Jokes Thread

[Methuselah]

As some of the jokes on here are a bit long in the tooth, I thought I would put this one on on the basis that it is so old, not many will have heard it!

The flying doctor in Australia got a radio call from a farmer who lived about 300 miles out in the outback. He flew out and checked the guy over. He left him a note with instructions to provide samples and said he would call again the next day. After he had gone the farmer discussed the note with his wife. It said he had to provide samples of urine, stools and semen. Neither of them had a clue as to what that meant. Farmers wife said 'radio grandson, he's got a GCE in metalwork, he'll know.' They got on the radio to grandson and read out the doctor's note to him. 'No probs' said grandson, 'he just wants to borrow your pyjama trousers.'

 

[johnjoeefc]

My mate said I need to stop my obsession with buddy Holly. I said 'pfft, that'll be the day.'

 

[Sadken]

Two dogs walking down the road,one turns to the other and says, ' do you use contraceptives'? The other dog says 'no, do you rex'.?

 

[summerisle]

 

[ste d' indica]

 

[Sadken]

I have just bought the new Rick Astley board game, I was looking for the instructions but it just said...you know the rules and so do I.

 

[witchdoc187]

I have just bought the new Rick Astley board game, I was looking for the instructions but it just said...you know the rules and so do I.

Blimey that's really really bad mate even for this thread

 

[tommytowne]

Saw this guy walking round with a cat flap on his head.
Must have been dyslexic.

 

[gonetomorrow]

Pupil: Sir? You wouldn't punish someone for something they hadn't done would you?

Teacher: No of course not.

Pupil: Oh good because I haven't done my homework.

 

[Toast]

 

[Joey66]

How does a Hippie polygamist count his wives ?

1 Mrs Hippie 2 Mrs Hippie 3 Mrs Hippie ….

Been on the Beano again

 

[Kurt.]

Been on the Beano again

If you ask nicely I’ll explain the joke to you ?

 

[Joey66]

If you ask nicely I’ll explain the joke to you ?

I will ask my Grandson to get out of his pram & you can explain it to him

 

[Kurt.]

I will ask my Grandson to get out of his pram & you can explain it to him

Good idea… he can then explain to you in your own good time ??

 

[summerisle]