Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[EFCPaul]

You’re not suited to the nine to five working life mate. Plenty of people like you. I’m like it myself, but always find a way to just stay afloat.

So much more out there for you. Take some time and have a think about what you really want to do and what you want out of life.

Losing a job can quite often be the best thing to happen to people. Gives someone a chance to reflect and gain a perspective they’re not searching for when they’re in a settled job.

You see the thing is mate I think I do suit that life. That's what has caused me problems, the fact i won't fully integrate with my office colleagues who take pride in referring to each other as a family. They say it seriously, without irony. That's alien to me, especially when I've been there only 10 months.

Kim Cattrall said it best when addressing her relationship with the others she worked with on SITC. She said "we've never been friends. We're colleagues. It's a very healthy mindset to have, to keep a clear line between your professional life and your personal."

Clearly they don't view the world like that but I certainly do. They'll have to learn the hard way down the line I think.

 

[Nymzee]

You see the thing is mate I think I do suit that life. That's what has caused me problems, the fact i won't fully integrate with my office colleagues who take pride in referring to each other as a family. They say it seriously, without irony. That's alien to me, especially when I've been there only 10 months.

Kim Cattrall said it best when addressing her relationship with the others she worked with on SITC. She said "we've never been friends. We're colleagues. It's a very healthy mindset to have, to keep a clear line between your professional life and your personal."

Clearly they don't view the world like that but I certainly do. They'll have to learn the hard way down the line I think.

Maybe what you need is the sort of role where integration isn’t really a thing and you all just have a role that reports directly upwards? You know jobs like call centres, date input jobs, that sort of thing.

Not to be overtly blunt but you say people that treat work as a family will learn the hard way one day but they’re not the ones getting fired. Sometimes it’s good to look inside after setbacks and wonder if there’s anything you could have done differently. If you’re sure 9-5 jobs are the way to go then definitely consider the role you’re applying for as most jobs there days have lots of inter-office connections and people inevitably get chummy.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

You see the thing is mate I think I do suit that life. That's what has caused me problems, the fact i won't fully integrate with my office colleagues who take pride in referring to each other as a family. They say it seriously, without irony. That's alien to me, especially when I've been there only 10 months.

Kim Cattrall said it best when addressing her relationship with the others she worked with on SITC. She said "we've never been friends. We're colleagues. It's a very healthy mindset to have, to keep a clear line between your professional life and your personal."

Clearly they don't view the world like that but I certainly do. They'll have to learn the hard way down the line I think.

I too have paid the price for this attitude but on reflection it comes down to this (in my case at least)… If I genuinely loved what I did for a job I would be thrilled to share it with people who were also passionate. As it stands, I have never been able to understand why people form emotional attachments to something they do for money and I keep myself separate from those people. I don't go to work parties, I don't go to after work drinks, I do my job and go home. This is not to say I am unpersonable or unapproachable in my time in the office.

This can lead to you being seen as stand-offish or not a team-player and only you can decide if it's worth it.

But, in my humble opinion, anybody who sees their employer as a "family" is, at some point, in for a massive shock. Families don't take each other out the back and give them the bullet for overcooking the roast a couple of times.

I remember when I started this job (the one I moan about in here ad infinitum) back in May and a friend of a friend who works in recruitment (hawwwwk spit!) asked me "what do you expect from your new role?" and my answer was "Money at the end of every month". He replied that this was really sad and that I needed to find a company who's values match my own. I could not believe that an otherwise intelligent 36 year old could swallow and believe this nonsense, but apparently there are a lot of people who do. You and I are maybe just outliers.


*Edit: A French colleague just told me my accent is cool. I'm all turned around on the matter!

 

[Nymzee]

I too have paid the price for this attitude but on reflection it comes down to this (in my case at least)… If I genuinely loved what I did for a job I would be thrilled to share it with people who were also passionate. As it stands, I have never been able to understand why people form emotional attachments to something they do for money and I keep myself separate from those people. I don't go to work parties, I don't go to after work drinks, I do my job and go home. This is not to say I am unpersonable or unapproachable in my time in the office.

This can lead to you being seen as stand-offish or not a team-player and only you can decide if it's worth it.

But, in my humble opinion, anybody who sees their employer as a "family" is, at some point, in for a massive shock. Families don't take each other out the back and give them the bullet for overcooking the roast a couple of times.

I remember when I started this job (the one I moan about in here ad infinitum) back in May and a friend of a friend who works in recruitment (hawwwwk spit!) asked me "what do you expect from your new role?" and my answer was "Money at the end of every month". He replied that this was really sad and that I needed to find a company who's values match my own. I could not believe that an otherwise intelligent 36 year old could swallow and believe this nonsense, but apparently there are a lot of people who do. You and I are maybe just outliers.


*Edit: A French colleague just told me my accent is cool. I'm all turned around on the matter!

Personnally keep myself to myself in my office for the most part but I do mingle sometimes for football or TV chatter when the moment arrives. Have to remember over the course of a week you see these people more than anyone else in your life really so it’s no wonder friendships etc. usually develop. Why do you think there are so many office affairs these days?

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Personnally keep myself to myself in my office for the most part but I do mingle sometimes for football or TV chatter when the moment arrives. Have to remember over the course of a week you see these people more than anyone else in your life really so it’s no wonder friendships etc. usually develop. Why do you think there are so many office affairs these days?

It's people who have found a happy place where their values match those of their employer.

 

[blueloon]

Everybody is different and we often chose our own comfort zones. In my 30s I was the youngest in a Management team, kept myself to myself, quiet personality, didn’t mix much. When I moved on it was without the good wishes of my boss or any of the other managers. A few job changes later and my personality was very much the same, no big deal. Then I worked for a boss who actually laughed in the office, good grief!!,. The atmosphere was good , I still made a couple of personal mistakes which I regretted, kids were young and I was changing myself becoming less intense in all aspects of my life . The change 30 years later when I retired had mostly happened gradually without realising it, sometimes in big leaps though. Some aspects of the quiet, diffident guy of 35 years ago remain, but life has changed me so much .

And my point is ? People often struggle with their personality fitting into jobs when they are young, and we all make mistakes which we regret years later, but gradually we evolve , sometimes we have to make the effort too. Perhaps not much comfort for those currently struggling in their jobs but things will get better, good luck.

 

[EFCPaul]

Maybe what you need is the sort of role where integration isn’t really a thing and you all just have a role that reports directly upwards? You know jobs like call centres, date input jobs, that sort of thing.

Not to be overtly blunt but you say people that treat work as a family will learn the hard way one day but they’re not the ones getting fired. Sometimes it’s good to look inside after setbacks and wonder if there’s anything you could have done differently. If you’re sure 9-5 jobs are the way to go then definitely consider the role you’re applying for as most jobs there days have lots of inter-office connections and people inevitably get chummy.

It's one of them mate, yes they're not being fired or reprimanded for anything but that's result of a manager letting her personal feelings dictate how she runs the ship. If you're someone who prefers to not share intimate details of your life unless it's with a close friend, like I do, your viewed as having negative energy. As a person who can't be trusted, someone who has something to hide and needs to be kept an eye on. I'm positive that's not me, I just don't like the personalities of some people i work closely with therefore I don't feel comfortable discussing personal information with them.

She's just not very good in her role, I'm happy to explain why in a PM. Managers I've always felt are supposed to be folk who are good at motivating people, seeing things from the employee's perspective but ultimately getting them to behave in a positive manner. And when it comes to issues arising being very fair and straightforward. That's not been the case.

When she rings and tells me the news I am going to just say "okay then" and then end the call. I'm not interested in any form of discussion, it would be a fruitless exercise.

 

[efcforever]

You see the thing is mate I think I do suit that life. That's what has caused me problems, the fact i won't fully integrate with my office colleagues who take pride in referring to each other as a family. They say it seriously, without irony. That's alien to me, especially when I've been there only 10 months.

Kim Cattrall said it best when addressing her relationship with the others she worked with on SITC. She said "we've never been friends. We're colleagues. It's a very healthy mindset to have, to keep a clear line between your professional life and your personal."

Clearly they don't view the world like that but I certainly do. They'll have to learn the hard way down the line I think.

Completely agree with your view on this mate. One of the reasons I've always struggled on work nights out is because I often find I have nothing in common with people outside of the context of the work place.

How are you doing today anyway?

 

[EFCPaul]

Completely agree with your view on this mate. One of the reasons I've always struggled on work nights out is because I often find I have nothing in common with people outside of the context of the work place.

How are you doing today anyway?

Okay I guess mate. Got to wait for a phone call around 1pmish. Didn't sleep well but so I'd like to just have a doze this afternoon whatever happens. Applying for other things in the meantime.

 

[efcforever]

Okay I guess mate. Got to wait for a phone call around 1pmish. Didn't sleep well but so I'd like to just have a doze this afternoon whatever happens. Applying for other things in the meantime.

Are you in a position where you can take your time a little rather than needing something ASAP?

 

[EFCPaul]

Are you in a position where you can take your time a little rather than needing something ASAP?

Yes thankfully, though I think for my mental health finding something quite quick would be ideal. Want to just move on.

 

[Nymzee]

Yes thankfully, though I think for my mental health finding something quite quick would be ideal. Want to just move on.

Don't rush into the wrong situation though.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Don't rush into the wrong situation though.

1000 times this.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

This is just an idea, chuck it in the bin if you think it's a daft one ....

Maybe set yourself a target on writing something for GOT mate, make it an achievable one, but try not to find reasons to avoid doing it ?

You're good with words, much better than me and the vast majority on here, but, at this moment in time, you likely won't believe that.

Pick a subject, Ancelotti, Stadium, Moshiri, Mental health and football, Niasse's jockstrap, it doesn't really matter, and set out not to write an article, but to type out what you've been thinking about it. Stick your thoughts down on ( virtual ) paper, run it by a couple of people and then send it off to Danny.

I'm fully aware I need to sit down and do something. I even started bouncing a few openers about in my head this morning... I'll need to dive into the abyss of some other clubs forums to bring it to fruition, though.

Maybe this weekend.

 

[EFCPaul]

Been out with friends tonight, got plastered and had a great laugh. Massive help in lifting my mood. Been doing some more self-reflecting, I now think I've arrived at a fair and sensible conclusion.

What has happened, though wounding to my pride, is for the best. I've been happy, I probably would have remained generally unhappy because I found some of my colleagues very intolerable with their behaviour (and they likely felt the same about me). I will sleep easy going forward though, I have faith in my abilities and the vast majority of people who meet seem to like and understand me. I made mistakes and some really poor choices, certain things I'm really not proud of, but they're learning experiences for the future. I'm no way near my final destination, I'm still confident things are panning out in a way I'll be very glad of down the road.

Will update when I some noteworthy news.