Woolv sorry your continuing to experience them thoughts. " they usually pass quickly ..." should not be minimised. What your saying is killing yourself - however fleeting - is an " option " your considering to release you of your problems. I may be wrong but I genuinely feel your self medicating using drugs? and or alcohol in order to cope with something that is deeply engrained in your thoughts. To be able to address the the latter you must be able to address the former. I believe therapeutic interventions like therapy will help you face the reasons for your occasional suicidal ideation. Once you have a better understanding you can, with help, address them.
The self medicating is stopping / blocking you getting to the bottom of your problems. Seek help from loved ones, friends and health professionals to address your " unhelpful behaviours " . Once your able to face up to your problems with a clear head, YOU WILL have a better outlook to life. Can I close by gently asking you if you are able to do some volunteering. In my humble opinion, your self esteem must be at rock bottom, and having someone say to you " thank you for helping me, I feel much better now " gives you - it gives me - a fantastic feeling. You have worth woolv, you have value, and I guarantee there are people out there who need help and support from someone just like you. So once you get back on your feet buddy and are able to, consider giving to people. It feels great.
If you ever feel the need to talk , or need a chat, please DM me and I shall try to give you some support. Take care and remember, you can come through this and yes, at some point in your life, people are going to need and depend on you and you will willingly help them.
Take care.
