Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Tommy Chong]

Ya mate I realised 'suffering in silence' is more a defence mechanism about being open and honest and afraid of what people think about you. Well I think that's in my case anyway

Rita's right. Vulnerability, taking that bit of risk to talk about it, makes ALL the difference.

We, especially men, tend to think suffering in silence, trying to handle "it" on our own, means we are strong. In reality, it means we are scared and most likely don't have a flipping clue.

Being on this forum, speaking up a little bit, can be a great start.

Mate, I can relate, but as @MrPerfectNot said, I think this is men in general... Opening up, sharing your feelings is not a masculine thing to do.

Then we carry that burden by ourselves, for as long as we can, thinking that's what a man's suppose to do, and it just keeps on snowballing until the day it becomes to much to bear alone.

And especially the dad part, not wanting to disappoint your dad or burden him with your issues.
Mate, that's a gem of a dad you've got there.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Hello, finally... finally got to do something I've always wanted to do last September (22) and that was to move into and live in a fully self converted van (Citroen relay LWB).
Heaven on wheels it was... Till end of May this year, i was staying in a hotel down south on a two week job with work and received a phone call to tell me the van was a charred ex camper van (burnt out write off).
Don't really remember (or maybe want to) the next two day's i absolutely lost it (my mind, my home and everything i owned)... However i ended up in a m**tal hospital in the north east somewhere near Darlington.
I have suffered short to medium term depression and anger issues in the past since leaving the military in 2010 after 12 1/2 years.
I spent 4 weeks in the secure hospital and was released to a hostel in Bradford and was there for 2 weeks when the security guard came to my room one morning and said I had 30 mins to pack my kit (1 bag) and i was moving on...
1 hr later i was in another hostel in Bradford (very close to the stadium).
I've been here over 2 months now and it's *awesome* i say that because i have a room, it locks and the staff are brilliant, my nurse who i see every two weeks (unless i have daft thoughts) is awesome and she keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Even with my past problems with said issues, looking back to the end of May the time of the fi*e i still cannot think about, truly process and believe it took a very kind van driver that pulled over and physically prevented me from doing...
I'm settled here but only have 3 months left before i have to move on, not a problem as i want to start moving forward and get back to full health and back to work.
It's a hard life...

Mate, your positivity shines through this post. You're awesome. You've experienced some really tough issues in the last few months and you've come through them and are looking forward to moving forward. Absolutely brilliant. As COYBL25 said, any chance of getting another van and carrying on with the nomadic lifestyle. I wish you nothing but success and happiness x

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Hello, finally... finally got to do something I've always wanted to do last September (22) and that was to move into and live in a fully self converted van (Citroen relay LWB).
Heaven on wheels it was... Till end of May this year, i was staying in a hotel down south on a two week job with work and received a phone call to tell me the van was a charred ex camper van (burnt out write off).
Don't really remember (or maybe want to) the next two day's i absolutely lost it (my mind, my home and everything i owned)... However i ended up in a m**tal hospital in the north east somewhere near Darlington.
I have suffered short to medium term depression and anger issues in the past since leaving the military in 2010 after 12 1/2 years.
I spent 4 weeks in the secure hospital and was released to a hostel in Bradford and was there for 2 weeks when the security guard came to my room one morning and said I had 30 mins to pack my kit (1 bag) and i was moving on...
1 hr later i was in another hostel in Bradford (very close to the stadium).
I've been here over 2 months now and it's *awesome* i say that because i have a room, it locks and the staff are brilliant, my nurse who i see every two weeks (unless i have daft thoughts) is awesome and she keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Even with my past problems with said issues, looking back to the end of May the time of the fi*e i still cannot think about, truly process and believe it took a very kind van driver that pulled over and physically prevented me from doing...
I'm settled here but only have 3 months left before i have to move on, not a problem as i want to start moving forward and get back to full health and back to work.
It's a hard life...

I wish you the brightest of bright tomorrows mate.

 

[DavidH]

This thread demonstrates the best of humanity. Every single one of you. x

 

[DanEFC92]

Rough one tonight.

 

[COYBL25]

Rough one tonight.

What‘s up mate ?

 

[Twinkletoes123]

I don’t know how many remember my posts from Christmas but my husband passed away yesterday.
We have been going through an horrendous time the last few weeks and I have been speaking to a lot of the wonderful ladies on here which have been an incredible strength to me, without their support I don’t know where I’d be.
It’s really tough and I felt embarrassed at me being unable to deal with my issues so I’ve kept away from this thread.
My daughter and I are feeling such raw emotions, even guilt as to not being able to help him out of his darkness. Hopefully he is in a better place but he was only 45, I am finding it so hard to deal with

 

[COYBL25]

I don’t know how many remember my posts from Christmas but my husband passed away yesterday.
We have been going through an horrendous time the last few weeks and I have been speaking to a lot of the wonderful ladies on here which have been an incredible strength to me, without their support I don’t know where I’d be.
It’s really tough and I felt embarrassed at me being unable to deal with my issues so I’ve kept away from this thread.
My daughter and I are feeling such raw emotions, even guilt as to not being able to help him out of his darkness. Hopefully he is in a better place but he was only 45, I am finding it so hard to deal with

I`m so sorry to hear that and I hope your family are rallying around you and your daughter ?

I know your husband was controlling and from what you`ve said in the past, not a particularly nice person towards you, but you can`t help your feelings towards him.

You may have already sought help, so forgive me if you have, but have you received any help / the offer of help from a grief councillor ?

In my past life, I`ve been involved in supporting people who`ve lost loved ones ( children ) and I`ve seen first hand how grief councillors can real really help people get through the saddest time of their life.

They won`t take away the pain, but they can help you manage your grief, understand why you`re going what you`re going through and also teach you coping mechanisms.

I know it`s not much, but I hope this is something you would consider x

 

[Twinkletoes123]

I`m so sorry to hear that and I hope your family are rallying around you and your daughter ?

I know your husband was controlling and from what you`ve said in the past, not a particularly nice person towards you, but you can`t help your feelings towards him.

You may have already sought help, so forgive me if you have, but have you received any help / the offer of help from a grief councillor ?

In my past life, I`ve been involved in supporting people who`ve lost loved ones ( children ) and I`ve seen first hand how grief councillors can real really help people get through the saddest time of their life.

They won`t take away the pain, but they can help you manage your grief, understand why you`re going what you`re going through and also teach you coping mechanisms.

I know it`s not much, but I hope this is something you would consider x

Thank you. I will seek out some sort of counselling for both my daughter and I as I feel it will definitely be needed in the long term. Short term I barely leave the house, and have so much to do sorting all his stuff, which could probably fill a three bedroom house itself, he was such a hoarder as am I, probably due to mental health.
I hope there is a way back from this especially for my daughter. We’ve had so many messages from his old work mates who have been using the nickname he give to my daughter, but they know it which tells me he had some affection for her through chatting with them x

 

[HalfTimeSayers]

Hello, finally... finally got to do something I've always wanted to do last September (22) and that was to move into and live in a fully self converted van (Citroen relay LWB).
Heaven on wheels it was... Till end of May this year, i was staying in a hotel down south on a two week job with work and received a phone call to tell me the van was a charred ex camper van (burnt out write off).
Don't really remember (or maybe want to) the next two day's i absolutely lost it (my mind, my home and everything i owned)... However i ended up in a m**tal hospital in the north east somewhere near Darlington.
I have suffered short to medium term depression and anger issues in the past since leaving the military in 2010 after 12 1/2 years.
I spent 4 weeks in the secure hospital and was released to a hostel in Bradford and was there for 2 weeks when the security guard came to my room one morning and said I had 30 mins to pack my kit (1 bag) and i was moving on...
1 hr later i was in another hostel in Bradford (very close to the stadium).
I've been here over 2 months now and it's *awesome* i say that because i have a room, it locks and the staff are brilliant, my nurse who i see every two weeks (unless i have daft thoughts) is awesome and she keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Even with my past problems with said issues, looking back to the end of May the time of the fi*e i still cannot think about, truly process and believe it took a very kind van driver that pulled over and physically prevented me from doing...
I'm settled here but only have 3 months left before i have to move on, not a problem as i want to start moving forward and get back to full health and back to work.
It's a hard life...

Mate, not many people end a post like that with those final couple of lines.
“not a problem as i want to start moving forward and get back to full health and back to work.
It's a hard life...”

Should be proud of yourself mate. You are braver and stronger than I will ever be. Sometimes the things that have probably given you that strength are the same things that cause issues. But you sound like you know which way is up. Good luck.

Onwards

 

[DanEFC92]

What‘s up mate ?

Stressed and fed up of late. Thanks for asking though.

 

[witchdoc187]

Thank you. I will seek out some sort of counselling for both my daughter and I as I feel it will definitely be needed in the long term. Short term I barely leave the house, and have so much to do sorting all his stuff, which could probably fill a three bedroom house itself, he was such a hoarder as am I, probably due to mental health.
I hope there is a way back from this especially for my daughter. We’ve had so many messages from his old work mates who have been using the nickname he give to my daughter, but they know it which tells me he had some affection for her through chatting with them x

I just wanted to say that I wish you both all the best and over time things will get better. Lots of love x

 

[MrPerfectNot]

Thank you. I will seek out some sort of counselling for both my daughter and I as I feel it will definitely be needed in the long term. Short term I barely leave the house, and have so much to do sorting all his stuff, which could probably fill a three bedroom house itself, he was such a hoarder as am I, probably due to mental health.
I hope there is a way back from this especially for my daughter. We’ve had so many messages from his old work mates who have been using the nickname he give to my daughter, but they know it which tells me he had some affection for her through chatting with them x

You said you hope there is a way back for you and your daughter....

Here's the good news: there is and you are on it! Recognizing some of these things from your past, from both you and your husband, and being willing to talk with someone about it? Those are great and necessary steps.

Does that mean all is light and roses now? No. But it does mean you are on your way.

 

[jackyboy]

I don’t know how many remember my posts from Christmas but my husband passed away yesterday.
We have been going through an horrendous time the last few weeks and I have been speaking to a lot of the wonderful ladies on here which have been an incredible strength to me, without their support I don’t know where I’d be.
It’s really tough and I felt embarrassed at me being unable to deal with my issues so I’ve kept away from this thread.
My daughter and I are feeling such raw emotions, even guilt as to not being able to help him out of his darkness. Hopefully he is in a better place but he was only 45, I am finding it so hard to deal with

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Not familiar with the specifics of your situation but my love and condolences to you and your daughter.

Having just come through some counselling myself I can only echo what others have said in here. Learning the ways in which your brain processes difficult situations helped me massively to understanding my own situation.


Better times will be on their way I'm sure. But in the immediate term just ensuring you're there for each other is the main thing.

Take care!

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Thank you all for the replies.
I saw the doctor this morning and was prescribed diazepam in the short term. I will also be seeking counselling later on, I think it would benefit my daughter too.
It will be a long process but we’ll take one day at a time and hopefully someday come out the other side xx