Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Gwladysover]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

So very sorry to read this and my sincerest condolences on the passing of your Mum. Give yourself time to grieve and deal with the many emotions which come with the loss of your loved one, you are certainly not pathetic. My very best wishes to you.

 

[COYBL25]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

Do you have any support mate from, siblings, family and friends, ideally this isn’t something you should be going through by yourself ?

Wanting to sleep all the time, can be a really big indicator of depression too. Have you thought about seeing your GP, as they could refer you to a bereavement councillor and maybe prescribe something to hopefully give you a short term lift ?

Sorry for your loss mate, please keep posting x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

So sorry to hear about your Mum. It sounds like it is still early days after her passing. Give yourself time to grieve. Age is irrelevant, your Mum is your Mum no matter how old you are. Think of the nice memories you have of your Mum and not, as you say so eloquently, her creeping death.
Much love.

 

[BiggyRat]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

My sincere condolences.
Cancer can go & get

Your age is irrelevant. She's still your 'mam' no matter how old you are. The fact that you feel this way shows how big she was in your life. Decide that the bit that died with her was the time during her Cancer. Let that pain be the part that died, park it somewhere, & revel in the joy you shared in her company!

Consider that her pain is gone & so should yours. Remember all the good times & fun moments. Focus on them & get back into writing when you're ready.

 

[Lobworm]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

First of all, condolences to you and yours. We lost our mum the same way, nigh on 30 years ago, and I had the same feelings.
There was a counselling charity group called Cruse. This was a massive help to me at the time, although there was no overnight cure.
I can assure you, in most cases of similar bereavement, the feelings we get are temporary, although they can and will sporadically return, it does get easier with time.

Out of interest, what is it that you write about?

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

Quick moan...me mam finally died after a long battle with cancer. it was horrible but the death and all the arrangements help you through it in a way. Now it's all over I realise a part of me died with her and it's not coming back. I feel pathetic in a way as I am 52, but it's hard to see the creeping death of a loved one devoured from the inside and feel any hope that it'll ok in the long run.
I've lost the joy for anything.
I write part-time and have been quite successful and was on the cusp of going full-time, but all I want to do is sleep. Haven't written a word in months.

Mate, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. While hopefully with time your memories will tend toward those that bring a smile rather than a tear, it's normal to feel despondent or find it hard to know how to grieve, particularly when there's been a protracted illness or long-term issues and even feelings of guilt for being glad it's all over. For those of us lucky enough to have a parent around into adulthood, the loss can feel debilitating since at the very least your losing a constant, someone who's known you from the day you were born.

Give yourself time to process this profound loss. Consider going to parental loss support groups or talking with family or friends about your mother (one of the very helpful grieving components of a wake for example), or even taking with a professional like your doctor or a counselor.

Since you're a writer you may even consider doing something with that. A short poem or song, noting some of her idiosyncrasies, or even just writing (not typing) a stream of your thoughts onto some paper could help. None of it has to be shared with anyone.

Or, simply, get it all out here. We're here for you.

 

[the golden visionary]

It's a sobering realisation when you realise that your family, the people you dote on, would do anything for, literally drive miles in the middle of the night, fiscally aid without a second thought won't even have a conversation with you because deep down, they will always and only ever see you for who you were and not who you are now, disregarding the years of work you've done to go from someone who was inches away to someone with their life completely together, best job they've had, and genuinely content, with none of the thoughts or urges that drove them to near insanity. Sometimes I think it's because it was more of a story to have that person instead of this. Maybe it's because when they throw their thoughtless barbs my way now I brush them off and call them on it instead of flying of the handle validating their preconceived notions and pideonholing, so again a good story for the sympathetic sycophants that populate their existences.

I have changed, I don't rattle, I don't bend, I don't break. I know who I am. Shame they don't.

It takes a lot nowadays for me to get this pissed off, thank you for giving me the platform to air these greviences anonymously so I cam continue to be who I am .

 

[andy4efc]

@AUXLEN

It gets better. While I appreciate it's not quite the same. When my nan passed in 2013, i was devstated but over time I think regularly how I miss her. I didnt meet my grandad on that side and my dads side never interacted with us - they were jehovah's witnesses - so they didnt do the whole grandparents thing of presents and stuff, meaning we didnt see them that often at all. So we had a really good relationship.

I miss my nan to this day, i wish she could have met my wife, see how im doing and wish I could have had her as an option when things got really tough.

It will get better. Over time you stop sort of grieving about why it has happened and how it has happened, and you start to appreciate the good things. I still mention to my wife i miss my nan but when I do find myself thinking about missing her, i think about the good times, how she came from Liverpool, to Wigan, to take me and pick me up from school becuase my dad was crippled recklessly by a hollyoaks actor and couldnt drive, my mum wasnt confident driving, she had everything to deal with caring for my dad while raising three children. An absolutely crazy bombshell dropped on our family and now I'm older i remember how my nan stepped in, even at 78/80 years old driving from Huyton to mine just to look after me. My brothers were old enough to get the bus to school or take care of themselves, but I was only 10 when that happened and my nan was a huge part of my life and why im still breathing today.

There is no solution, only time heals it and over time you will think about losing her not in a negative way but in a positive and a celebratory/appreciative way.