Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[JLW]

Thank you very much mate and thank you for sharing your story you have come a long way mate that was very inspiring and has got me off the couch just reading it, I hope your struggles are over. I have started exercising more recently which we all know really helps and been trying to eat healthier foods, and I’ve been having less of the drink/drugs I was having 5-6 days a week now is more like 2 days a week, but I have started gambling again which tends to keep me awake at night as I can’t sleep thinking about it, gambling on absolute shyte like table tennis, so that is what I’m trying to stop most now. Thank you for the post mate

Hello mate hows it going?

 

[Spotty]

I have anxiety, but not the bad kind. Anxiety makes me obsessive which Is why i do well in certain things.

But my wife suffers from a more damaging type of anxiety. Constant worry. Everything is gloom and doom. We are only in our mid 30s and she constantly worries about everything. We don't go out at night. She is scared of flying, driving, any pain she thinks it's a a deathly illness etc. It affects her in every way.

My 12 year old daughter went through depression last year, before the pandemic. She was having a lot of identity problems and her mom, my ex wife, was not supportive and made things worse. She was placed in a 72 hour institution and she also ran away from her mom's at 3 am to come to.me. The pandemic actually helped since she was able to spend time with me and at my home. She is doing a lot better now but I always stay alert.

Your wife I think is worried about not having any control and that takes her out of her comfort zone. The unexpected petrified her " if this goes wrong, what will I do, I won't be able to cope ". Just continue to give her the re assurance she craves and if you can, re emphasize that things will be fine. She appears to catastrofies things. I would also add that this sort of thing - life not going to plan - happens to everyone. This is because it does. It's called life and frankly upthetoffees, tell her it's ok to be peed off with life, it's not abnormal. Re assure her mate, that life's not just rubbish for her, it's not her fault and together you can cope. If she hasn't already, and I suspect she has, been to the GP for help from medication and a therapeutic intervention.

Your daughter, was she sectioned for threatening to hurt herself, section 2 MHA for example.( 72 hours institution ?) ) It can be very worrying for parents with depressed teens for obvious reasons. They become poorly for a gammut of reasons, body image, peer pressure, family issues etc. It is apparent that her life is in a bit of turmoil at present and there is a lack of stability in her life. Again mate and I'm sure you do already, tell her you love her, both her parents will be there for her and encourage her to talk about her problems. As you know it's anxiety she's experiencing. I used to say to my boys, do your best that's all you can do and ignite not good enough, you've given it your best shot. Teenage girls are a special breed, they really are. Constant reassurance about how you love them and a willingness to listen to them goes a long long way. I think you give her the stability she craves. Remember and it's worth noting, self harm isn't a suicide attempt but a failure of communication, a harmfull, innapropriate way of dealing with your anxiety and stress. If she does that, may I suggest you gently tell her her that you understand why she is doing it but there are other, less harmfull ways of dealing with her stress. Like I say, telling her you want to understand, want to help and your always there for her will go a long way to giving her the reasurence she needed and craves. Take care mate, all the best.

 

[UptheTofees]

Your wife I think is worried about not having any control and that takes her out of her comfort zone. The unexpected petrified her " if this goes wrong, what will I do, I won't be able to cope ". Just continue to give her the re assurance she craves and if you can, re emphasize that things will be fine. She appears to catastrofies things. I would also add that this sort of thing - life not going to plan - happens to everyone. This is because it does. It's called life and frankly upthetoffees, tell her it's ok to be peed off with life, it's not abnormal. Re assure her mate, that life's not just rubbish for her, it's not her fault and together you can cope. If she hasn't already, and I suspect she has, been to the GP for help from medication and a therapeutic intervention.

Your daughter, was she sectioned for threatening to hurt herself, section 2 MHA for example.( 72 hours institution ?) ) It can be very worrying for parents with depressed teens for obvious reasons. They become poorly for a gammut of reasons, body image, peer pressure, family issues etc. It is apparent that her life is in a bit of turmoil at present and there is a lack of stability in her life. Again mate and I'm sure you do already, tell her you love her, both her parents will be there for her and encourage her to talk about her problems. As you know it's anxiety she's experiencing. I used to say to my boys, do your best that's all you can do and ignite not good enough, you've given it your best shot. Teenage girls are a special breed, they really are. Constant reassurance about how you love them and a willingness to listen to them goes a long long way. I think you give her the stability she craves. Remember and it's worth noting, self harm isn't a suicide attempt but a failure of communication, a harmfull, innapropriate way of dealing with your anxiety and stress. If she does that, may I suggest you gently tell her her that you understand why she is doing it but there are other, less harmfull ways of dealing with her stress. Like I say, telling her you want to understand, want to help and your always there for her will go a long way to giving her the reasurence she needed and craves. Take care mate, all the best.

Thanks mate

Well described to a T about the wife. I'm the total opposite, I never worry at all about what I can't control. So it can be difficult for both us in that aspect.

My daughter did have several occasions where she tried to hurt herself. She told me that she is gay and felt so bad because her grandparents talk about how gay people go to hell. Even after an episode where her mom (my ex wife) found her trying to take pills, we sat down and talked to her and her mom kept telling her that her feelings about her sexuality were just a phase. I was so mad.

My daughter is doing a lot better but I keep a close eye on her and always talk to her. But I hate when she goes to her mom's house. She has had 3 episodes of hurting herself...all over there

 

[Spotty]

Thanks mate

Well described to a T about the wife. I'm the total opposite, I never worry at all about what I can't control. So it can be difficult for both us in that aspect.

My daughter did have several occasions where she tried to hurt herself. She told me that she is gay and felt so bad because her grandparents talk about how gay people go to hell. Even after an episode where her mom (my ex wife) found her trying to take pills, we sat down and talked to her and her mom kept telling her that her feelings about her sexuality were just a phase. I was so mad.

My daughter is doing a lot better but I keep a close eye on her and always talk to her. But I hate when she goes to her mom's house. She has had 3 episodes of hurting herself...all over there

It's great that you talk to her. Your daughter will have to accept that other people might not "like" she's gay. You still love her, regardless and that will be so reassuring for her. It may be - you probably have already - best to have a forthright chat with grandparents, tell them they can have their view, but your daughter doesn't need to hear it. Frankly bud, I think that's vindictive and selfish by the grandparents. Maybe they aren't aware of the consequences of what they are saying but I would definitely have a frank conversation with them. I've posted a link for you that you, your daughter and anyone who may be interested in. It's a really good site m8, and explains things so that people like you and me can understand. Your being very supportive of your daughter at a time when, as a Teen, she's "all over the place" , so well done.

What is self-harm?

Learn what self-harm is, including how you might feel or act if you are self-harming.

www.mind.org.uk

 

[Spotty]

Thanks mate

Well described to a T about the wife. I'm the total opposite, I never worry at all about what I can't control. So it can be difficult for both us in that aspect.

My daughter did have several occasions where she tried to hurt herself. She told me that she is gay and felt so bad because her grandparents talk about how gay people go to hell. Even after an episode where her mom (my ex wife) found her trying to take pills, we sat down and talked to her and her mom kept telling her that her feelings about her sexuality were just a phase. I was so mad.

My daughter is doing a lot better but I keep a close eye on her and always talk to her. But I hate when she goes to her mom's house. She has had 3 episodes of hurting herself...all over there

Sorry I hope I don't sound overly critical accusing the grandparents of being " selfish and vindictive ". No malice intended I just think like you, she's fragile and it's obviously not helpful the grandparents saying that. Hope that's ok bud.

 

[UptheTofees]

Sorry I hope I don't sound overly critical accusing the grandparents of being " selfish and vindictive ". No malice intended I just think like you, she's fragile and it's obviously not helpful the grandparents saying that. Hope that's ok bud.

Oh the grandparents are terrible. That's one of the main issues we are having. Ex wife picks them up for her time with them and takes them.straight over there where they are taught all kinds of racist, anti gay, garbage

 

[sparkin31]

As I am new to this forum I have only just found out about this topic. But I would like to thank everyone who has contributed as it has made me more confident to talk about how I feel.

I ended up in A&E on sat night having been struggling for the past few weeks. I have been having shortness of breath and chest pains but over Friday and Saturday it got worse. I will feel the breathlessness/chest pain and then just think about that for hours. It felt like I was in an endless loop of not feeling right and feeling like everything I do was a day dream. Struggling to sleep etc. I have had nothing in my life to bring this on and its so new to me it is quite scary. I was one of those people who would just say snap out of it etc but that's near impossible.

It cumulated on Sat night when I was trying to go to bed and just sat there thinking about what's wrong with me. This ended up with me feeling like I was about to die and that what I felt was never going to end. I woke my partner up just to tell her I was scared and did not know what to do as I am a very private person and she knew I was struggling but not to the level I felt.

A&E did some tests on me and nothing came back as being physically wrong so they advised talking to my GP about anxiety etc. I did this today and they gave me 2 options of trying to get some counselling or prescribed some meds to help. I decided against the meds as don't want to 'hooked on them' but if anyone has had any of these like the anti depressants I would like to hear from them so please DM if you want.. The people I spoke to today where really nice and I now have a video call in a few weeks to talk to someone and also given emergency contact numbers. I still don't feel amazing but it does feel a weight has been lifted a bit by talking to someone so would 100% recommend that.

 

[brieverton]

It’s been almost three years since I posted in this thread but recently my mental health took a huge nose dive which resulted in me having to go to A&E and tell them that I am at crisis point. I was suicidal and having a complete mental breakdown.

I won’t go into the details but I will say that I suffer with extreme OCD.

I also had to make a couple of phone calls to the Merseycare Urgent Help team.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say here but please do not let yourself get to the point I was at. Talk to people about whatever is on your mind.

It’s so easy to get caught up in whatever it is that is getting to you that you lose sight of everything else.

Without the help of the A&E staff and the Merseycare team, I honestly don’t think I would be here today.

Depression and anxiety can come at you from nowhere, without any warning signs.

One day I was enjoying Everton beat Wolves, everything was going great in work, in my personal life, etc, and then within a few days I’m in A&E.

I always thought it would be very awkward to phone up a mental health line to talk but they are the kindest people you can imagine. They pulled me back from the edge. I would not be here right now without them phone calls because my own mind would’ve convinced me that it’s better off if I wasn’t here. If you feel you can’t talk to anyone, then talk to them.

I’ve only had experience with Merseycare but I am sure they are all equally as brilliant.

Going forward, I now have weekly counselling which I am very grateful for.

Times are tough right now, so please look after yourself.

Wish you all the best mate. You got yourself the help you needed. It is also great for others to read, should they be in a similar position.

 

[COYBL25]

As I am new to this forum I have only just found out about this topic. But I would like to thank everyone who has contributed as it has made me more confident to talk about how I feel.

I ended up in A&E on sat night having been struggling for the past few weeks. I have been having shortness of breath and chest pains but over Friday and Saturday it got worse. I will feel the breathlessness/chest pain and then just think about that for hours. It felt like I was in an endless loop of not feeling right and feeling like everything I do was a day dream. Struggling to sleep etc. I have had nothing in my life to bring this on and its so new to me it is quite scary. I was one of those people who would just say snap out of it etc but that's near impossible.

It cumulated on Sat night when I was trying to go to bed and just sat there thinking about what's wrong with me. This ended up with me feeling like I was about to die and that what I felt was never going to end. I woke my partner up just to tell her I was scared and did not know what to do as I am a very private person and she knew I was struggling but not to the level I felt.

A&E did some tests on me and nothing came back as being physically wrong so they advised talking to my GP about anxiety etc. I did this today and they gave me 2 options of trying to get some counselling or prescribed some meds to help. I decided against the meds as don't want to 'hooked on them' but if anyone has had any of these like the anti depressants I would like to hear from them so please DM if you want.. The people I spoke to today where really nice and I now have a video call in a few weeks to talk to someone and also given emergency contact numbers. I still don't feel amazing but it does feel a weight has been lifted a bit by talking to someone so would 100% recommend that.

Hi mate,

I`m no expert but it sounds like you`ve had a massive panic attack ?

Have you been really worried about stuff leading up to it / suffer with anxiety generally ?

I`ve never had a panic attack, but I`ve suffered with anxiety problems for well over a decade now and the problem with it, is that it can become all consuming.

You end up in constant cycle of worry and anxiety, to the point where even the most simple things, like leaving the house can become problematic.

You can then reach a point where you become worried about being worried and become stuck in this loop of anxiety.

It`s brilliant that you went to your GP and the advice that your GP gave is spot on too.

First things first, anti depressants aren`t addictive in any way.

Anti anxiety medication - Vailum, Ativan, etc is.

Anti depressants and anti anxiety medication are two VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

Some anti depressants have anti anxiety properties built into them, but aren`t addictive.

What an anti depressant does, is hopefully switch of the chemical imbalance that`s causing the problems in your brain and enable you to " reset ".

It`s very hit and miss with anti depressants, as what works for you, may not work for me and vice versa, so it can sometimes take a while to find the right one and the correct dosage too.

You have nothing at all to fear from them and they normally take a couple of weeks to kick in.

The very wrongly get called " happy pills " . They`re nothing of the sort, what they`re there for is to hopefully make you feel " normal " again.

Therapy, will teach you to understand what`s happening to yourself and why, then hopefully teach you coping mechanisms.

Caffeine and alcohol massively ramp up anxiety too, so cut them down if poss.

Caffeine as it`s a stimulant and alcohol as it`s a depressant - hangovers cause a chemical imbalance in your brain and turbo charge the anxiety.

Lastly exercise is brilliant for anxiety, as the endorphins that get released make you feel really good ( even if it hurt like hell at the time ! )

As I said mate, I`m no expert, but I`ve lived with this for a long time, so I`ve learnt a lot through the experience of living with it and also trial and error.

Please DM if you want to chat about anything that you`re not sure of or worried about mate.

@Spotty can also give you some excellent advice, from his wealth of professional experience in the field too.

 

[sparkin31]

Hi mate,

I`m no expert but it sounds like you`ve had a massive panic attack ?

Have you been really worried about stuff leading up to it / suffer with anxiety generally ?

I`ve never had a panic attack, but I`ve suffered with anxiety problems for well over a decade now and the problem with it, is that it can become all consuming.

You end up in constant cycle of worry and anxiety, to the point where even the most simple things, like leaving the house can become problematic.

You can then reach a point where you become worried about being worried and become stuck in this loop of anxiety.

It`s brilliant that you went to your GP and the advice that your GP gave is spot on too.

First things first, anti depressants aren`t addictive in any way.

Anti anxiety medication - Vailum, Ativan, etc is.

Anti depressants and anti anxiety medication are two VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

Some anti depressants have anti anxiety properties built into them, but aren`t addictive.

What an anti depressant does, is hopefully switch of the chemical imbalance that`s causing the problems in your brain and enable you to " reset ".

It`s very hit and miss with anti depressants, as what works for you, may not work for me and vice versa, so it can sometimes take a while to find the right one and the correct dosage too.

You have nothing at all to fear from them and they normally take a couple of weeks to kick in.

The very wrongly get called " happy pills " . They`re nothing of the sort, what they`re there for is to hopefully make you feel " normal " again.

Therapy, will teach you to understand what`s happening to yourself and why, then hopefully teach you coping mechanisms.

Caffeine and alcohol massively ramp up anxiety too, so cut them down if poss.

Caffeine as it`s a stimulant and alcohol as it`s a depressant - hangovers cause a chemical imbalance in your brain and turbo charge the anxiety.

Lastly exercise is brilliant for anxiety, as the endorphins that get released make you feel really good ( even if it hurt like hell at the time ! )

As I said mate, I`m no expert, but I`ve lived with this for a long time, so I`ve learnt a lot through the experience of living with it and also trial and error.

Please DM if you want to chat about anything that you`re not sure of or worried about mate.

@Spotty can also give you some excellent advice, from his wealth of professional experience in the field too.

Hi and thanks for the response.

To be honest I have not been feeling the best for a couple of years but it has always been something that has come up once in a blue moon, so i kind of ignored it.

However the last few weeks i have not felt very well and had a couple of episodes with from what i have read do sound like panic attacks. However i have been feeling anxious too but its quite hard to distinguish between are the panic attacks leading to anxiety or vice versa or is this even possible. This is where i hope counselling will help.

The strange thing is that i have had nothing different happen in my life (bar the West Ham game) which i think could of bought this on. I think i might of bottled things up too much and also over thinking things which is making it worse. I mean no one is happy with the pandemic but the lack of anything to look forward too cant be a good thing. However I do feel better in talking about it after the weekend which looks like a step forward.

Thanks regarding the anti depressant info i think that it something i will have to talk about with my GP if it gets to that stage. I have been recommended by the GP some herbal Rhodiola tablets to try so think i will give them ago.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Wish you all the best mate. You got yourself the help you needed. It is also great for others to read, should they be in a similar position.

Thanks mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi and thanks for the response.

To be honest I have not been feeling the best for a couple of years but it has always been something that has come up once in a blue moon, so i kind of ignored it.

However the last few weeks i have not felt very well and had a couple of episodes with from what i have read do sound like panic attacks. However i have been feeling anxious too but its quite hard to distinguish between are the panic attacks leading to anxiety or vice versa or is this even possible. This is where i hope counselling will help.

The strange thing is that i have had nothing different happen in my life (bar the West Ham game) which i think could of bought this on. I think i might of bottled things up too much and also over thinking things which is making it worse. I mean no one is happy with the pandemic but the lack of anything to look forward too cant be a good thing. However I do feel better in talking about it after the weekend which looks like a step forward.

Thanks regarding the anti depressant info i think that it something i will have to talk about with my GP if it gets to that stage. I have been recommended by the GP some herbal Rhodiola tablets to try so think i will give them ago.

It can happen to anyone mate, the problem is that your instinctive reaction is to fight it / hide it, which makes it worse, especially with fellas.

Don`t be afraid of anti depressants, as there`s lots of urban myths about them - happy pills, addictive etc etc

Some of them can have side affects, like any medication - dry mouth, weight gain etc and this is why it`s important to find the one that`s right for you.

Therapy combined with meds can be brilliant if handled correctly.

 

[Peecs]

Hello Leeds fan here , actually come on here to read the build up on the game . For someone who has battled anxiety for way over 15 years . It also led me to a gambling addiction and also a chronic drug and alchohol user . I’m hoping I can help you and anyone else going through a tough time because it’s ok to feel the effects of one . Truth is in life we are all here to live the best life we can . We are born . We grow . We learn . We work . We learn to love . We meet a companion . We have a family . We buy a house . We build memories and then eventually we pass . Hopefuly luck enough to leave behind a next generation of our family name . Truth is no one ever said life is life would be easy or how to live life . There’s no book out there that tells you what do or a manual to follow . Life is lived on your terms and how you do that is initially up-to you . What makes anxiety and depression for that person is a lot of different factors . It could be there career , it could be there lifestyle , it could be there outlook . It could b there partner , there is literally so many different scenarios . The good thing though is it can all be treated . Your mind is such a powerful thing , use it well and it can serve you so well for your life . Let it use you and it can be destructive. Truth is a lot of people get mental ilness see because of trauma , drug/drink abuse and also chemical inbalance. A lot of people generally Escape reality using drink , drugs , gambling . Other bad habits Wich can in turn lead to addiction ( when the person can’t cope anymore ) instead exercise . Healthy diet , mediation , nature . Those are the healthy things that will make you better . But people mainly choose the first ones as they seem to be a more short term relief . Short term relief for long term pain . The second being more of short term pain for long term gain . What I’m trying to get at is a lot of the time you have to accept that thoughts are just thoughts . Can you recall the amount of thoughts your having in a day ? No . Can you recall a specific or certain thought your having that is causing distress . Yes ! . Because 9/10 people become fixated on a thought or a intrusive thought and suddenly think there is something trebly wrong or there Ill or crazy . Anxiety is created because your body goes into a fight / flight response and adrenaline and serotonin is produced causing a major feeling of overwhelm . If you don’t control your breathing it then leads to a full on panic attack . One of the main things to do in life in my eyes is acceptance . Once you learn to undestand your literally a observer of your own mind . And choose Wich thoughts to accept or in better terms choose how to react to them . The more free in life you will be . I’ve ranted on but your worth it and you will get through this . Sometimes things in life happen where we are at the bottom or on a Rocky road but they will shape your life to be stronger and you learn to accept the things you cannot change . Good luck on Wednesday . Aaron a Leeds fan

 

[Gwladysover]

Just thought I’d share my story. Although I have always been prone to anxiety my problems really started when my children ( now in their thirties) were at primary school. Not really sure how it started, sort of crept up on me. As things progressed I would avoid situations where I was unable to make an easy escape. I would be overcome with panic in shops, queues, school functions and even sitting watching television when I would suddenly become aware that “it” was about to happen. In the days before the internet I was on my own, help was difficult to find, although I have to give much credit to my husband who was a complete saint, being left on several occasions with a trolley full of shopping as I made a hasty retreat from the supermarket when panic overwhelmed me. I scoured the library and came across some books by Dr Claire Weekes, which, although rather old fashioned these days, were a revelation. Her philosophy is Accept that you feel this way, float past the feelings, let time pass until you feel better. I also managed to get help from the nurse at the GP which involved listening to relaxation tapes, tapes yes it was that long ago! Out of the blue I was offered a job in our local Post Office and despite some misgivings decided to take it, after all I could see the door and escape if needs be. All went well and my confidence soared until one day we were the victims of an armed robbery. If I thought I panicked before it was nothing compared to the sheer terror of that incident. I became so bad I could hardly leave the house even to attend my parents in laws funerals. I was prescribed tranquillisers but decided they were not for me as I felt void of any feelings at all and decided I would rather feel something even, panic, rather than nothing at all. I attended group counselling which although I was reluctant at first, how could I sit in a room with others, I really enjoyed and was sad when the course finished. I also went back to my books and relaxation sessions. I still have my “moments“ but I can ride them out. I even went with my son to see us play Spurs at Wembley. Okay we had to sit in with the Spurs fans and the result wasn’t great but I did it, even travelling on the Underground. What I’m trying to say is different things work for different people, take what help is offered and don’t give up.
If you managed to stay with me -Thanks for listening.

 

[Spotty]

Just thought I’d share my story. Although I have always been prone to anxiety my problems really started when my children ( now in their thirties) were at primary school. Not really sure how it started, sort of crept up on me. As things progressed I would avoid situations where I was unable to make an easy escape. I would be overcome with panic in shops, queues, school functions and even sitting watching television when I would suddenly become aware that “it” was about to happen. In the days before the internet I was on my own, help was difficult to find, although I have to give much credit to my husband who was a complete saint, being left on several occasions with a trolley full of shopping as I made a hasty retreat from the supermarket when panic overwhelmed me. I scoured the library and came across some books by Dr Claire Weekes, which, although rather old fashioned these days, were a revelation. Her philosophy is Accept that you feel this way, float past the feelings, let time pass until you feel better. I also managed to get help from the nurse at the GP which involved listening to relaxation tapes, tapes yes it was that long ago! Out of the blue I was offered a job in our local Post Office and despite some misgivings decided to take it, after all I could see the door and escape if needs be. All went well and my confidence soared until one day we were the victims of an armed robbery. If I thought I panicked before it was nothing compared to the sheer terror of that incident. I became so bad I could hardly leave the house even to attend my parents in laws funerals. I was prescribed tranquillisers but decided they were not for me as I felt void of any feelings at all and decided I would rather feel something even, panic, rather than nothing at all. I attended group counselling which although I was reluctant at first, how could I sit in a room with others, I really enjoyed and was sad when the course finished. I also went back to my books and relaxation sessions. I still have my “moments“ but I can ride them out. I even went with my son to see us play Spurs at Wembley. Okay we had to sit in with the Spurs fans and the result wasn’t great but I did it, even travelling on the Underground. What I’m trying to say is different things work for different people, take what help is offered and don’t give up.
If you managed to stay with me -Thanks for listening.

"different things work for different people....", this 100%