Summer Transfer Window 2019

[Nyhus]

Don't do mushrooms and Football Manager kids.

YOU CANT CONTROL ME MOM SHUT UP

 

[BornBlue76]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: nolol. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Shut it all down! GOT has just won the internet!

 

[Tel001]

I see him as having better character than that personally. I could be wrong obviously, but he's never struck me as that kind of guy. But he is apparently on 425k a week at Madrid which means he would have to basically take a third of his current salary to play here. Or for about every other team.

425k? Sweet Jesus lol their wage bill must be insane , him and bale doing a million a week in wages and don’t play. Baring I’m mind the had Ronaldo who you would assume was their top earner and that’s massive , about 75m a year on those 3 , that’s nearly as much as our whole squad isn’t it ?

 

[Milkman]

I've got a hunch we'll get Danilo on loan on deadline day. Maybe I should put it on Twitter and see if I can get in the papers?

 

[gaino92]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: nolol. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

You've outdone yourself here mate. Bravo! Was in bits at 9 fingers and Edam lollol

 

[coollino]

I have some bad news.

Many of you will know that my source recently got shot by an EFC extremist. I am sorry to report he has passed away. I asked the nurse if we could keep the life support on to the end of the transfer window but his wife wanted it off now.

I cant say too much about the suspect, but he is currently camping out watching a cash machine and goes by the name of @Eggs (which shows 'his' mental state).

The police are struggling to get to him so I've contacted Gazza and he will be going down with a pint of Guinness and a copy of the racing post in an effort to prise him from his hiding place.

 

[orly]

The West Derby cash machine "joke" is an old Bluekipper one isn't it? Circa 2005 or something

 

[Eggs]

The West Derby cash machine "joke" is an old Bluekipper one isn't it? Circa 2005 or something

...ffs, didn’t realise it was a joke.

 

[BainesontoastNEW]

I've got a hunch we'll get Danilo on loan on deadline day. Maybe I should put it on Twitter and see if I can get in the papers?

Danilo from City? Rumour has it he will be used in a part-exchange deal with Juve to get Cancelo.

 

[Tipp blue]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: nolol. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Thanks for that, my transcript seems a bit crap now.. At least it inspired this though.

 

[CalebEFC]

 

[The Penny Blue]

Christ thats a yankee fapfest right there
Stick in riding the bench and soccerball and you have got a full house

They both are British no?

 

[BlueStevie35]

Good move that for Nathan that

 

[Brisan123]

They both are British no?

Both of whom
If its the commentators then the video is obviously aimed at the American market.
No one in their right mind who knows anything about football would use that terminology

 

[TyphooToffee]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: nolol. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Comedy gold, that.