Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brett Angell Delight]

I look at all the posts on here and feel ashamed to post because I think my issues are all self inflicted. However I thought I’d post anyway as I’ve never felt so low and there seems to be a huge amount of kind hearted people on here.

I separated from my wife a few months ago because I thought the grass was greener (it never is), ever since I have regretted it but I feel so deep in a hole now I have no idea how to get back out. I have hurt my wife, my kids and the other person and have no idea how to sort it out and to be honest I don’t feel I deserve to have it sorted as it’s my fault.

We all make mistakes, mate. That you’ve admitted it is brave.

Truth be told, there may be no “sorting it” completely, but admitting your mistakes to your ex and kids and making an apology is the best you can do. You don’t have to live with them to be a great dad so focus on that and you won’t go far wrong.

All the best.

 

[witchdoc187]

I look at all the posts on here and feel ashamed to post because I think my issues are all self inflicted. However I thought I’d post anyway as I’ve never felt so low and there seems to be a huge amount of kind hearted people on here.

I separated from my wife a few months ago because I thought the grass was greener (it never is), ever since I have regretted it but I feel so deep in a hole now I have no idea how to get back out. I have hurt my wife, my kids and the other person and have no idea how to sort it out and to be honest I don’t feel I deserve to have it sorted as it’s my fault.

I don't know you mate or your circumstances but here's my tuppance. Firstly never feel ashamed (within reason) never compare yourself to others either. I just came out of a 14 year relationship, 10 years marriage. It is not easy, particularly when a child is involved. If you feel the way you did there is a reason and the bravest step is moving away from that situation. You are strong for doing this. You have one life is that how you wanted it to be forever? Clearly not. However, do not think for one second you can just move on overnight and life will be immediately better. Equally, just because you feel bad now, is not a reason to go back to whatever it is you thought you might have had, which in fact probably doesn't exist. Nearly a year later I'm hurting my friend but my life is now mine to build. Trust me it gets better. I hope you can relate to some of this. Keep going and do not look back as hard as it may seem. AND ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS KNOW YOU LOVE THEM. In fact scrub the rest and just read what I have written in capitals

 

[summerisle]

On Radio 3 this week there's been a series of autobiographical essays from Adrian Edmondson. They're very good, in this episode he discusses his depression, suicide attempt and how he tried to overcome his mental health issues.

BBC Radio 3 - The Essay, Adrian Edmondson - Signs of Life (Series 2), Nuts

Five reflections on his life by comedian, actor and writer, Adrian Edmondson.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[JLW]

My dad starts his Chemo today and if I'm completely honest i don't want him to have it.

Neither do most of my family, my mum, his sisters, but he doesn't know that and its his choice in the end.

The reasons why is his cancer (Mesothelioma) cannot be cured and right now he is his normal self. I know that Chemo kills all good and bad cells in your body which is why you become weak from it and basically your immune system is none existent. He has a quality of life now and can do everything he wants to but he could be floored of the treatment and that's my worry. The oncologist told me that chest infections flu's etc are very dangerous when you're taking Chemo.

I've seen too many people go rapidly downhill when the start their treatment. Chemo is fantastic for certain cancers and obviously can cure them but for my dads it's going to do next to nothing against the cancer, quality of life is my main concern for him now. I would rather he lived for 8-10 months relatively pain free than 12 months destroyed by the Chemo or susceptible to getting hospitalized from an infection because his immune system is down.

 

[Spotty]

My dad starts his Chemo today and if I'm completely honest i don't want him to have it.

Neither do most of my family, my mum, his sisters, but he doesn't know that and its his choice in the end.

The reasons why is his cancer (Mesothelioma) cannot be cured and right now he is his normal self. I know that Chemo kills all good and bad cells in your body which is why you become weak from it and basically your immune system is none existent. He has a quality of life now and can do everything he wants to but he could be floored of the treatment and that's my worry. The oncologist told me that chest infections flu's etc are very dangerous when you're taking Chemo.

I've seen too many people go rapidly downhill when the start their treatment. Chemo is fantastic for certain cancers and obviously can cure them but for my dads it's going to do next to nothing against the cancer, quality of life is my main concern for him now. I would rather he lived for 8-10 months relatively pain free than 12 months destroyed by the Chemo or susceptible to getting hospitalized from an infection because his immune system is down.

JLW obviously not a cancer expert but the health professionals would not let dad start it, even given the well documented side effects, without the hope of some benefits. Perhaps have the conversation needs to be had with Dad, tell him how you feel and what your concerns are, but reassure him he still has all your love and support. Hope you all have some peace of mind in a very trying time for you all. Good luck to all of you and take care. I'm sure the thoughts of many on this forum are with you buddy.

 

[JLW]

JLW obviously not a cancer expert but the health professionals would not let dad start it, even given the well documented side effects, without the hope of some benefits. Perhaps have the conversation needs to be had with Dad, tell him how you feel and what your concerns are, but reassure him he still has all your love and support. Hope you all have some peace of mind in a very trying time for you all. Good luck to all of you and take care. I'm sure the thoughts of many on this forum are with you buddy.

Thanks mate much appreciated!

He’s just got back and it was cancelled so he didnt know why? Anyway the oncologist called and said that his last scan 2 weeks ago which he never had the results of have came back the same as his scan in March (it hasn’t grew) So he’s happy to hold off on the chemo while he’s fit and well and the cancer is stable!

Happy days

 

[Gwladysover]

Thanks mate much appreciated!

He’s just got back and it was cancelled so he didnt know why? Anyway the oncologist called and said that his last scan 2 weeks ago which he never had the results of have came back the same as his scan in March (it hasn’t grew) So he’s happy to hold off on the chemo while he’s fit and well and the cancer is stable!

Happy days

So very pleased for you, Dad and family, best wishes to you all.?

 

[Spotty]

Thanks mate much appreciated!

He’s just got back and it was cancelled so he didnt know why? Anyway the oncologist called and said that his last scan 2 weeks ago which he never had the results of have came back the same as his scan in March (it hasn’t grew) So he’s happy to hold off on the chemo while he’s fit and well and the cancer is stable!

Happy days

That sounds like some positive news. Long may it continue. Look after yourself in what is a very difficult time for you and dad.

 

[Spotty]

Just a thought people. Have faith in people, loved ones, friends, health professionals, general public. Have faith in their humanity, their belief they don't want to see people suffering, no, they don't like to see people suffering and their / our natural instinct is to reach out a hand and help.

If your suffering, experiencing mental health problems, I promise there are people out there who WANT to help to get better, repair, and recover your peace of mind. So please share, talk to someone and say " I need help ". Have faith people in one another, life is not perfect, it's just not but it can be s lot better. Prioritise your mental health everyone and take care.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Thanks mate much appreciated!

He’s just got back and it was cancelled so he didnt know why? Anyway the oncologist called and said that his last scan 2 weeks ago which he never had the results of have came back the same as his scan in March (it hasn’t grew) So he’s happy to hold off on the chemo while he’s fit and well and the cancer is stable!

Happy days

That's good to hear. Love to you all

 

[ForeverBlue92]

My dad starts his Chemo today and if I'm completely honest i don't want him to have it.

Neither do most of my family, my mum, his sisters, but he doesn't know that and its his choice in the end.

The reasons why is his cancer (Mesothelioma) cannot be cured and right now he is his normal self. I know that Chemo kills all good and bad cells in your body which is why you become weak from it and basically your immune system is none existent. He has a quality of life now and can do everything he wants to but he could be floored of the treatment and that's my worry. The oncologist told me that chest infections flu's etc are very dangerous when you're taking Chemo.

I've seen too many people go rapidly downhill when the start their treatment. Chemo is fantastic for certain cancers and obviously can cure them but for my dads it's going to do next to nothing against the cancer, quality of life is my main concern for him now. I would rather he lived for 8-10 months relatively pain free than 12 months destroyed by the Chemo or susceptible to getting hospitalized from an infection because his immune system is down.

Fingers crossed for him mate.

 

[WilliamPerry]

Thanks mate much appreciated!

He’s just got back and it was cancelled so he didnt know why? Anyway the oncologist called and said that his last scan 2 weeks ago which he never had the results of have came back the same as his scan in March (it hasn’t grew) So he’s happy to hold off on the chemo while he’s fit and well and the cancer is stable!

Happy days

Nice one mate .

 

[JelavicBrate2]

I'm currently trying to curb drinking, I'm 5 days in, I know that's not that long, but recently my drinking has brought nothing but problems. I've don't think I'm an Alcoholic although I have been to AA a few times, but while I relate to some things I feel it's a bit culty. I'll try to give up on ale for a few months, I don't know whether anyone on here knows whether alcohol contributes to depression or it doesn't I don't know, but I'll give it a rest for a while, it's costing me too much money and poor health issues.

 

[Nymzee]

I'm currently trying to curb drinking, I'm 5 days in, I know that's not that long, but recently my drinking has brought nothing but problems. I've don't think I'm an Alcoholic although I have been to AA a few times, but while I relate to some things I feel it's a bit culty. I'll try to give up on ale for a few months, I don't know whether anyone on here knows whether alcohol contributes to depression or it doesn't I don't know, but I'll give it a rest for a while, it's costing me too much money and poor health issues.

Yes, alcohol is officially categorised as a depressant. Good luck with it buddy - I cut down on it massively a year or so ago and feel miles better.

 

[WilliamPerry]

I'm currently trying to curb drinking, I'm 5 days in, I know that's not that long, but recently my drinking has brought nothing but problems. I've don't think I'm an Alcoholic although I have been to AA a few times, but while I relate to some things I feel it's a bit culty. I'll try to give up on ale for a few months, I don't know whether anyone on here knows whether alcohol contributes to depression or it doesn't I don't know, but I'll give it a rest for a while, it's costing me too much money and poor health issues.

Alcohol is a depressant . I’m ok having 4 or pints I can function the next day . Anything over that I’m in bed for the day . If it’s spirits I can basically write off the next 5 days .

so because I have depression I very rarely drink now .

if I fancy a pint in the house I’ll Try and have a shandy .