Jokes Thread

[AndyC]

A couple are out and walk past a real swanky, expensive restaurant.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked, "It smells absolutely delicious."

Being a kind-hearted husband and something of a romantic on the quiet, he thought to himself, 'what the heck, I'll treat her.'







So, they turned around and walked past it again.

lollol

 

[JammyP]

Noddy isn't global?

 

[Blue Piper]

Years back the road tax was every quarter,and for every quarter there used to be
a different colour,and one was a sand coloured one, so whe ever that came around it was on with the Guiness label, I was approaching the tunnel when a
scuffed jumped out, and said will you give me a lift to the other side, he was sitting there with this Guinness label just above his headand the sweat was ruining off me, he got out the other end and said "you need to take something,you have got the flu coming on.

Am afraid I haven't a clue what this one's about

 

[JammyP]

Am afraid I haven't a clue what this one's about

? scuffer (not scuffed) = copper/ old bill, .... head and...

my best guess.

Quite funny then

1950's quarterly tax disc
old guiness label:

 

[Blue Piper]

? scuffer (not scuffed) = copper/ old bill, .... head and...
View attachment 51244View attachment 51245
my best guess.

Quite funny then

1950's quarterly tax disc
View attachment 51246old guiness label:View attachment 51247

Thanks Jammy - So this driver was using an old guinness label instead of a tax disc.

Makes sense now.

Thanks

 

[-Rob-]

Am afraid I haven't a clue what this one's about

I think @royalblue66 had a few pints of Guinness before typing that out.

 

[Ducans elbow]

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, " Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality." and is great with the kids.

 

[deipnosophist]

Two guys meet in the gym and one says: Why are you putting on a corset?

The other says: My wife found it in in the glove compartment of my car.

I am still smiling at this ...thank you

 

[Kurt.]

Was in the gym this morning and noticed a hole in my trainer ..... just big enough to poke my finger in.

Unfortunately she has now reported me and I’m banned from the gym for life

 

[blueloon]

 

[BlueIsTheColour]

why did the pie cross the road?


Because he was meat'n onion

 

[toffeemax]

 

[summerisle]

 

[aazak]

Man: "Thank you for that glass of milk earlier."

Sperm bank employee: "What glass of milk?"

Man: "The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk."

Sperm bank employee: "Oh my god."

Man: "What?"

Sperm bank employee: "You drank my glass of milk."

 

[tommytowne]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

The really annoying interrupting cow!

Really annoy. ........

Moooooo.