the being miles away from family ), and, speaking from experience, it's important to be able to find a way to grieve.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

Sorry to hear that, fella. I hope you two are getting all the help you need and looking out for each other.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Ah, that's sh1te that mate, and is tough to deal with. Went through the same kind of thing many years ago ( but without the being miles away from family ), and, speaking from experience, it's important to be able to find a way to grieve.

Sorry to hear that, fella. I hope you two are getting all the help you need and looking out for each other.

It probably hasn't really sunk in yet as there's been so much to do that there hasn't been much time to really sit and contemplate. In a way that's been good, but it can't be ignored longer-term.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

So sorry to hear this. Much love and hugs to you both. If you feel that need to talk to somebody, these are supposed to be very good. A colleague of mine lost a baby and said this organisation was enormously helpful https://www.sands.org.uk/