Secret work enemies

[COYBL25]

Get his home address and sign him up to that much spam mail it's literally overflowing out of his mail box every day. He'd never bother mentioning it at work but you'd know it'd be on his mind constantly. Plus all the pizzas and taxis you keep sending him will have him frazzled.

Sign him up for every adult porn chat site too, both male and female.

That’s aways a good one too.

 

[Kurt.]

Not enemies but no workplace is complete without:

a) that bloke that claims to have shagged a million women yet has never been sighted with one
b) the mad fighter that reckons he's belted or going to belt everyone but couldn't knock the skin off a custard
c) the degenerate gambler that's always winning thousands but never has a cent
d) the tosser that doesn't shut up about how many beers he's gonna put away tonight

That’s me covered… I think we’d work well together x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

So you've got a soft spot for the old dear then?

Love her to bits.

 

[Nymzee]

There's always one nob that microwaves fish at dinner time too.

 

[Pejic300]

Get his home address and sign him up to that much spam mail it's literally overflowing out of his mail box every day. He'd never bother mentioning it at work but you'd know it'd be on his mind constantly. Plus all the pizzas and taxis you keep sending him will have him frazzled.

A boastful chump of a Kopite I worked with years ago was puzzled by the onslaught of Tena Men free samples and conservatory salesmen that regularly turned up at his house.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Ste Smith.
Manager in work.
Absolute vermin, no secret though.
I tell him at least once a week he's an oxygen thief and the planet would be a far better place without him.

I once drove back to Huyton from Preston to punch his face in.
He had gone home the little coward.
He hates me too.
I care not a jot.

I think you've won this thread.

 

[DanEFC92]

There are a few horrible kopites in mine. I'm surrounded.

There's a few teams I hate like. People who are on twice as much and do very little. Seemingly just take Teams meetings all day.

NHS if you hadn't guessed.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

e) the elmer fudd of an excuse banging on about how they are leaving for pastures new where they'll be appreciated and rewarded justly.
f) bit of a whirlwind one this, planning, pre pregnant, preggers, delivered, post maternity/paternity zone nausea. I said congratulations, what more do you require?
g) the kiss ass
h) the kiss ass's hangers on/enablers
i) the master of the time sheets, he/she officious nightmare, always on your back when they want something, rare as rocking horse dung* when it's time to get you square.
j) the joker, one in a thousand is funny, the rest are detrimental to the passing of time towards clocking off. ouch!

k) the know it all low level cynic sniping from the sidelines. The bugger who has sat in the same job for beards, never progressing but complains about everything and makes out he would have a better way of doing things. But hides whenever asked to lead on something. And it eventually goes full circle enough that when by chance something they countered about gets put into place, the complain about that. The absolute toxic energy drain.

 

[Nymzee]

There are a few horrible kopites in mine. I'm surrounded.

There's a few teams I hate like. People who are on twice as much and do very little. Seemingly just take Teams meetings all day.

NHS if you hadn't guessed.

COVID was the best thing that ever happened to those people. Before it, when no one use Teams/Zoom, they could only organise a few meetings per day in the flesh. Now their entire calendar is booked out.

 

[RAFUH]

@RAFUH, @roydo, @AndyC , @Groucho, @micknick this is a safe space

Can’t help but notice you’ve left out @GrandOldTeam

 

[Naisy'sCharitableLeanings]

dinner medals

 

[coollino]

I'll think of a few over the next few days but in one job I was in charge of birthday collections in the team, as no one else would do it.

Obviously it's the worst job going but I made a spreadsheet over the years of the amount of money each person got and it really wound up some people, I loved it

 

[Naisy'sCharitableLeanings]

You just know anyone using buzzwords or terms is in way above their head. Love it when people start dropping them in meetings.

Lots of this going on at our place at the moment - lots of woefully inept people appear to have been in the building on the day when the new CEO was in looking to hand out sweeties. There’s one particularly odious twerp though - a colleague nailed it when he said it’s “like having Mark Zuckerberg’s son wandering around the Facebook office.”

 

[wba83]

Not my own but from one of lads quite a few years back .He worked in a supermarket the security guard was an 100% crab always up the bosses arse even to the level of carrying his stuff for him he would pick on kids but a fella came in kicking off he would leg it you know the type Me mate hated him but had to put up with him .Anyway he got his number and put it in the Blackburn version of the Liverpool echo in the selling section 100s of Bollywood DVDS for sale 50p each first come first serve . His phone was going crazy with calls to the point he pleading with them to stop calling him.So be nice to people in work or if not blank them if you can or you could be getting calls from bollywoods biggest fans

 

[Moomin]

You just know anyone using buzzwords or terms is in way above their head. Love it when people start dropping them in meetings.

It's fantastic.

We used to play corporate bullshit bingo when I worked at GE and we had sales meetings.