Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brett Angell Delight]

I am getting on, I won't reveal my age, but this has been the worse year of my life, my wife cheated on me & left me, I lost my driving license through trying to help a mate out, my son never contacts me, & Everton can depress me too !!!

Sorry to hear that mate. Your head must be spinning with it all so first and foremost it’s important to get your feet back under you so you can move on. It’ll take time, and if you need to make more use of this thread you absolutely should.

Re your son: Have you tried getting in touch with him? Communication is a two-way street and I think the kids can sometimes get a bit lax if they’ve got a lot on their plate etc.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

In fact my work associate said the other day, if I don't wake up one morning it will do me a real favour, I agreed with him, I want to die naturally without pain or suicide !!

That's no mate. I notice you say the speeding points cost "us" Was he the one you took the hit for? if it was your friendship seems very one sided if that was his response to your situation. You may have his back but he doesn't seem to have yours. Look back over your friendship and see if it was an equal balance. Sorry if I appear to be being mean about your friend but I am genuinely shocked that somebody could say that.

As for your son, as other posters have said, contact him. He's a child. You can't expect adult values and responses from him. He will have many emotions running through him about what has happened but he still needs his Dad. And if he's a teenager they all think they are Billy Big B*ll*cks anyway when in fact he's hurt, confused, upset about his Mum and Dad splitting up. I hope it works out for you.

 

[Brendan Janus]

Me & his Mum split in 1997, so nowt to do with that, He's 29 & very selfish, I have given him £12,000 to set him & his partner up !!!!! I never married his Mum, my failed marriage was with a Kiddy slapper !!my separated wife

 

[Brendan Janus]

My work Colleague of 27 years is nowt to do with the driving ban !!

 

[Brendan Janus]

My driving mate ban do look out for each others back, over anything !!

 

[Spotty]

In fact my work associate said the other day, if I don't wake up one morning it will do me a real favour, I agreed with him, I want to die naturally without pain or suicide !!

Brendan you need help and support
Judging from what your saying in my experience its not going to take much to push you over the edge and for you that's sounds like killing yourself. A lot of people on here would agree with " it's not worth it, things can get better, don't do it". I would agree. However, let's make comparison. Before I became a Psychy nurse, I recall - often - something dad said to me: " son, compared to death, life is brilliant". Let's look at that, what it means. Death, rotting in the ground and - that's it. Nothingness. No pain, no sorrow, yes. But no smiling no walking along the beach, no seeing kids play, the sun shine. No feeling the skin of a loved one on yours, the feeling of love, joy, the feeling you get when you make someone happy. A lovely meal, fine wine, seeing Everton win, the togetherness of it all watching animals, marvel at the weather, architecture, the arts. Death has a finality, a horrible nothingness. What about the joy your being can bring to people, the happiness you can bring other people. Like dad said, compared to life, death is a very very poor second. I think you need to get down to basics. Go to see your GP if you hant already, and tell them how you feel. They will offer support you can access and prescribe something so you can have a double whammy of support, meds and therapy. It will be hard but it's attainable. What is the basics I talk about.? Working out what's making your life unbearable, start enjoying the things that used to make you happy. To do this first you need to lift your mood. Tell people Brendan, I'm sure people you know and loved ones would be mortified your mood is as low as this. People who care instinctively want to help, so talk to people about your feelings. Concentrate on what you can do to lift your mood, and put sorting out the all enveloping problems your experiencing to one side. Be good to yourself, enjoy walks, talk nice food and the company of others. Volunteer, what can you do for other people, because I guarantee, helping people makes you feel better yourself. Life can be tough Brendan, but sometimes, we prioritise the things in our lives that frankly cause us the most harm. When you start feeling better about yourself, focus on the simple things in life, after all, the complicated issues are often like a dark all enveloping black smog, you can't see out of. First things first, tell people and friends your not in a good place and visit your GP. Finally, drop your " friends" at work who tell you suicide is a better option. It never is, you have too much life to live. Take care buddy all the best.

 

[Armaghtoffee]

Just worked it out that it’s been 183 days since I had a bet. Since then I’ve lost a stone, saved up 7k towards a mortgage, built a gaming PC and focused on it as a hobby and we’ve set a date for the wedding. Just thought I’d update with it being past 6 months! A long long time. Times when I have wanted to but haven’t come close to having a bet of any kind.

it doesn’t solve my other mental problems. I still have had and still have really low, isolated, lonely, depressing days and god knows my fiancé is a saint for understanding. The difference is I don’t distract from it by sitting on bet366 gambling. I feel how I feel and it doesn’t get made worse by a bad bet, or a miss in football that should have been scored. The bad mood doesn’t get amplified by the football events. It should be you put on a bet on, you see if it win or loses, no issue either way. Not how it is in reality as I’m sure many know.

mrs says I should see a doctor but I have so little trust in them from past experiences. Feel very isolated, hated, disliked by many and excluded most of the time. I can’t say I have any real friends apart from my mrs so it can pile on sometimes and goes from 10 to 100mph in how it feels, but it’s not made 10x worse by using gambling as a crutch.

trying to take some sort of proudness or joy in the fact I’m 6 months ‘clean’ from a nasty, nasty habit.

Well done mate.

That is brilliant.

 

[Spotty]

That's no mate. I notice you say the speeding points cost "us" Was he the one you took the hit for? if it was your friendship seems very one sided if that was his response to your situation. You may have his back but he doesn't seem to have yours. Look back over your friendship and see if it was an equal balance. Sorry if I appear to be being mean about your friend but I am genuinely shocked that somebody could say that.

As for your son, as other posters have said, contact him. He's a child. You can't expect adult values and responses from him. He will have many emotions running through him about what has happened but he still needs his Dad. And if he's a teenager they all think they are Billy Big B*ll*cks anyway when in fact he's hurt, confused, upset about his Mum and Dad splitting up. I hope it works out for you.

Good Post this.

 

[Spotty]

Good Post this.

" teenagers think they're Billy B*ll", this100%. I spent 10 years working on a CAHMS Unit, and if I had a pound every time a teenager said to me through teary eyes " you don't know what it's like being a teenager", haha.

 

[Spotty]

That's no mate. I notice you say the speeding points cost "us" Was he the one you took the hit for? if it was your friendship seems very one sided if that was his response to your situation. You may have his back but he doesn't seem to have yours. Look back over your friendship and see if it was an equal balance. Sorry if I appear to be being mean about your friend but I am genuinely shocked that somebody could say that.

As for your son, as other posters have said, contact him. He's a child. You can't expect adult values and responses from him. He will have many emotions running through him about what has happened but he still needs his Dad. And if he's a teenager they all think they are Billy Big B*ll*cks anyway when in fact he's hurt, confused, upset about his Mum and Dad splitting up. I hope it works out for you.

Anjelika I've just posted a reply to myself, meant for you. Sorry.. Agree totally with your observations on teenagers and their " angst" is spot on.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

He isn't a mate. That might sound blunt but I would rather be isolated and lonely as I have been for the last couple of years.

I've been going through a divorce and now court for financial reasons for nearly 3 years. My daughter is 15. I realise now if I text her and call her and most importantly don't mention her mum even though my daughter knows I hate her mother we get on better. We get on better than for a long time because I listen to her teenage troubles and just let her know I'll be there if she needs me. I don't see much of her and I hate it but that's life.
I've lost everything mate including my home which I put so much money into but I look at a picture of my daughter every day and I smile and yes sometimes cry but it makes me realise I have to keep going for her.

Good luck mate and keep posting your updates on here.

I’ve been following your story on here and that news about your improving your relationship with your daughter has made my day. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to bite your tongue at times but you’re seeing the rewards. Good on you, and good for you, mate.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Brendan you need help and support
Judging from what your saying in my experience its not going to take much to push you over the edge and for you that's sounds like killing yourself. A lot of people on here would agree with " it's not worth it, things can get better, don't do it". I would agree. However, let's make comparison. Before I became a Psychy nurse, I recall - often - something dad said to me: " son, compared to death, life is brilliant". Let's look at that, what it means. Death, rotting in the ground and - that's it. Nothingness. No pain, no sorrow, yes. But no smiling no walking along the beach, no seeing kids play, the sun shine. No feeling the skin of a loved one on yours, the feeling of love, joy, the feeling you get when you make someone happy. A lovely meal, fine wine, seeing Everton win, the togetherness of it all watching animals, marvel at the weather, architecture, the arts. Death has a finality, a horrible nothingness. What about the joy your being can bring to people, the happiness you can bring other people. Like dad said, compared to life, death is a very very poor second. I think you need to get down to basics. Go to see your GP if you hant already, and tell them how you feel. They will offer support you can access and prescribe something so you can have a double whammy of support, meds and therapy. It will be hard but it's attainable. What is the basics I talk about.? Working out what's making your life unbearable, start enjoying the things that used to make you happy. To do this first you need to lift your mood. Tell people Brendan, I'm sure people you know and loved ones would be mortified your mood is as low as this. People who care instinctively want to help, so talk to people about your feelings. Concentrate on what you can do to lift your mood, and put sorting out the all enveloping problems your experiencing to one side. Be good to yourself, enjoy walks, talk nice food and the company of others. Volunteer, what can you do for other people, because I guarantee, helping people makes you feel better yourself. Life can be tough Brendan, but sometimes, we prioritise the things in our lives that frankly cause us the most harm. When you start feeling better about yourself, focus on the simple things in life, after all, the complicated issues are often like a dark all enveloping black smog, you can't see out of. First things first, tell people and friends your not in a good place and visit your GP. Finally, drop your " friends" at work who tell you suicide is a better option. It never is, you have too much life to live. Take care buddy all the best.

I hope you’ve read and digested this one, @Brendan Janus

I know it must seem at times like it’s easy for people to say these things because they haven’t had your experiences, but hopefully you’ve been around this thread enough to appreciate the breadth and depth of the collective experience of posters in here and that this experience gives them insight into what you’re going through.

Even if you still feel lost, think about the fact that a gang of strangers with Everton in common are rooting for you and happy to help you through in any way we can. A day at a time, and you’ll get there, mate.

Good luck.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I hope you’ve read and digested this one, @Brendan Janus

I know it must seem at times like it’s easy for people to say these things because they haven’t had your experiences, but hopefully you’ve been around this thread enough to appreciate the breadth and depth of the collective experience of posters in here and that this experience gives them insight into what you’re going through.

Even if you still feel lost, think about the fact that a gang of strangers with Everton in common are rooting for you and happy to help you through in any way we can. A day at a time, and you’ll get there, mate.

Good luck.

Really echo this. My cousin hung himself yesterday. Please (please, please), if you're struggling at the moment, do talk about it, whether it's on here or to the Samaritans or whomever.

 

[Buce]

Fox in peace.

I just popped in for the football chat, and saw this thread. I'd just like to say that we have a similar thread on our forum (Foxestalk), and if anyone would prefer the anonymity of posting in a thread where nobody knows them (I'm aware how difficult it can be to discuss mental health issues), I can promise you would receive a warm welcome. Just say Buce invited you.

Best wishes to you all.

 

[Groucho]

Really echo this. My cousin hung himself yesterday. Please (please, please), if you're struggling at the moment, do talk about it, whether it's on here or to the Samaritans or whomever.

Oh dear that’s terrible.