Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
He hates the wokes and won't deal with the metropolitan elites. He's not afraid to wear more than one poppy either.
Finally a king we can all get behind.
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Former Everton Centre Forward Duncan Ferguson steps into management.....
- Thread starter The Penalty Box Dancer
- Start date
Finally a king we can all get behind.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Dollingstown vs Portadown
13th April 2038
Three games to go and four points clear of Ballymena United. A fourth win in a row for Dollingstown and a defeat for Ballymena against Glenavon would see The Dollybirds safe from relegation with two games to go. Paul Dunne was given a start with Andrew Mulholland on the bench, Martin O'Shea started and Kyle Morgan started on the bench. A tactical change considering the sides only played three days earlier. The atmosphere was tense, a win could see Dollingstown defy all expectations and Henderson's season would be a successful one. When nobody gave them a chance yet they turned it around mid-season and fought back. This was their big chance. It was a slow start for Dollingstown and it only took 6 minutes for Portadown to find the opener when the ball came forward to McKinney from Feeney and he hit it low past Whelan. The first half was dreadful for Dollingstown and the second half must be better for The Dollybirds. Henderson made a double change for the last 30 minutes, Dunne was replaced by Mulholland and O'Shea was replaced by Morgan. Porter cut out the Portadown free-kick and played it down field to Quinn who was quick down the wing, he got to the byline and cut the ball across the box for Morgan to slide it home to make it 1-1 on 74 minutes! Metcalfe had no chance up against Quinn who left him for dust! Sheridan intercepted the pass and played it wide to Morgan, he crossed into the box and Quinn headed it down for McGurgan but the ball was cleared before he could take a strike. Three minutes into added time and players were struggling with tiredness, Davis passed it to Black on the edge of the box and he curled it in on his side foot into the top right corner with Whelan just getting a minor touch to it, that has to be the winner.
EH: That was a difficult goal to concede so late in the match but we never stayed focused and we defeated ourselves in the end. The only consolation is Ballymena were held to a point and it keeps us three above them. We've got a real big game at the weekend when we play Harland and Wolff Welders, we can secure our safety and they need to win to stay up. It's a game that everything rides on and we have to be at our very best.
PLAYER RATINGS
13th April 2038
=
Three games to go and four points clear of Ballymena United. A fourth win in a row for Dollingstown and a defeat for Ballymena against Glenavon would see The Dollybirds safe from relegation with two games to go. Paul Dunne was given a start with Andrew Mulholland on the bench, Martin O'Shea started and Kyle Morgan started on the bench. A tactical change considering the sides only played three days earlier. The atmosphere was tense, a win could see Dollingstown defy all expectations and Henderson's season would be a successful one. When nobody gave them a chance yet they turned it around mid-season and fought back. This was their big chance. It was a slow start for Dollingstown and it only took 6 minutes for Portadown to find the opener when the ball came forward to McKinney from Feeney and he hit it low past Whelan. The first half was dreadful for Dollingstown and the second half must be better for The Dollybirds. Henderson made a double change for the last 30 minutes, Dunne was replaced by Mulholland and O'Shea was replaced by Morgan. Porter cut out the Portadown free-kick and played it down field to Quinn who was quick down the wing, he got to the byline and cut the ball across the box for Morgan to slide it home to make it 1-1 on 74 minutes! Metcalfe had no chance up against Quinn who left him for dust! Sheridan intercepted the pass and played it wide to Morgan, he crossed into the box and Quinn headed it down for McGurgan but the ball was cleared before he could take a strike. Three minutes into added time and players were struggling with tiredness, Davis passed it to Black on the edge of the box and he curled it in on his side foot into the top right corner with Whelan just getting a minor touch to it, that has to be the winner.
EH: That was a difficult goal to concede so late in the match but we never stayed focused and we defeated ourselves in the end. The only consolation is Ballymena were held to a point and it keeps us three above them. We've got a real big game at the weekend when we play Harland and Wolff Welders, we can secure our safety and they need to win to stay up. It's a game that everything rides on and we have to be at our very best.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
I hate them Welders. Batter them lads. Send them down to the division below.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Dollingstown vs Harland and Wolff Welders
17th April 2038
The two sides had become rivals throughout the course of the season and had become a bit of a tasty fixture for supporters. On the pitch, the players had that same passion and Dollingstown were unbeaten in all contests this season. Dollingstown pulled away from Harland and are now 12 points ahead going into the last two matches, which shows the hard work from Henderson and his coaching team in the second half of the season. It was a familiar line-up for The Dollybirds with Jimmy Boyd starting in attack in place of Sean Sheridan who dropped to the bench. There was a great atmosphere going into this one and it spurred the players on from the kick off as they played the ball forward and Mcgurgan made a great run through the middle to receive the pass from Boyd and make it 1-0 on 33 seconds! That instantly silenced the away supporters! 12 minutes in and Quinn delivered the corner to the far post but Boyd was upended by Donnelly and a penalty was awarded. Nicky Quinn couldn't wait to get his hands on the ball and put it into the top right corner to make it 2-0! Dollingstown were in dreamland but maybe for too long as Gavin Malone was given too much space from McKenna and he got the cross in for the powering header from Wells to make it 2-1 two minutes later. Harland were not frightened to attack and did because their future depended on it, shots were coming in but Whelan was able to stop them. McGurgan played his way out of trouble and passed wide to Porter on the left side, he hit a hopeful ball into the box that looked to be going out of play but Quinn seemed to keep it alive and tuck it home to make it 3-1! Tommy Smyth's game came to an end on 60 minutes when he was replaced by Luke Kemp, the two youngsters who are both the future of this football club. There was a coming together between McKenna and Coulter inside the area when the ball came over and the referee gave the penalty to Harland. Wells confidently sent Whelan the wrong way and pulled it back to 3-2 with 20 minutes to go. It was a game of goals and Porter was in space on the left, he crossed in with his right swinging it towards the far post low and Quinn slotted to claim his hattrick and his 15th of the season! You can see Nicky Quinn has been training with Euan Henderson! Five minutes were added on at the end but Dollingstown were in control of it and the fans were loving it, another season in the top flight about to be secured. And there goes the whistle! Dollingstown have done it! Just look at the celebrations from the staff and players! Another season in the Premiership and all done with a game to go! It's bad news for Harland as they have been relegated and it's two contrasting emotions on display here! Joy for Dollingstown but misery for Harland.
EH: We've done it! All that hard work and we done it today! Fair play to Harland today as they tried to getr back into it but we were too good in attack and were clinical with our finishing. It has been a massive learning curve in football for me but with Duncan at my side, survival was possible and we fought hard for it every step of the way. Nobody gave us a chance at the start of the season and pretty much had us written off but for the first time in this clubs history we can say that we are staying up and having back to back seasons in the top flight. What a game, what a performance!
Nicky Quinn on working with Henderson:
NQ: He's an outstanding footballer, even now he could play on the left! I've learnt so much from him and I've adapted my game to get into goal scoring positions and cut inside on my left foot, that's all down to him and his incredible coaching. He is a joy to play for and honeslty, my game has improved so much. I've scored 11 goals in 12 games since coming here in January and will finish as the clubs top scorer, next season I'll set targets to better that and keep improving. The scenes here today are brilliant and mind blowing, we've given this town belief and brought the community together through football and they are delighted. Just look around, this is what it means to them!
PLAYER RATINGS
17th April 2038
=
The two sides had become rivals throughout the course of the season and had become a bit of a tasty fixture for supporters. On the pitch, the players had that same passion and Dollingstown were unbeaten in all contests this season. Dollingstown pulled away from Harland and are now 12 points ahead going into the last two matches, which shows the hard work from Henderson and his coaching team in the second half of the season. It was a familiar line-up for The Dollybirds with Jimmy Boyd starting in attack in place of Sean Sheridan who dropped to the bench. There was a great atmosphere going into this one and it spurred the players on from the kick off as they played the ball forward and Mcgurgan made a great run through the middle to receive the pass from Boyd and make it 1-0 on 33 seconds! That instantly silenced the away supporters! 12 minutes in and Quinn delivered the corner to the far post but Boyd was upended by Donnelly and a penalty was awarded. Nicky Quinn couldn't wait to get his hands on the ball and put it into the top right corner to make it 2-0! Dollingstown were in dreamland but maybe for too long as Gavin Malone was given too much space from McKenna and he got the cross in for the powering header from Wells to make it 2-1 two minutes later. Harland were not frightened to attack and did because their future depended on it, shots were coming in but Whelan was able to stop them. McGurgan played his way out of trouble and passed wide to Porter on the left side, he hit a hopeful ball into the box that looked to be going out of play but Quinn seemed to keep it alive and tuck it home to make it 3-1! Tommy Smyth's game came to an end on 60 minutes when he was replaced by Luke Kemp, the two youngsters who are both the future of this football club. There was a coming together between McKenna and Coulter inside the area when the ball came over and the referee gave the penalty to Harland. Wells confidently sent Whelan the wrong way and pulled it back to 3-2 with 20 minutes to go. It was a game of goals and Porter was in space on the left, he crossed in with his right swinging it towards the far post low and Quinn slotted to claim his hattrick and his 15th of the season! You can see Nicky Quinn has been training with Euan Henderson! Five minutes were added on at the end but Dollingstown were in control of it and the fans were loving it, another season in the top flight about to be secured. And there goes the whistle! Dollingstown have done it! Just look at the celebrations from the staff and players! Another season in the Premiership and all done with a game to go! It's bad news for Harland as they have been relegated and it's two contrasting emotions on display here! Joy for Dollingstown but misery for Harland.
EH: We've done it! All that hard work and we done it today! Fair play to Harland today as they tried to getr back into it but we were too good in attack and were clinical with our finishing. It has been a massive learning curve in football for me but with Duncan at my side, survival was possible and we fought hard for it every step of the way. Nobody gave us a chance at the start of the season and pretty much had us written off but for the first time in this clubs history we can say that we are staying up and having back to back seasons in the top flight. What a game, what a performance!
Nicky Quinn on working with Henderson:
NQ: He's an outstanding footballer, even now he could play on the left! I've learnt so much from him and I've adapted my game to get into goal scoring positions and cut inside on my left foot, that's all down to him and his incredible coaching. He is a joy to play for and honeslty, my game has improved so much. I've scored 11 goals in 12 games since coming here in January and will finish as the clubs top scorer, next season I'll set targets to better that and keep improving. The scenes here today are brilliant and mind blowing, we've given this town belief and brought the community together through football and they are delighted. Just look around, this is what it means to them!
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
One more game to go against Glenavon and a chance to try and steal 9th place in the table.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Shame if Ballymena go down. Great away day.
Sniff it Welders. Biggest bunch wasters since Forest Green salad munchers.
UTFDB’S
UTFDB’S
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Glenavon vs Dollingstown
24th April 2038
It was the final day of the season and a chance for Dollingstown to enjoy the match under different circumstances. Henderson maintained a strong team with the only changes being 16 year old Paul Dunne for Kyle McNally at the back and Luke Walker at left back for the suspended Steven Porter. Dollingstown almost went 1-0 up on 11 minutes when Nicky Quinn struck the post from the free-kick from 18 yards but on 24 minutes Dollingstown were caught on the counter and the pass forward to O'Hara from Doran got him goal side and he buried it past Whelan. Kenny played the ball forward to King who headed on inside the box, Doran controlled it on his chest and volleyed it past Whelan making it 2-0. O'Hara took the corner on 40 minutes and Edgar headed to the outside of the box where 17 year old Thomas McGurgan was to strike home his first senior goal making it 3-0. Dollingstown came out the blocks in the second half, McGurgan and Kane getting forward and a nice through ball forward to Kane saw him fire the ball into the bottom right corner but he was offside, albeit a promising start. Tommy Smyth cleared the Glenavon corner and Nicky Quinn brought it forward before sending a long ball to Sheridan whose shot was saved from close range, it should have been a goal. Johnny McGurgan shot over the bar from outside the box but the build up play was good and Smyth seemed to shine playing alongside Nicky Quinn today. Dollingstown will be happy the season is over and move forward for next season. It's likely it will be another tough season for The Dolly Birds but if they can recruit well, they could build on this season's finish.
PLAYER RATINGS
24th April 2038
=
It was the final day of the season and a chance for Dollingstown to enjoy the match under different circumstances. Henderson maintained a strong team with the only changes being 16 year old Paul Dunne for Kyle McNally at the back and Luke Walker at left back for the suspended Steven Porter. Dollingstown almost went 1-0 up on 11 minutes when Nicky Quinn struck the post from the free-kick from 18 yards but on 24 minutes Dollingstown were caught on the counter and the pass forward to O'Hara from Doran got him goal side and he buried it past Whelan. Kenny played the ball forward to King who headed on inside the box, Doran controlled it on his chest and volleyed it past Whelan making it 2-0. O'Hara took the corner on 40 minutes and Edgar headed to the outside of the box where 17 year old Thomas McGurgan was to strike home his first senior goal making it 3-0. Dollingstown came out the blocks in the second half, McGurgan and Kane getting forward and a nice through ball forward to Kane saw him fire the ball into the bottom right corner but he was offside, albeit a promising start. Tommy Smyth cleared the Glenavon corner and Nicky Quinn brought it forward before sending a long ball to Sheridan whose shot was saved from close range, it should have been a goal. Johnny McGurgan shot over the bar from outside the box but the build up play was good and Smyth seemed to shine playing alongside Nicky Quinn today. Dollingstown will be happy the season is over and move forward for next season. It's likely it will be another tough season for The Dolly Birds but if they can recruit well, they could build on this season's finish.
PLAYER RATINGS
FINAL LEAGUE TABLE 2037/38
BLUEFIN SPORT CHAMPIONSHIP 2037/38
BLUEFIN SPORT PREMIER INTERMEDIATE LEAGUE 2037/38
BET MCLEAN LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
NORTHERN IRISH MID ULSTER CUP WINNERS
NORTHERN IRISH CUP WINNERS
END OF SEASON AWARDS
END OF SEASON STATS
JimmyJeffers
Player Valuation: £70m
Not surprised to see Jimmy Boyd with the worst discipline
Look at his evil face. Heard he was an orphaned baby who was swapped at the hospital. Has his own dressing room I hear and I’ve heard word his team mates can hear him singing Iron Maiden and Def Leppard, really high pitched.
The mighty Quinn
JimmyJeffers
Player Valuation: £70m
Not keen on his ear piercing. Dunno what’s wrong with the youth these days.
Social media snowflakes. Every. Single. One.
Not like the Coasters. Real men those boys.
UTFC
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Missed out on promotion to The Championship. Comfortably beaten by Notts County in the Play-Off Semi Final.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
I think it's a sex thing. I heard he goes off to Portadown for it's bohemian swinging scene.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
PRE-SEASON STARTS
Euan, welcome back to Dollingstown, how was your break?
EH: It was refreshing and nice to take time away from football, plus the World Cup is bringing some really good enjoyment, especially seeing Scotland beating Germany in the knock out stages and then to beat Brazil in extra time in the next round! I think we can beat South Africa in the quarters but fingers crossed! Aside from that it's been nice to spend time with my family and have a holiday.
Euan, welcome back to Dollingstown, how was your break?
EH: It was refreshing and nice to take time away from football, plus the World Cup is bringing some really good enjoyment, especially seeing Scotland beating Germany in the knock out stages and then to beat Brazil in extra time in the next round! I think we can beat South Africa in the quarters but fingers crossed! Aside from that it's been nice to spend time with my family and have a holiday.
How's your first day going back at Dollingstown?
EH: The players are back, they're happy. Today they'll be in with the physio and we'll do some light training this afternoon. Our pre-season games start next week so we'll begin preparing for that.
The transfer window opens in a few days, have you got your targets identified?
EH: There are players we watched last season in positions we know we need to add depth. We've been looking at the back more than in attack but if there is a Striker who takes our eye, we'll take a closer look. There'll be opportunities for younger squad members to join our affiliates on loan, Police Service of Northern Ireland play in The Premier Intermediate League and we will offer players to them throughout the season to gain some first team experience.
Last season you stayed up even though everyone said you couldn't do it. Although it was a successful season, what will be different this season?
EH: The players have gelled, they have had time to play with each other and we had to learn as we went along last season. The results were down to pure hard work from the lads, they put the work in and got us to safety but that was always going to take time. They were reserve team players making a big step up, we had young players 16,17 playing their first senior football and we asked a lot of them. We are still building the team here and we are hoping it's not going to be as difficult as it was last season.
There's a real buzz around the place, I felt it as soon as I came in, is that down to yours and Duncan's influence?
EH: Possibly but we've also brought players here who want to play in the top flight and have that quality. Last season we saw the emergence of Paul Dunne from the academy and we signed Tommy Smyth who is so intelligent beyond his years. They're young but they're ready and they play without fear. We've got experience here too to guide them and myself and Duncan are full of words of advice.
Scotland went on to beat South Africa and were beaten in the semi-finals by Argentina. England won the World Cup for the first time since 1966.
EH: The players are back, they're happy. Today they'll be in with the physio and we'll do some light training this afternoon. Our pre-season games start next week so we'll begin preparing for that.
The transfer window opens in a few days, have you got your targets identified?
EH: There are players we watched last season in positions we know we need to add depth. We've been looking at the back more than in attack but if there is a Striker who takes our eye, we'll take a closer look. There'll be opportunities for younger squad members to join our affiliates on loan, Police Service of Northern Ireland play in The Premier Intermediate League and we will offer players to them throughout the season to gain some first team experience.
Last season you stayed up even though everyone said you couldn't do it. Although it was a successful season, what will be different this season?
EH: The players have gelled, they have had time to play with each other and we had to learn as we went along last season. The results were down to pure hard work from the lads, they put the work in and got us to safety but that was always going to take time. They were reserve team players making a big step up, we had young players 16,17 playing their first senior football and we asked a lot of them. We are still building the team here and we are hoping it's not going to be as difficult as it was last season.
There's a real buzz around the place, I felt it as soon as I came in, is that down to yours and Duncan's influence?
EH: Possibly but we've also brought players here who want to play in the top flight and have that quality. Last season we saw the emergence of Paul Dunne from the academy and we signed Tommy Smyth who is so intelligent beyond his years. They're young but they're ready and they play without fear. We've got experience here too to guide them and myself and Duncan are full of words of advice.
Scotland went on to beat South Africa and were beaten in the semi-finals by Argentina. England won the World Cup for the first time since 1966.