Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brett Angell Delight]

Not great at the moment. Wasting money on something every day, sometimes it's hundreds a week, and it feels like I am properly struggling to get a grip of it now. I geniunely do think I'm addicted tbh, I can't manage more than a few days free of it. Terrified my family will find out.

Fell out with my best mate recently and it had been building. He's not an especially good influence (he's gotten involved in certain stuff that I want nothing to do with) but I knew he had my back if I needed him, not getting that sense as much anymore though. Even if/when we break the ice again, I don't think we can 'best' mates going forwards. We're going our different ways in life clearly and are generally just sick of each other (this is all completely separate to the first paragraph btw).

Work is okay but I can't shake this feeling the rug could get pulled out from under me any day. I'm popular (from what I gather at least) and good at what I do, just I'm utterly paranoid due to my outside problems. I know myself that I've been snappier than usual the last few weeks.

Obviously the situation with the club isn't helping matters, to be honest I think I'm ready to just totally sack football off entirely because how obviously rigged it is.

Maybe I need a long rest at home (I have holidays to use but I worry my addiction will get worse if I'm at home during these times). Don't feel any motivation at all to do much exercise either, I know it can help but even if I got myself much fitter I doubt it would do to help me at this point.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me, would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.

That’s a lot you have on your mind, mate; it’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed.

I’ve said it a few times, but I’ve well and truly backed away from football. I don’t necessarily feel it’s rigged, I’m just sick of how Everton were affecting my mood, and when I became a dad I felt I needed to distance myself so it didn’t bleed into the other aspects of my life. Easier said than done, I know, but it sounds like it’d help you, too. Don’t watch the games, and defo swerve the match threads in here if you’re of a nervous disposition!!

Your work concerns sound like they stem from your addiction, so it’s important to focus on that underlying problem, it seems to me. That you’ve identified it is a good start. Can you cap your spending? If not, could you see yourself taking the plunge and deleting your account outright?

I know what you mean re exercise. It took me until I was 37 and very firmly in the “obese” category before I finally managed to get myself into a routine. All I can say in terms of my own experience is you can’t wait for motivation to strike you; you’ll have a reason for wanting to do it - in your case taking your mind off your addiction and relieving your stress - and as soon as you’ve finished any given session you’ll be motivated to keep going; if you wait to be motivated, it’ll simply never happen, and that will only serve to make it harder to get started.

I wish you all the best, mate.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Never really been in here, but hope people are doing OK and have the support they need.

Having a bad few weeks. I'm OK, just finding things really hard and never knowing what to say.

MiL going through 2nd bout of cancer treatment for bowel cancer which has spread to lungs through lymph nodes. Diagnosed march last year, went through treatment for 6 months and surgery but unfortunately it spread and she has just started immunotherapy. Been really poorly last few weeks and in and out of hospital and I just feel like I'm constantly letting my partner down as I don't know what to say or do. Last year was tough as lockdown had meant we hadn't seen her much.

I work with traumatised children as well and carry a lot of secondary trauma (which I am aware of and have support through work for) and had some really difficult and upsetting cases so far this year.

Life's a b**** really. MiL doesn't deserve it, none of the kids I work with deserve it. Just a bit helpless with so much of it.

You’re not letting anyone down mate. I fully understand that you may question whether you’re doing enough for your partner or whether what you’re doing is what they want from you. Take the guesswork out of it: ask your partner what they need from you at any given time. Do they need time alone? Do they need reassurance and kind words? Do they need a distraction? Even just a hug and/or a cup of tea?!

There is no one thing or one volume of things that will ever be “enough”. It’ll change from hour to hour, day to day as your partner processes their grief, anger, etc. There’ll almost inevitably be times where you do everything that seems required and you still catch some flak because they need an outlet and you happen to be in front of them. Do what you can, and when all’s said and done it’ll have been enough.

In the meantime, make sure you have a similar network to fall back on. You need people doing enough for you, as well, or your capacity to do enough for anyone else will diminish over time.

 

[EFCPaul]

That’s a lot you have on your mind, mate; it’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed.

I’ve said it a few times, but I’ve well and truly backed away from football. I don’t necessarily feel it’s rigged, I’m just sick of how Everton were affecting my mood, and when I became a dad I felt I needed to distance myself so it didn’t bleed into the other aspects of my life. Easier said than done, I know, but it sounds like it’d help you, too. Don’t watch the games, and defo swerve the match threads in here if you’re of a nervous disposition!!

Your work concerns sound like they stem from your addiction, so it’s important to focus on that underlying problem, it seems to me. That you’ve identified it is a good start. Can you cap your spending? If not, could you see yourself taking the plunge and deleting your account outright?

I know what you mean re exercise. It took me until I was 37 and very firmly in the “obese” category before I finally managed to get myself into a routine. All I can say in terms of my own experience is you can’t wait for motivation to strike you; you’ll have a reason for wanting to do it - in your case taking your mind off your addiction and relieving your stress - and as soon as you’ve finished any given session you’ll be motivated to keep going; if you wait to be motivated, it’ll simply never happen, and that will only serve to make it harder to get started.

I wish you all the best, mate.

I did that last night mate, shut it permanently and contacted customer services to request it be blocked so I can never re-open it. Also cancelled some other things related that I was spending money on. Really giving this a big push at kicking it, it has to stop.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Rather not say mate, though it's not anything



I did that last night mate, shut it permanently and contacted customer services to request it be blocked so I can never re-open it. Also cancelled some other things related that I was spending money on. Really giving this a big push at kicking it, it has to stop.

That’s a really positive step mate. I’m sure you’ll know to expect some feelings of withdrawal in the coming days. As painful as it is, keep in mind how you felt in the buildup to taking this step, as hopefully that’ll be what keeps you strong.

Obviously you know where this thread is if you feel yourself slipping or just need a natter to take your mind off things.

 

[Marius57]

You’re not letting anyone down mate. I fully understand that you may question whether you’re doing enough for your partner or whether what you’re doing is what they want from you. Take the guesswork out of it: ask your partner what they need from you at any given time. Do they need time alone? Do they need reassurance and kind words? Do they need a distraction? Even just a hug and/or a cup of tea?!

There is no one thing or one volume of things that will ever be “enough”. It’ll change from hour to hour, day to day as your partner processes their grief, anger, etc. There’ll almost inevitably be times where you do everything that seems required and you still catch some flak because they need an outlet and you happen to be in front of them. Do what you can, and when all’s said and done it’ll have been enough.

In the meantime, make sure you have a similar network to fall back on. You need people doing enough for you, as well, or your capacity to do enough for anyone else will diminish over time.

Thank you. Sometimes just need reminded and reassured and a place to share it (just to get it out there).

Some days are just harder than others, as it seems relentless and I hate seeing the impact it has on my partner and our family.

 

[Oasis1878]

Started a new job today after 5+ years in a completely depressing job. Long hours, no space for growth, poor pay etc etc.

Feels like a weight off my shoulders, finally! Although I have pretty awful anxiety over the smallest things, so a new place with new people & new work to get used to is hard for me, it does feel good?

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Never really been in here, but hope people are doing OK and have the support they need.

Having a bad few weeks. I'm OK, just finding things really hard and never knowing what to say.

MiL going through 2nd bout of cancer treatment for bowel cancer which has spread to lungs through lymph nodes. Diagnosed march last year, went through treatment for 6 months and surgery but unfortunately it spread and she has just started immunotherapy. Been really poorly last few weeks and in and out of hospital and I just feel like I'm constantly letting my partner down as I don't know what to say or do. Last year was tough as lockdown had meant we hadn't seen her much.

I work with traumatised children as well and carry a lot of secondary trauma (which I am aware of and have support through work for) and had some really difficult and upsetting cases so far this year.

Life's a b**** really. MiL doesn't deserve it, none of the kids I work with deserve it. Just a bit helpless with so much of it.

As others have said you won't be letting your partner down but good advice, ask her what would help her most. As for your job, I have nothing but respect for people who work in professions like yours. Even if you feel helpless you are making a huge difference to those children. Engage with your support networks, make time for yourself and your partner. Do something nice together - even if you just go out for tea.

 

[Marius57]

As others have said you won't be letting your partner down but good advice, ask her what would help her most. As for your job, I have nothing but respect for people who work in professions like yours. Even if you feel helpless you are making a huge difference to those children. Engage with your support networks, make time for yourself and your partner. Do something nice together - even if you just go out for tea.

Thank you. Work is manageable and I can cope with that, but it becomes much harder when dealing with the personal things at home. It just piles on top of each other.

Fortunately, we both have 2 weeks off next week and going to Mexico for our belated honeymoon. As it happens, treatment has been paused for this month so the stress of MiL having it won't be there while we are away as that was a worry.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Thank you. Work is manageable and I can cope with that, but it becomes much harder when dealing with the personal things at home. It just piles on top of each other.

Fortunately, we both have 2 weeks off next week and going to Mexico for our belated honeymoon. As it happens, treatment has been paused for this month so the stress of MiL having it won't be there while we are away as that was a worry.

Oh that will be lovely. Make the most of it.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Started a new job today after 5+ years in a completely depressing job. Long hours, no space for growth, poor pay etc etc.

Feels like a weight off my shoulders, finally! Although I have pretty awful anxiety over the smallest things, so a new place with new people & new work to get used to is hard for me, it does feel good?

Congratulations mate, well done. I hope its everything the other job wasn't. Dont stress yourself about talking to all the new faces - a smile says plenty and creates a good first impression and will allow you time to settle in. Good luck brother.

 

[Oasis1878]

Congratulations mate, well done. I hope its everything the other job wasn't. Dont stress yourself about talking to all the new faces - a smile says plenty and creates a good first impression and will allow you time to settle in. Good luck brother.

Thanks man, really appreciate that?

 

[Toffeetit]

Just throwing out a post here having newly registered. Twitter doesn't seem to be the place for me. Not strong enough for that.
I'm just really, really sad about the football. It's a constant stream of negativity in my life and it seems to be made worse by the fact that every slight glimmer of hope is always snatched away from us.
I get constant pelters from friends, family and work colleagues about Everton because they think we're a joke... but it's not funny to me.
They don't realise how down I get seeing us this way.. and when I mention that I don't like the jokes they still laugh... Especially at work.
I literally wake up and the first thing I think of in the morning is relegation.. then my mood stays low from there.
How can I detach and not take it to heart? What's the secret to not being upset watching the team I love fall to such lows.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Just throwing out a post here having newly registered. Twitter doesn't seem to be the place for me. Not strong enough for that.
I'm just really, really sad about the football. It's a constant stream of negativity in my life and it seems to be made worse by the fact that every slight glimmer of hope is always snatched away from us.
I get constant pelters from friends, family and work colleagues about Everton because they think we're a joke... but it's not funny to me.
They don't realise how down I get seeing us this way.. and when I mention that I don't like the jokes they still laugh... Especially at work.
I literally wake up and the first thing I think of in the morning is relegation.. then my mood stays low from there.
How can I detach and not take it to heart? What's the secret to not being upset watching the team I love fall to such lows.

Everton has no bearing on your life mate. I used to get into arguments with the missus over my moods after defeats years ago when I let it go unchecked.

Was when COVID hit and the uncertainty of being able to do the little things we take for granted like having a BBQ with the family or going for a pint with the lads in town that made me realise football is just a past time which needs treating as such. Then I lost a close family friend to the virus itself which put in perspective how pointless getting worked up over 11 millionaire's kicking a ball around really is.

I still get angry when we lose but you need to know when to not let it take over your mood / dictate your outlook on whatever else you have planned for the week / weekend ahead.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Just throwing out a post here having newly registered. Twitter doesn't seem to be the place for me. Not strong enough for that.
I'm just really, really sad about the football. It's a constant stream of negativity in my life and it seems to be made worse by the fact that every slight glimmer of hope is always snatched away from us.
I get constant pelters from friends, family and work colleagues about Everton because they think we're a joke... but it's not funny to me.
They don't realise how down I get seeing us this way.. and when I mention that I don't like the jokes they still laugh... Especially at work.
I literally wake up and the first thing I think of in the morning is relegation.. then my mood stays low from there.
How can I detach and not take it to heart? What's the secret to not being upset watching the team I love fall to such lows.

I wish i knew mate, we all wish we knew how to detach but we cant. Our club is probably the first choice we ever made for ourselves in life.. I think its Purgatory we're doing our suffering now and getting a headstart on everyone else lol. Try not to let it get on top of you, throw some of your time into other hobbies/pastimes - if the dreaded relegation happens it'll be terrible but you, me and tens of thousands of others will still be Everton fans/ family. Good times will come back, its always darkest before the dawn. Up the long suffering Everton fans.

 

[Glad 2b blu]

Just throwing out a post here having newly registered. Twitter doesn't seem to be the place for me. Not strong enough for that.
I'm just really, really sad about the football. It's a constant stream of negativity in my life and it seems to be made worse by the fact that every slight glimmer of hope is always snatched away from us.
I get constant pelters from friends, family and work colleagues about Everton because they think we're a joke... but it's not funny to me.
They don't realise how down I get seeing us this way.. and when I mention that I don't like the jokes they still laugh... Especially at work.
I literally wake up and the first thing I think of in the morning is relegation.. then my mood stays low from there.
How can I detach and not take it to heart? What's the secret to not being upset watching the team I love fall to such lows.

Take care of your self and come here to chat