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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

TyphooToffee said:
I felt every one of my seventy years when I got out of my car this morning. Pleased to say Mrs TT will not submit me to another night sleeping in my car, bless her. Still moving out but not until I have somewhere. Learning a lot about Pension Credit and the Social Fund.
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Good to hear that Mrs TT has taken you back into the house until you have found a place to live. Really hope that you are able to get the help you need both for your physical and mental well-being.
 
I must admit I don't feel well at all. Christmas was ok but I live alone and spend too much time alone generally. I'm naturally introverted. It feels like I need 30 minutes of company per day to babysit my head and my thoughts but more than that is too much. Who would engage on those terms?

I'm almost 50 with no kids and aging parents. It seems like relationships are out of the question. I'm genuinely not saying that to invite of course not reassurances in response. I'm too complicated an individual and have pushed people away all my life.

I manage, I cope but it feels like that's all.
 
brieverton said:
I must admit I don't feel well at all. Christmas was ok but I live alone and spend too much time alone generally. I'm naturally introverted. It feels like I need 30 minutes of company per day to babysit my head and my thoughts but more than that is too much. Who would engage on those terms?

I'm almost 50 with no kids and aging parents. It seems like relationships are out of the question. I'm genuinely not saying that to invite of course not reassurances in response. I'm too complicated an individual and have pushed people away all my life.

I manage, I cope but it feels like that's all.
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Briev why are relationships out of the question ? Why do you think have you pushed people away ? How do you KNOW you are too complicated ? - that buddy is for others to judge. It's not a crime to be introverted it really isn't. Its part of you that makes you as a whole. There's confidence issues Briev, and self esteem - both of these are bedfellows of course - but respectfully, your building a wall in front of peeping over the edge and in affect stating " I'm lonely but no one wants to know me ".

If no-one knows that your shy etc or have no confidence, they can't get to know you. You need to get out there be yourself and then let people " in ". Yes, people will judge you because that's how people are, but Briev, YOU my friend are your biggest judge and your not giving people a chance to know you. There is no button that says " for self esteem and confidence, press here " but there are ways to help you with your confidence. There is a life to lead bud, give yourself a chance because I guarantee there's many many people out there thinking " I wish I could meet someone ". Take care Briev.
 

Spotty said:
Briev why are relationships out of the question ? Why do you think have you pushed people away ? How do you KNOW you are too complicated ? - that buddy is for others to judge. It's not a crime to be introverted it really isn't. Its part of you that makes you as a whole. There's confidence issues Briev, and self esteem - both of these are bedfellows of course - but respectfully, your building a wall in front of peeping over the edge and in affect stating " I'm lonely but no one wants to know me ".

If no-one knows that your shy etc or have no confidence, they can't get to know you. You need to get out there be yourself and then let people " in ". Yes, people will judge you because that's how people are, but Briev, YOU my friend are your biggest judge and your not giving people a chance to know you. There is no button that says " for self esteem and confidence, press here " but there are ways to help you with your confidence. There is a life to lead bud, give yourself a chance because I guarantee there's many many people out there thinking " I wish I could meet someone ". Take care Briev.
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Thank you very much. It's deeply humbling when people take time and show kindness and understanding.

I should have added previously that I have a diagnosed mental health condition in the recent past which brings both relief and feelings of sadness and regret. Regret that I didn't seek help sooner but then again my thought patterns and behaviours were logical and normal to me, at least when I was younger. You then both adapt at one level, and hide on another, to cope.

I'm really like one of those people you see in these Alaskan outback documentaries, living alone off the grid in the wilderness with their dog. That's a gross over-statement of course but in terms of any physical and social isolation, it is true outside of going to work. I had until two years ago the company of my wonderful pet dog, Toffee, who sadly passed after a short illness when covid was at its peak.

I do have supportive family, parents, siblings, and friends largely from work and my work is secure and whilst demanding at least gives me the opportunity to go to the office three days a week now rather than five.

I said relationships were out of the question and for a multitude of reasons, I would have to maintain that view. I have a long history of a somewhat blind failure to initiate relationships when the opportunity was there and failing to maintain some of the few good ones I did have.

Life can be rather cruel and unforgiving in that respect. There are simply not the same opportunities that may have existed for me even 10 years ago and I'm not best placed to capitalise on those that are there, for legitimate reasons resulting from the effects of my condition.

The difficult thing is that it does feel that this is it, this is my life. I'd rather not keep striving for things that are impossible to reach. There is still a child in me, that says it will all work out but the logical brain says we all, in Christian parlence, have our cross to bear. I just want to bear mine with grace and some dignity knowing others have it much worse.

Thank you.
 
brieverton said:
Thank you very much. It's deeply humbling when people take time and show kindness and understanding.

I should have added previously that I have a diagnosed mental health condition in the recent past which brings both relief and feelings of sadness and regret. Regret that I didn't seek help sooner but then again my thought patterns and behaviours were logical and normal to me, at least when I was younger. You then both adapt at one level, and hide on another, to cope.

I'm really like one of those people you seen in these Alaskan outback documentaries, living alone off the grid in the wilderness with their dog. That's a gross over-statement of course but in terms of any physical and social isolation, it is true outside of going to work. I had until two years ago the company of my wonderful pet dog, Toffee, who sadly passed after a short illness when covid was at its peak.

I do have supportive family, parents, siblings, and friends largely from work and my work is secure and whilst demanding at least gives me the opportunity to go to the office three days a week now rather than five.

I said relationships were out of the question and for a multitude of reasons, I would have to maintain that view. I have a long history of a somewhat blind failure to initiate relationships when the opportunity was there and failing to maintain some of the few good ones I did have.

Life can be rather cruel and unforgiving in that respect. There are simply not the same opportunities that may have existed for me even 10 years ago and I'm not best placed to capitalise on those that are there, for legitimate reasons resulting from the effects of my condition.

The difficult thing is that it does feel that this is it, this is my life. I'd rather not keep striving for things that are impossible to reach. There is still a child in me, that says it will all work out but the logical brain says we all, in Christian parlence, have our cross to bear. I just want to bear mine with grace and some dignity knowing others have it much worse.

Thank you.
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Hi mate,

You mention the passing of your dog two years ago ?

Have you considered possibly getting another one, maybe a rescue dog, as the shelters are over flowing at the mo ?

I don`t know where you live or what your interests are, but there`s local clubs for pretty much everything nowdays - rambling, cycling, reading, painting etc

There`s a lad who lives over the road from me, who`s an absolute top bloke, sixty and very much single.

He had a high pressured job and recently took early retirement, as he`d had enough. With his new found time on his hands, he joined a local walking group and loves it.

He goes out with them once a the weekend and once during the week and they always fit a lunch in somewhere nice, along the way and a pint too, if there`s a decent pub nearby. A load of them take their dogs with them too.

I`m not saying this is for you, just using it as an example of what`s out there.

I`m just using this as an example, of
 
COYBL25 said:
Hi mate,

You mention the passing of your dog two years ago ?

Have you considered possibly getting another one, maybe a rescue dog, as the shelters are over flowing at the mo ?

I don`t know where you live or what your interests are, but there`s local clubs for pretty much everything nowdays - rambling, cycling, reading, painting etc

There`s a lad who lives over the road from me, who`s an absolute top bloke, sixty and very much single.

He had a high pressured job and recently took early retirement, as he`d had enough. With his new found time on his hands, he joined a local walking group and loves it.

He goes out with them once a the weekend and once during the week and they always fit a lunch in somewhere nice, along the way and a pint too, if there`s a decent pub nearby. A load of them take their dogs with them too.

I`m not saying this is for you, just using it as an example of what`s out there.

I`m just using this as an example, of
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Nice post COYBL, succinct and honest as usual.
 
COYBL25 said:
Hi mate,

You mention the passing of your dog two years ago ?

Have you considered possibly getting another one, maybe a rescue dog, as the shelters are over flowing at the mo ?

I don`t know where you live or what your interests are, but there`s local clubs for pretty much everything nowdays - rambling, cycling, reading, painting etc

There`s a lad who lives over the road from me, who`s an absolute top bloke, sixty and very much single.

He had a high pressured job and recently took early retirement, as he`d had enough. With his new found time on his hands, he joined a local walking group and loves it.

He goes out with them once a the weekend and once during the week and they always fit a lunch in somewhere nice, along the way and a pint too, if there`s a decent pub nearby. A load of them take their dogs with them too.

I`m not saying this is for you, just using it as an example of what`s out there.

I`m just using this as an example, of
Click to expand...
Thank you sincerely mate.

I always had dogs. Just with changing circumstances I'm not as confident that I could put care arrangements in place that would be as robust as they once were. Living alone you cannot have a dog at all without some external help.

I have self-esteem issues that are hard to shake. So initially I can come across as awkward, snobbish, and curt. I don't mean it. There are people I'm comfortable with but only after years of knowing them.

I do a lot of things, cycling, hiking, jogging. On my own. But a lot of other solitary hobbies like reading. Even with going to the gym or when I took Toffee on her walk, there was/is never more than cursory interaction with people. I've been in clubs and had this experience. That means I just slip out after a couple of weeks and it feels nobody noticed.

I'm truly sorry, all of this feels terribly self-indulgent when it is not my intention at all. There is just some x factor which I cannot/could not crack when it comes to other people, and not merely in more intimate settings either. It just seems I was made this way.
 
brieverton said:
Thank you sincerely mate.

I always had dogs. Just with changing circumstances I'm not as confident that I could put care arrangements in place that would be as robust as they once were. Living alone you cannot have a dog at all without some external help.

I have self-esteem issues that are hard to shake. So initially I can come across as awkward, snobbish, and curt. I don't mean it. There are people I'm comfortable with but only after years of knowing them.

I do a lot of things, cycling, hiking, jogging. On my own. But a lot of other solitary hobbies like reading. Even with going to the gym or when I took Toffee on her walk, there was/is never more than cursory interaction with people. I've been in clubs and had this experience. That means I just slip out after a couple of weeks and it feels nobody noticed.

I'm truly sorry, all of this feels terribly self-indulgent when it is not my intention at all. There is just some x factor which I cannot/could not crack when it comes to other people, and not merely in more intimate settings either. It just seems I was made this way.
Click to expand...

I fully understand mate, as there’s things I do by myself too - running and fishing and I know I wouldn’t enjoy them half as much, if I was with someone else.

I know what you mean about dogs too, as unless somebody is in the house with them all the time, it’s not fair on them.

Have you had at any online clubs for things like reading ?

If you’re happy in your own company, I would’t beat yourself up too much, as there‘s no law, that says we all have to be the same.
 

brieverton said:
Thank you very much. It's deeply humbling when people take time and show kindness and understanding.

I should have added previously that I have a diagnosed mental health condition in the recent past which brings both relief and feelings of sadness and regret. Regret that I didn't seek help sooner but then again my thought patterns and behaviours were logical and normal to me, at least when I was younger. You then both adapt at one level, and hide on another, to cope.

I'm really like one of those people you see in these Alaskan outback documentaries, living alone off the grid in the wilderness with their dog. That's a gross over-statement of course but in terms of any physical and social isolation, it is true outside of going to work. I had until two years ago the company of my wonderful pet dog, Toffee, who sadly passed after a short illness when covid was at its peak.

I do have supportive family, parents, siblings, and friends largely from work and my work is secure and whilst demanding at least gives me the opportunity to go to the office three days a week now rather than five.

I said relationships were out of the question and for a multitude of reasons, I would have to maintain that view. I have a long history of a somewhat blind failure to initiate relationships when the opportunity was there and failing to maintain some of the few good ones I did have.

Life can be rather cruel and unforgiving in that respect. There are simply not the same opportunities that may have existed for me even 10 years ago and I'm not best placed to capitalise on those that are there, for legitimate reasons resulting from the effects of my condition.

The difficult thing is that it does feel that this is it, this is my life. I'd rather not keep striving for things that are impossible to reach. There is still a child in me, that says it will all work out but the logical brain says we all, in Christian parlence, have our cross to bear. I just want to bear mine with grace and some dignity knowing others have it much worse.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
Lovely post Briev. Articulate. It's very obvious you are sensitive and caring. I really do accept where your coming from however your " bare mine with grace " comment infurs that the personality characteristics you have are something to be ashamed of. You obviously have a lot of insight and are accepting of how things are for you. I want you to know that should you wish to make a lifestyle change and would like help in doing so, it wouldn't be a stretch for people to support you in whatever course you choose to follow. You are not alone, the good people on this forum are very supportive.
 
COYBL25 said:
I fully understand mate, as there’s things I do by myself too - running and fishing and I know I wouldn’t enjoy them half as much, if I was with someone else.

I know what you mean about dogs too, as unless somebody is in the house with them all the time, it’s not fair on them.

Have you had at any online clubs for things like reading ?

If you’re happy in your own company, I would’t beat yourself up too much, as there‘s no law, that says we all have to be the same.
Click to expand...
I love online clubs mate. They give me scope.

Indeed, this wonderful thread and forum does the same.

It has been a help to get things out and for kind people like you to take time from a busy day and make time for me, a stranger.

I truly value the community here. It has helped on more occasions than anyone would know.

Thanks to you, and @Spotty. And all.
 

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