Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
What's in the bag that's warm and soft then?
Did you sort out your wifi?
Death
I'll take down dat coal powered MG, I tel u Hwat
You’re still safe just don’t make any spelling correction to that if you intended it another way.
mumwasablue
Player Valuation: £750k
I was in the chemist and asked the assistant,"What gets rid of corona virus?"
She replied "
Ammonia cleaner"
I said sorry ,"I thought you worked here."
She replied "
Ammonia cleaner"
I said sorry ,"I thought you worked here."
mumwasablue
Player Valuation: £750k
A dyslexic terrorist has stormed London Zoo.
He has taken 6 ostriches.
He has taken 6 ostriches.
Bishop Thumpety-Thump
Player Valuation: £15m
One herb plant said to another, 'enjoy the sunshine while you can, eventually we'll end up in somebody's recipe'.
It was sage advice.
It was sage advice.
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar… FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s alligator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.” The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Where zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."
So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “what's in the box”. The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.” So of course the bartender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bartender asks “hey! that's pretty cool, where did ya’ get that?” The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.” So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a genie and a lamp” The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that genie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.” The man says “Oh, Okay!” The bartender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bartender the lamp. The bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?” The bartender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. “What the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!” And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”
Billysgingham.
Player Valuation: £40m
A man who cant stop singer Frank Sinatra songs has been diagnosed with crooner virus.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.
I thought to myself, well this changes everything.
I thought to myself, well this changes everything.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
What did the drummer call his two daughters ?
Anna one Anna two.
Anna one Anna two.
canuckblue
Player Valuation: £50m
What did the Spanish firefighter call his twin sons?
Jose and Hose B.
Jose and Hose B.
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but it's driving me nuts".