Just make sure you keep evidence of any texts/emails/whatever she & him have sent you.
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Just make sure you keep evidence of any texts/emails/whatever she & him have sent you.
witchdoc187
Player Valuation: £60m
They are far worse mate. I admit that I sent her a pretty bad what's app a few months ago about how I wouldn't forgive her and I doubt our son will when he grows up. But think I deleted them for both of us before she could screenshot them. I think thats it. Pretty certain actually
Even your own stuff just keep evidence of I'd say as it least then shows you're being considerate of the whole picture. For definite keep copies of all the stuff sent to you though as it's all evidence in your favour and they can't lie about things then.
Think of it as GOT vaulting but in the real world.
I would take his/her threats with a pinch of salt. Unless she has thousands of pounds in the bank she won't be going to a solicitor because they are expensive.
Stay calm mate and enjoy your weekend with your son.
witchdoc187
Player Valuation: £60m
Cheers mate I think they're empty threats as I say I've done nothing wrong. I'm confident of that. They'll get no reaction from me, I'm not bothered about them
Everyone is the hero of their own story. Especially absolute tits who don't take responsibility for anything.
Ghost your in a dilemma buddy, and to be honest, I feel your Dr hasn't helped. Here's why. She has told you you can can work but only from home. It's seems obvious to me - am I wrong? - that your employer's will be thinking " if he can work from home, then why can't he come to his workplace? "
It would have been better in my humble opinion, if the Dr said you weren't fit for work period, due to ongoing mental health issues. If you are feeling anxious and stressed do you think you should be doing any work at all? It seems from what you are saying that your employer's will be looking at what they can and can't do for you from an employment standpoint.
I would in your position ask for a meeting to discuss your situation and make it a " clear the air " meeting. You are understandably stressed and I think you are right to be. At least following a meeting with your bosses you will hopefully know where the ground lies. It's the not knowing, they are " inadvertantly " ? making you stew and that in itself is causing you mental health problems. I hope I have been of some help but if I were you - for the sake of your mental healt - seek clarity as soon as possible and let's hope they will agree to your request for a meeting. Take care bud.
Ghost Rider
Player Valuation: £8m
Cheers. The work from home advice actually came from someone else In this thread last time I posted about it. I work in a job that the only difference between being at home and being at the office is answering the phones, which is not a key part of the job!
I got a phone call at five past five in the end after I sent the signed doctors note in and said I will log on at home Monday. Basically advised me don't return next week, instead I'll have a meeting next Friday with them and HR to support me and find out what my issues are. I was hoping this would be the case as the reasons I went off was... Well their fault!
Just means I can't apply for the job that has came up now. Can't go into so much messing (which I didn't want) only to throw it back at then a week later! But if it means I can work at home for the next few months then I guess that is a fair trade off on my end. Just means when I can office it full time I do so outside of the department rather than in it, probably best for me in the long run mentally at that point.
Believe me I am not ready to go back to work but I understand it's because of the many reasons that exist there on a personal level. Things I will be bringing up when I do return. So not wanting to go back now will never go away , that's a cycle I have to break myself.
Just wondering how mentioning how poorly I'm treated as an individual will go down when I raise them all. For context here , I am quite often 'punished' by management rather than praised. There was something a couple of years ago I was being blamed for the lack of communication ahead of it , when in the bigger picture , it had nothing to do with me. I've had tasks taken away due to the wording of an email, department wide emails stopped when it was my turn to get one from management etc. Without being too exact , I certainly have a justified chip!
Let's just see how next Friday goes and how much they cater for me. If it's fully then I don't go for the job and just accept the conditions. If they won't cater for me then I will go for the job and pay the ridicuous prices for school care and get them to at least fix my hours to allow me to do both
@Ghost Rider and Spotty. I hate to disagree with you Spotty because you give such good mental health advice but in this case I have to. If the cause of your stress and anxiety is the environment you are working in, removing you from that environment will improve your wellbeing. It is therefore a very valid reasonable adjustment to help an employee maintain good attendance at work. Workplace stress is very real and as debilitating as any other mental health condition. I have knowwn people be physically sick just by having to enter the office and I won a substantial pay out for a lady who got PTSD entirely from her experiences at work - which her managers ignored for years and became so bad she had to retire early. So working from home becomes a win win option for the employee who wants to work and the employer who has somebody at work rather than off sick. If anything this pandemic has exposed managers who are terrified of losing control over their staff who have shown that working from home has zero impact on their ability to perform.
As for your meeting on Friday. Ask for copies, if you haven't got them already, of the sick absence policy, especially anything that mentions a phased return. Insist that notes are taken and if up can, take someone with you as a companion. Given that you have been off with stress they would be very foolish to refuse that. Emphasise you are willing to work from home and if it looks like they are trying to push back on the doctors advice ask them why. Make them say exactly why you have to attend If they mention answering the phones, ask how they have managed while you have been off and why can't that arrangement continue. If you feel you can offer a compromise , say one day a week in the workplace then do it but only on your terms.
In my place of work, phased returns are usually a gradual build up over a period of four weeks. It might be worth you deciding what you want to do and suggest it to them. I would start low though. If you could do 3 hours a day to start with offer them 2. Then if they say can you do 3 and you say yes then it reflects well on you and they think they have achieved something.
Good luck.
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Just want to point out something, there was a poll done in the States, 90%+ said there is a mental health emergency situation going on at the moment. Across all spectrums, all political affiliations, all races and all sexes. Everyone knows someone dealing with this [Poor language removed] or are dealing with something themselves. My wife and I met up with some good friends last night we haven't seen in a couple years (they moved away) and I told them what I was dealing with just so they were aware. They were super supportive.
If anyone is dealing with anything and keeping it internal, please, reach out. It is absolute agony and anguish internalizing these things. We can all work through these things but we absolutely need help. Let us try to help.
If anyone is dealing with anything and keeping it internal, please, reach out. It is absolute agony and anguish internalizing these things. We can all work through these things but we absolutely need help. Let us try to help.
Anjel as ever you make good and valid points. I agree with you, removing Ghost from a stressful work environment is going to benefit him.
Can you highlight what part of what I said you disagree with, I'm a little confused buddy. I respect your opinion regardless if it differs from my own, but just clarify where your opinion differs from mine. Cheers and take care.
Hi Spotty. The only bit I disagree with is that I am of the opinion that the GP has done exactly the right thing by saying that Ghost is fit for work as long as he can work at home. Work is making him ill so the GP is forcing their hand to explain why he has to be in the office. The question that if you can work from home then you can work from the office should not come into it because the cause of the problem is being in the office. If HR ever tried to push back against a fit note containing reasonable adjustments of any sort I always used to ask them what medical qualifications they had that could go against a GPs advice. Usually worked.
Hope that makes sense.
Angel surely your " work is making you ill....." is the crux of the issue. No person should be in the situation whereby their place of work is causing you mental health problems. It appears to me from what Ghost is saying they haven't been very good in allaying any concerns Ghost has. Might I suggest that the job of the GP is to make a decision as to whether or not - due to physical / mental health problems - is fit or not work. If Ghost said to his GP that he's stressed going into work, then the GP maybe should have said to Ghost " no, your stressed out and as such your not fit to go to work '.
Ghost should be able to go into work, even if it's just to work on the phones, and he should feel comfortable in doing so.
People can always disagree with me Anjel. On matters of mental health I like to think my views are well received but if people disagree, I will accept that. I will always give a rational for what I say re: mental health. I take it very serious the advice and support I give because it's people's lives your dealing with. But I would like to think that people feel confident enough they can have a different view from mine. Take care Anjel.
Your advice is always excellent. I suppose I am looking at this from a trade union perspective. It would appear that Ghost would like to be at work but the thing that is stopping him and causing him to be ill is the act of being in work in an atmosphere that makes him ill because of how he is treated. It isnt because he can't do the work. Removing that barrier - which the GP is trying to do, enables him to work.
My other concern is that due to most organisations sickness absence procedures the longer you are off sick the more likely you are to get sucked into what is laughingly called attendance improvement plans which, worst case scenario, will end up getting you sacked if you can't maintain an improvement in your attendance. You fall into a cycle of warnings which cause additional stress and anxiety because you worry about your attendance at work as well as everything else. I've never understood how giving people who have mental health worries a warning about their attendance can possibly be beneficial and help them to get back to work. It's like pouring petrol on a bonfire. I have known some very good sympathetic managers who move heaven and earth to avoid that but many others just adopt a rules is rules stance and issue warnings. A common misconception is that because ypur GP has signed you off the policies and procedures do not apply. They do. A GP saying you can't work is no safeguard.
I'll tell you our situation A first warning is triggered by 9 days absence ior 3 or more periods of absence in a rolling year. You are then put on an improvement plan. You are "allowed" 6 more days absence in the improvement period. Usually 6 months. If you achieve that it doesn't reset, you then have another 12 months of a monitoring period. Only then do you go back to no warnings. If you fail the improvement period you are at second warning stage with equally stringent conditions attached. It's awful. So I guess we are coming at this from two different angles.
My other concern is that due to most organisations sickness absence procedures the longer you are off sick the more likely you are to get sucked into what is laughingly called attendance improvement plans which, worst case scenario, will end up getting you sacked if you can't maintain an improvement in your attendance. You fall into a cycle of warnings which cause additional stress and anxiety because you worry about your attendance at work as well as everything else. I've never understood how giving people who have mental health worries a warning about their attendance can possibly be beneficial and help them to get back to work. It's like pouring petrol on a bonfire. I have known some very good sympathetic managers who move heaven and earth to avoid that but many others just adopt a rules is rules stance and issue warnings. A common misconception is that because ypur GP has signed you off the policies and procedures do not apply. They do. A GP saying you can't work is no safeguard.
I'll tell you our situation A first warning is triggered by 9 days absence ior 3 or more periods of absence in a rolling year. You are then put on an improvement plan. You are "allowed" 6 more days absence in the improvement period. Usually 6 months. If you achieve that it doesn't reset, you then have another 12 months of a monitoring period. Only then do you go back to no warnings. If you fail the improvement period you are at second warning stage with equally stringent conditions attached. It's awful. So I guess we are coming at this from two different angles.
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In regards trade union and workers rights Anjel, I bow to your superior knowledge. Tell me, do you think Trade Unionism is treated with respect or do you think employer's see Unions as " trouble ". I believe from a mental health viewpoint, a Union member like yourself and the subsequent advice you offer, etc can be very reassuring for people who get stressed because they believe they are being taken advantage of at work. I'm sure Ghost won't mind me saying he is a good example of how work and the worries it can bring, can have a very real effect on the mental well being of a person. Take care, Anjel, all the best fella.