Nope, just made a complaint to the club and they've dropped him for this weekends game so his focus is purely on your skirting boards. The QPR scouts that had come to watch him play have been instructed to steam clean your carpets as well.
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Former Everton Centre Forward Duncan Ferguson steps into management.....
- Thread starter The Penalty Box Dancer
- Start date
JimmyJeffers
Player Valuation: £70m
well I hope they bring their own waders
Toilet still blocked?
It's good money but when you've got the cash rolling in from half a days work at @JimmyJeffers urine soaked palace then i can confidently say his wages cannot be matched anywhere in the world.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Plus it's cash in hand and access to his vhs collection of adult interest movies - many of which are illegal everywhere but Jersey due to its liberal French laws.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Don't worry, he's just a fan of blocked toilets.
Ironically, the vhs collection had Blocked Toilets 1 to 4 and 6 to the series finale. Where is no. 5? Nobody knows.
peteblue
Welcome back Wayne
Must have pressed it by mistake…
I think that one went back to the video store in a Lethal Weapon case accidentally. The poor sod who rented it next just wanted to watch Danny Glover and Mel Gibson shoot some bad guys but instead was treated to an array of fibre heavy logs clogging up s-bends.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Oh that's not that blocked toilets 5....?
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Warrenpoint Town vs Dollingstown
21st August 2038
An unchanged side made the trip to Warrenpoint and Mark Maguire was returning against his former club. Maguire was a first team regular for Warrenpoint and the supporters have been unable to understand why he would leave to warm the bench at Dollingstown. 25 minutes in and it was still 0-0, the only goals this afternoon coming from Cliftonville who had already put four past Linfield. It was a quiet first half and not a single shot on goal for Dollingstown. Smyth started the second half brightly coming deep for the ball and he played a great ball over to the right to get Quinn goalside, he tried the shot instead of the cut back to Boyd and skied it. Kurtis Kane made way for Johnny McGurgan with half an hour to go. Dallas came close for Warrenpoint when he was unmarked inside the box, beat Whelan with the shot and hit the outside of the post. Mark Maguire came on against his former club replacing Nicky Quinn, there were a few boos for Maguire but ther majority were unphased. The last change for Dollingstown came with just over ten minutes to go, Sheridan replacing Tommy Smyth. The game ended just like we thought it would with very little excitement or action. A point apiece and a point on the road for Henderson's men.
PLAYER RATINGS
Ballinamallard United vs Dollingstown
Bet McLean Cup Second Round
24th August 2038
It was cup action and Henderson made changes. McKendry and McKenna at full back with Dunne and McNally in central defence. McGurgan played alongside Kane, O'Shea was on the left, Maguire was on the right and Michael Coyle was up front. Former Dollingstown player Luke Kemp started in attack for Ballinamallard. The first half was quiet and supporters were wondering what they even bothered turning up for. Dollingstown upped the tempo in the second half but Ballinamallard were happy to sit deep. O'Shea got the ball over the top and Coyle beat the defender to get there, his shot was saved by Elliott in the first real chance of the match. Simon Young came on for Mark Maguire with 30 minutes to go. King linked up with Quinn down the left and McKendry's clearance was poor as it fell right to King to drive it past Whelan giving Ballinamallard the lead. Ciaran Marshall was recovered from injury and came on for the last 22 minutes. Simon Young's back pass was questionably stupid as it was cut out by King and he fed in Luke Kemp to score past his former club and make it 2-0 with 21 minutes to go. Luke Kemp grew into the game and was causing havoc for the defence. In stoppage time it was too late for Dollingstown but as Quinn put the corner into the box, Sean Sheridan was fouled and the penalty was given. Nicky Quinn put the ball down on the spot and secured his third goal of the season in nothing more than a consolation goal with the last kick of the game.
EH: It was an unacceptable display. We can't turn up for matches and play like that, we won't stand a chance. I don't know what we thought we were doing out there but we were so calm, it had me worried. We deserevd to lose and credit to Ballinamallard, they played us off the park.
PLAYER RATINGS
21st August 2038
=
An unchanged side made the trip to Warrenpoint and Mark Maguire was returning against his former club. Maguire was a first team regular for Warrenpoint and the supporters have been unable to understand why he would leave to warm the bench at Dollingstown. 25 minutes in and it was still 0-0, the only goals this afternoon coming from Cliftonville who had already put four past Linfield. It was a quiet first half and not a single shot on goal for Dollingstown. Smyth started the second half brightly coming deep for the ball and he played a great ball over to the right to get Quinn goalside, he tried the shot instead of the cut back to Boyd and skied it. Kurtis Kane made way for Johnny McGurgan with half an hour to go. Dallas came close for Warrenpoint when he was unmarked inside the box, beat Whelan with the shot and hit the outside of the post. Mark Maguire came on against his former club replacing Nicky Quinn, there were a few boos for Maguire but ther majority were unphased. The last change for Dollingstown came with just over ten minutes to go, Sheridan replacing Tommy Smyth. The game ended just like we thought it would with very little excitement or action. A point apiece and a point on the road for Henderson's men.
PLAYER RATINGS
Ballinamallard United vs Dollingstown
Bet McLean Cup Second Round
24th August 2038
=
It was cup action and Henderson made changes. McKendry and McKenna at full back with Dunne and McNally in central defence. McGurgan played alongside Kane, O'Shea was on the left, Maguire was on the right and Michael Coyle was up front. Former Dollingstown player Luke Kemp started in attack for Ballinamallard. The first half was quiet and supporters were wondering what they even bothered turning up for. Dollingstown upped the tempo in the second half but Ballinamallard were happy to sit deep. O'Shea got the ball over the top and Coyle beat the defender to get there, his shot was saved by Elliott in the first real chance of the match. Simon Young came on for Mark Maguire with 30 minutes to go. King linked up with Quinn down the left and McKendry's clearance was poor as it fell right to King to drive it past Whelan giving Ballinamallard the lead. Ciaran Marshall was recovered from injury and came on for the last 22 minutes. Simon Young's back pass was questionably stupid as it was cut out by King and he fed in Luke Kemp to score past his former club and make it 2-0 with 21 minutes to go. Luke Kemp grew into the game and was causing havoc for the defence. In stoppage time it was too late for Dollingstown but as Quinn put the corner into the box, Sean Sheridan was fouled and the penalty was given. Nicky Quinn put the ball down on the spot and secured his third goal of the season in nothing more than a consolation goal with the last kick of the game.
EH: It was an unacceptable display. We can't turn up for matches and play like that, we won't stand a chance. I don't know what we thought we were doing out there but we were so calm, it had me worried. We deserevd to lose and credit to Ballinamallard, they played us off the park.
PLAYER RATINGS
CAOLAN WELLS
24 year old Striker Caolan Wells has put an end to speculation on his future and has joined Dollingstown on a two year deal. With already one goal in two appearances for Harland this season, it was clear Henderson needed a Striker who could score goals with Boyd and Sheridan struggling to find form. It was a no brainer as Wells got 12 last term for a struggling Harland and Wolff Welders who only managed 33 goals all season. In a better side, the Striker may flourish and be that missing piece in the Dollingswood attack. He likes to take shots on and often does hit them first time when some Strikers may take too long to think about it. If he is given the space and time, no doubt he will be going for goal.
Cliftonville vs Dollingstown
28th August 2038
It has been a dramatic week for Dollingstown with Paul Dunne the subject of a contract offer from Champions Cliftonville, Motherwell having a bid rejected for Tommy Smyth and the signing of Striker Caolan Wells from Harland and Wolff Welders. Paul Dunne was in the team for today facing his new club potentially. Ciaran Marshall was in midfield next to Kurtis Kane, Tommy Smyth played behind Caolan Wells who was making his debut. Paul Dunne was certainly up for the fight inside the opening minutes giving no indication he was to accept Cliftonville's offer. Cliftonville were dominant in possession but Dollingstown held their nerve and not allowing the Champions any space. The ball was played wide to McDonald and he crossed into the six yard box for the head of Omeruo who beat Whelan to the ball and made it 1-0 on 29 minutes. With s minute to go until half-time Morris came down the left and crossed for Cullen, he played the ball back across the box and Paul Dunne's interception took it over the line to make it 2-0. Tommy Smyth got on the ball on 49 minutes and tried his luck with a long ball forward to Wells, he took it down and struck the post, the ball bouncing back off the keeper and over the line, 2-1! It will be recorded as an own goal. Four minutes later Smyth was dictating the play, he got it wide to Nelson who moved it forward to Morgan, Morgan played it to Quinn and he passed back into the box for Morgan to strike home and make it 2-2! Dollingstown draw level with the champions! Downey dribbled forward and the midfield backed off him, he hit a shot towards the top corner and Whelan couldn't reach it, 3-2 to Cliftonville. There's a battle on the pitch with Nelson and Omeruo but Omeruo came out on top and he put himself one on one with Whelan and made it 4-2. Cliftonville were back in control moving the ball around like a training exercise but Smyth made a good interception and stated a counter attack which ended with Nicky Quinn shooting against the side netting. Wells came close to scoring on his debut when Smyth crossed to him at the near post and the keeper pulled off a great stop. It's a win for Cliftonville but what a good performance from Dollingstown who showed real character and determination.
EH: The performance was good, it was a lot better than last season. We gave them no respect and showed that by pulling two goals back. They're a top side and it's clear why they win the league every season but I felt we held our own and had a real go. We lost but we lost fighting and I'm quite happy with how we played. If Dunne decides to move on, we wish him well, he'll be going to be a top club and he done well against them today to show them what they could be getting.
PLAYER RATINGS
28th August 2038
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It has been a dramatic week for Dollingstown with Paul Dunne the subject of a contract offer from Champions Cliftonville, Motherwell having a bid rejected for Tommy Smyth and the signing of Striker Caolan Wells from Harland and Wolff Welders. Paul Dunne was in the team for today facing his new club potentially. Ciaran Marshall was in midfield next to Kurtis Kane, Tommy Smyth played behind Caolan Wells who was making his debut. Paul Dunne was certainly up for the fight inside the opening minutes giving no indication he was to accept Cliftonville's offer. Cliftonville were dominant in possession but Dollingstown held their nerve and not allowing the Champions any space. The ball was played wide to McDonald and he crossed into the six yard box for the head of Omeruo who beat Whelan to the ball and made it 1-0 on 29 minutes. With s minute to go until half-time Morris came down the left and crossed for Cullen, he played the ball back across the box and Paul Dunne's interception took it over the line to make it 2-0. Tommy Smyth got on the ball on 49 minutes and tried his luck with a long ball forward to Wells, he took it down and struck the post, the ball bouncing back off the keeper and over the line, 2-1! It will be recorded as an own goal. Four minutes later Smyth was dictating the play, he got it wide to Nelson who moved it forward to Morgan, Morgan played it to Quinn and he passed back into the box for Morgan to strike home and make it 2-2! Dollingstown draw level with the champions! Downey dribbled forward and the midfield backed off him, he hit a shot towards the top corner and Whelan couldn't reach it, 3-2 to Cliftonville. There's a battle on the pitch with Nelson and Omeruo but Omeruo came out on top and he put himself one on one with Whelan and made it 4-2. Cliftonville were back in control moving the ball around like a training exercise but Smyth made a good interception and stated a counter attack which ended with Nicky Quinn shooting against the side netting. Wells came close to scoring on his debut when Smyth crossed to him at the near post and the keeper pulled off a great stop. It's a win for Cliftonville but what a good performance from Dollingstown who showed real character and determination.
EH: The performance was good, it was a lot better than last season. We gave them no respect and showed that by pulling two goals back. They're a top side and it's clear why they win the league every season but I felt we held our own and had a real go. We lost but we lost fighting and I'm quite happy with how we played. If Dunne decides to move on, we wish him well, he'll be going to be a top club and he done well against them today to show them what they could be getting.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
PAUL DUNNE
Well behind Ards.
We’re a shambles
We’re a shambles