Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[andy4efc]

Worked it out the other day that as of now I'm probably around 220 days into my journey. Not a single bet taken since (i think) 10th July 2020. looking forward to hitting the year mark with this as well.. Some how managing to stay busy. Had some real lows recently as well however started on the anti-depressants and generally feel the days being much easier, more concentrated. Finding it easier to focus on work, games, tv, whatever. Now after leaking money on betting for years, we have a wedding date planned for September, a potential new car coming, house savings up to almost 8k.

No matter how trapped or low you feel regarding any subject, there is always a way out. I am not a great talker myself but I find just posting on a forum and getting this out very therapeutic. If you're feeling low, and want to express it I'd recommend you do so, regardless of how embarrassing or upsetting you find it. It helps..

 

[COYBL25]

Worked it out the other day that as of now I'm probably around 220 days into my journey. Not a single bet taken since (i think) 10th July 2020. looking forward to hitting the year mark with this as well.. Some how managing to stay busy. Had some real lows recently as well however started on the anti-depressants and generally feel the days being much easier, more concentrated. Finding it easier to focus on work, games, tv, whatever. Now after leaking money on betting for years, we have a wedding date planned for September, a potential new car coming, house savings up to almost 8k.

No matter how trapped or low you feel regarding any subject, there is always a way out. I am not a great talker myself but I find just posting on a forum and getting this out very therapeutic. If you're feeling low, and want to express it I'd recommend you do so, regardless of how embarrassing or upsetting you find it. It helps..

Brilliant stuff mate. Be proud of yourself.

 

[Preki]

Here goes. I've been looking at this thread and thinking about posting for a few months but Ive found it hard to get the words out. Sorry if this is a bit long. A year ago my wife said she wanted to split up and I was devastated. I didn't agree and we went to a couple of counselling sessions but I could tell her mind was made up. I have a 5 year old and a one year old (just a few months old at the time) who mean the world to me.
Then Covid hit and we had months treading water and with a 5 year old and baby I was busy so it didn't hit home as hard as it might. Walking the baby in Lockdown gave me time to think and I came to realise she was probably right as we hadn't got on for a long time. We spoke and the upshot was we would split and I would move out but stay amicable and I could visit anytime I liked/be a big part of my boys lives. My eldest loves football, supports Everton and I've spent so much time with him that we have a nice bond.
So I move out in August (against my will) but I'm still paying most of the mortgage on our house and rent so I'm skint and had an awful 6 weeks or so missing being with my lads every day. However I was seeing them every weekend and a couple of nights after work as I'm only a mile away so it was horrible but bearable.
The last 6 weeks or so my wife has changed and cut back my visits to one day at the weekend and once in the week. Suddenly I'm detrimental to the boys and she doesn't want me around them. I can honestly say I haven't changed, if anything I've tried to be as cheerful as possible (as I struggled initially not to break down in front of them, when my eldest said he wanted me to move back for example ) and not questioned her decisions or ideas. My eldest has gone from being a lovely kid to misbehaving and hitting out at her. It's happened since I've not been there as much. She blames me for being too firm with him but I don't feel I'm any different from any other dad's I know.
I'm a teacher and I'm off on half term. Usually I'd spend whole days with my boys but I feel like I'm having to beg to see them. I don't want to start getting legal and solicitors involved because I feel it will negatively affect my eldest even more. I just feel like a shell of my former self and so powerless. It's really knocked my confidence and I'm on egg shells every time I'm there. Some of my mates know but I haven't told many people at work because I feel embarrassed, especially because I used to talk about my kids all the time.
Any ideas or advice gratefully received as I'm struggling at the moment .

 

[Charro]

Evening all.

Anybody got any experience of stress and anxiety related dizziness and vertigo?

A bit of context. My 11 year old son has been very sick with a brain tumor. He was operated on end of November to remove the malignant tumor. He’s just finished his radiotherapy treatment which lasted for 6 weeks.

He’s a tough little cookie, he’s doing really well, eating much much better, has put all of the weight back on since pre illness. He’s taken each step in his stride, always smiling, he’s amazing. He’s my hero.

But it’s been a hellish few months.

Diagnosis is good, but he’s got a long bout of chemo to get through.

For the last few weeks I have been having increasing bouts of dizzy spells, cotton wool head and legs. Like I’m stoned but without the confusion or hilarity.

My doc thinks it’s stress related. I’ve taken a comprehensive blood test, which is all grand, apart from white blood cells which are quite low, but also consistent with anxiety, stress and mental exhaustion.

I do a lot of sport, when I’m running and cycling there is no dizziness or fatigue. Often dizziness hits me late in day. Tiredness maybe?

I’ve started meditating more and more which is helping. I think.

Anyone else suffered with this? How long is this gonna last? (How long is a piece of string right?)

Ive had the same as you mate. My mum is also going through a battle with a brain tumour so know how you’re feeling in that regard.

In relation to the stress related vertigo I realised mine was mainly based around being in the office or social situations as I have crippling social anxiety at times. Both of those situations have now been eliminated for obvious reasons and I haven’t suffered for about a year now.

When I did, I found mindfulness to be extremely helpful. Download the calm app and try some meditation techniques through that. You have to pay around £8 a month for it, but I found I took enough from the free trial to implement in my daily life.

 

[The binman chronicles]

Here goes. I've been looking at this thread and thinking about posting for a few months but Ive found it hard to get the words out. Sorry if this is a bit long. A year ago my wife said she wanted to split up and I was devastated. I didn't agree and we went to a couple of counselling sessions but I could tell her mind was made up. I have a 5 year old and a one year old (just a few months old at the time) who mean the world to me.
Then Covid hit and we had months treading water and with a 5 year old and baby I was busy so it didn't hit home as hard as it might. Walking the baby in Lockdown gave me time to think and I came to realise she was probably right as we hadn't got on for a long time. We spoke and the upshot was we would split and I would move out but stay amicable and I could visit anytime I liked/be a big part of my boys lives. My eldest loves football, supports Everton and I've spent so much time with him that we have a nice bond.
So I move out in August (against my will) but I'm still paying most of the mortgage on our house and rent so I'm skint and had an awful 6 weeks or so missing being with my lads every day. However I was seeing them every weekend and a couple of nights after work as I'm only a mile away so it was horrible but bearable.
The last 6 weeks or so my wife has changed and cut back my visits to one day at the weekend and once in the week. Suddenly I'm detrimental to the boys and she doesn't want me around them. I can honestly say I haven't changed, if anything I've tried to be as cheerful as possible (as I struggled initially not to break down in front of them, when my eldest said he wanted me to move back for example ) and not questioned her decisions or ideas. My eldest has gone from being a lovely kid to misbehaving and hitting out at her. It's happened since I've not been there as much. She blames me for being too firm with him but I don't feel I'm any different from any other dad's I know.
I'm a teacher and I'm off on half term. Usually I'd spend whole days with my boys but I feel like I'm having to beg to see them. I don't want to start getting legal and solicitors involved because I feel it will negatively affect my eldest even more. I just feel like a shell of my former self and so powerless. It's really knocked my confidence and I'm on egg shells every time I'm there. Some of my mates know but I haven't told many people at work because I feel embarrassed, especially because I used to talk about my kids all the time.
Any ideas or advice gratefully received as I'm struggling at the moment .

Sounds to me like your wife is turning on you because your son wants things back to normal and perhaps she thinks if you have limited contact he will adjust better? It's all BS anyhow as time is the only answer and him not seeing you as often will probably create the resentment whatever.

I would first discuss (calmly - do not lose your rag even if provoked) with her what are her reasons for the cutbacks and perhaps if the shorter frequent visits are a problem to her you could have them every other weekend for the whole time? If she continues to unreasonable then I'm afraid the next step is a solicitor's letter (just the letter) threatening legal action and hopefully that will be enough without going down the full court case route which isn't great for anyone. Best of luck.

 

[COYBL25]

Here goes. I've been looking at this thread and thinking about posting for a few months but Ive found it hard to get the words out. Sorry if this is a bit long. A year ago my wife said she wanted to split up and I was devastated. I didn't agree and we went to a couple of counselling sessions but I could tell her mind was made up. I have a 5 year old and a one year old (just a few months old at the time) who mean the world to me.
Then Covid hit and we had months treading water and with a 5 year old and baby I was busy so it didn't hit home as hard as it might. Walking the baby in Lockdown gave me time to think and I came to realise she was probably right as we hadn't got on for a long time. We spoke and the upshot was we would split and I would move out but stay amicable and I could visit anytime I liked/be a big part of my boys lives. My eldest loves football, supports Everton and I've spent so much time with him that we have a nice bond.
So I move out in August (against my will) but I'm still paying most of the mortgage on our house and rent so I'm skint and had an awful 6 weeks or so missing being with my lads every day. However I was seeing them every weekend and a couple of nights after work as I'm only a mile away so it was horrible but bearable.
The last 6 weeks or so my wife has changed and cut back my visits to one day at the weekend and once in the week. Suddenly I'm detrimental to the boys and she doesn't want me around them. I can honestly say I haven't changed, if anything I've tried to be as cheerful as possible (as I struggled initially not to break down in front of them, when my eldest said he wanted me to move back for example ) and not questioned her decisions or ideas. My eldest has gone from being a lovely kid to misbehaving and hitting out at her. It's happened since I've not been there as much. She blames me for being too firm with him but I don't feel I'm any different from any other dad's I know.
I'm a teacher and I'm off on half term. Usually I'd spend whole days with my boys but I feel like I'm having to beg to see them. I don't want to start getting legal and solicitors involved because I feel it will negatively affect my eldest even more. I just feel like a shell of my former self and so powerless. It's really knocked my confidence and I'm on egg shells every time I'm there. Some of my mates know but I haven't told many people at work because I feel embarrassed, especially because I used to talk about my kids all the time.
Any ideas or advice gratefully received as I'm struggling at the moment .

I hate to say this mate, but from what you’ve posted there, it reads as though it’s all about power and control with your missus and at some point in the near future, it’s going to have to involve solicitors.

One of my oldest and best mates is a very experienced Barrister, who specialises in family law.

If you want an overview ( for free ) of where you stand, please DM me and I’ll contact her on your behalf - no names ( obs )

The exact same thing has happened to a couple of mates and they tried to go down the “ amicable “ route too.

 

[Toast]

I hate to say this mate, but from what you’ve posted there, it reads as though it’s all about power and control from with missus and at some point in the near future, it’s going to have to involve solicitors.

One of my oldest and best mates is a very experienced Barrister, who specialises in family law.

If you want an overview ( for free ) of where you stand, please DM me and I’ll contact her on your behalf - no names ( obs )

The exact same thing has happened to a couple of mates and they tried to go down the “ amicable “ route too.

Nice one mate.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Here goes. I've been looking at this thread and thinking about posting for a few months but Ive found it hard to get the words out. Sorry if this is a bit long. A year ago my wife said she wanted to split up and I was devastated. I didn't agree and we went to a couple of counselling sessions but I could tell her mind was made up. I have a 5 year old and a one year old (just a few months old at the time) who mean the world to me.
Then Covid hit and we had months treading water and with a 5 year old and baby I was busy so it didn't hit home as hard as it might. Walking the baby in Lockdown gave me time to think and I came to realise she was probably right as we hadn't got on for a long time. We spoke and the upshot was we would split and I would move out but stay amicable and I could visit anytime I liked/be a big part of my boys lives. My eldest loves football, supports Everton and I've spent so much time with him that we have a nice bond.
So I move out in August (against my will) but I'm still paying most of the mortgage on our house and rent so I'm skint and had an awful 6 weeks or so missing being with my lads every day. However I was seeing them every weekend and a couple of nights after work as I'm only a mile away so it was horrible but bearable.
The last 6 weeks or so my wife has changed and cut back my visits to one day at the weekend and once in the week. Suddenly I'm detrimental to the boys and she doesn't want me around them. I can honestly say I haven't changed, if anything I've tried to be as cheerful as possible (as I struggled initially not to break down in front of them, when my eldest said he wanted me to move back for example ) and not questioned her decisions or ideas. My eldest has gone from being a lovely kid to misbehaving and hitting out at her. It's happened since I've not been there as much. She blames me for being too firm with him but I don't feel I'm any different from any other dad's I know.
I'm a teacher and I'm off on half term. Usually I'd spend whole days with my boys but I feel like I'm having to beg to see them. I don't want to start getting legal and solicitors involved because I feel it will negatively affect my eldest even more. I just feel like a shell of my former self and so powerless. It's really knocked my confidence and I'm on egg shells every time I'm there. Some of my mates know but I haven't told many people at work because I feel embarrassed, especially because I used to talk about my kids all the time.
Any ideas or advice gratefully received as I'm struggling at the moment .

I'm sorry to hear how rough you've been getting it mate. Honestly I don't think you can get any better advice than what @COYBL25 gave you - take him up on his offer. Keep it amicable with the missus and if the family TRULY CANT be saved you're going to have to use the law to see your kids and for your kids right to see their dad. You're their father everyday not just the days she allows it. All the best mate, God Bless & stay strong. .

 

[Preki]

Sounds to me like your wife is turning on you because your son wants things back to normal and perhaps she thinks if you have limited contact he will adjust better? It's all BS anyhow as time is the only answer and him not seeing you as often will probably create the resentment whatever.

I would first discuss (calmly - do not lose your rag even if provoked) with her what are her reasons for the cutbacks and perhaps if the shorter frequent visits are a problem to her you could have them every other weekend for the whole time? If she continues to unreasonable then I'm afraid the next step is a solicitor's letter (just the letter) threatening legal action and hopefully that will be enough without going down the full court case route which isn't great for anyone. Best of luck.

Thanks I'll look into that, I think you are right. It's been hard not to lose my temper through frustration but I know it would just make things worse.

 

[Preki]

I'm sorry to hear how rough you've been getting it mate. Honestly I don't think you can get any better advice than what @COYBL25 gave you - take him up on his offer. Keep it amicable with the missus and if the family TRULY CANT be saved you're going to have to use the law to see your kids and for your kids right to see their dad. You're their father everyday not just the days she allows it. All the best mate, God Bless & stay strong. .

Thanks mate I appreciate it.

 

[Preki]

Nice one mate.

Cheers I might take you up on that. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Gwladysover]

Evening all.

Anybody got any experience of stress and anxiety related dizziness and vertigo?

A bit of context. My 11 year old son has been very sick with a brain tumor. He was operated on end of November to remove the malignant tumor. He’s just finished his radiotherapy treatment which lasted for 6 weeks.

He’s a tough little cookie, he’s doing really well, eating much much better, has put all of the weight back on since pre illness. He’s taken each step in his stride, always smiling, he’s amazing. He’s my hero.

But it’s been a hellish few months.

Diagnosis is good, but he’s got a long bout of chemo to get through.

For the last few weeks I have been having increasing bouts of dizzy spells, cotton wool head and legs. Like I’m stoned but without the confusion or hilarity.

My doc thinks it’s stress related. I’ve taken a comprehensive blood test, which is all grand, apart from white blood cells which are quite low, but also consistent with anxiety, stress and mental exhaustion.

I do a lot of sport, when I’m running and cycling there is no dizziness or fatigue. Often dizziness hits me late in day. Tiredness maybe?

I’ve started meditating more and more which is helping. I think.

Anyone else suffered with this? How long is this gonna last? (How long is a piece of string right?)

I have suffered from light headedness, jelly legs and generally feeling “tipsy” brought on by stress. Often I would get these feelings in the evening whilst watching the television. As I have said before my journey through anxiety began way back in the Dark Ages but relaxation (mindfulness as it’s now known) was my biggest help. I set aside half an hour each day when I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed to listen to a tape (I said it was a long time ago!) It’s not easy with a family, I know, to find time just for you, but perhaps you could listen to an app or download just before settling down to sleep. As to how long it will take - try not to be too impatient - just know that it will get better with time. All the best to you, your family and most of all your little lad.

 

[David09]

Here goes. I've been looking at this thread and thinking about posting for a few months but Ive found it hard to get the words out. Sorry if this is a bit long. A year ago my wife said she wanted to split up and I was devastated. I didn't agree and we went to a couple of counselling sessions but I could tell her mind was made up. I have a 5 year old and a one year old (just a few months old at the time) who mean the world to me.
Then Covid hit and we had months treading water and with a 5 year old and baby I was busy so it didn't hit home as hard as it might. Walking the baby in Lockdown gave me time to think and I came to realise she was probably right as we hadn't got on for a long time. We spoke and the upshot was we would split and I would move out but stay amicable and I could visit anytime I liked/be a big part of my boys lives. My eldest loves football, supports Everton and I've spent so much time with him that we have a nice bond.
So I move out in August (against my will) but I'm still paying most of the mortgage on our house and rent so I'm skint and had an awful 6 weeks or so missing being with my lads every day. However I was seeing them every weekend and a couple of nights after work as I'm only a mile away so it was horrible but bearable.
The last 6 weeks or so my wife has changed and cut back my visits to one day at the weekend and once in the week. Suddenly I'm detrimental to the boys and she doesn't want me around them. I can honestly say I haven't changed, if anything I've tried to be as cheerful as possible (as I struggled initially not to break down in front of them, when my eldest said he wanted me to move back for example ) and not questioned her decisions or ideas. My eldest has gone from being a lovely kid to misbehaving and hitting out at her. It's happened since I've not been there as much. She blames me for being too firm with him but I don't feel I'm any different from any other dad's I know.
I'm a teacher and I'm off on half term. Usually I'd spend whole days with my boys but I feel like I'm having to beg to see them. I don't want to start getting legal and solicitors involved because I feel it will negatively affect my eldest even more. I just feel like a shell of my former self and so powerless. It's really knocked my confidence and I'm on egg shells every time I'm there. Some of my mates know but I haven't told many people at work because I feel embarrassed, especially because I used to talk about my kids all the time.
Any ideas or advice gratefully received as I'm struggling at the moment .

I've been going through the same situation for 2.5 years mate and I'm still struggling as my ex has turned my 15 year old daughter against me.
Can you tell her you want 50/50 child custody with immediate effect. That way you only pay rent and she pays the mortgage. If your paying the mortgage can you move back home?
I tried a couple of times to move back into the house as she dictates and holds all the power but I keep getting the threat of an occupation order and it petrifies me.
It has cost me about £5000 so far and financial stuff is going to court as we speak so it could cost another £5000.
Good luck mate. Work is keeping me from cracking up at the moment.
Please take up the offer of free advice mate from the earlier messages. Grab any help you can and get ahead of the game. I have totally messed my divorce up and she is breaking me more now than when we were married.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Worked it out the other day that as of now I'm probably around 220 days into my journey. Not a single bet taken since (i think) 10th July 2020. looking forward to hitting the year mark with this as well.. Some how managing to stay busy. Had some real lows recently as well however started on the anti-depressants and generally feel the days being much easier, more concentrated. Finding it easier to focus on work, games, tv, whatever. Now after leaking money on betting for years, we have a wedding date planned for September, a potential new car coming, house savings up to almost 8k.

No matter how trapped or low you feel regarding any subject, there is always a way out. I am not a great talker myself but I find just posting on a forum and getting this out very therapeutic. If you're feeling low, and want to express it I'd recommend you do so, regardless of how embarrassing or upsetting you find it. It helps..

Brilliant. Well done

 

[Preki]

I've been going through the same situation for 2.5 years mate and I'm still struggling as my ex has turned my 15 year old daughter against me.
Can you tell her you want 50/50 child custody with immediate effect. That way you only pay rent and she pays the mortgage. If your paying the mortgage can you move back home?
I tried a couple of times to move back into the house as she dictates and holds all the power but I keep getting the threat of an occupation order and it petrifies me.
It has cost me about £5000 so far and financial stuff is going to court as we speak so it could cost another £5000.
Good luck mate. Work is keeping me from cracking up at the moment.
Please take up the offer of free advice mate from the earlier messages. Grab any help you can and get ahead of the game. I have totally messed my divorce up and she is breaking me more now than when we were married.

Thanks mate I hope you get a decent result from your legal stuff. I've messaged privately and have taken the free advice offer as I was just stuck in a rut before. I was at my 'house' today and it's really affected my eldest son. So hard to take. He's gone from a quiet but cheerful kid to being manic and hard to control at times in a few months. I don't think I could move back in. I'd be camping in the living room and it would get toxic very fast.
Fingers crossed for you.