Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[witchdoc187]

Haven’t had to post in here for a while. Managed to get some sort of grasp on my alcohol/substance abuse problem, had some ups and downs, but still really struggling with life.

Left my previous job for something more challenging, but it feels a little too much, to the point where it affects my life. The job is probably a level down in terms or technicality, but the sheer volume is overwhelming. By the end of the day I’m pooped. Don’t use alcohol/cocaine as a crutch but I just smash a takeaway and spend hours in bed to compensate.

I was diagnosed with ADHD not long ago. Not sure how I feel about that, seems vogue to slap that tag on people lately. I was prescribed Methylphenidate by the psychiatrist, but my local GP don’t want to take on the responsibility of dispensing it, and I can’t afford to pay privately (would have to pay about £100 a month for the drugs and £90 for each session with the psychiatrist). Not even sure I want to be taking what is essentially methamphetamine to cope with life.

To cut my ramble off, I’m basically asking a) does anyone with an incredibly busy job have tips on how to manage a heavy workload, and b) has anyone been diagnosed with ADHD and found ways to manage without medication?

You sound like me mate. Having similar issues. Got the demands from my ex for divorce a couple of weeks ago and have gone off the rails since. Also not convinced being labelled with ADHD is the answer for me. And deffo not gonna take the medication. Anyway have since self medicated and then deep into the cycle of being unproductive at work and self loathing feel free to PM me mate if you want.

 

[COYBL25]

 

[spectateur]

Surprised this thread isn't full after last night.

 

[Nymzee]

Surprised this thread isn't full after last night.

This thread is for real mental health issues not our football team being crap.

 

[spectateur]

This thread is for real mental health issues not our football team being crap.

OK, my apologies.

 

[LiamMadrid]

You sound like me mate. Having similar issues. Got the demands from my ex for divorce a couple of weeks ago and have gone off the rails since. Also not convinced being labelled with ADHD is the answer for me. And deffo not gonna take the medication. Anyway have since self medicated and then deep into the cycle of being unproductive at work and self loathing feel free to PM me mate if you want.

Medication can save people's life sometimes. It all depends on the person, good to listen to a professionals advice about it. Some people might be worse off without medication or turn to drink/drugs or other things or go fully off the rails. Doing renovation work is highly stressful for couples and can lead to big arguments. Sorry to hear about divorce, that is hard to cope with emotionally so important to have positive people in your life to help you.

 

[LiamMadrid]

Hi mate

Seems like you're going through it but first off kudos for addressing your substance/alcohol dependency. I know that's a long road and not really one that's ever over but I hope you are proud of your direction there.

Very busy job here (or at least I think it is, quite the rat race in New York), and in my experience I've found either people are really good at hustling/never stopping and just get in their groove or they're very careful about schedule management. I work in IT though. All in all I do find it quite demanding and unhealthy in the sense that I'm often working longer than a 9-5 (very typical here too work much longer) and do things like with through lunch to catch up on stuff or to make sure my team are doing okay.

I shared this only to say that sacrificing well being, if that is something that is on the table, isn't always the best of the options. I'm lucky that I am competent at my job and so the workload management is really the hardest part rather than struggling with challenges around not knowing how to do my work any more and I've managed through a combination of independently switching off and managing my time with my calendar (the visual helps me) so that I get block of hours to do focus work and other periods where it's 20 little things an hour. The schedule management took me a long time to get right and the thing that took the longest was delegation and saying no (or at least not right now) to work out helping others (auto declining appointments and things like adding prep or though times to my calendar as an appointment with myself has helped ... Reading that it sounds really weird!. If any of this sounds like you, I found that articulating I was struggling with workload helped because nobody had even realised a lot of this work was being done in the first place.

No idea what kind of work you do (sorry) but priority and time management tactics like KANBAN for priority (another tip here is to show a supervisor your conflicting interests if you're given something else on your full plate) and Pomodoro for time may be something to look at. If you're in an office environment or similar, there's a great app called marinara which is used that gives you countdowns and reminders to stick to your focus times. Pomodoro essentially is breaking down your work into little sprints of 25 mins and taking a mini break. I think that approach could help with ADHD?

All this being said if you have ADHD it may simply be that it's so difficult to keep focused that the work cannot be managed without you needing meds? It's not unusual to be diagnosed later in life especially as there have been more guidance (the US have the DSM5 but I'm sure there's similar in the UK?) in recent years as things like neuro divergence are normalised and celebrated. I imagine it's not an easy amount of work but maybe explain the meds challenge to your doctor and see if they have ideas on how to deal with that? Maybe there are groups, charities, community organisations or other non profits that have programs or similar that could help with the logistics of dispensing or coat reduction?

Yikes, sorry for the long post but hopefully there's a nugget or two in here that will help a little. I don't have the heart to delete everything and be more concise haha

I agree totally that sacrificing your own wellbeing is never a solution. We need to look after our own mental and physical health and have time for rest, sleep etc. Otherwise you get burnt out and ill, and chasing money and seeking others approval to the detriment of our health and wellbeing is unwise.

 

[Jimmy Grimble]

You sound like me mate. Having similar issues. Got the demands from my ex for divorce a couple of weeks ago and have gone off the rails since. Also not convinced being labelled with ADHD is the answer for me. And deffo not gonna take the medication. Anyway have since self medicated and then deep into the cycle of being unproductive at work and self loathing feel free to PM me mate if you want.

They say divorce is like grieving for someone who is still alive and I would agree with that: you go through stages. Forgive yourself the self medicating bit- it's very normal and understandable, but the sooner you can get off it the better. You'll see things clearer and function better in all aspects of your life. Time heals and once you stabilise the finances and begin to see a future for yourself the pain will start to fade. Family and a couple of mates who have been through it can help a lot.

 

[David09]

You sound like me mate. Having similar issues. Got the demands from my ex for divorce a couple of weeks ago and have gone off the rails since. Also not convinced being labelled with ADHD is the answer for me. And deffo not gonna take the medication. Anyway have since self medicated and then deep into the cycle of being unproductive at work and self loathing feel free to PM me mate if you want.

Work probably saved me during divorce. I used it as a tool to get out of bed in the morning as I was struggling.
I did have to cut down on the alcohol though and also exercise like a long walk helped.

 

[PKwalnuts]

Hi mate

Renovation is a bloody nightmare. It sounds like you're doing a lot yourself, is that right?

You mentioned later that you have a lot of 3/4 complete stuff. Having been through a renovation myself, I found that focusing on one room or one type of thing at a time can really provide some much needed focus and give you wins that will keep you going. Humans are terrible multitaskers! David Allen wrote about "Getting Things Done" and issues related, and outlined some of it like this, (going from memory here so bear with me)

• Being overwhelmed can be paralyzing so reduce the number of directions you're being pulled in (i.e. the number of projects) - choosing one at a time can help
• Ambiguity can prevent you even starting, getting clarity on what you need to do and breakdown into actionable steps can provide a framework
• Fear of incomplete/making wrong decisions can get you stuck. Accept the imperfection ofnanmultitude of aspects of projects that are either out of you control or could change in the future and try to simply commit to the best decision you can make right now
• Reassess your "why" - prioritizing the reason for each piece of work can help determine which are the bang-for-buck completion projects

What this did for us is give us a frame.of reference, helped us prioritize (urgency x impact), and gave us some focus.

For us, the shower was definitely priority number one. There was so much dust and construction detritus... On... Every... Thing. We never felt clean, we never felt rested. Being able to take a shower or, honestly, use the toilet in a clean and complete environment was revitalising.

Then we focused on some of the gutwork being complete if it affected the entire property ("Okay, the electrical stuff is done"). Then choosing a specific part of the house to cordon off (a living space that became a temporary bedroom, our basic kitchen), and sealed the rest off with these things that go over the door on each side and have a zipper to minimise dust travel. In hindsight we probably should have dealt with a single electrical panel to serve this segment, but it worked out.

Other things that helped us was celebrating milestones together in a review each month if what was competed (the endorphin hit from checking small things off a long list was nice) and taking loads of before and after pictures to remind us how it was worth it! We didn't share our Reno pics with anyone but I know some folks do that to help spur them on, too. Also if your budget can swing it, trying to get away on a weekend away as a family or even going to visit a family member who lives elsewhere (we visited a friend in Philly) can be a welcome break from "the project'.

I can't even imagine what it must be like three years in though. We hit two years and I was ready to pull what little hair I have right off my nut. Didn't have a kid at the time, either. In the end we cut off some of the more adventurous stuff and intended to go back to it. It's been ten years and we just got the stamina (and funds) to revisit but we haven't been unhappy in that time.

Best of luck to you all

Really helpful that thanks for sharing

 

[BiggyRat]

Also not convinced being labelled with ADHD is the answer for me. And deffo not gonna take the medication.

Sometimes, being diagnosed is just the first step in understanding & it allows you to categorise where you're at. It's not something just about you because it becomes something you're going through that others have gone through before.
I'd respectfully suggest you make sure you're happy with all the research you've done, especially with the Meds. If it's side effects you're worried about, ask for alternatives. Spell out your concerns. If your Doctor isn't satisfying your questions, get other opinions.
I've been there where a 'condition' impacts your worklife. It didn't end well for me but having those 'labels' allowed me to understand what was happening around me, and I eventually moved on.
None of us know what you're going through, but some of us might have experienced something similar. Always think of meds like a Band Aid/Plaster. It doesn't fix the problem, but it protects it while it's healing.
Good luck!

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Hope all are well on here. Just enjoyed a cracking 1st half display by the blues.
I was just checking in here to say, yet again I've found getting back into regular exercise, no/very little ale and a good diet has made me feel brighter all round (the citalopram helps too!)
When I feel like crap now I force myself out for a run/pick up the weights in the garage. Feel so much better after it than I would have sat eating the kids chocolate and doom scrolling whilst watching nonsense on TV

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Hope all are well on here. Just enjoyed a cracking 1st half display by the blues.
I was just checking in here to say, yet again I've found getting back into regular exercise, no/very little ale and a good diet has made me feel brighter all round (the citalopram helps too!)
When I feel like crap now I force myself out for a run/pick up the weights in the garage. Feel so much better after it than I would have sat eating the kids chocolate and doom scrolling whilst watching nonsense on TV

Oh yeah, much better sleep after exercising too I've found

 

[blue1948]

I posted a while ago that my son had ADD and I had tested to see if I have the same ,it now transpires he has ADHD and PTSD from a probable breakdown and he is being tested for the ASD . He won't take any meds so I questioned why ,he said they tried four different ones ,the first stopped him getting erect ,the second give him one randomly ,the third made him itch all over and the fourth slowed him down too much to think straight ,so they are certainly not for all but my take is you should always at least consider and talk with someone who has walked the road . He too finds that getting out and about helps him to cope .

 

[AUXLEN]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.