Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

After my last few posts on here in September I've really tried to do better. Notes around the house to remind me to do things I need to, sticking rigidly to my agenda and setting reminders for important stuff.

Today, I've found out that something I forgot to do 2 months ago has cost us another 300 quid and the whole cycle has started again. My girlfriend is, rightly, furious. Calling me all sorts and really yelling.

When somebody shouts at me, I can't handle it (thanks to my dad, who only communicated through yelling) and I just want to make it stop.

I've been sat in a darkened room for 45 minutes thinking some horrible stuff. Its just never going to get better. I'm never going to be able to function like a normal adult and she'll always have to worry about where the next surprise is coming from.

You know what mate, you can’t change who you are, I’m sure your girlfriend has her faults too.

Maybe delegate all the financial stuff to her, if she’s the organised one and save all the grief ?

My brother ( (52 ) still regularly goes out, leaving the fire / cooker on, forgets to close the front door, loses his phone / keys etc and money just washes through his hands.

Over the years, many women have tried to change him, all have failed - it‘s just the way he is.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

You know what mate, you can’t change who you are, I’m sure your girlfriend has her faults too.

Maybe delegate all the financial stuff to her, if she’s the organised one and save all the grief ?

My brother ( (52 ) still regularly goes out, leaving the fire / cooker on, forgets to close the front door, loses his phone / keys etc and money just washes through his hands.

Over the years, many women have tried to change him, all have failed - it‘s just the way he is.

The only faults she has is being slow at leaving the house, getting angry and staying angry for ages and poor taste in men... none of which are likely to ruin your adult life or anybody else's.

She already does 90% of our household admin. All this stuff started before she took it over 2 years ago. Then there's the small stuff that I can't hand over that I still stuff up. Its not fair for her to be my mother/accountant because I'm useless. I totally understand her frustration.

I really hate myself for this stuff.

 

[COYBL25]

The only faults she has is being slow at leaving the house, getting angry and staying angry for ages and poor taste in men... none of which are likely to ruin your adult life or anybody else's.

She already does 90% of our household admin. All this stuff started before she took it over 2 years ago. Then there's the small stuff that I can't hand over that I still stuff up. Its not fair for her to be my mother/accountant because I'm useless. I totally understand her frustration.

I really hate myself for this stuff.

There has to be some middle ground mate.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

There has to be some middle ground mate.

I've really been trying to get more organised. And I can see the difference. If I think logically, this is a problem from early September which is when I started really trying hard to find solutions (I'm supposed to be getting assessed for adhd next week, finally).

So in reality its something that slipped through the cracks. I just feel I'm back at square 1 now. And that the way she looks at how im trying to take the issues seriously is as well... I want to talk to her to explain, but she doesn't want to hear it (fair enougg) and I really don't want to face the anger again.

 

[COYBL25]

I've really been trying to get more organised. And I can see the difference. If I think logically, this is a problem from early September which is when I started really trying hard to find solutions (I'm supposed to be getting assessed for adhd next week, finally).

So in reality its something that slipped through the cracks. I just feel I'm back at square 1 now. And that the way she looks at how im trying to take the issues seriously is as well... I want to talk to her to explain, but she doesn't want to hear it (fair enougg) and I really don't want to face the anger again.

Maybe her attitude will change, if you get diagnosed, as at least then you can get some proper help

 

[paultheblue]

The only faults she has is being slow at leaving the house, getting angry and staying angry for ages and poor taste in men... none of which are likely to ruin your adult life or anybody else's.

She already does 90% of our household admin. All this stuff started before she took it over 2 years ago. Then there's the small stuff that I can't hand over that I still stuff up. Its not fair for her to be my mother/accountant because I'm useless. I totally understand her frustration.

I really hate myself for this stuff.

All of us have our faults mate in hind sight I wish I had been a better husband I never cheated on my wife but I could have been more tactile but it was just the way I was brought up.
But you can't change the person you are you can only do your best so don't beat yourself up about it mate just try and be your best possible self.

 

[Gwladysover]

I've really been trying to get more organised. And I can see the difference. If I think logically, this is a problem from early September which is when I started really trying hard to find solutions (I'm supposed to be getting assessed for adhd next week, finally).

So in reality its something that slipped through the cracks. I just feel I'm back at square 1 now. And that the way she looks at how im trying to take the issues seriously is as well... I want to talk to her to explain, but she doesn't want to hear it (fair enougg) and I really don't want to face the anger again.

You have been trying to be more organised and you can see the difference. You are not back at square one, you have made progress. Your assessment next week will hopefully see you get the help you need and your progress will continue. I hope your girlfriend’s anger has subsided and you have been able to talk. Please don’t hate yourself, you are a good person.?

 

[Lobster Johnson]

All of us have our faults mate in hind sight I wish I had been a better husband I never cheated on my wife but I could have been more tactile but it was just the way I was brought up.
But you can't change the person you are you can only do your best so don't beat yourself up about it mate just try and be your best possible self.

Thanks for that, and thanks also to @COYBL25

I really do beat myself up about it. But, to be fair, she has a good go at it too. It's paid now and luckily I have a decent sized invoice due on monday so I wont miss the money. It's just the money wasted that annoys her. It annoys me too but I don't tend to ever get really angry at anything (except myself). One good consequence of over thinking everything, I guess.

I came home today thinking I was going to have a talk with her about a friend of mine who got sent to the palliative care ward today but I haven't had a chance to mention it yet. Or think about it.

 

[Gwladysover]

Incidentally COYBL and Gladys, I meant what I said. It's good folk like you and other regulars, that make this forum a very safe and reassuring place for people who are often desperate. You should be proud of yourselves and you do make a difference.

Thanks, Spotty, ?

 

[Gwladysover]

I'm really [Poor language removed] depressed. But seeing my boy dancing around for England keeps me alive. Let's hope we go further

So sorry that you are feeling depressed. I echo what others have said regarding seeking help, in the meantime focus on the joy which your little lad brings you. As to England going further, it will be great if they do but experience tells me it will end in disappointment. I hope that things improve for you soon.?

 

[duncs pigeon]

Guys, please indulge me. Posted on here about 2 weeks ago … I was lost, hurting and felt so alone. It was hard for me to admit to myself I was so low as I’m quite a proud and independent man .. but I’ve learnt a valuable lesson , mental health isn’t picky, you don’t do anything that makes you a sufferer, mental health doesn’t choose you .. it’s not picky .. I reached out in here at my lowest and 2 weeks on I feel much better, life makes more sense and I feel I am important to some people and I am worth something. People on here were fantastic, I even had a very good friend, whom I love dearly, contact my partner to get hold of me to check I was ok… that made me feel I was worth something to some people, even today I received a message on here checking up on me.. let me assure you all , I’m ok and working through things. I would never embarrass the people who contacted me but honestly if someone on here reaches out to you when you’re at your lowest please believe that they care and are genuine in their concern. I was down in the darkest place but this place pulled me back and I will forever be indebted to those who contacted me… anybody who is struggling please please reach out .. there are so many good people on here who genuinely care.

Great post mate. The bottom line is, anybody who is feeling a bit down for whatever reason, please reach out and talk to somebody. I've been there and believe me it helps and puts you back on the right path.

 

[LinekersLegs]

Thanks for that, and thanks also to @COYBL25

I really do beat myself up about it. But, to be fair, she has a good go at it too. It's paid now and luckily I have a decent sized invoice due on monday so I wont miss the money. It's just the money wasted that annoys her. It annoys me too but I don't tend to ever get really angry at anything (except myself). One good consequence of over thinking everything, I guess.

I came home today thinking I was going to have a talk with her about a friend of mine who got sent to the palliative care ward today but I haven't had a chance to mention it yet. Or think about it.

I hope that in a few days things calm down a bit and that both of you can focus on the progress you have made to date, and the potential for further help if you are diagnosed.

Sorry to hear about your friend, that is a tough thing to deal with all by itself.

 

[Charro]

Fed up with the relationship I'm in at the moment.

I don't want it to end, but things need to change and the person I'm with isn't willing to change or even listen to me so I don't really know where to go.

Feel like she's just take me as I'am, whilst I'm the one who's having to change and compromise.

It's becoming quite toxic. I don't feel like making any sort of effort now and I know if I spoke to her about how I'm feeling (I have done before) she'd just ignore me and carry on as normal. Basically, it's up to me to deal with the way she is

This is going to be a tough few weeks for me as it's the first Christmas without my mum, and I don't think she's even given it a second thought.

Just feels like one of those situations where we've moved in together, and she's become a completely different person to the one I knew before.

It's put me in a bad place recently and I resent that as I've put so much effort into keeping everything together mentally after the passing of my mum.

I want it to work, but at the same time I think I don't deserve to be feeling like this giving everything I've compromised and been through.

 

[Spotty]

I've really been trying to get more organised. And I can see the difference. If I think logically, this is a problem from early September which is when I started really trying hard to find solutions (I'm supposed to be getting assessed for adhd next week, finally).

So in reality its something that slipped through the cracks. I just feel I'm back at square 1 now. And that the way she looks at how im trying to take the issues seriously is as well... I want to talk to her to explain, but she doesn't want to hear it (fair enougg) and I really don't want to face the anger again.

Lobster ...and now she doesn't want to hear it, fair enough ". Sorry Lobster, it doesn't seem to be fair enough to me. Sounds to me you've been measured and you want to improve things. I would hope her love for you would see you both through your mistakes. I'm sorry Lobster but I think your doing yourself down my friend. I would have recommended honest mature conversations about how you and your wife move things forward. Am I " metaphorically " beating up on your wife,? certainly not. But this is a two way thing. I note this has happened before - "this" being you not doing things right - but your a sensitive soul buddy, your trying your best. By refusing to talk she is putting a wall up and not knocking it down, she's building on it. I've no doubt there are things you do that get on her nerves - I've been married 34 years last Friday - so I know there's blame apportioned to both parties in a marriage. Your mental health is paramount Lobster, the issue in your marriage is the major contributory factor in your mental health deteriorating. It needs both of you to talk about it bud, that's not optional. Take care my friend and I hope you have peace of mind soon.

 

[Gwladysover]

Fed up with the relationship I'm in at the moment.

I don't want it to end, but things need to change and the person I'm with isn't willing to change or even listen to me so I don't really know where to go.

Feel like she's just take me as I'am, whilst I'm the one who's having to change and compromise.

It's becoming quite toxic. I don't feel like making any sort of effort now and I know if I spoke to her about how I'm feeling (I have done before) she'd just ignore me and carry on as normal. Basically, it's up to me to deal with the way she is

This is going to be a tough few weeks for me as it's the first Christmas without my mum, and I don't think she's even given it a second thought.

Just feels like one of those situations where we've moved in together, and she's become a completely different person to the one I knew before.

It's put me in a bad place recently and I resent that as I've put so much effort into keeping everything together mentally after the passing of my mum.

I want it to work, but at the same time I think I don't deserve to be feeling like this giving everything I've compromised and been through.

So sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment made more difficult by the passing of your Mum and the thought of your first Christmas without her. Is your moving in together recent? If so adjusting to living together combined with the loss of your Mum will have involved a major upheaval for you. You say you have put a lot of effort into keeping everything together mentally but have you given yourself time to grieve? I know from experience that not allowing yourself to grieve is not a good thing. Try talking to your gf again, tell her how you are feeling, try not to let your resentment build . You certainly don’t deserve to feel the way you do and I hope that your situation improves soon. Best wishes.?