Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[coollino]

Whilst that sounds good, is that staying together for the kid or staying together for the family?

I only say that as I know people with parents who just flat out hate each other and only stuck around for the kids. Young kids survive broken homes, it's so common these days.

Nah, we def don't hate each other.

I think a lot of it comes down to say we have one day free for two weeks, we try do something and if it doesn't go well it just feels crap and that's it for a bit, and it just gets dwelled in. Obviously with more free days there is less pressure on something going well etc

If the more free time thing fails, then maybe it isn't that but I'm pretty sure it will make a difference

 

[Nymzee]

Nah, we def don't hate each other.

I think a lot of it comes down to say we have one day free for two weeks, we try do something and if it doesn't go well it just feels crap and that's it for a bit, and it just gets dwelled in. Obviously with more free days there is less pressure on something going well etc

If the more free time thing fails, then maybe it isn't that but I'm pretty sure it will make a difference

Do you guys do/thought about having regular, booked in date nights? I know you mentioned a family day out but I'm talking just you two together sans child.

I think couples should always have a date night every week, or every two weeks, and you do not skip out on them. Some people call them 'dialog nights' as well but feel that name is a little bit more counselly.

Me and my missus wrote down a load of date ideas on bits of paper and put them in a glass jar at my house. Every week we'll pick one out and just have some quality time together since we don't live in the same area. Think it's important to remember you were a couple before you were a family but you're still a couple afterwards as well.

 

[coollino]

Do you guys do/thought about having regular, booked in date nights? I know you mentioned a family day out but I'm talking just you two together sans child.

I think couples should always have a date night every week, or every two weeks, and you do not skip out on them. Some people call them 'dialog nights' as well but feel that name is a little bit more counselly.

Me and my missus wrote down a load of date ideas on bits of paper and put them in a glass jar at my house. Every week we'll pick one out and just have some quality time together since we don't live in the same area. Think it's important to remember you were a couple before you were a family but you're still a couple afterwards as well.

That seems a very good idea tbh especially the sticking to it part

again you've touched on the house project problem to an extent. We do have Thursday evenings on our own, but pretty much all summer that has consistent of us wheelbarrowing sand from the front of the garden to the back, or digging a hole for foundations. After working our normal jobs at home. So after that we're just dead and thats it

 

[Nymzee]

That seems a very good idea tbh especially the sticking to it part

again you've touched on the house project problem to an extent. We do have Thursday evenings on our own, but pretty much all summer that has consistent of us wheelbarrowing sand from the front of the garden to the back, or digging a hole for foundations. After working our normal jobs at home. So after that we're just dead and thats it

Do you both WFH? If so, I'd say make sure your date nights are out of the house (they don't need to cost money). If you both WFH, live at home and do the extension that's a whole lot of time cooped up when things are a bit rough.

 

[Rudolf Hucker]

Taxi for the ginger gimp.

 

[Tommy Chong]

I still miss his comedy very much.

 

[COYBL25]

Taxi for the ginger gimp.

Wrong thread Rudolf.

 

[Gwladysover]

I heard about The Manwhisperer whilst listening to a podcast. Thought I’d post the link, someone may find it helpful.

The Man Whisperer Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz

Nicknamed "The Man Whisperer" in a Newsweek article, Kenny is a personal and business development consultant, life coach, author and media expert on Men's mental health. He empowers people to transform from unconscious modes of survival into creative lives of passion. From "Am I?" to "I am".

www.themanwhisperer.co.uk

 

[chippy1722]

Just watched a youtube video on him, 6 mins and not one header. Surely he can head a ball at that height.

I mean I don’t expect many crosses, but at least help out for a corner in our area.

 

[coollino]

after all of above, my gf's mum was ill over the weekend (just normal ill), so we had three days together with no house stuff and we went out and did something each day.

it's made things much better and my gf has finally agreed to what i was saying as opposed to dismissing it. obviously she finds it a bit more difficult, with her parents helping us so much, which is fair enough but it's nice to feel like i wasn't just making 'excuses'

 

[BullensRoad]

Good luck trying to work your relationship out. It sounds like you don't really want to split up.
I would sit down with her and find out what she really wants.
I stayed with my Ex for 4 years trying to save my marriage and I thought we were back in love . My daughter was 9 at the time and so it made me try that bit harder to save things.
I'll hold my hands up now though and say I was an absolute idiot for staying for so long when she new it was over.
I hope everything works out for you.
If your ever struggling there will always be someone on here to chat to.

Agreed. And a break can result in a much worse situation. Need to put yourself first and be onwards and upwards.

 

[magicjuan]

I think my and my gf have just split up. we're been together 15 years and i don't even know whats happened, it just haven't felt right for a while now. We get on and things, just feels like something is missing at the moment.

obvously i am really sad but it might be for the best, it's just weird as we haven't fallen out. pretty crap as we have a 3 year old who is so happy and it will break her - even typing that has made me breakdown ffs

i'm mid 30's and i have no idea what life is like without her. we've had a lot of pressure lately, a builder ran off with some of our money for an extension so we've been trying to do it ourselves with the help of her parents, so every weekend is doing work, both days. we never really get time as a family, i've said that this might eventually break us but got told everything 'needs to be finished', and i think it now pretty much has broken us

i hope my gf will be ok if it happens, i do worry for her, i have no idea whats going on

Sorry to hear this, it comes across like events have taken over.
Sometimes a project can overpower a relationship, especially when every other aspect, finances etc, get stretched and it's just pressure on top of pressure.
Perhaps a quiet night away, ask someone to look after the little one and just 'be together', a night off from it all when you can talk.
Relationships just get buried under so much guff it's a struggle just to recognise each other.
Hope it works out for you all.

 

[jamieni]

Sorry to hear this, it comes across like events have taken over.
Sometimes a project can overpower a relationship, especially when every other aspect, finances etc, get stretched and it's just pressure on top of pressure.
Perhaps a quiet night away, ask someone to look after the little one and just 'be together', a night off from it all when you can talk.
Relationships just get buried under so much guff it's a struggle just to recognise each other.
Hope it works out for you all.

Absolutely. We had major issues going on around various things in our lives, which resulted in both my wife and I, and our young son who suffers from anxiety, getting some therapy which we all needed. Our family and our marriage is in a much much better place now and being open and vulnerable with each other has resulted in us both understanding what each other needs much better. You can get lost in the day today of work and parenting etc and making that space to communicate is a huge thing. Best of luck to all.

 

[Gas]

Sorry I’m not an Everton Supporter, I’m a Bristol Rovers or Gashead if you like.

I can’t remember why I looked at the Everton Fans Forum a few years ago, it must have been something that Joe was trying to do at the the time with Rovers and Everton that made me look, as I never have bothered with other fans forums.

I just want to say that I have always found a lot of comfort reading this thread with my issues with depression.( I do use this as strength even though I have no connection with your club)

I don’t know why I’ve taken this long to sign up and do it now. But thankyou all it does go a long way to help.

 

[COYBL25]

Sorry I’m not an Everton Supporter, I’m a Bristol Rovers or Gashead if you like.

I can’t remember why I looked at the Everton Fans Forum a few years ago, it must have been something that Joe was trying to do at the the time with Rovers and Everton that made me look, as I never have bothered with other fans forums.

I just want to say that I have always found a lot of comfort reading this thread with my issues with depression.( I do use this as strength even though I have no connection with your club)

I don’t know why I’ve taken this long to sign up and do it now. But thankyou all it does go a long way to help.

Please continue to post mate.

Doesn‘t matter who you support, all are welcome here