Secret work enemies

[JimmyJeffers]

Recently had a new guy started at my work. Seems innocuous enough but has started casually dropping in little brags about other business interests etc. pretty certain he’s a compulsive liar (which would be ace) Also has this habit of talking through what he’s doing when he’s working on his computer like he’s talking to himself but everyone in the office needs to know.

Decided he shall be my work enemy as this has been a vacant position for some time now. No one at work knows this yet and I’m very polite with him but I come home with great gusto to tell the Mrs all the annoying things he’s done throughout the day. Is great. I hate him.

Everyone must have or had work enemies. Past or present examples please.

 

[Nymzee]

Every office on the planet has a, what we call them, "Tommy Two Sh*ts" employee. Thankfully in my office we're all pretty sound now but we've had a few in the past.

In terms of work enemies I hate a bunch of people who work for the wider company but that I rarely see. One of them is from my town and came on a work's pub crawl once. Kept bragging about how expensive his family holiday to Egypt cost him like that's someone one would brag about. Kept ribbing him all night, then beat him at pool, he almost started a fight with me. Think he's a director now. Proper bellend.

 

[LostLegend]

I’ve been training this woman recently on my job and she has the most nauseating, abrasive Birkenhead accent.
She seems nice enough, but her voice makes me want to break things.

Instead of saying ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ when we start work, she makes this noise like “AAYYEEERRRR”

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Les the kopite. I'm playing the long game with Les. His time will come.

 

[Jimishorts]

Decided he shall be my work enemy as this has been a vacant position for some time now.

Please elaborate as to how the last foe was vanquished JJ.

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Please elaborate as to how the last foe was vanquished JJ.

I'm guessing holding the lift doors open for them until they just had an arm in, then the doors close. Lift takes off with "last foe"'s arm trapped, as JJ laughs and the lift heads to an upper floor. Last Foe is crushed against the ceiling.

It's more common than you'd think.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Please elaborate as to how the last foe was vanquished JJ.

Alas they weren’t vanquished. Think they changed departments.

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Alas they weren’t vanquished. Think they changed departments.

This also is fairly common.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

I feel @coollino and @Baines' left foot will have good stories here.

 

[Jimishorts]

Alas they weren’t vanquished. Think they changed departments.

This is your story and you're sticking to it but I am choosing to believe @Shevin Keedy version of events.

 

[Kurt.]

Amber, one of seniors… Christ knows how she got a job in an outdoor activity centre…. She weighs about 20 stone, never showers, her t-shirts are always covered in dinner medals, she wears leggings that make her look like her arse is on back to front, she has more chins that a Chinese phone book and her beard is better than mine… she never cooks, cleans or washes up and is most probably the most lazy person I’ve ever met… and she constantly talks about her painful periods, likes to fart as loud as she can in front of the kids in our care as she thinks it’s funny and also has to describe in detail what type of morning dump she’s had every day… an absolute tragic waste of healthy organs… so glad I’m leaving

 

[Moomin]

When I was an Apprentice one of the engineers grassed me and another apprentice for sitting around and being lazy.

He became our enemy. He was allergic to Oranges so used to leave orange peel all around his desk , and parts of the shop floor he worked on. Soak his plastic chair in orange juice.

We also urinated into his kettle, which he did drink. Worse thing was he made a cup for one of the wiremen we liked. How he never noticed the smell I don't know.

 

[Walken]

I feel @coollino and @Baines' left foot will have good stories here.

I reckon they unknowingly might be each others secret work enemies, perhaps @coollino accidently pulled out in front of BLF one time or did 4 sets instead of 3 after saying he had 3 left at the gym and it triggered a social war.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Everyone.

'Kin hate dealing with colleagues.

 

[Walken]

Got one passive aggressive little tit in work at the moment, he's horrible, reminds me of Uriah Heap