Hi guys, I've had a hearty breakfast of pepsi and a family bag of maltesers so I'm fuelled and ready to provide an update on Everton related transfers for you.
So we'll start with the potential incomings shall we, firstly what sounds like the love child of
Oumar Niasse and
Idrissa Gueye is linked with Marcel Brands apparently making an offer for Oussama Idrissi. He's a winger playing for AZ Alkmaar in Holland and the most interesting part of the rumour is that I've learnt the name of the AZ manager, Arne Slot, which for unknown reasons makes me laugh a lot.
Next up is the ongoing rumour that we'll be signing
Everton hahahahahaha Now that I've got over the hilarity of
Everton potentially signing Everton and having read approximately 48,000 similar hilarious references to it I've established that I have no idea where he plays, who he plays for and whether he's any good. I have however spent many hours rolling on the floor with excitement at the possibility that he plays for Everton in Chile just so we can all laugh at Everton signing
Everton from Everton. PMSL Indeed.
It appears another target, former Liverpool player
Emre Can is likely heading for Dortmund after realising that he'd rather play for a football team than whatever it was he witnessed against Newcastle, in a strange turn of events there's a video playing above the Emre Can rumour on the ever reliable Daily Star website which has forced this transfer update to come to an abrupt end, more news once I've cleaned my screen.
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OK so after that all too brief interlude back to the transfer rumours.....
Continuing the theme of linking potential incomings to hilarious puns and other similar tomfoolery we're linked with
Evander today, I've watched 30 seconds of his youtube video and concluded we should probably sign him, if only to be able to shout about how he has landed the knockout blow when he scores the winner. It'll be a gloriously cringey day when Bill Kenwright introduces him and says how glad he'll be that
Evander gets to play on the 'Holyfield' that is Goodison Park.
It's looking quieter on the outgoings sadly as just about every club in every league in the land has sussed that none of our players are worthy of a contract, good news for
Jordan Pickford though on a personal front as he was cast in the next Jurassic Park movie so will relinquish goalkeeping duties with immediate effect.
More news as and when we get it, or I'll just copy and paste this and post again tomorrow.