Been feeling that way myself of late and it's not much fun. I had an engagement end a few years back and in the initial phase of anger / sorrow I vowed not too waste part of my life with the wrong person again and it got me stuck in a rut I've never really emerged from. Now, ironically, I've wasted far more time as it happens.
Over the last few weeks I've been watching lots of films and whilst searching for things to watch I found myself shocked to notice that some I remember watching when they were released are now 10 years old, when it feels like it was yesterday. This caused a spiral of negative thought where time is flying by and I'm on the express way to old age, not any closer to life I wished for myself, the future loss of my dad which would cripple me emotionally. It's hard to break the pattern of thought at times. This was compounded yesterday when I saw three people whom I used to know and converse with and all of them blanked me
To improve things I've started going back to the gym again after a few months off and that seems to help for me.
Being alone and feeling lonely is a horrible feeling. I hope you find something that works for you and you are able to get past it.
I recognize the rut you talk about. The loss of a personal envisioned future is a powerful thing, so your period of grief was completely understandable. You shouldn't feel bad about the 'lost' time. I also recognize the strong reaction after the initial trauma. Annoyingly this fades and sort of leads to inertia.
I would advise you though to not overdo the movies and such. Such activities lead your thoughts inwards. Particularly if you watch them as a sort of escape. Eventually escape is no longer an option and on top of that you've lost the ability of a pleasurable activity. (I couldn't play video games for a whole year after overdosing). I sort of compare it with those electric touch plasma balls. Through such activities you also sort of live things by proxy, it doesn't really offer a great stimulus to go outside or such.
If I were you I would also forgo the whole time thing for a while. Just try to make small steps towards the life you want. Every small step will make you feel better. Maybe make lists with activities that you cross on completion, tends to highlight the achievement. I'm assuming you want a SO. In that case don't let your previous experience hinder you.
Regarding your father. It's only natural that this will affect you strongly. The blow can be softened somewhat if you make your world bigger. Bring new people/animals in to it. They can't replace him of course but it will help. I see it as anchors. If your world is small potential hits have a bigger impact. Alternatively you can make your world extremely small and become a hermit in Alaska or such. This way you can shield yourself from potential impacts, you live a stoic life where everything is always the same. Sometimes sounds appealing to me but I believe I would struggle with the natives seeing that I don't like weapons and mainly eat vegetarian. Or worse maybe I would start writing a book like Christopher McCandless.
The three people. Hypothesis 1: maybe they didn't recognize you because your appearance has changed or such. What I'm saying is don't assume the worst. Hypothesis 2: They are dickweeds and you can count yourself lucky not to have engaged with them.
The gym. Good for endorphins and such. I would recommend some supplementary sociable activity with more people interaction. A club or such. Possibly I'm biased against gyms. I once tried to read a book on the treadmill, stupid idea I know. Anyhow after a while I was really immersed in the book. Book falls. I try to pick it up, forgetting that I am on a treadmill, I face plant in front of the entire gym. There was no physical pain involved. Only a bruised ego. The worst was when old ladies came sitting next to me and told me they also sometimes fall of devices. I also highlighted the social aspect because breakups sometimes wreck havoc on the social life of men.
Oh I want to emphasize that I absolutely adore books and similar activities. I just recommend using them sparingly when you're feeling a bit disjointed. I again recommend Murakami.
