Everton Transfer Thread 2016

[chazzle_dazzle]

I'm almost a little sad I'm going to miss the best of this thread drinking on a lake this weekend.

I reckon you jinxed the signings and the moment you get on said lake we'll sign 4 players for £150m...

 

[KUEFC09U2]

Yep, meeting room 4.

Hang on hang on, I thought we weren't getting a meeting room 4 until the expansion of FF was complete?

 

[tim cahill]

Yes Mr Esk promised the transfer rats two signings by Friday.

Ahhhh I see. I've got my pitchfork ready. Got any burning torches?

 

[Mikeonlythebestwilldo]

I was told to kill myself and was sent actual death threats mate.

It was terrifying. If it doesn't come off I won't gloat, I won't even say a thing, just sit there with a smile on my face as the forum tears itself apart from the inside.

is that true ?

Lads I got something I can sell to you for a great price and it will stop you behaving like crazed melts over transfer speculation.

Its called snake oil and if you take it every day this won't happen again and it also helps you kiss actual girls in real life.

reported

 

[KUEFC09U2]

You're reaction to good news is to be miserable? How are you wired up Kev.

Backwards

 

[chazzle_dazzle]

Hang on hang on, I thought we weren't getting a meeting room 4 until the expansion of FF was complete?

Thats "training hub" meeting room 4, this is main building room 4.

 

[chicoazul]

Tonight will be like the end of Usual Suspects on here as the transfer lizards start to piece together what happened when it's too late.

 

[chicoazul]

reported

Buy it from me. It will prevent this happened to you again.

 

[Toast]

I reckon you jynxed the signings and the moment you get on said lake we'll sign 4 players for £150m...

 

[Angel Delight]

Tick tock.

 

[Sinski]

Haven't you heard Kev? There's 2 players playing Angry Birds at Finch Farm right now.

It's Pokemon Go mate. All the players are on it.

 

[Hellerad]

It's like having two birds this isn't it lads? One's named after a river and you've always believed her as she's never had a reason to lie and seems to have a life of her own, even though mostly she's tended to speak with an educated optimism that gives the impression of knowledge without the certainty you crave. The other one is called Anal Delight or something and is the most boring human being you've ever had the misfortune of ploughing with nine of your mates while she bites down on a dental dog treat. She's not even a good liar, but you've been burned so many times before there's something innate in your mind that tends to see the worst case as an inevitable reality of your existence.

Then when it all kicks off your river-named bird is nowhere to be seen, while Anal Delight dresses up as Scotchbutterpie or one of her other identities and urinates all over your living room screaming "THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS KNOWN! THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED!" and everyone you live with starts to turn on your river-named bird because most of what she said could probably be read in the paper. And your like, "lids, it might be in the paper but the level of attentiveness suggests at least some of what she said is based in well informed fact obtained through a mutually respectful relationship with informed parties" while all your housemates are like "NARR LID SHE'S A PYAR SNIDE" even though they were leaving pleasant messages on her facebook wall only yesterday.

Then Anal Delight dresses up as a 25 year-old journalist who is actually 27 and has a son who is both ten months old and 2 years old and screams "THEY THINK IT'S WITSEL OVER!!! IT IS NOW" directly into your eyeballs as your trying to read an earnest defence of the merits of Gareth Barry, while a large-headed male who once went to Benidorm for a week and likes to go on about it goes round poking everyone, laughing and saying "TOLD YOU SO, HAHAHA, CLASS OF 2007!! I HATE SLEEVE TATTOOS AND PEOPLE UNDER 30" and his old fat mate tries to get off the couch but can't quite manage it so just pretends to talk like a character from The Wire, and Anal Delight has now DRESSED UP LIKE YOUR BIRD WITH THE RIVER NAME AND IS NOW SIMULTANEOUSLY PROVIDING YOU WITH OPTIMISTIC INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR FUTURE WHILST WHATSAPPING YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S SISTER WHO HAS SOLID INFORMATION THAT NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE WILL EVER GO RIGHT AGAIN

AND IT'S THE HOLIDAYS SO ALL THESE KIDS ARE RUNNING AROUND YOUR LIVING ROOM GOING "MY HEAD! MY HEAD!" AS THEIR ACTUAL HEADS START DROPPING TO THE FLOOR AND BOUNCING AROUND LIKE LUKAKU TRYING TO TRAP A SHORT PASS AND YOU START TO THINK "I NEVER SEEM TO HAVE MUCH LUCK WITH MY BIRDS FOR SOME REASON I WONDER WHY???? MAYBE I SHOULD DO ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SEX TESTS IN THE ALE HOUSE OR FINALLY BITE THE BULLET AND RESPOND TO BUNGLE'S PRIVATE MESSAGES ABOUT THE WEEKEND TRIP TO BOGNOR REGIS WITH HIS FRIEND WHO LOOKS A BIT LIKE RICHARD MADELEY"

[applause gif]

 

[RickyMartin]

Chelsea wrap up another deal in a few days while we sit on our hands twiddling our thumbs.

But not to worry, we've been really really close to signing these mythical "two players" for well over a month now.

We will sign players, that's for sure. But you'll hear the same boring excuses why we struggled through the first couple of months because players didn't have time to bed in.

 

[Bud McBlokeski]

Stuff

You alright mate?

 

[Zatara]

He are linked with zero turkish / greek

and are those nationalities completely different looking? lol

All we need to know is if one of them has an afro, or is mata. anyone else don't really care until it breaks

Ozan Tufan (sp)