Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Spotty]

“Embarrass them later” - I have posted this elsewhere in the past but I think it bears repeating. I took my new boyfriend home to meet my parents unannounced. I entered the living room to be confronted by my Dad sitting by the fire soaking his feet in a bowl of water.?. It didn’t put my boyfriend off though and we’ve been married 46 years! @Winslow89, I can’t speak from the perspective of being a new Dad but I echo everything that has been posted on here. Parenthood is a learning process, and you will learn what suits you and your baby and what is right for you. Take no notice of social media posts showing perfect families, perfect babies etc. they exist only for the camera. A neighbour once remarked to me “I always know when you are coming round the corner , I can hear your baby crying down the street!” Don’t know whether she was being nasty or just joking but I became convinced no other baby cried and certainly not as much as mine who could have cried for England. I really worried over this until my Dad (the aforementioned embarrassing parent) said “He won’t do it when he’s 21” which, at the time, I thought was a daft thing to say because of course he wouldn’t but in reality was just his way of telling me that the stages of baby/childhood are temporary and will pass. All the best to you and your family, make the most of these years, even the trying times, it’s a cliche but they really do pass in the blink of an eye.?

Have to say I've said to my wife lots of times " I wish they were toddlers again ". Used to come in and they'd run to me for the lift and cuddle. Unconditional love from you and them. THE best years of my life. Proper little boys, dirty, naughty but very loving kids. So as your saying GWladysover ,make the most of them growing up. I've literally chocked up thinking about those fantastic days.

 

[Baines' left foot]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Blue Piper]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Great to hear that. One of the biggest problems us men suffer from is lack of self care. I had no problems borrowing money to put my kids through college but I would put up with a pain in the back rather than pay 60e to see a doctor. I have had to see a counselor 5 times in my life. The last time was in 2016. Each time it was hugely beneficial. Nothing like dealing with a professional to get you to see things clearly. Well done my friend.

 

[datblygu]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Glad it's working for you and thank you for sharing.

 

[Baines' left foot]

Great to hear that. One of the biggest problems us men suffer from is lack of self care. I had no problems borrowing money to put my kids through college but I would put up with a pain in the back rather than pay 60e to see a doctor. I have had to see a counselor 5 times in my life. The last time was in 2016. Each time it was hugely beneficial. Nothing like dealing with a professional to get you to see things clearly. Well done my friend.

Thank you mate. And you’re spot on, especially with the last bit.

For me it was about identifying my causes of trauma, rationalising them, and facing them head on. It’s incredibly difficult to do it for yourself as your mind isn’t working as it should.

I just wish it was more readily available, as it’d potentially save a lot of lives. Waiting 7 months is not ideal at all.

 

[Gwladysover]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Really good news, so happy to hear that things are going well for you. Would love to hear how you are getting on in the future, please let us know. All the best.?

 

[larbert toffee]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Tremendous mate, well done for being proactive and seeking help, what a difference in you merely from this positive and upbeat post.
Keep it going mate you're doing you're doing really well.

 

[lancs blue]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck my friend. You are taking the right steps

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Just completed my 8th and final counselling session through the NHS.

It took a good while to get started, but the person I spoke to was absolutely fantastic and has been instrumental in helping me to get back full control of my life. I didn’t expect it to be so useful, but it exceeded my expectations greatly.

For the first time in memory I have no major worries occupying my mind. I am finally free of the prison I created for myself inside my mind. It feels bloody good.

I’m also in the process of starting my own business in my trade. It’s funny how some things work in life. I never thought I’d be back on the tools, but I am loving the lack of mental exhaustion and headspace. I’d rather have a slightly sore back than a constantly pressurised head. Going on my own has also forced me to look at myself almost through an external lens, and as a result I am holding myself a lot more accountable for my actions and improving as a person. I’m incredibly proud of myself for turning my life around. It’s my greatest achievement to date. I don’t like cliches, but they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I certainly feel that way right now.

Next stop is therapy. It’d be foolish to consider myself as ‘fixed’. It’ll probably be an ongoing thing, but I’m more than up for the fight now. I will not sink in to the deep mire again.

Look after yourselves, people. And remember, things won’t always be this bad. There’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours waiting at the end of the tunnel.

That's so good to hear.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

Can't speak as a new Dad but can echo what everyone said. Babies cry for seemingly no reason. As a Mum of two our firstborn ( boy) was a dream. Slept well, didn't really cry that much. Our second ( girl) was totally different! I don't think we got a full night's sleep until she was about 4. Even now 25 years later she's a proper night owl. She just doesn't seem to need much sleep. I am ashamed to say that one night/early morning she wandered into our bedroom and told me she had been sick in bed. In my sleep deprived state I told her to go back to bed! Take any help offered. Sleep whenever you can. It will get better and they are so worth it.

 

[Blue Piper]

Can't speak as a new Dad but can echo what everyone said. Babies cry for seemingly no reason. As a Mum of two our firstborn ( boy) was a dream. Slept well, didn't really cry that much. Our second ( girl) was totally different! I don't think we got a full night's sleep until she was about 4. Even now 25 years later she's a proper night owl. She just doesn't seem to need much sleep. I am ashamed to say that one night/early morning she wandered into our bedroom and told me she had been sick in bed. In my sleep deprived state I told her to go back to bed! Take any help offered. Sleep whenever you can. It will get better and they are so worth it.

I've two boys, one 27 and the other 24. Had their moments as infants and toddlers. Best bit of advice I can give is to be kind to your partner. I used to take the baby downstairs for feeding and changing, giving her time to have a shower and get ready. It seemed to make a big difference. Even though both of us were out on our feet the little bits of kindness stuck out.

 

[Baines' left foot]

Tremendous mate, well done for being proactive and seeking help, what a difference in you merely from this positive and upbeat post.
Keep it going mate you're doing you're doing really well.

Can you not give a compliment without it being slightly backhanded? This is the second time.

I’ve told you before that I talk utter guff on here. If you’re taking my poor WUM posts as gospel then I don’t really know what to say.

 

[larbert toffee]

Can you not give a compliment without it being slightly backhanded? This is the second time.

I’ve told you before that I talk utter guff on here. If you’re taking my poor WUM posts as gospel then I don’t really know what to say.

Mate, no offence whatsoever intended, you're reading something that isn't actually there, good luck for the future, I will not be respond ing to any more of your posts .

 

[Baines' left foot]

Mate, no offence whatsoever intended, you're reading something that isn't actually there, good luck for the future, I will not be respond ing to any more of your posts .

No worries. Perhaps I got the wrong end of the stick.

Take care mate.

 

[PKwalnuts]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

All perfectly normal thoughts. You will be doing a fine job though, no two babies are the same and there is no manual. The fact you're so worried shows how much you care. Give yourself the right to get it wrong sometimes, no parent is perfect, just keep trying your best mate.