Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[JelavicBrate2]

After a few weeks sober and in AA I relapsed, badly. Girlfriend is in hospital having major surgery and I didn’t go and see her because I was [Poor language removed] up.

Looked in her bedside table for something and found photos and letters from her ex. No issue with her having them, but it cut me up regardless.

Only reprieve is no Everton until December.

Speaking as someone who has serious problems with alcohol and has like you continued drinking despite attending AA meetings, I can only say this to you. Someone said it in a meeting, you drink to get happy, yet the drink just makes you more unhappy, because of the stuff that happens when your drunk, you go out to meet friends or make friends yet the drink only makes you lose them, you go the bars to meet girls, yet alcohol only makes you less attractive to women. For people like us alcohol is poison, it turns us into people we are not. I was trying to impress this barmaid who I thought may have liked me, why I don't know because I'm a drunken waste of space. Now in the beginning she me of, but because I constantly managed to say stupid things to her and dig a deeper hold for myself, saying I preferred her friend, saying her friend was my type not her just to hurt her and other offensive things, I've come across as a scumbags. Now she could of been a lot nastier to me, but didn't which shows she's a good person, other women wouldn't be so kind. So the only girl who I've ever had genuine feelings for I messed up with her and I've come across as someone I'm not. I should of saw the writing on the wall years ago and stopped drinking, whether you believe in God or not, I think God has given me countless warnings about by drinking and now I've ruined things permantly, with regards to other issues. I wish I'd never touched a drop of alcohol ever.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

@Brendan Janus
It's probably easiest here. Where there are plenty of others that have shared their pain and suffering. It aint easy, but, the longer you keep hold of it, the more corrosion it does inside. When you've been let down, when you've been flucked over, when it's as dark as you can ever remember. It's the talking it out and the coming to terms with whatever it is. Loss, betrayal, abuse, dereliction of care, it's not always so easy to find the sunny side - keep it light, sometimes the hurt needs to be felt first to then start to heal. Hard yards, difficult times, booze does not help or fix anything. Self destruction is exactly what it says. Believe it or not 'giving up' is actually more 'loss'. And loss is eventual regret. Wan.kers saying 'pull yourself together' simply aint listening, but they may be snowed under themselves. Was gonna post this earlier... https://www.thecalmzone.net/ but wussed out. There is help out there and in here, the hardest part in that is you actually want to have to want it. Having lost a chunk of time floundering myself, it's that recognition and reflection that was as destructive as the cause. It didn't happen overnight (I suspect but don't know) so it is unrealistic to expect a cure overnight either.

First most positive step is shouting it up, positive steps...

Absolutely spot on x

 

[MrPerfectNot]

Just a note, I've not visited this thread for a while, but it's marvelous to see it pinned and used by GOT members. This is absolutely one of the best, most sincere forum threads I've ever seen anywhere.

Well done, Blues.

 

[Spotty]

I am fuming. One of my patients stole my mobile phone. I have needed supervision to deal with this. I'm a health professional, I AM a compassionate man and I WILL go the " extra mile " for the patient's. But this has knocked the stuffing out of me. He's been " passed on " to another nurse but he is traumatised that he did it. He's tried to call me but I've been advised to stop contact with him. We've been through a lot together but I hate the way he has left me feeling, I wanted to scream at him, but I've been left losing my faith in humanity. It's been left up to me whether or not to report it to the police , but I can't. It's how this whole episode has left me feeling is the upsetting part. I dispair sometimes. I'll be fine in a week or so.

 

[COYBL25]

I am fuming. One of my patients stole my mobile phone. I have needed supervision to deal with this. I'm a health professional, I AM a compassionate man and I WILL go the " extra mile " for the patient's. But this has knocked the stuffing out of me. He's been " passed on " to another nurse but he is traumatised that he did it. He's tried to call me but I've been advised to stop contact with him. We've been through a lot together but I hate the way he has left me feeling, I wanted to scream at him, but I've been left losing my faith in humanity. It's been left up to me whether or not to report it to the police , but I can't. It's how this whole episode has left me feeling is the upsetting part. I dispair sometimes. I'll be fine in a week or so.

Does he have a history of drug abuse mate ?

The only reason, I ask, is that I used to drink with a female GP, who did Police station out hours work and she told some funny stories about, prisoners stealing her mobiles phone during consultations at police stations, where the phones ended up and how they discovered where one stolen phone was !!!!

Policeman

" Have you stolen Dr x phone "

Prisoner

" Nothing to do with me "

Policeman

" Why is your arse ringing then ??? "

lol

 

[Gwladysover]

I am fuming. One of my patients stole my mobile phone. I have needed supervision to deal with this. I'm a health professional, I AM a compassionate man and I WILL go the " extra mile " for the patient's. But this has knocked the stuffing out of me. He's been " passed on " to another nurse but he is traumatised that he did it. He's tried to call me but I've been advised to stop contact with him. We've been through a lot together but I hate the way he has left me feeling, I wanted to scream at him, but I've been left losing my faith in humanity. It's been left up to me whether or not to report it to the police , but I can't. It's how this whole episode has left me feeling is the upsetting part. I dispair sometimes. I'll be fine in a week or so.

So sorry you have had such a nasty experience and have been betrayed by this person. No one, especially someone as kind and caring as you deserves this. I really hope that you are feeling much better soon and your faith in humanity is restored.?

 

[Spotty]

So sorry you have had such a nasty experience and have been betrayed by this person. No one, especially someone as kind and caring as you deserves this. I really hope that you are feeling much better soon and your faith in humanity is restored.?

COYB , yes he does have a dual diagnosis but we " had ?" a great therapeutic relationship. If he asked " Terry I'm desperate for a phone " I would have gotten him one. He could have had onel of my old ones. It's the fact he stole it, and THATS why he's crestfallen. I've gone above and beyond for him then he does this. The phone can be replaced, he's made me think the World s a dark place full of selfish greedy tw*ts, and the people I care for aren't worth it. I shed a tear today, not ashamed to say, it's made me so angry. Dear me, I'm so so naïve, will I ever learn !?

 

[Woolverhampton_Blue]

Speaking as someone who has serious problems with alcohol and has like you continued drinking despite attending AA meetings, I can only say this to you. Someone said it in a meeting, you drink to get happy, yet the drink just makes you more unhappy, because of the stuff that happens when your drunk, you go out to meet friends or make friends yet the drink only makes you lose them, you go the bars to meet girls, yet alcohol only makes you less attractive to women. For people like us alcohol is poison, it turns us into people we are not. I was trying to impress this barmaid who I thought may have liked me, why I don't know because I'm a drunken waste of space. Now in the beginning she me of, but because I constantly managed to say stupid things to her and dig a deeper hold for myself, saying I preferred her friend, saying her friend was my type not her just to hurt her and other offensive things, I've come across as a scumbags. Now she could of been a lot nastier to me, but didn't which shows she's a good person, other women wouldn't be so kind. So the only girl who I've ever had genuine feelings for I messed up with her and I've come across as someone I'm not. I should of saw the writing on the wall years ago and stopped drinking, whether you believe in God or not, I think God has given me countless warnings about by drinking and now I've ruined things permantly, with regards to other issues. I wish I'd never touched a drop of alcohol ever.

To do the 12 steps you have to believe in God in some form. I’d say I do. One of my biggest gripes is people who say they don’t believe in God because they believe in science or logic.

Newton spent more time on the Bible than science. Einstein believed in Spinoza or Aristotle’s God. Darwin was troubled by the existence of God his whole life. Wittgenstein, an unrivalled Logician and strong Mathematician, said “What we cannot speak of, we must pass over in silence.” Leaving the way open for God, because he can’t be discounted.

I know the ridiculous and inevitable consequences of my drinking. The reason I still do is summed up brilliantly here.



It’s wanting that feeling back. The summer evening in the park. I can’t let it go. It only exists in my head, I can’t catch it, but something in me still wants to try. Despite everything.

 

[Woolverhampton_Blue]

Dont beat yourself up lad we all fall off the wagon at some point and go back to arl habits.

Main thing is to acknowledge the problem and take the right steps to make it a one off ?

That’s the problem, it’s not a one off. It keeps happening.

I only ever post in here when I’m in trouble. Never when I’m doing well. Never to help others.

Sorry to everyone who has real troubles and needs help. It’s just a safe space to share problems in absolute honesty, without fear. That’s been invaluable over the years.

 

[Rich B]

Hi everyone, my first time posting in this thread. I'm having what feels like a major struggle with anxiety and depression at work. Having counselling but finding interactions, particularly with management, incredibly difficult. I feel like I live in fear at work. They know I'm struggling with mental health, I've had an occupational health referral, bit still I get a kicking if I make a mistake or productivity isn't in line with their expectation. Reasonable adjustments have been discussed and put in place but it's the workplace culture that I'm struggling with and can't find a way to address. Intensive verging on micro management, pushy and demanding bosses have led to me feeling a massive loss of confidence and feelings of isolation and worthlessness. Feeling so low that I want to go elsewhere but not in the right place mentally to do job hunting, interviewing etc. Grateful for any advice and experience from everyone here.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi everyone, my first time posting in this thread. I'm having what feels like a major struggle with anxiety and depression at work. Having counselling but finding interactions, particularly with management, incredibly difficult. I feel like I live in fear at work. They know I'm struggling with mental health, I've had an occupational health referral, bit still I get a kicking if I make a mistake or productivity isn't in line with their expectation. Reasonable adjustments have been discussed and put in place but it's the workplace culture that I'm struggling with and can't find a way to address. Intensive verging on micro management, pushy and demanding bosses have led to me feeling a massive loss of confidence and feelings of isolation and worthlessness. Feeling so low that I want to go elsewhere but not in the right place mentally to do job hunting, interviewing etc. Grateful for any advice and experience from everyone here.

@anjelikaferrett can you advise ?

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Hi everyone, my first time posting in this thread. I'm having what feels like a major struggle with anxiety and depression at work. Having counselling but finding interactions, particularly with management, incredibly difficult. I feel like I live in fear at work. They know I'm struggling with mental health, I've had an occupational health referral, bit still I get a kicking if I make a mistake or productivity isn't in line with their expectation. Reasonable adjustments have been discussed and put in place but it's the workplace culture that I'm struggling with and can't find a way to address. Intensive verging on micro management, pushy and demanding bosses have led to me feeling a massive loss of confidence and feelings of isolation and worthlessness. Feeling so low that I want to go elsewhere but not in the right place mentally to do job hunting, interviewing etc. Grateful for any advice and experience from everyone here.

Hi, first thing I would say is that if your workplace is unionised and you are a member, get them involved. If you are not a member I would advise that you join.
Other than that, you need to revisit your reasonable adjustments. If they have anything to do with productivity or how you are managed then basically your managers need to F off with their micro management. They are not abiding by the terms of the adjustments you have in place and there is a strong case for bullying.

Are you having regular reviews with your manager? If you are then next time tell him/her that you don't think that what you have in place is working, you don't feel any better and you would like another Occupational Health referral. Or request a meeting to say that. Take somebody with you to the meeting - which is why I suggested getting the union involved. If you can't do that, do you have a friend or colleague who ypu trust who would go with you. Managers tend to behave differently if someone else is there. Say you need a companion as a reasonable adjustment. Don't be fobbed off if they say you don't need anyone, it's an informal meeting. In my experience, there is no such thing as an informal meeting! Write everything down that you want to say and ask for a stress risk assessment to be done, if it hasn't been already.
Also have you put your feelings in the accident book? Workplace stress should be treated like any other work related injury. Work is causing how you feel - and therefore should be recorded as such.

Hope this helps x

 

[Rich B]

Hi, first thing I would say is that if your workplace is unionised and you are a member, get them involved. If you are not a member I would advise that you join.
Other than that, you need to revisit your reasonable adjustments. If they have anything to do with productivity or how you are managed then basically your managers need to F off with their micro management. They are not abiding by the terms of the adjustments you have in place and there is a strong case for bullying.

Are you having regular reviews with your manager? If you are then next time tell him/her that you don't think that what you have in place is working, you don't feel any better and you would like another Occupational Health referral. Or request a meeting to say that. Take somebody with you to the meeting - which is why I suggested getting the union involved. If you can't do that, do you have a friend or colleague who ypu trust who would go with you. Managers tend to behave differently if someone else is there. Say you need a companion as a reasonable adjustment. Don't be fobbed off if they say you don't need anyone, it's an informal meeting. In my experience, there is no such thing as an informal meeting! Write everything down that you want to say and ask for a stress risk assessment to be done, if it hasn't been already.
Also have you put your feelings in the accident book? Workplace stress should be treated like any other work related injury. Work is causing how you feel - and therefore should be recorded as such.

Hope this helps x

Hi, first thing I would say is that if your workplace is unionised and you are a member, get them involved. If you are not a member I would advise that you join.
Other than that, you need to revisit your reasonable adjustments. If they have anything to do with productivity or how you are managed then basically your managers need to F off with their micro management. They are not abiding by the terms of the adjustments you have in place and there is a strong case for bullying.

Are you having regular reviews with your manager? If you are then next time tell him/her that you don't think that what you have in place is working, you don't feel any better and you would like another Occupational Health referral. Or request a meeting to say that. Take somebody with you to the meeting - which is why I suggested getting the union involved. If you can't do that, do you have a friend or colleague who ypu trust who would go with you. Managers tend to behave differently if someone else is there. Say you need a companion as a reasonable adjustment. Don't be fobbed off if they say you don't need anyone, it's an informal meeting. In my experience, there is no such thing as an informal meeting! Write everything down that you want to say and ask for a stress risk assessment to be done, if it hasn't been already.
Also have you put your feelings in the accident book? Workplace stress should be treated like any other work related injury. Work is causing how you feel - and therefore should be recorded as such.

Hope this helps x

Hi Anjelika, thx so much for this, I've PM'd you a couple more questions. I have a meeting Monday, really appreciate your help and support + everyone else on this thread ?

 

[Gwladysover]

Hi everyone, my first time posting in this thread. I'm having what feels like a major struggle with anxiety and depression at work. Having counselling but finding interactions, particularly with management, incredibly difficult. I feel like I live in fear at work. They know I'm struggling with mental health, I've had an occupational health referral, bit still I get a kicking if I make a mistake or productivity isn't in line with their expectation. Reasonable adjustments have been discussed and put in place but it's the workplace culture that I'm struggling with and can't find a way to address. Intensive verging on micro management, pushy and demanding bosses have led to me feeling a massive loss of confidence and feelings of isolation and worthlessness. Feeling so low that I want to go elsewhere but not in the right place mentally to do job hunting, interviewing etc. Grateful for any advice and experience from everyone here.

So sorry you are feeling this way. Having struggled through anxiety in the past I know how debilitating it can be especially on your self esteem. Please remember you are not worthless - simply someone having a hard time at the moment who deserves help and support. I hope you are able to get this. Best wishes to you and good luck with your meeting on Monday.?

 

[Cameron Manning]

COYB , yes he does have a dual diagnosis but we " had ?" a great therapeutic relationship. If he asked " Terry I'm desperate for a phone " I would have gotten him one. He could have had onel of my old ones. It's the fact he stole it, and THATS why he's crestfallen. I've gone above and beyond for him then he does this. The phone can be replaced, he's made me think the World s a dark place full of selfish greedy tw*ts, and the people I care for aren't worth it. I shed a tear today, not ashamed to say, it's made me so angry. Dear me, I'm so so naïve, will I ever learn !?

I think naive people are the most genuine of people because they trust and believe in other people, to be let down by people you so much for is bound to more than upset you but they would do that to the people they really like, love even, those closest to them, like you have just found out. I have been let down a few times by friends close to me and I think I am street wise. I’ve continued to help them but I’m a lot more wary of them and they know it. You did right not to report them, a couple of weeks later, if you had reported them, you would have hated yourself.

You’re better than that, think about giving them another chance, it won’t be easy, but if you do, keep your eye on them, let them know your not a soft touch but help them, you’ll feel better about yourself, most of all don’t ever think your a failure because someone you trusted let you down very badly, they are the failures, just don’t let them fail again,best of luck and think of the people you have helped and they have improved because of you.