Off the coast of Sardinia now. Anyone at Cagliari we are after?
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Off the coast of Sardinia now. Anyone at Cagliari we are after?
Was just going to ask when everyone thought he would walk in protest this Summer/season proper.Can see him walking out this season
Ronald Koeman: A Life in Perspective
No doubt one of the greatest players to ever wear the number 4 was the legendary Ronald Koeman. He is perhaps the only player in history to be completely forgiven for defensive lapses thanks to a disgustingly prolific number of goals. His career will always be exemplified by his extra time freekick that won Barcelona the 1992 European Cup – their first. But we have to wonder, where would the Barca Bomber be if not for his footballing career? What if he twisted his ankle as a tyke and gave up on the sport? Or the Ajax scout called in sick? What if Ronald Koeman were just your average Joe? We take a crack at these questions with our own best guesses in this photo journal. Pulitzer Committee, we’re still waiting on our phone call!
…
Ronald Koeman is born on March 21, 1963 near the town of Zaandam in the Netherlands. As an infant, he is wrapped in blankets, placed in a basket, and put on a train with a note taped to his breast – “Whatever happens, don’t let this child play football.” He’ll never see his parents again.
At the age of 18, Ronald leaves the Netherlands forever and travels to England. He buses tables with a lad named David at a London diner. When the two are introduced, David cannot understand Ronald’s thick Dutch accent and mistakenly believes his name is “Ziggy Stardust.” Suddenly inspired, David records his first album and leaves the restaurant business for good. Some years later, Ronald fills in for Bowie as a body double at one of his stadium concerts.
The concert is a disaster – Koeman can’t carry a tune. Bowie asks, “Can’t you sing?!” but this time it’s Ronald’s turn to mishear his friend. Concerned that his swing isn’t good enough, he takes up golfing, going pro after only a few years. Not to be outdone by Jack Nicklaus, Koeman assumes the nickname “The Orange Bear” and places in the Top 10 exactly 0 times.
After ten unsuccessful years, Koeman decides to hang up his…clubs…but doesn’t want to leave the game for good. He caddies celebrity tournaments, living off tips and a meager wage. At the American Century, Bob Hope notices his skills. “You’ve got what it takes to tote, kid. Have you thought about valeting?”
Koeman gives it a shot and finally feels like he’s found his place in the world. He would later say, “I get to drive cars a few hundred meters into a garage, run back to my station, and hand patrons a claim ticket. What more could a man want out of life?” Minister fur Grappig Stropdassen (Minister of Funny Ties) Hans van der Smoot commends the young blue-collar lad for his tenacity in working without a flag-themed bowtie – professional suicide at the time. van der Smoot offers Koeman a large sum of money to pursue any business venture he chooses.
Thanking the minister for his generous gift, Ronald thinks long and hard about his investment. “I never want anyone to experience my childhood,” he tells himself, and establishes a foundation to prevent infants from being left in public transit. Koeman sponsors the first (and last) annual March on Children. The foundation collapses after only a few weeks when no one utilizes its services.
Disheartened, Koeman spirals into a deep depression. Looking back on his life, he wonders if anyone will remember his name when he’s gone. Suddenly, with a flash of inspiration, he knows exactly what to do. Ronald phones up van der Smoot and begs for more money. The minister, who has a surprisingly large budget, agrees immediately, remembering fondly the night they met and talked about bowties. With a sum of cash and a dream, Ronald Koeman finally figures it out. And he’s never been happier.
Posted without comment.
Was just going to ask when everyone thought he would walk in protest this Summer/season proper.
Naturally, you are already there
There must be an outside chance he walks before the season starts?
Ronald Koeman has shown his class several times in his short Everton career.
* Brilliant start to the season - 4/4 wins and up at the top end of the league
* Not signing Joe Hart for £40M/Extortionate loan fee and giving Robles/Stek some time/a chance
* Giving Mori a chance when he could do so and bringing him back into the fold despite our good start
* Bringing in Tom Davies
* Trusting Tom Davies would be mature about being subbed in the first-half against Arsenal
* Trusting Ross Barkley to not be affected by comments he made
* Giving Ross Barkley 32 premier league starts out of 38 league games - despite some media/fans perception that he is against him
* Defending/protecting Ross Barkley after the nightclub punch incident
* Getting the best out of Lukaku, who showed his happiness on the field with his best-ever PL season, while protecting the club's position and not worrying about the possibility of him moving, because he was aware of Lukaku's mindset
* Giving games to Holgate and not criticising him overly due to a couple of errors
* Giving us our pride back about being a big club with a big history (RM deserves respect for that too because he raised expectations)
* Taking Jagielka out of the team to give him rest/protection due to his age despite his brilliant service to Everton
* Talking about CL being the target
* Signing Gana, who plays nearly perfectly nearly every single time, for £7m!
* Despite being unlucky with injuries to the likes of Bolasie, Mori, and others, not making excuses
* 95%/100% times being honest and accurate in his assessment of matches
* Being an alpha-male
* Praising Liverpool's early-season form but knowing they're just another team, and it is Everton who matter
* Now signing Sandro
* Allowing Stones to leave for a club-record fee due to promises the club made, but not kicking up a fuss
* Signing a potential Rooney-type player in Ademola Lookman
* Signing Dominic Calvert-Lewin for a bargain £1.5m and now he's a world-cup U-20 winner
* Getting us into Europe
* Being on twitter and showing us his human side
* Not having secret aspirations to jump ship for Barcelona if they came calling, assuring us he's with us for the 3 years and that being totally believable
anyone else got more to add? There must be more.
I hope Barcelona never come calling and we can tie Koeman down for another contract.