Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[ForeverBlue92]

Fed up with the relationship I'm in at the moment.

I don't want it to end, but things need to change and the person I'm with isn't willing to change or even listen to me so I don't really know where to go.

Feel like she's just take me as I'am, whilst I'm the one who's having to change and compromise.

It's becoming quite toxic. I don't feel like making any sort of effort now and I know if I spoke to her about how I'm feeling (I have done before) she'd just ignore me and carry on as normal. Basically, it's up to me to deal with the way she is

This is going to be a tough few weeks for me as it's the first Christmas without my mum, and I don't think she's even given it a second thought.

Just feels like one of those situations where we've moved in together, and she's become a completely different person to the one I knew before.

It's put me in a bad place recently and I resent that as I've put so much effort into keeping everything together mentally after the passing of my mum.

I want it to work, but at the same time I think I don't deserve to be feeling like this giving everything I've compromised and been through.

Thats not ideal mate.

My missus is a boss mum and wife but she does at times struggle in reading the room if for example I'm flapping about something.

Thats where communication comes in - the longer you live together the easier it can get but only through compromise. If she refuses to listen then that aint fair on you lad ?

 

[LocalNative]

This is a daft one admist the real trouble people actually go through. I’ve posted about it before and cringed cause it’s dead silly like.

But what point is too late to change your way. I got a great opportunity to leave the city - I blamed it for everything- and got a decent job in London. Same shot carries and I have a genuine terrible relationship with drugs that I cannot avoid. Used to think getting off the k was alright when doing coke but am proper hooked. The worst part is I only Do it when I drink booze which is only once a week or so / so I justify it as ok tightly or wrongly. That’s the brock part tho lad cause I convince myself it’s ok because of that.

Come to the conclusion I can’t drink because of it, always a demand always wanting the high. Spending mad money on gear, even the thought of how much I’d have if I didn’t makes me feel sick.

I’ll regret this post tomorrow in the come down but I’m keeping it up as a hopeful moment that I’ll look at and say ‘sort your life out’.

Worst part is I’ve been hiding it for the past year or 2 from my GF (who I’ve been with for 8 years and stuck by me at my worst) who I swore to I’d never touch it again.

This is a silly post is the grand scheme of proper lads going through trouble.

But anyone who has ever been hooked on something please do PM for a chat (or if not just for a release) - as I say I’ll probs play it all down again tomoz but I need to feel the embarrassment of doing this crap all the time.

I’m very privileged in the wider picture and thought leaving the city would solve everything which it doesn’t.

I know I’m being a proper sausage about it too cause I’m always the first to suggest with mates. All me mates do it too and the problem is I love the high and nights but it always goes back to booze is my trigger. I don’t want to stop drinking tho I need to somehow get over this but I don’t know how.

Any sound advice appreciated via PM

After a great couple of weeks of being back gym and playing footy I went out with mates tonight and back on the coke. It’s so silly and mundane it should be easy to do this.

My mates all do it and are happy to and I cannot resist. I know the easy solution is avoid but don’t wanna feel like I have to avoid my mates cause of my own problems with resisting.

Proper deflating. Certain time back with family at Christmas will help but I need a major kick up the arse to stop feeling like this and doing this crap.

 

[LocalNative]

Started smoking fags again too. Horrid habit and I don’t like them in the slightest.

Disassociating alcohol with drugs, fags and the trouble the bring is so difficult. I fear the only way is to stop drinking but can’t imagine waking up on a Saturday and not drinking before a game or a Friday night out with mates.

Not massive issues in the grand scheme of what ppl go through, just horrid is all.

 

[paultheblue]

After a great couple of weeks of being back gym and playing footy I went out with mates tonight and back on the coke. It’s so silly and mundane it should be easy to do this.

My mates all do it and are happy to and I cannot resist. I know the easy solution is avoid but don’t wanna feel like I have to avoid my mates cause of my own problems with resisting.

Proper deflating. Certain time back with family at Christmas will help but I need a major kick up the arse to stop feeling like this and doing this crap.

It's not a silly post mate , you are best forgetting what happened yesterday as you can't turn back the clock .
You have already proved to yourself that you are capable of staying off the stuff depending on the environment unfortunately drugs are everywhere so it is more to do with the people you mix with and getting away from where the temptation lies . I am sure you can't be the only one amongst your mates that feels they have a problem talk to them and try to work together.
You seem to have a decent girl who is there for you think of her when you are tempted.

 

[COYBL25]

After a great couple of weeks of being back gym and playing footy I went out with mates tonight and back on the coke. It’s so silly and mundane it should be easy to do this.

My mates all do it and are happy to and I cannot resist. I know the easy solution is avoid but don’t wanna feel like I have to avoid my mates cause of my own problems with resisting.

Proper deflating. Certain time back with family at Christmas will help but I need a major kick up the arse to stop feeling like this and doing this crap.

You say that you`re mates are all happy to do it, how do you know, have you tried to talking to them ? ( I know how hard that is )

Maybe for some of them, it`s situational peer pressure, same as it is for you ?

I don`t know how old you are mate, but sometimes you have to make some very hard life decisions for your own well being.

If your mates won`t accept you, unless you`re taking coke, then they`re not really your mates, as all you doing is enabling each other.

I had all this crap off some of my " mates " when I cut down massively on the ale, years ago, due to the meds I was on at the time and the fact that the hangovers were turbo charging my anxiety.

The lads I`m still mates with now, fully accept and understand that I can`t drink like them, because of what it does to me the following day.

 

[Gwladysover]

Started smoking fags again too. Horrid habit and I don’t like them in the slightest.

Disassociating alcohol with drugs, fags and the trouble the bring is so difficult. I fear the only way is to stop drinking but can’t imagine waking up on a Saturday and not drinking before a game or a Friday night out with mates.

Not massive issues in the grand scheme of what ppl go through, just horrid is all.

Echo what others have said. Don’t beat yourself up, you have given up once and you can do it again. If your mates are true friends they will stand by you and if not then they are not worth bothering with. Best of luck.?

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Some of you may remember me from last Christmas, my life hasn’t improved, I’m still in the same place that I swore last year I wouldn’t be again.
I have asked my husband to leave numerous times to get the usual retorts of in a couple of days, which never materialises. He hasn’t changed, he drinks non stop, is verbally abusive, intimidates, doesn’t allow me any boundaries, is awful to my daughter, I could go on and on. He’s messaging his next unsuspecting victim, I just want him gone.

 

[Brendan Janus]

Some of you may remember me from last Christmas, my life hasn’t improved, I’m still in the same place that I swore last year I wouldn’t be again.
I have asked my husband to leave numerous times to get the usual retorts of in a couple of days, which never materialises. He hasn’t changed, he drinks non stop, is verbally abusive, intimidates, doesn’t allow me any boundaries, is awful to my daughter, I could go on and on. He’s messaging his next unsuspecting victim, I just want him gone.

Hi is he financially able to stand on his own two feet if he does leave ?

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Hi is he financially able to stand on his own two feet if he does leave ?

He didn’t work for 8 months as he wasn’t turning up for work. He’s had a job for 4 months and the last month and he’s been off the last month, same issue.

 

[Brendan Janus]

He didn’t work for 8 months as he wasn’t turning up for work. He’s had a job for 4 months and the last month and he’s been off the last month, same issue.

If he can't afford to leave then he probably won't, my ex Wife left me for another fella, whilst I was going to football, she would see him, fortunately I was in a position to get somewhere, admittedly £750 a month rent, plus bills & parking charges, I have never ever recovered & I have had all sorts of mental issues for nigh on three years now !

 

[Twinkletoes123]

If he can't afford to leave then he probably won't, my ex Wife left me for another fella, whilst I was going to football, she would see him, fortunately I was in a position to get somewhere, admittedly £750 a month rent, plus bills & parking charges, I have never ever recovered & I have had all sorts of mental issues for nigh on three years now !

He’s messaging someone he was in school with and she has depression and low self esteem, promising her the world. This is his pattern, I lost my Dad and Grandmother and was pretty down when he started with me, now the pattern is happening all over again. I really feel sorry for her.

 

[Brendan Janus]

He’s messaging someone he was in school with and she has depression and low self esteem, promising her the world. This is his pattern, I lost my Dad and Grandmother and was pretty down when he started with me, now the pattern is happening all over again. I really feel sorry for her.

It appears he may pray on the vulnerable then, I had that with texting, she would sit there texting him, in front of me, then go to the bedroom to talk to him, it went on for two months.
I'm not being nosey, but do you have a joint mortgage or a joint rent book ?

 

[Twinkletoes123]

No, there are no joint accounts, they are all in my name.
He’s a menace, just preys on the vulnerable, I’d hate for her to go through what we are. If I say something to her he’ll never go and we’ll incur his wrath but if I don’t say anything she’ll have it all to deal with.

 

[Brendan Janus]

If there is no joint living in place, ie mortgage, rent book, etc, in writing, then you can ask him to leave, through the right channels of course, but I wouldn't want it to cause you more aggro & grief !!
I wouldn't tell the other woman what he is like

 

[Twinkletoes123]

If there is no joint living in place, ie mortgage, rent book, etc, in writing, then you can ask him to leave, through the right channels of course, but I wouldn't want it to cause you more aggro & grief !!
I wouldn't tell the other woman what he is like

I wouldn’t like her to go through it, it’s just my nature. She seems pretty low herself and he is using his love bombing technique to reel her in, before he goes the full on narcissistic sociopaths that I am used to.