Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

[blue1948]

Pete you’ve been doing marvellous but it sounds like it’s time to take any help you can get. When my father in law lived with us we managed well for many years , but as he approached 90 he had a spell in hospital and took a downward turn as he had vascular dementia.They wouldn’t let him out of hospital until a care package was in place, this consisted of Carers coming in three times a day . It took some getting used to having different people in the house but they took responsibility for helping him in the morning and last thing at night. There is a degree of intrusiveness with external carers but it is worth considering carefully.Good luck with getting things sorted .

There is a time for everything in life and although I accept it is awkward having strangers in the house the help given is the payment . Well done you for doing what you did for many years .

 

[jazzy]

Thanks, probably pride on my behalf I suppose. But many carers take a similar outlook…….

Pete , were you like me , a bit stubborn and thinking that you can do it all and that I don't know a sense of honour or duty ( maybe not duty ) dictated that you don't need help?

I've now come around to the view that I will take any help I can get for mum.

 

[jazzy]

I so hope you will get the help you so badly need. When we first became concerned that our Mum was becoming forgetful we took her to the GP, after examining her a visit to the memory clinic was recommended. We were told there would be a long wait for an appointment but after about six months we enquired as to how long we Mum was likely to wait to be told she would be seen but no indication of when. In the meantime Mum had a fall and a subsequent broken hip, The hip healed but the post operative delirium never cleared. Apparently they are looking into a possible link to anaesthetic and the acceleration of dementia. When she came home my brothers did her day to day care, meals etc . and I used to go round to do her personal care, luckily I was only a ten minute walk away. We never received any help as we were still waiting on the memory clinic for a diagnosis. She was then hospitalised for a chest infection, something we had to fight for as the G P was reluctant to refer her but it was becoming impossible for us to give her the care she needed. She improved at first but then went downhill and when it became obvious she was near the end we requested she be sent home. We were offered a carer for 20 minutes in the morning and again in the evening for a few days after that we must organise our own. As it turned out the carers weren’t needed as Mum passed away in her beloved home a few hours after returning from hospital. We got the appointment for the memory clinic some weeks later and also an application for carers allowance subject to a diagnosis. Unfortunately I feel our story is all too common.

Oh G , that's so sad and difficult to read and accept.

I know the NHS is massively overstretched and Drs and nurses are working incredibly hard but I have always found that Drs hate to be challenged and pushed ( metaphorically of course) and that's something that fortunately came / comes naturally to me.

Being assertive without being rude and aggressive has produced results in my family history ( especially with Mrs Js problems) but it shouldn't have to be that way.

 

[Val P]

Oh G , that's so sad and difficult to read and accept.

I know the NHS is massively overstretched and Drs and nurses are working incredibly hard but I have always found that Drs hate to be challenged and pushed ( metaphorically of course) and that's something that fortunately came / comes naturally to me.

Being assertive without being rude and aggressive has produced results in my family history ( especially with Mrs Js problems) but it shouldn't have to be that way.

You’re absolutely right @jazzy, sometimes you have to be assertive but it’s very difficult for people who this doesn’t come naturally to, particularly when it’s the medics who people assume are always right. It’s a good few years now since my husband had his first episode of cancer and I am sure that if I hadn’t known how the system works and what should be happening when and by whom the outcome would have been catastrophic - it was bad enough as it was. Working in the nhs for so long was a bonus, as well as my experience with CQC. I always tell people to contact the hospital’s PALS (patient advocacy and liaison services) as they are there for any query or concern, not just complaints.

 

[Val P]

Just back from the hospital. She looked a lot better, but obviously still not knowing anything that’s going on and sleeping most of the time I was there. I got to feed her at lunch and evening meal and her appetite is back but she can’t feed herself. The antibiotics are being given intravenously and I’ve spent the day answering questions about how she normally is etc. I was asked what support I’ve been given and I had to reply none. This seemed to generate more questions and a number of other medics delving further. One guy asked about my wife’s movement and I tried to explain that I was having to move her feet by hand, step by step. The result of all this seems to be that some degree of support, visitors, bathing, handrails etc may be coming our way, all of which I’ve managed so far, but of course I’m not getting any younger. I expect a bit may happen now. What saddens me is that in the two years since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s there has been no follow up. I can’t understand why my GP hasn’t asked similar questions and I’m seriously concerned over how other carers are coping. When I get this and my wife sorted I’m going to throw my time into asking questions on behalf of other unpaid carers from our medical and political hierarchy……,sorry for dropping this on you, but I’m looking at an empty chair where my beautiful wife would normally be sitting. Anyway it’s off to the hospital again early tomorrow and hopefully another slight improvement……,,,

I’m glad to hear there’s been some improvement and I implore you to accept some help. I’m astounded that you have had no previous offers of help given the level of dependency she is experiencing. This must be heartbreaking for you being separated. You are very much in my thoughts.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Just back from the hospital. She looked a lot better, but obviously still not knowing anything that’s going on and sleeping most of the time I was there. I got to feed her at lunch and evening meal and her appetite is back but she can’t feed herself. The antibiotics are being given intravenously and I’ve spent the day answering questions about how she normally is etc. I was asked what support I’ve been given and I had to reply none. This seemed to generate more questions and a number of other medics delving further. One guy asked about my wife’s movement and I tried to explain that I was having to move her feet by hand, step by step. The result of all this seems to be that some degree of support, visitors, bathing, handrails etc may be coming our way, all of which I’ve managed so far, but of course I’m not getting any younger. I expect a bit may happen now. What saddens me is that in the two years since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s there has been no follow up. I can’t understand why my GP hasn’t asked similar questions and I’m seriously concerned over how other carers are coping. When I get this and my wife sorted I’m going to throw my time into asking questions on behalf of other unpaid carers from our medical and political hierarchy……,sorry for dropping this on you, but I’m looking at an empty chair where my beautiful wife would normally be sitting. Anyway it’s off to the hospital again early tomorrow and hopefully another slight improvement……,,,

I can only echo what others have said - take the help and equipment that is on offer. It will not only help your wife but also yourself. I'm glad you have seen an improvement in her today, a little better each day and you will soon have her home.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Good evening everyone. How is everybody? All good here in the Ferrett household. Charlotte has her 20 week scan tomorrow so we will know what she's having - assuming she tells us!
I also started the partial retirement process today- I filled in the initial form for my employer so they can approve what I want to do or discuss a different working pattern- business need and all that stuff. Once that's done I apply to the Civil Service pension department to get the pension figures and take it from there. It's all very exciting. My plan is to drop to 21 hours a week and work Wed - Fri.
We're off out tonight with our friends who we usually go on holiday with. There's 10 of us. The pub we go to is lovely- I've never had a bad meal yet £26.95 for 3 courses. I'm having pate, salmon and Christmas pudding.Mr F is going for soup, turkey and Christmas pudding.
Tomorrow morning I will be going to the gym and also for a swim!
Have a lovely night x

 

[Val P]

Good evening everyone. How is everybody? All good here in the Ferrett household. Charlotte has her 20 week scan tomorrow so we will know what she's having - assuming she tells us!
I also started the partial retirement process today- I filled in the initial form for my employer so they can approve what I want to do or discuss a different working pattern- business need and all that stuff. Once that's done I apply to the Civil Service pension department to get the pension figures and take it from there. It's all very exciting. My plan is to drop to 21 hours a week and work Wed - Fri.
We're off out tonight with our friends who we usually go on holiday with. There's 10 of us. The pub we go to is lovely- I've never had a bad meal yet £26.95 for 3 courses. I'm having pate, salmon and Christmas pudding.Mr F is going for soup, turkey and Christmas pudding.
Tomorrow morning I will be going to the gym and also for a swim!
Have a lovely night x

That’s very exciting - applying for pension details (I’ve never regretted one single moment of finishing early), finding out (or not) what sex your grandchild is going to be ( this tops everything else ever ) and a night out to boot. Have a great time

 

[Val P]

Bit of a random post. When I was a little girl I used to watch the Lipizzana horses on tv at the Spanish Riding School in Vienna and today I got to go and see them train and practice their skills. An unforgettable moment in my life and I have to say I got quite emotional. They wouldn’t let us take pictures of them training but the arena was stunning in itself. A great day.

 

[peteblue]

Again, just back from the hospital. My wife looked slightly better and the antibiotics seem to be helping. They’ve put her in a separate room today. The physio couple tried to get her out of bed but of course they were speaking to her as though she didn’t have Alzheimer’s and she just couldn’t comprehend. I showed them how I get her up by physicality moving her legs off the bed then on the count of three lifting her up. She seemed fine standing but we put her into a seat. I knew she wanted to hold my hands, stand up and move but she was connected to oxygen and numerous other leads so we couldn’t. Anyway I’d fed her her lunch so by now she was wanting to sleep so my son and I put her back in bed and she went to sleep. I’m ashamed to say I fell asleep as well. Anyway tomorrow is another day and I’m hoping for another small improvement. The nursing staff have been wonderful but it feels as though they have never dealt with an acute Alzheimer’s sufferer even though they must have done. It’s really opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge and support required for what is now the UK’s biggest cause of death. We don’t do politics in here for good reason, but certain politicians are going to get a right ear bending from myself…. Anyway enough of my whinging……

 

[peteblue]

Morning all, and a big thank you for all your support and experiences as it really helps. I appreciate that it must have been difficult to be reminded of some of your personal experiences and pain, but I’ve been finding that others relaying their own experiences and opinions helps tremendously. Again, thank you all for your best wishes for both my wife and myself during this difficult situation… Pete

 

[Gwladysover]

Again, just back from the hospital. My wife looked slightly better and the antibiotics seem to be helping. They’ve put her in a separate room today. The physio couple tried to get her out of bed but of course they were speaking to her as though she didn’t have Alzheimer’s and she just couldn’t comprehend. I showed them how I get her up by physicality moving her legs off the bed then on the count of three lifting her up. She seemed fine standing but we put her into a seat. I knew she wanted to hold my hands, stand up and move but she was connected to oxygen and numerous other leads so we couldn’t. Anyway I’d fed her her lunch so by now she was wanting to sleep so my son and I put her back in bed and she went to sleep. I’m ashamed to say I fell asleep as well. Anyway tomorrow is another day and I’m hoping for another small improvement. The nursing staff have been wonderful but it feels as though they have never dealt with an acute Alzheimer’s sufferer even though they must have done. It’s really opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge and support required for what is now the UK’s biggest cause of death. We don’t do politics in here for good reason, but certain politicians are going to get a right ear bending from myself…. Anyway enough of my whinging……

Pleased to hear Mrs Pete is slightly better, long may it continue. No need to feel ashamed about falling asleep if anyone deserves a rest surely it must be you and no apologies needed for whinging, I’m sure none of us consider it so. We are all keen to hear how things are progressing and no good ever came of bottling things up. Sorry if that came across as preachy- wasn’t meant that way.

 

[Gwladysover]

An exc

Good evening everyone. How is everybody? All good here in the Ferrett household. Charlotte has her 20 week scan tomorrow so we will know what she's having - assuming she tells us!
I also started the partial retirement process today- I filled in the initial form for my employer so they can approve what I want to do or discuss a different working pattern- business need and all that stuff. Once that's done I apply to the Civil Service pension department to get the pension figures and take it from there. It's all very exciting. My plan is to drop to 21 hours a week and work Wed - Fri.
We're off out tonight with our friends who we usually go on holiday with. There's 10 of us. The pub we go to is lovely- I've never had a bad meal yet £26.95 for 3 courses. I'm having pate, salmon and Christmas pudding.Mr F is going for soup, turkey and Christmas pudding.
Tomorrow morning I will be going to the gym and also for a swim!
Have a lovely night x

Exciting times and a busy day ahead. Think of all the extra Grandma cuddles if you are no longer working full time. Hope you enjoyed your meal.

 

[blue1948]

Good evening everyone. How is everybody? All good here in the Ferrett household. Charlotte has her 20 week scan tomorrow so we will know what she's having - assuming she tells us!
I also started the partial retirement process today- I filled in the initial form for my employer so they can approve what I want to do or discuss a different working pattern- business need and all that stuff. Once that's done I apply to the Civil Service pension department to get the pension figures and take it from there. It's all very exciting. My plan is to drop to 21 hours a week and work Wed - Fri.
We're off out tonight with our friends who we usually go on holiday with. There's 10 of us. The pub we go to is lovely- I've never had a bad meal yet £26.95 for 3 courses. I'm having pate, salmon and Christmas pudding.Mr F is going for soup, turkey and Christmas pudding.
Tomorrow morning I will be going to the gym and also for a swim!
Have a lovely night x

My wife opted for Mon -Wed and delighted in wishing them all nice weekend on Wed afternoon ,she said the looks were special .Get it done and enjoy the meal.

Again, just back from the hospital. My wife looked slightly better and the antibiotics seem to be helping. They’ve put her in a separate room today. The physio couple tried to get her out of bed but of course they were speaking to her as though she didn’t have Alzheimer’s and she just couldn’t comprehend. I showed them how I get her up by physicality moving her legs off the bed then on the count of three lifting her up. She seemed fine standing but we put her into a seat. I knew she wanted to hold my hands, stand up and move but she was connected to oxygen and numerous other leads so we couldn’t. Anyway I’d fed her her lunch so by now she was wanting to sleep so my son and I put her back in bed and she went to sleep. I’m ashamed to say I fell asleep as well. Anyway tomorrow is another day and I’m hoping for another small improvement. The nursing staff have been wonderful but it feels as though they have never dealt with an acute Alzheimer’s sufferer even though they must have done. It’s really opened my eyes to the lack of knowledge and support required for what is now the UK’s biggest cause of death. We don’t do politics in here for good reason, but certain politicians are going to get a right ear bending from myself…. Anyway enough of my whinging……

If anyone on here deserves a nap it is you Pete .Smashing to hear your wife is getting a bit better ,no comment on the staff it has all been said before . Stay strong that sleepy man .

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Hello everybody. We are going to be getting a grandson. Very excited- now I need to work on how to turn him into an Evertonian!! Daddy is a Middlesbrough supporter. It is all very exciting.
This morning I went to the gym. I worked out how to pre program the treadmill so did a proper workout - running was involved. Then I went swimming and then I joined an aqua aerobics class and met a nearly ( next month) 93 year old who did 4 classes a week! Unbelievable. I was in awe. I've also finished wrapping my presents. So, a very productive day. I feel like it could be bedtime soon though.
Last night's meal was lovely. Good food, good company- it doesn't get much better than that.
I'm pleased Mrs Pete showed further improvement today @peteblue . I think the problem in hospitals is that they can treat the symptoms of your wife's chest infection- I'm guessing she's on a ward that specifically deals with that but they may not have the resources or skills to deal with her Alzheimer’s. Their main focus is making people better but when they can't do that, things become more difficult. We had this with my Mum when she was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. While she was on a general ward, things were very patchy - they didn't know what to do with her. Then she was moved to the palliative care ward it was completely different. The staff there knew that their patients were not going to get better and reacted accordingly. It was a lovely calm serene atmosphere. So I think what I'm trying to say is that your wife probably needs to see other people to help with her Alzheimer’s. I fully agree however about how little help is available for carers. One of my best moments as a union rep was being on the team that successfully campaigned and negotiated a carers leave policy which gave carers up to 10 days leave for caring duties if required and time to attend appointments with the person they were caring for. Previously they had to use their own time.