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About to go balls deep in The Penguin. I am so ready.

Don't think this will be very good but the first one is a proper underrated banger.

This Monaco shirt without sponsor is bloody gorgeous. Proper old school.

Sunbeds

I’m going to a cocktail taster night thing later on. Must say, as much as I like the idea of cocktails, they’re a bit of a faff aren’t they. Boils my piss when I’m queuing for a pint and some nonce wants 8 different cocktails making. (A.K.A. me tonight)

On Page 4 mate.

Dave and mini Dave chatting ultra wham last night. Crap manager, ship’s already touching the iceberg.

Yer ma was an interesting ride

Dairy in cocktails is not the one for me. Sits on the stomach.

Guy I went to uni with, massive geordie goth lad, loved drinking white russians before nights out. So much cream.

Caipirinha Fin.

Moonan is hands down (IMO) the best CB in the academy right now. Needs to get back playing.

Err, I read lots of "he played fine" posts about Keane last night?

I mean I wouldn't swap our squad for any of the 3 promoted teams myself.

Talking about defeats. Don't think anyone gives a toss about beating Doncaster Rovers.

I never asked you if the squad has filled its problem areas - I asked if the squad is better this season. It just flat out objectively is unless you're Stevie Wonder. The fact we can now actually bench Doucoure is a godsend.

*5 games

Nah, sorry, what?

Sue... Susan... please tell me you don't think this is real