Secret work enemies

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

Amber, one of seniors… Christ knows how she got a job in an outdoor activity centre…. She weighs about 20 stone, never showers, her t-shirts are always covered in dinner medals, she wears leggings that make her look like her arse is on back to front, she has more chins that a Chinese phone book and her beard is better than mine… she never cooks, cleans or washes up and is most probably the most lazy person I’ve ever met… and she constantly talks about her painful periods, likes to fart as loud as she can in front of the kids in our care as she thinks it’s funny and also has to describe in detail what type of morning dump she’s had every day… an absolute tragic waste of healthy organs… so glad I’m leaving

Nothing worse than a woman ignoring your advances.......move on mate.

 

[Kurt.]

Nothing worse than a woman ignoring your advances.......move on mate.

I’d only advance on that backed up by an army

 

[Nymzee]

There's another guy, he's like a commercial manager for a client of ours, got the most poncey voice ever and talks about how he wants all parties to be aligned, smooth collaboration etc. but you can just tell he's the most snakey little bitch you could meet. I've only met him twice but just waiting for him to stab me in the back at some point.

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Smar meek hunts the lot of 'em.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

There's another guy, he's like a commercial manager for a client of ours, got the most poncey voice ever and talks about how he wants all parties to be aligned, smooth collaboration etc. but you can just tell he's the most snakey little bitch you could meet. I've only met him twice but just waiting for him to stab me in the back at some point.

You just know anyone using buzzwords or terms is in way above their head. Love it when people start dropping them in meetings.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

I have a particular dislike of people who create meaningless and not particularly useful tasks and processes, just to make themselves appear busy and relevant. Or "bullshit jobs".

I had about 3 work enemies from my time in the civil service. They absolutely catastrophised about a relatively minor change to something and wasted approximately 33hrs of my time bitching about it in informal and formal meetings prior to implementation (yes I calculated and logged it - this was across two months). When literally no negative consequences emerged afterwards, I quietly put in complaints to their respective team heads about their behaviour and approach to work.

That may seem harsh, change is difficult, but they were classic "I'm so busy, I've got time to do things" merchants. You do, simply stop moaning and bitching about everything.

 

[Nymzee]

You just know anyone using buzzwords or terms is in way above their head. Love it when people start dropping them in meetings.

This guy is straight off a training course right into the thick of it. I can't wait for my first oppurtunity to crush him in a sassy email.

 

[Nymzee]

I have a particular dislike of people who create meaningless and not particularly useful tasks and processes, just to make themselves appear busy and relevant. Or "bullshit jobs".

I had about 3 work enemies from my time in the civil service. They absolutely catastrophised about a relatively minor change to something and wasted approximately 33hrs of my time bitching about it in informal and formal meetings prior to implementation (yes I calculated and logged it - this was across two months). When literally no negative consequences emerged afterwards, I quietly put in complaints to their respective team heads about their behaviour and approach to work.

That may seem harsh, change is difficult, but they were classic "I'm so busy, I've got time to do things" merchants. You do, simply stop moaning and bitching about everything.

Job creators are the absolute worst. There's a new head of planning where I work and every week it's "okay we're implementing this new code can you all go into all your projects and apply it" and I'm like eff me mate 5 weeks on the bounce now we've added new coding, stop making things up. If you're that arsed go in and do it yourself.

 

[tommye]

Recently had a new guy started at my work. Seems innocuous enough but has started casually dropping in little brags about other business interests etc. pretty certain he’s a compulsive liar (which would be ace) Also has this habit of talking through what he’s doing when he’s working on his computer like he’s talking to himself but everyone in the office needs to know.

Decided he shall be my work enemy as this has been a vacant position for some time now. No one at work knows this yet and I’m very polite with him but I come home with great gusto to tell the Mrs all the annoying things he’s done throughout the day. Is great. I hate him.

Everyone must have or had work enemies. Past or present examples please.

Ste Smith.
Manager in work.
Absolute vermin, no secret though.
I tell him at least once a week he's an oxygen thief and the planet would be a far better place without him.

I once drove back to Huyton from Preston to punch his face in.
He had gone home the little coward.
He hates me too.
I care not a jot.

 

[Baines' left foot]

I feel @coollino and @Baines' left foot will have good stories here.

I have had several.

On my last site there was another manager who sat on a desk opposite me. He rotated cringy songs as his ringtone and at loud volumes, until he decided 'Pink - What About Us' was the one that would stay. Also the fat [Poor language removed] never stopped eating.

Then there was the sound but scruffy engineer who had no concept of 'headphones on means leave me alone'. I swear that man indirectly forced me to work at least an extra couple of hours a week.

 

[gianthogweed]

Never worked in an office but i have been in many and have witnessed the atmosphere basically everyone is a biatch male or female it is hard to tell them apart
sunlight is your friend
Most jobs i have done has been physical never had any enemies the one's who can't keep up don't last long enough to hold a grudge against

 

[wainy]

When I was 18/19 and working in call centres. Truly home to some of the biggest worms known to man. Had many, many enemies in them places.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

You just know anyone using buzzwords or terms is in way above their head. Love it when people start dropping them in meetings.

There's a certain type of bell end who completes an MBA part time and suddenly starts using new terms that add nothing to their capabilities or how the organisation functions.

The ones who don't do that usually quietly come up with some useful plan, initiative or strategy.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Les the kopite. I'm playing the long game with Les. His time will come.

Can’t be the only one here wanting to know more about Les The Kopite.

 

[Nymzee]

There's a certain type of bell end who completes an MBA part time and suddenly starts using new terms that add nothing to their capabilities or how the organisation functions.

The ones who don't do that usually quietly come up with some useful plan, initiative or strategy.

Basically these: