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Newspaper stories to make us laugh...

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Donald Twain said:
What about me?
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Just keep up the exercises.

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summerisle said:
Everton's stadium fit for a king


EVERTON have been given permission to build a 55,000-capacity stadium on the Mersey waterfront at King's Dock.

The club have six months to prove the £155 million scheme is viable and put the finance in place but Bill Kenwright, the Everton owner and deputy chairman,is confident the move will go ahead.

Kenwright said: "We have the opportunity to have the finest arena, the finest football stadium, in the world - it's mind-blowing. Every time we look it gets better. There is a real vision behind these plans and I aim to ensure that vision becomes a reality.

"We have spent a great deal of time on these plans already and visited a number of other arenas around the world, like the Amsterdam ArenA, to give us a better idea of what we are working with. The experts have told us in no uncertain terms it can be a success. I'm very excited.

"I'm sure Arsenal or Leeds, who are also working towards new stadiums, would be delighted to have the opportunity we now have. We are not going to let this chance pass us by."

Paul Gregg, an Everton director, said: "The key to the success of the King's Dock is to create a major attraction of international significance on the waterfront, raising the profile of Liverpool while providing the facilities for local, regional and international visitors."

Everton will hope the building of the stadium, about five miles from Goodison Park, goes smoother than yesterday's announcement in an office block housing a Titanic exhibition.

A promotional video opened with a shot of Francis Jeffers, who joined Arsenal last month, while, within moments of Kenwright's closing speech, an information panel broke free of its wall mounting and crashed to the floor.

Everton hope to be playing at their new home by 2005. The new stadium - yet to be named but likely to include a corporate sponsor in its title - will boast a sliding roof, moving tiers of seats and a retractable pitch.

Everton have already encountered fierce objections from residents of the affluent Albert Dock area near the proposed site and potential traffic and parking problems at the riverside venue have become a major issue.

The development will including parking space for just 2,800 cars and there will only be one major road in and out of the complex.

Everton, meanwhile, have rejected Middlesbrough's offer of £3 million plus Paul Ince for defender Michael Ball.
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Haha... Hilarious if that actually happened.
 

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