Hi all. I don't pop in here too often; I'm really not sure how much I'd be able to offer to the discussion but I have a massive respect for everyone who does provide help in here and I afford the same respect to those who are strong enough to share their issues.
That said, I'm going to need some advice - a very close work colleague with whom I have built a strong working relationship has been indicating, somewhat indirectly, that they may be struggling with mental health issues. I've only worked with this person over a brief period of time (last couple of months) and we do our work together and get results. But when I talk to them they open up a lot and remark upon how it's odd they feel they can open up to me and wouldn't normally do so with other people. I usually just ask a lot of questions about their family background (they're from a different culture to me) and we have great funny discussions about differences / similarities in upbringing. But there's been a few times when they've (sort of) touched upon possible issues with depression / and anxiety and I haven't really wanted to push it too much, having only known them for a short period of time.
I now have some concerns and it looks like this person might only feel able to talk to me about stuff. Is there a best way to approach these kind of discussions?
Hi mate. Take or leave anything that I have to say here since being on the outside of all this and not knowing you either, much may fall flat.
Being a good listener and allowing someone to unload fires quite a way, and is a rare gift. I wanted to start here by commending you for creating a safe space with your coworker and being considerate to them, allowing them to share. A confidante and vent partner can be a wonderful release and often doesn't have to go anywhere further than that. You may have heard the term work wife or work husband and that can be useful in many situations.
I would caution you from giving anything other than empathy ("that sounds really rough, I'm sorry" or "I can understand that to an extent, I've had similar in the past") or gently sharing cultural differences etc. only because I've seen people in the past, particularly where cultural norms are wildly different, giving suggestions like confrontation, leaving a spouse, job, or other commitments, or incredulity that can push folks deeper into anxiety or depression or isolate then from their community.
My suggestion here isn't because you shouldn't care, offer support, or be their friend, only recognize a couple of key points:
1. You're a work colleague
2. You're not there to "fix" things
3. Colleagues/Friends do not always make good therapists, the same way that therapists cannot have a non-therapist relationship with you (sexual, friendship, etc.).
If you can, and feel comfortable, I suggest offering advice that speaking to a GP, practitioner or mental health specialist could be beneficial. Ideally, if they're of a different culture they can speak to or find a therapist that is familiar (for example, Indian or Chinese cultures are similar in some ways and very different in significant ways, just as telling an Atheist to pray may not land well but telling my Nan would have helped her a lot).
.Last March[2023] i felt a lump in the upper midline of my stomach, and because i am a male i ignored it.....naturally. My dad and older brother both died of liver cancer. Given those odds i am not too kean to pick up the phone to my doc. My appetite is in the bin,i have lost weight my poo looks like a cup of black coffee and 20 rennies wont shift my indigestion. I am scared to death of the answer not knowing is bliss.
