Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Sorry to hear that mate.

I’m no expert, but the way you’re describing her behaviour doesn’t sound right and sounds like she may be unwell ?

Could it be she’s started the menopause ?

I just know that when my missus started, some of her behaviour was just off the scale, to the point of being quite worrying.

 

[matty1878]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

whatever help vent away mate!

you won’t have a clue as
it’s all raw for you right now mate

day by day for now and let your mind settle down

 

[larbert toffee]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Sorry you're down and feeling lost at the moment mate, I've been through this year's ago and felt exactly the same.
It's not wrong to air it on here, a problem shared and all that.
First of all mate above all else look after yourself and hold your head high through this, you're important to your loved ones.
Use your close friends, they will understand and want to help you, don't be scared to cry it's a good release valve.
Go and see your family for a day or two, they'll give you good advice and it will give you some thinking time.
It's an awful time and you'll be hurting of course you will but it will get better, you may not think so at the moment but you will get through this.
All the best mate, keep us informed how you're doing and look after yourself I can't emphasise that enough.

 

[David09]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Hi Bungle. I went through something very similar 6 years a go.
Find something to keep your mind ticking over daily and get you out if bed. My thing was work.
I will also say the Ex wife being nice to me and the "lets be friends" was just rubbish and part of her game to blindside me during the divorce and it worked. I'll be angry forever with myself for falling for this.
Just be careful and look after yourself. People on here really helped me through the toughest time of my life

 

[Gwladysover]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

So sorry to hear this. You have had a shock and are bound to experience a variety of emotions, don’t bottle things up, there is always a friendly ear here. Take things slowly and most importantly take care of yourself. Best wishes.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Sorry to hear this mate.

Take each day as it comes.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Please don't do anything rash. The world is a much better place with you in it - your kids love you very much and they need you x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Listen, I ran a mile after posting. I'm an old-school child of the 70s (Thatcher stole my milk) and was ashamed of my post. I am thankful for the responses and feel duty-bound to let you know I am getting better (thanks to your comments....seriously as grief can be so isolating).
again feeling like I am using me mam's death as self promotion I can answer questions posed
I write thrillers/horror under the name Tom Stearns on Amazon KDP, please take a look or share and email me with any questions.
Emotional support-wise I have a wife and a sister. It's tough as they are both quite emotional and I am socialised/trained to reign it in and endure. Boys don't cry etc.
Once again ty for all your comments I read them all and was too embarrassed to reply even though I should have.

Don't ever feel embarrassed. It takes courage to open up - even behind Internet anonymity. Hope you are feeling a bit better x

 

[Encoder]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I've always really enjoyed your contributions all these years so it hurts to see what a bad place you are in. Please take each day as it comes and reinforce to yourself the impermanence of negative feelings. There will always be people here to vent to in this thread if you need it. Good luck mate.

 

[Tipp blue]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Here is some advice that you said was good advice, Walk around cheerfully and do things that make you happy, this is exactly what she is doing to you by the sounds of things.. if you believe that things are unsalvageable then move on quickly.. I've heard it said "they should have taken their own advice" well you have years and hundreds of posts of your own advice to look back on right here... you can always drop any of us a DM for a chat if you want.

 

[coollino]

Here is some advice that you said was good advice, Walk around cheerfully and do things that make you happy, this is exactly what she is doing to you by the sounds of things.. if you believe that things are unsalvageable then move on quickly.. I've heard it said "they should have taken their own advice" well you have years and hundreds of posts of your own advice to look back on right here... you can always drop any of us a DM for a chat if you want.
View attachment 256946

I dunno, for me, if you are walking around unnaturally happy like this, you are blocking it out and are bound to crash hard at some point. It's fine to feel awful after something like this, and it's probably better to grieve earlier in the long run

 

[PKwalnuts]

Hope you are ok @Bungle
Stay strong for yourself

 

[Prevenger17]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

Jesus Bungle, sorry to hear that mate. It's ok to be a bit lost for a while, an upheaval like that is never going to be easy. Wishing you and your family the best of luck

 

[Exeter_Gently]

@Bungle I went through a bad break up about 5 year ago mate and I felt I needed to try and do something to clear my head,so I booked myself few long weekends away on city breaks which worked wonders.

Maybe treat yourself to something you've always wanted to do but never got round to,am big believer these days that you should invest in yourself and don't treat yourself like an after thought.

 

[tommye]

My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.

You've got my number mate. Use it, any time.
Love you