Jokes Thread

[Noisy noise annoys]

Why did cliff richard get his arse waxed?
So he could have a Anita Harris

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

The manager of an office wants to motivate his staff so he puts up a sign saying "THINK" above the basin in the staff restroom.

Upon returning, he finds a new sign above the dispenser saying "THOAP"

 

[Joey66]

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

View attachment 134164

You sure they aren't watching Everton?

 

[anjelikaferrett]

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

 

[Joey66]

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

 

[Kurt.]

We were so poor that as a child I had to use a broken calculator at school. It was missing the X button. Times were hard

 

[blueloon]

Just back from Tokyo, I took some wire, a couple of posts, hammer and nails - got a bronze in the Fencing.

 

[summerisle]

lol

 

[gonetomorrow]

What do you call a bear with no paw?
Rupert the Bstard.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

Just discovered the company that make yardsticks, don't make them any longer....

 

[kev]

Just discovered the company that make yardsticks, don't make them any longer....

My yardstick has a bend in it. It's OK though, I don't use it as a rule.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

My yardstick has a bend in it. It's OK though, I don't use it as a rule.

lol

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

I was driving past a field the other day and saw a scarecrow trying to have a w*nk, I thought to myself that f*ckers clutching at straws!

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. Both crews ended up marooned