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Secret work enemies

JimmyJeffers said:
Recently had a new guy started at my work. Seems innocuous enough but has started casually dropping in little brags about other business interests etc. pretty certain he’s a compulsive liar (which would be ace) Also has this habit of talking through what he’s doing when he’s working on his computer like he’s talking to himself but everyone in the office needs to know.

Decided he shall be my work enemy as this has been a vacant position for some time now. No one at work knows this yet and I’m very polite with him but I come home with great gusto to tell the Mrs all the annoying things he’s done throughout the day. Is great. I hate him.

Everyone must have or had work enemies. Past or present examples please.
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Get his home address and sign him up to that much spam mail it's literally overflowing out of his mail box every day. He'd never bother mentioning it at work but you'd know it'd be on his mind constantly. Plus all the pizzas and taxis you keep sending him will have him frazzled.
 
cronullasharks said:
Get his home address and sign him up to that much spam mail it's literally overflowing out of his mail box every day. He'd never bother mentioning it at work but you'd know it'd be on his mind constantly. Plus all the pizzas and taxis you keep sending him will have him frazzled.
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Says he’s buying a house in a fairly upmarket area. I know his wage so dunno how this is happening.
 

Myself and quite a close work friend used to have another colleague who we would try and avoid like the plague when we saw. It became a running joke between me and the friend about who could hide/run away/avoid her the most.

Sadly, she passed away after an illness but I do miss diving into stock cupboards and/or empty rooms to pass time and avoid her
 
Not enemies but no workplace is complete without:

a) that bloke that claims to have shagged a million women yet has never been sighted with one
b) the mad fighter that reckons he's belted or going to belt everyone but couldn't knock the skin off a custard
c) the degenerate gambler that's always winning thousands but never has a cent
d) the tosser that doesn't shut up about how many beers he's gonna put away tonight
 
Not so much a secret enemy as this guy we had at the golf course I work at had run-ins with almost everyone else at some time or another. He had a very short fuse, would go off with very little or no provocation and thought certain assignments were beneath him. He was the kind that got a titty lip if something didn't go his way -- and this clown was in his early 50s. I eventually had to write a note to the boss with a copy to HR -- as the staff health and safety rep I felt his behaviour constituted a health and safety risk. I got immense satisfaction from the fact he got punted after last season, which totally surprised him.
 
Those people who we refer to as ABCs - Anything But Casework. Who will sign up to any committee, initiative or project as long as it doesn't involve doing the job they are employed to do. Usually happens because they are too thick or too lazy to do the actual job.
On a personal level, a woman called Trudi who within two weeks of me moving to Durham told me it was amazing that I hadn't been arrested because the only Liverpool accents you hear in Durham are from people who have escaped from the prison. 32 years ago, don't work with her anymore. Still hate her. The description 'spinster of this parish' fits her perfectly - shrivelled up old prune.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Those people who we refer to as ABCs - Anything But Casework. Who will sign up to any committee, initiative or project as long as it doesn't involve doing the job they are employed to do. Usually happens because they are too thick or too lazy to do the actual job.
On a personal level, a woman called Trudi who within two weeks of me moving to Durham told me it was amazing that I hadn't been arrested because the only Liverpool accents you hear in Durham are from people who have escaped from the prison. 32 years ago, don't work with her anymore. Still hate her. The description 'spinster of this parish' fits her perfectly - shrivelled up old prune.
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Woah easy now Anje
 

cronullasharks said:
Not enemies but no workplace is complete without:

a) that bloke that claims to have shagged a million women yet has never been sighted with one
b) the mad fighter that reckons he's belted or going to belt everyone but couldn't knock the skin off a custard
c) the degenerate gambler that's always winning thousands but never has a cent
d) the tosser that doesn't shut up about how many beers he's gonna put away tonight
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e) the elmer fudd of an excuse banging on about how they are leaving for pastures new where they'll be appreciated and rewarded justly.
f) bit of a whirlwind one this, planning, pre pregnant, preggers, delivered, post maternity/paternity zone nausea. I said congratulations, what more do you require?
g) the kiss ass
h) the kiss ass's hangers on/enablers
i) the master of the time sheets, he/she officious nightmare, always on your back when they want something, rare as rocking horse dung* when it's time to get you square.
j) the joker, one in a thousand is funny, the rest are detrimental to the passing of time towards clocking off. ouch!
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Those people who we refer to as ABCs - Anything But Casework. Who will sign up to any committee, initiative or project as long as it doesn't involve doing the job they are employed to do. Usually happens because they are too thick or too lazy to do the actual job.
On a personal level, a woman called Trudi who within two weeks of me moving to Durham told me it was amazing that I hadn't been arrested because the only Liverpool accents you hear in Durham are from people who have escaped from the prison. 32 years ago, don't work with her anymore. Still hate her. The description 'spinster of this parish' fits her perfectly - shrivelled up old prune.
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So you've got a soft spot for the old dear then?
 
moggeridge said:
Myself and quite a close work friend used to have another colleague who we would try and avoid like the plague when we saw. It became a running joke between me and the friend about who could hide/run away/avoid her the most.

Sadly, she passed away after an illness but I do miss diving into stock cupboards and/or empty rooms to pass time and avoid her
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Maybe she’s not dead… and everyone else is laughing at you and your friend now … hmmmmm
 
Rita_Poon said:
e) the elmer fudd of an excuse banging on about how they are leaving for pastures new where they'll be appreciated and rewarded justly.
f) bit of a whirlwind one this, planning, pre pregnant, preggers, delivered, post maternity/paternity zone nausea. I said congratulations, what more do you require?
g) the kiss ass
h) the kiss ass's hangers on/enablers
i) the master of the time sheets, he/she officious nightmare, always on your back when they want something, rare as rocking horse dung* when it's time to get you square.
j) the joker, one in a thousand is funny, the rest are detrimental to the passing of time towards clocking off. ouch!
Click to expand...
The older I get the more obvious its gotten that the kiss asses rise to the top. Stride around with chest puffed out and far too important to acknowledge anyone lower down the chain. Usually wears a vest too for some unfathomable reason.
 

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