summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Have you ever suffered from a workplace injury .... ?
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Strange or funny things which happened in work
- Thread starter Aberblue
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JimmyJeffers
Player Valuation: £80m
Lad pissed in the bosses jacket potato
davids
Player Valuation: £70m
Never watch the YouTube stuff just the so called pros on Wheeler Dealers and even more so on the US shows like Fast and Loud,then they put them through the alleged top auction houses like Barret Jackson.
....very expensive IT Consultant hired to work on the Project I was managing mistakingly sent me a text meant for his girlfriend. It went into very explicit detail about what he was going to do with her when he got home that weekend. He was mortified when I responded with ‘I don’t think this is for me’.
Always squirming when we spoke after that. Needless to say, I didn’t immediately delete that message but I did show it to a number of colleagues on the team.
Always squirming when we spoke after that. Needless to say, I didn’t immediately delete that message but I did show it to a number of colleagues on the team.
random
Player Valuation: £15m
The Lottery Winner
(1990's)
We have had a couple of lottery winners around here, one of them was one of our customers and bought a few cars of us. That was about 2 years previous to this bit...
Landing someone with millions to spend must be a salesman's dream, anyways a chap wanders in and talks to a salesman for about 3/4 of an hour.
The salesman is talking to us later tells us that the guy promised him to secrecy but in fact he had won millions on the lottery a few weeks previously (no publicity) and was only just coming to terms with it. He wanted to gift some cars to a few family members and friends.
The salesman is strutting around like he had won the lottery himself, and that the guy would be back next week, He was obviously mindful of all the commission the other salesman got from dealing with the previous lottery winner on our books.
Anyway sure enough the guy comes back and starts choosing cars like he was selecting meals from a menu.
Hatchback for the wife, 4x4 and luxury car for him, Family car for the eldest, 4 door for the in-laws, sports car for his mate.
Once all the cars were at the dealership and ready, the salesman was to arrange a suitably quiet time and the guy would get a hired mini-bus to bring everyone and surprise them with their presents. Happy Days !
Now the rule is that all cars needed to have a 10% deposit down and must be paid for in full before delivery, obviously the cars are registered, taxed, pdi'd fuelled, valeted etc. and all this costs money
The salesman informs the lottery winner of the rules, no problem mate, you just let me know the grand total for them all and when they are all ready for delivery I will pay in one go and in full, via a bankers draft.
The salesman at this point had involved the sales manager (who always like to grovel round big spenders), and the paperwork gets filled out. Bankers draft for the full amount will be fine sir (approx £100,00 worth of cars, which 30 years ago was a very nice and decent sale)
Come the day of delivery the salesman and sales manager are constantly looking at their watches, time for delivery, "he must be running a little late", half hour goes by still no sign. Another hour goes by, the salesman rings the customer "have you forgotten the cars are ready for you today"
and the reply.....
"yeah, sorry, I haven't really won the lottery"
ffs haha !
cue the sales manager rushing to get the cars de-registered and getting the excuses ready as to why deposits weren't taken before all the prep work was done on them.
No idea why the guy did what he did, just got carried away I guess.
Salesman was crushed
The rest of us laughed, and every so often would put a no-good lottery ticket on his desk when he wasn't looking
The Star of Jeremy Kyle
(2000's)
We had a TV on in the background in the customer waiting area, and it just happened to be The Jeremy Kyle show.
I am talking to a customer (aged about 50 ?) while his Mrs was waiting in the car outside and honestly he was the spitting image of the geezer who was on the show, it got to the point where I kept looking at the TV and this guy, eventually I succumbed and said "look at that ! your double is on that TV show"
He quickly bombed over to the TV and turned it off
Apparently he was a bit of a lad and was on the show for getting caught having a wife and two girlfriends, he asked me to keep it off because his Mrs who was waiting in the car was girlfriend number 3 and she didn't know about the others (especially there being a wife)
What a hero.
We think your car keys are in Spain sir
(1990's)
Guy brings his car in for some work that will take few days, going to pick it up on the Saturday.
Friday comes around and the mechanic gets the chaps car finished about dinner time, takes the job sheet to the service desk for costing and takes the car to the service valeters to give it the once over with a chamois leather.
Owner comes on Saturday to collect his car, no sign of the keys anywhere. and we searched high and low. best ask the mechanic on Monday, unfortunately the mechanic who worked on it was on a fortnights holiday, he had gone to Spain with the wife.
We put the guy in a loan car and all they could do was wait until the mechanic returned to ask him where the keys were. To say the owner wasn't happy with this was an understatement
Two weeks go by, and on the Monday when the mechanic came back to work, he sheepishly walked in with the customers keys in his hand. He had got the keys back from the valeters, stuck them in his pocket and forgot about them until he rummaged in his pocket when he was in Spain and found the keys to a car that didn't belong to him
(1990's)
We have had a couple of lottery winners around here, one of them was one of our customers and bought a few cars of us. That was about 2 years previous to this bit...
Landing someone with millions to spend must be a salesman's dream, anyways a chap wanders in and talks to a salesman for about 3/4 of an hour.
The salesman is talking to us later tells us that the guy promised him to secrecy but in fact he had won millions on the lottery a few weeks previously (no publicity) and was only just coming to terms with it. He wanted to gift some cars to a few family members and friends.
The salesman is strutting around like he had won the lottery himself, and that the guy would be back next week, He was obviously mindful of all the commission the other salesman got from dealing with the previous lottery winner on our books.
Anyway sure enough the guy comes back and starts choosing cars like he was selecting meals from a menu.
Hatchback for the wife, 4x4 and luxury car for him, Family car for the eldest, 4 door for the in-laws, sports car for his mate.
Once all the cars were at the dealership and ready, the salesman was to arrange a suitably quiet time and the guy would get a hired mini-bus to bring everyone and surprise them with their presents. Happy Days !
Now the rule is that all cars needed to have a 10% deposit down and must be paid for in full before delivery, obviously the cars are registered, taxed, pdi'd fuelled, valeted etc. and all this costs money
The salesman informs the lottery winner of the rules, no problem mate, you just let me know the grand total for them all and when they are all ready for delivery I will pay in one go and in full, via a bankers draft.
The salesman at this point had involved the sales manager (who always like to grovel round big spenders), and the paperwork gets filled out. Bankers draft for the full amount will be fine sir (approx £100,00 worth of cars, which 30 years ago was a very nice and decent sale)
Come the day of delivery the salesman and sales manager are constantly looking at their watches, time for delivery, "he must be running a little late", half hour goes by still no sign. Another hour goes by, the salesman rings the customer "have you forgotten the cars are ready for you today"
and the reply.....
"yeah, sorry, I haven't really won the lottery"
ffs haha !
cue the sales manager rushing to get the cars de-registered and getting the excuses ready as to why deposits weren't taken before all the prep work was done on them.
No idea why the guy did what he did, just got carried away I guess.
Salesman was crushed
The rest of us laughed, and every so often would put a no-good lottery ticket on his desk when he wasn't looking
The Star of Jeremy Kyle
(2000's)
We had a TV on in the background in the customer waiting area, and it just happened to be The Jeremy Kyle show.
I am talking to a customer (aged about 50 ?) while his Mrs was waiting in the car outside and honestly he was the spitting image of the geezer who was on the show, it got to the point where I kept looking at the TV and this guy, eventually I succumbed and said "look at that ! your double is on that TV show"
He quickly bombed over to the TV and turned it off
Apparently he was a bit of a lad and was on the show for getting caught having a wife and two girlfriends, he asked me to keep it off because his Mrs who was waiting in the car was girlfriend number 3 and she didn't know about the others (especially there being a wife)
What a hero.
We think your car keys are in Spain sir
(1990's)
Guy brings his car in for some work that will take few days, going to pick it up on the Saturday.
Friday comes around and the mechanic gets the chaps car finished about dinner time, takes the job sheet to the service desk for costing and takes the car to the service valeters to give it the once over with a chamois leather.
Owner comes on Saturday to collect his car, no sign of the keys anywhere. and we searched high and low. best ask the mechanic on Monday, unfortunately the mechanic who worked on it was on a fortnights holiday, he had gone to Spain with the wife.
We put the guy in a loan car and all they could do was wait until the mechanic returned to ask him where the keys were. To say the owner wasn't happy with this was an understatement
Two weeks go by, and on the Monday when the mechanic came back to work, he sheepishly walked in with the customers keys in his hand. He had got the keys back from the valeters, stuck them in his pocket and forgot about them until he rummaged in his pocket when he was in Spain and found the keys to a car that didn't belong to him
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random
Player Valuation: £15m
Here's one you might find amusing; a friend of mine worked for a company in London at one time. His section were involved in a project which they could see was never going to work, but none of them wanted to cancel it for fear of getting the blame for being involved in a doomed project. Then one employee had the bright idea of demanding ever more resources for the project, in the hope that higher management would cancel it for budgetary reasons. So they repeatedly demanded twice as much stuff as they really wanted and sure enough, the project was scrapped, but my friend's section emerged blameless!
BarryThompson1
Player Valuation: £1m
Last week Phil who I work with hates coffee so insted of making him tea I made coffee instead lol .
canuckblue
Player Valuation: £50m
You must be a riot at parties.
BlueStevie35
Player Valuation: £70m
That isn’t remotely funny Barry, that’s just being a nob
Sometimes it`s the small pranks that can have the most effect.
We had a fella in the office, who was anal as anything, polished his desk, everything had to be in it`s place, no one was allowed to use any of his stuff etc etc.
He was disliked by everyone, but one lad in particular hated him with a passion.
Without telling anyone, he got the anal fellas car keys one day and peeled back a tiny bit of the roof lining at the back of the car and put a couple of grilled sardines into the roof lining and sealed it back up.
It took the fella months to locate the source of the smell, which got that bad, that even opening the doors of the car made you retch.
He had to get the whole of the interior of the car deep cleaned lol
We had a fella in the office, who was anal as anything, polished his desk, everything had to be in it`s place, no one was allowed to use any of his stuff etc etc.
He was disliked by everyone, but one lad in particular hated him with a passion.
Without telling anyone, he got the anal fellas car keys one day and peeled back a tiny bit of the roof lining at the back of the car and put a couple of grilled sardines into the roof lining and sealed it back up.
It took the fella months to locate the source of the smell, which got that bad, that even opening the doors of the car made you retch.
He had to get the whole of the interior of the car deep cleaned lol
random
Player Valuation: £15m
Unfortunately Sir, that's reverse not forward
(2000's)
Working in dealerships you will hear the immortal words "I am going to drive this car through the showroom window" they are usually shouted by an irate customer and more often than not because....
1. something is wrong with it
2. the fault is not covered by warranty
3. the owner is skint, and usually because they are buried in finance for a car they should never have bought in the 1st place
When you shout those words, we have heard them plenty of times before, and no one ever does
Except one time !
The strange thing was, the chap never shouted that at all.
It was an old boy, and he was a very regular customer for having clutch replacements, so much so that the service team recommended he speak to the sales department as he was dropping nearly £1,500 a year on clutch replacements.
Anyways, he ends up buying a nice automatic version of his current model, all going swimmingly, on day of delivery he arrives and jumps in his new car which was outside the showroom pointing towards the exit.
The salesman is chatting away to him, the old chap tells him in no uncertain terms
'no need to explain anything sonny, I have been driving longer than you have been on the planet, I have had two of these before'
and starts the car.
The salesman walks off and had just reached the showroom door when all we could hear was the engine revving to the point of blowing up from the old boy sat in his new car, all of a sudden it lurched back, through the showroom window, glass everywhere, wipes out the salesmans desk and promptly buries itself in the side of another brand new car. It was like a scene from a movie
Seems like that although he owned two of that model previously, he had never driven an automatic before. After the initial shock all we could see was the old boy gripping the steering wheel, eyes staring straight ahead with a strange look on his face as if he was debating whether to drive off and pretend like it never happened.
It was fortunate that he didn't kill someone the way it ploughed through the showroom tbf.
Its surprising how loud it was though.
Oops we have given your car away !
(1990's)
Quite often we drop customers cars back and post keys through the letterbox if the customer is not in, fairly standard thing.
Until one day we get a call 'you were supposed to deliver my vehicle back, where is it ?'
we go hunting for the drivers ... when are you talking Mr Blogg's car back ? "already done it" come's the reply
Odd ! phoned Mr Bloggs back, do you have your car now sir ? cue another load of swearing down the phone before its slammed down
ffs, whats going on ?
Apparently the drivers for some reason best known only to themselves, got a road and an avenue mixed up and dropped the car and the keys through some totally unsuspecting persons letterbox, right house number, just wrong postcode.
Drivers dispatched posthaste to repo the car and keys from the recipient of the freebie and re-deliver to the actual owner
Bunny Boiler strikes back
(1990's)
Remember I mentioned that there have been only a few 'real' salesman, well this is about another one of them
He used his skills to entice a nice young lady (so he thought) into going out with him, things lasted about 4/5 months and then he wanted to move on because 'she was getting a bit clingy'
Clingy was an understatement, she was nuts. every day she was in the place pleading for him to go back out with her, eventually it got to the point where he threatened to go next door to the cop shop if she carried on.
She seemed to take the hint and we didn't see anymore of her.
Until about 6 weeks later when one day the salesman is demo'ing a car, pulls it up out outside the showroom, leaves it unlocked with the keys in and goes into the showroom to collect the couple waiting to take it for a test drive.
Whilst he is getting his punters, the psycho ex girlfriend jumps out from behind a car on the pitch, sprints towards the unlocked car, jumps in and locks the doors. much to the amusement of us and the bemusement of the couple wanting to buy the car..
Salesman banging on the window, girl inside with an angry look on her face adamant she isn't opening the doors and screaming though the glass 'what a despicable man he was but she still loved him and they could move on from this together' the couple just stood there watching like they are hypnotised by the whole thing.... until they got bored and just wandered off, the salesman stuck between coaxing out the psycho and chasing after his commission which was walking away from the whole mess
In the end he left her to it, came back in the showroom, poured a coffee and sat at his desk staring at her until she gave up and vacated the vehicle.
Always fun watching a psychotic ex-girlfriend extracting revenge on a workmate
(2000's)
Working in dealerships you will hear the immortal words "I am going to drive this car through the showroom window" they are usually shouted by an irate customer and more often than not because....
1. something is wrong with it
2. the fault is not covered by warranty
3. the owner is skint, and usually because they are buried in finance for a car they should never have bought in the 1st place
When you shout those words, we have heard them plenty of times before, and no one ever does
Except one time !
The strange thing was, the chap never shouted that at all.
It was an old boy, and he was a very regular customer for having clutch replacements, so much so that the service team recommended he speak to the sales department as he was dropping nearly £1,500 a year on clutch replacements.
Anyways, he ends up buying a nice automatic version of his current model, all going swimmingly, on day of delivery he arrives and jumps in his new car which was outside the showroom pointing towards the exit.
The salesman is chatting away to him, the old chap tells him in no uncertain terms
'no need to explain anything sonny, I have been driving longer than you have been on the planet, I have had two of these before'
and starts the car.
The salesman walks off and had just reached the showroom door when all we could hear was the engine revving to the point of blowing up from the old boy sat in his new car, all of a sudden it lurched back, through the showroom window, glass everywhere, wipes out the salesmans desk and promptly buries itself in the side of another brand new car. It was like a scene from a movie
Seems like that although he owned two of that model previously, he had never driven an automatic before. After the initial shock all we could see was the old boy gripping the steering wheel, eyes staring straight ahead with a strange look on his face as if he was debating whether to drive off and pretend like it never happened.
It was fortunate that he didn't kill someone the way it ploughed through the showroom tbf.
Its surprising how loud it was though.
Oops we have given your car away !
(1990's)
Quite often we drop customers cars back and post keys through the letterbox if the customer is not in, fairly standard thing.
Until one day we get a call 'you were supposed to deliver my vehicle back, where is it ?'
we go hunting for the drivers ... when are you talking Mr Blogg's car back ? "already done it" come's the reply
Odd ! phoned Mr Bloggs back, do you have your car now sir ? cue another load of swearing down the phone before its slammed down
ffs, whats going on ?
Apparently the drivers for some reason best known only to themselves, got a road and an avenue mixed up and dropped the car and the keys through some totally unsuspecting persons letterbox, right house number, just wrong postcode.
Drivers dispatched posthaste to repo the car and keys from the recipient of the freebie and re-deliver to the actual owner
Bunny Boiler strikes back
(1990's)
Remember I mentioned that there have been only a few 'real' salesman, well this is about another one of them
He used his skills to entice a nice young lady (so he thought) into going out with him, things lasted about 4/5 months and then he wanted to move on because 'she was getting a bit clingy'
Clingy was an understatement, she was nuts. every day she was in the place pleading for him to go back out with her, eventually it got to the point where he threatened to go next door to the cop shop if she carried on.
She seemed to take the hint and we didn't see anymore of her.
Until about 6 weeks later when one day the salesman is demo'ing a car, pulls it up out outside the showroom, leaves it unlocked with the keys in and goes into the showroom to collect the couple waiting to take it for a test drive.
Whilst he is getting his punters, the psycho ex girlfriend jumps out from behind a car on the pitch, sprints towards the unlocked car, jumps in and locks the doors. much to the amusement of us and the bemusement of the couple wanting to buy the car..
Salesman banging on the window, girl inside with an angry look on her face adamant she isn't opening the doors and screaming though the glass 'what a despicable man he was but she still loved him and they could move on from this together' the couple just stood there watching like they are hypnotised by the whole thing.... until they got bored and just wandered off, the salesman stuck between coaxing out the psycho and chasing after his commission which was walking away from the whole mess
In the end he left her to it, came back in the showroom, poured a coffee and sat at his desk staring at her until she gave up and vacated the vehicle.
Always fun watching a psychotic ex-girlfriend extracting revenge on a workmate
ForestBlue
Player Valuation: £10m
Once sent a bit of a shouty email to a number of colleagues at work and as always signed it off with Regards. Alas I hit the t key instead of the g key.
Spent the next few week apologizing , grovelling, and buying lots of cakes and biscuits to stop them going to HR
Spent the next few week apologizing , grovelling, and buying lots of cakes and biscuits to stop them going to HR
Gwlacticos
Player Valuation: £15m
In the late ‘90’s I was working as a contractor for BICC Cables working out of a yard in Bury St Edmunds, putting up telegraph poles all over Norfolk, Suffolk, Essex and Cambridgeshire. There was a geordie bloke called Russ working with us. He was a nice bloke, but he told me a few times that he was mates with Muhammad Ali, and had been to his house and all this nonsense. I thought he was talking out of his arse. A few years after I’d left that job I was sitting having tea with my missus watching some crap on telly. I’m sure it was Davina Mcall presenting it but my memory is [Poor language removed]. Anyway it was about normal people who had a bit of a story to tell. Sitting on the couch in front of the studio audience was Russ, with loads of photos and videos of him and Muhammad Ali. I was quite surprised.
roydo
in memoriam - 1965-2024
Not sure if I have mentioned this one, quite likely though.
Back in the day, my company used remote secretaries, so you dictated stuff, sent it to them, and they typed it out and sent it.
I invited my best customer to a Wine and Cheese evening, and dictated said invite.
A few days later got a call from my mate there.
"Roydo, what we got to wear next week?"
"What ever you like, arsed like"
"So grass skirts and them welcome wreath things they do?"
"Eh?"
"Just never been to an Hawaiian Cheese Evening mate"
Back in the day, my company used remote secretaries, so you dictated stuff, sent it to them, and they typed it out and sent it.
I invited my best customer to a Wine and Cheese evening, and dictated said invite.
A few days later got a call from my mate there.
"Roydo, what we got to wear next week?"
"What ever you like, arsed like"
"So grass skirts and them welcome wreath things they do?"
"Eh?"
"Just never been to an Hawaiian Cheese Evening mate"
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