Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[maccavennie]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Genuinely mate, really sorry to hear of your dad's passing and my thoughts are with you and your family mate.

Can I just say as well and I'm sure your dad will be well proud when I say this, but you sound like a selfless mature young man who any parent would be proud of. You being there for your mum and thinking of her before yourself, you mention family being important and thats so true mate because at some point you'll need to lean on them too.

I'll raise a beer for your dad tonight mate as I'm sure a fair few will on here and here's hoping your dads looking down and watching an Everton win.

 

[18Chris87]

I am so sorry for your loss. This post is beautiful. You've made me cry. I'm not much younger than your Dad and I am so lucky to still have my 83 year old Dad around. If you are your Dad's legacy, then your kindness and empathy will have made him very proud. He will be watching the match with you tonight. I honestly believe that those we love never really leave us. I often hear my Mum in my head - usually telling me off and saying "you're not going out in that are you?!" or "wearing jeans for work? Really?"

Thank you - I'm sorry for making you cry we could all do with less negativity recently but alas, life doesn't work that way. I think it's easier to talk about this stuff to strangers with a small mutual interest than it is to close friends because here I'm going to find more unique, unbiased and varied experiences and opinions. I hope your dad is doing well and keeping safe and so are you, my family are lucky to have our Gran with us who is in her 80s and she can be mostly independent despite living with dementia for years!

They're very kind words and again thank you. I like to think he will be and I completely agree that they don't truly leave us. I was reading before he passed about peoples relatives seemingly being visited by their own deceased loves ones moments before they die, as if they're being shepherded away. Although not religious in any way, I like to think that in some sort of afterlife my grandad was waiting for him. It's lovely and comforting that you still hear your Mum, hopefully I'll be able to hear my Dads cheers and opinions in the future.

 

[18Chris87]

Genuinely mate, really sorry to hear of your dad's passing and my thoughts are with you and your family mate.

Can I just say as well and I'm sure your dad will be well proud when I say this, but you sound like a selfless mature young man who any parent would be proud of. You being there for your mum and thinking of her before yourself, you mention family being important and thats so true mate because at some point you'll need to lean on them too.

I'll raise a beer for your dad tonight mate as I'm sure a fair few will on here and here's hoping your dads looking down and watching an Everton win.

Thank you,

It's lovely of you to say that and I hope I can live up to them words. It's been particularly hard for my mum and brother, particularly for my brother since he left home and my mum sugarcoated the updates from the hospital - he was never 100% aware of the grim reality of my dads struggle in hospital, whereas my Mum and I were exposed to that. I think that's helped me to preemptively sort myself out and allow myself to come to terms with the loss slowly.

You're spot on with what you've said, I know my family will be there for me when I need them and all my dad's friends have been absolutely brilliant as well. The circumstances we live in has made not just my loss but 100,000+ other losses extremely difficult to grieve, but they've been knocking and calling in their droves.

Enjoy your beer mate, hope we'll be enjoying a win alongside it. I hope so too, keep well and keep safe

 

[maccavennie]

Thank you,

It's lovely of you to say that and I hope I can live up to them words. It's been particularly hard for my mum and brother, particularly for my brother since he left home and my mum sugarcoated the updates from the hospital - he was never 100% aware of the grim reality of my dads struggle in hospital, whereas my Mum and I were exposed to that. I think that's helped me to preemptively sort myself out and allow myself to come to terms with the loss slowly.

You're spot on with what you've said, I know my family will be there for me when I need them and all my dad's friends have been absolutely brilliant as well. The circumstances we live in has made not just my loss but 100,000+ other losses extremely difficult to grieve, but they've been knocking and calling in their droves.

Enjoy your beer mate, hope we'll be enjoying a win alongside it. I hope so too, keep well and keep safe

Take care mate and anytime you feel you want to let off a bit of steam, or just chat or talk about your dad you just keep on posting here. Like you said previously, sometimes it's a little easier to share your emotions with folk you don't have an emotional attachment to and there's so many good people on this thread who are never too far away.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Thank you - I'm sorry for making you cry we could all do with less negativity recently but alas, life doesn't work that way. I think it's easier to talk about this stuff to strangers with a small mutual interest than it is to close friends because here I'm going to find more unique, unbiased and varied experiences and opinions. I hope your dad is doing well and keeping safe and so are you, my family are lucky to have our Gran with us who is in her 80s and she can be mostly independent despite living with dementia for years!

They're very kind words and again thank you. I like to think he will be and I completely agree that they don't truly leave us. I was reading before he passed about peoples relatives seemingly being visited by their own deceased loves ones moments before they die, as if they're being shepherded away. Although not religious in any way, I like to think that in some sort of afterlife my grandad was waiting for him. It's lovely and comforting that you still hear your Mum, hopefully I'll be able to hear my Dads cheers and opinions in the future.

Bless you. I like to think my Mum has met up with her sisters and they are wandering around the celestial version of Marks and Spencers! Take care of yourself and your lovely Mum. She will find ways to deal with her grief and loss- as you will. Keep posting if you need to vent or talk to anybody. There is always somebody around. Hoping Everton can do your Dad proud tonight

 

[Earwigjoe]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Your post was beautiful mate, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your strong mind, warm heart and kind soul will make sure a part of your Dad will always be around for others to see. I've Guinness chilling in the fridge for the match I'll think of you and your dad every time I open 1. You, your dad and family will be in my rosary tonight.... God Bless.

 

[Jacob]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Im so very sorry you have lost your beloved Dad. Im sure he will be looking down on his boy with immense pride as you set to looking after your Mum and Gran as the man of the house. They are lucky to have such a selfless considerate son/Grandson. God give you the strength to get through these very sad and exhausting days. Ive done it myself nursing our Mum who was paralysed here for two years and after she passed away, our big blue eldest brother with terminal cancer.( Its his anniversary today). You will do your best for them with a good heart and hopefully will get help to do so. Dont forget, your grief is on hold whilst youre caring for others... but don't block out your friends who will be there for you when you need raising up and some support. Tell them how you feel. Dont let idiots who you suggest may remark about you staying at home to help...its a strength on your part... the weakness is all theirs. They wouldnt know where to start what you are already doing so dont waste your precious time thinking about them. Were all here for you remember...God Bless, Chris

 

[Leylo]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

So sorry mate just read what you posted, I know what you going through lost my dad and mum before Christmas my dad went the game like me and my son ,that feeling you know what I mean they never tought you that one in school its horrendous.be strong hope the toffees maybe give your dad a little smile up there like I do with my dad. Stay strong mate the pain does thin out but memories will always make you stronger god bless mate I know what you're going through keep your chin up x

 

[Earwigjoe]

Im so very sorry you have lost your beloved Dad. Im sure he will be looking down on his boy with immense pride as you set to looking after your Mum and Gran as the man of the house. They are lucky to have such a selfless considerate son/Grandson. God give you the strength to get through these very sad and exhausting days. Ive done it myself nursing our Mum who was paralysed here for two years and after she passed away, our big blue eldest brother with terminal cancer.( Its his anniversary today). You will do your best for them with a good heart and hopefully will get help to do so. Dont forget, your grief is on hold whilst youre caring for others... but don't block out your friends who will be there for you when you need raising up and some support. Tell them how you feel. Dont let idiots who you suggest may remark about you staying at home to help...its a strength on your part... the weakness is all theirs. They wouldnt know where to start what you are already doing so dont waste your precious time thinking about them. Were all here for you remember...God Bless, Chris

Wonderful, wonderful post mate, I don't know where the rep button is now but I thought your post was fantastic. @18Chris87 and @Leylo as @Jacob says whilst being strong for your family - don't forget about yourself - there'll be days harder than others so remember to reach out too, to family /friends or even us fellow blues - we're all here for you and others who maybe suffering. Don't forget to talk about your wonderful dad even if you're trying to stay strong for others and don't want to bring his name up incase it upsets your mum-it was lovely to get an insight and hear a little about your dad - an outspoken blue like the rest of us - we'd love to hear more about your Dad and your memories of him/you and Everton so don't be afraid to share your thoughts and memories with us. Goodnight Blues and God Bless.

 

[Moggers]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Lovely post mate, so, so sorry for your loss, it sounds like your Dad was a smashing fella! And going off your post seems like he raised a great son as well. Few parallels with me in your post.

My Dad passed in December sudddenly (non covid related) he was 77, but a young 77, thought he would last forever. This was only 12 months after my Mum passed. Like yourself I have a great family to get me through it.
I was very, very close to posting in here a few weeks back in the place I was but thankfully seem to be a bit more on the up at the minute. It's the finality of death thats so hard to take. I had an absolutely amazing, fantastic relationship with both parents, but still going through the unwarranted 'what if / did I do enough / why didn't I do that phase... Last night was the first time I have actually celebrated a Blues goal since he passed, all felt a bit hollow before as the first thought after each match was to ring me arl fella if I hadn't watched it with him. Like your Dad, he was a massive Blue and told me many stories of the boys pen / FA cup final against Sheff Wed... etc... etc... etc....!
I do believe in some form of afterlife (won't go into detail here would take forever haha! My thoughts on it are more sciencey than religious) so have no doubt personally we will see them again.

Keep the alcohol intake low, get on long walks/ jogs etc... keep talking/posting... It is all a bit raw at the moment for your Mum and yourself of course but I promise you will both look back with even more fondness than you already do now, same for me, the rawness with my Dad now but I have the blueprint from my Mums passing I suppose.

Stay safe mate and my best wishes to you and your Mum and family. Will raise a glass to your Dad later while watching the footy

Can I just say as well, this thread is fantastic, never felt the need to post in here regarding mental health, thankfully, but do pop in now and again to see how the fellow lids and lidettes are doing.

 

[larbert toffee]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Nice post mate straight from the heart, really sorry for your loss, he would have loved to have read your post and he'll be looking down smiling.

 

[dave n]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Such a sad story Chris. I'm sorry for your loss mate.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

I’m sorry for your loss, mate.

I was a little bit older than you when I lost my dad, and my immediate comfort was found in being there for everyone else. It’s nice at the time, to see how comforted everyone is by you and how proud everyone tells you that your dad would be, etc, but my one and only piece of advice for you is to make sure you get your grieving done as well. That grief might come out in the form of talking to others, or crying alone in your room but either way it needs oxygen.

I didn’t realise until years later what a damaging effect my lack of grieving had on me.

With all that said, you seem like a young man who is light years ahead of where I was then in terms of your emotional intelligence so I’m sure you’ll handle it all fine.

Take care.

 

[YoboCopter]

@18Chris87 lovely post that mate thats my biggest fear loosing mum or dad, loosing a comfort blanket is exaclty how i would expect it to feel

youve got a good head on your shoulders can tell by that post, alot more composed than alot would be including myself in same situation

sending my love mate x

 

[brieverton]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Very sorry to hear of your loss mate.
Your dad's character shines through in your post, as does your love and care for him.

Bless you and your family.