My neighbour has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally sit on the fence over this argument.......
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
What do a short-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common? - A wet nose......
Ihaters
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aazak
Player Valuation: £20m
For some reason the photo reminded me of this:
A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk proud! Walk proud!”
An old bloke in the nursing home couldn't talk. One day, while he was sitting in a chair, a nurse walked by and noticed that he was leaning to the right.
She sat him upright in his chair and told him to sit still.
A while later, the nurse came by again, and this time she noticed that he was leaning to the left. She straightened him up and told him again to sit still, or else he might fall out of his chair.
The next time she made her rounds, she saw the old guy leaning forward, about to topple headfirst to the floor, so she tied him into the chair for his own good.
Later on in the day, his daughter came to visit, and seeing her father strapped into his chair, asked him what was wrong. The old bloke handed her a note, which she unfolded and read.
It said, "They won't let me fart."
She sat him upright in his chair and told him to sit still.
A while later, the nurse came by again, and this time she noticed that he was leaning to the left. She straightened him up and told him again to sit still, or else he might fall out of his chair.
The next time she made her rounds, she saw the old guy leaning forward, about to topple headfirst to the floor, so she tied him into the chair for his own good.
Later on in the day, his daughter came to visit, and seeing her father strapped into his chair, asked him what was wrong. The old bloke handed her a note, which she unfolded and read.
It said, "They won't let me fart."
Whilst German philosopher Karl Marx is rightfully acclaimed as an economist, historian, political theorist, and socialist revolutionary, his sister Onya has received very little acknowledgment for her accomplishment of inventing the starting pistol
I was totally against organ transplants but I’ve since had a change of heart.
OMG another Beano joke - fell out my pram when I first heard that joke ....
Is that where you landed on your head then ?
Predictable did you get that out of the Beano too?
Wowzer lolare they related to you lol
That's a funnier post than the original joke, I must dig out my Beano comic collection lol
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Mike Stirling, editorial director at The Beano, said: “The hunt to find the UK’s funniest primary school class is on.”
2. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus.
3. What did the policeman say to his tummy? Freeze you’re under a vest.
4. Doctor, Doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together then.
5. What’s the fastest vegetable? A runner bean!
6. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
7. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
8. What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer.
9. Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle!
10. Do you want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
11. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? No need to cry, it’s only me!
13. What happens when an egg hears a joke? It cracks up!
14. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Two-thirty!
15. What’s black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.
16. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
17. Doctor! Doctor! I keep seeing spinning insects! Don’t worry, there’s a bug going round.
18. What do you call a tiger at the North Pole? Lost!
19. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
20. How do footballers stay cool? They sit down next to their fans!
The top 20 funniest jokes of all time, according to kids:
1. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!2. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus.
3. What did the policeman say to his tummy? Freeze you’re under a vest.
4. Doctor, Doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together then.
5. What’s the fastest vegetable? A runner bean!
6. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
7. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
8. What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer.
9. Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle!
10. Do you want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
11. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? No need to cry, it’s only me!
13. What happens when an egg hears a joke? It cracks up!
14. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Two-thirty!
15. What’s black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.
16. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
17. Doctor! Doctor! I keep seeing spinning insects! Don’t worry, there’s a bug going round.
18. What do you call a tiger at the North Pole? Lost!
19. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
20. How do footballers stay cool? They sit down next to their fans!