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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

dholliday said:
hiya hibb, i've had that all my life with the debts thing...not gambling or anything, rather ignoring bills and forgetting due-payments. you end up paying out so much more because of late fees, lawyer involvements and the rest.

dealing with finances is pretty much near the last thing you wanna think about: it requires concentration, discipline and organisation.

in a less money-orientated society we wouldn't be under such constant pressure but alas we are and somehow have to deal with it. i never really got on top of it except to plough on working so enough money comes in to eventually get my head above water...not always easy, i know.

tho' what's really helps recently is a method of keeping track via a spreadsheet: all my balances/ins/outs i've been accurately listing for about a year now and since then i feel more in control, which in turn makes me worry about it less. and if i wanna spend money on a luxury i check the spreadsheet to see if it's doable...it pretty much makes the decision for me so functions well as a 'support' method for controlling finances.

every couple of months there'll be an unexpected bill or carefree splash so i have to right away note it in the sheet then stoically plan the next weeks around it.

stoicism...i don't know how but the finances-spreadsheet helps me be this way...it's like a zen tool, the managing of numbers is quite soothing too.

if only i had similar results with 'to-do' lists!


all the best, mate :)
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Agreed here. I used to be an absolute mess with money until I started doing this. Owed money everywhere. Doing this helped me improve dramatically and I even save money now. Would recommend it to anyone.
 
Hi @Ilyas Mohamed how's your back mate? I had back problems for a few years. This book helped me a MASSIVE amount:

51oDh-WjWlL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg
 

wbn61 said:
it's not the type of drink unfortunately, i'm just struggling eating and drinking at the moment. was nice to get out for a while tho.
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Jebem eating and drinking so mix it mate my slavic brothers will understand. It's a bad mix take it from a veteran who was given brandy at the end of each meal my eastern European toffees will know what i mean, which didn't help my drinking problem separate the 2 activities. Plus don't don't drink Guinness no disrespect to my Irish brothers makes you put on weight like I don't know what, I thought it was healthier than lager.
 
I could say drinking wine every night and rakija helps it don't it just numbs yer pain. My brothers and sisters live in pain from Germany from Australia made me examine how lucky I am not to be an actual refugee of the Balkan wars, by Besics daughter embrace the hopefully peaceful life or parents hold dear.
 

Been hit out of left field by various emotions tonight and I honestly didn't see it coming. I'm lonely.

I haven't even been registering how lonely I was until just tonight. I see my daughter three or four times a week; I see my parents almost every day - but I'm lonely as hell. In my new job, I'm having to be the leader; I'm having to take on responsibility and be a straight and decisive guy and I find that hard because it means I can't fully reveal myself to people and I have to be reserved in how much of my character I can share. And I hate that. I haven't been in the staffroom yet in three weeks as that's their domain and I'm often too busy to get in there anyway.

Then I come home to a house that is a mess as it's halfway through renovations and the place just feels cold, empty and awful. On the nights I see my daughter, it's a home.

On the nights I don't...it's an awful shell.

Tonight it struck me just how lonely I am; just how quiet this house is without anyone in it. And I feel so worried for my future. I'm not sure who I'm going to be and what I'm going to amount to. This wasn't what I planned and I think it's only hitting me now that I don't get a family anymore. I get to spend 50% of my time with myself and I'm not even sure who I am. The place is empty and silent and I often find myself putting on an audiobook or YouTube to feel less alone. I'm as empty and torn up as my own home and I'm reminded of that every time I come home.

I see my mam and dad more than I ever did, but it's not enough. I love being at their home. It feels like a loving place; somewhere I feel safe and warm and welcome and valued. But I can't keep going round there and staying. I'm 31 years old and I've spent over £100,000 on a new house. It's ridiculous to want to stay somewhere else, but I can't help it.

I worry who I'll become without them - I've taken them for granted and I'm only seeing now just how amazing they are and how much I rely on them and I can't imagine life without them. Same with my daughter. I get panic attack and night anxiety when I think of not being able to hold her in my arms and protect her in the night. I feel like I'm not in control of who I am. But I can't be weak.

I'm a father and a senior leader. Two roles that require me to be decisive and focused and positive. Wearing my mask is tiring me out.

All I've done tonight is cry and drink. And I'm becoming a wreck.

I'm sick of how I feel. I never wanted this. I wanted a wife and a family and security and a home.

I feel like I don't know what my purpose is anymore and I'm just floating from one day to the next.

I'm sorry, lids.

I know it's ridiculous. I know it seemed like I was past all of this and I genuinely thought I was. But tonight has hit me like a train and I'm not sure if I can get back up.

I'm so lonely.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Been hit out of left field by various emotions tonight and I honestly didn't see it coming. I'm lonely.

I haven't even been registering how lonely I was until just tonight. I see my daughter three or four times a week; I see my parents almost every day - but I'm lonely as hell. In my new job, I'm having to be the leader; I'm having to take on responsibility and be a straight and decisive guy and I find that hard because it means I can't fully reveal myself to people and I have to be reserved in how much of my character I can share. And I hate that. I haven't been in the staffroom yet in three weeks as that's their domain and I'm often too busy to get in there anyway.

Then I come home to a house that is a mess as it's halfway through renovations and the place just feels cold, empty and awful. On the nights I see my daughter, it's a home.

On the nights I don't...it's an awful shell.

Tonight it struck me just how lonely I am; just how quiet this house is without anyone in it. And I feel so worried for my future. I'm not sure who I'm going to be and what I'm going to amount to. This wasn't what I planned and I think it's only hitting me now that I don't get a family anymore. I get to spend 50% of my time with myself and I'm not even sure who I am. The place is empty and silent and I often find myself putting on an audiobook or YouTube to feel less alone. I'm as empty and torn up as my own home and I'm reminded of that every time I come home.

I see my mam and dad more than I ever did, but it's not enough. I love being at their home. It feels like a loving place; somewhere I feel safe and warm and welcome and valued. But I can't keep going round there and staying. I'm 31 years old and I've spent over £100,000 on a new house. It's ridiculous to want to stay somewhere else, but I can't help it.

I worry who I'll become without them - I've taken them for granted and I'm only seeing now just how amazing they are and how much I rely on them and I can't imagine life without them. Same with my daughter. I get panic attack and night anxiety when I think of not being able to hold her in my arms and protect her in the night. I feel like I'm not in control of who I am. But I can't be weak.

I'm a father and a senior leader. Two roles that require me to be decisive and focused and positive. Wearing my mask is tiring me out.

All I've done tonight is cry and drink. And I'm becoming a wreck.

I'm sick of how I feel. I never wanted this. I wanted a wife and a family and security and a home.

I feel like I don't know what my purpose is anymore and I'm just floating from one day to the next.

I'm sorry, lids.

I know it's ridiculous. I know it seemed like I was past all of this and I genuinely thought I was. But tonight has hit me like a train and I'm not sure if I can get back up.

I'm so lonely.
Click to expand...
Oh mate that's really sad. But well done for getting it out in the open. So in the last few months you appear to have got a new job with new responsibilities, a new house and a divorce. Major major stress factors. No wonder you feel so bad. It was always going to hit you at some point.

It's hard taking a leadership role- it is completely different to being one of the gang. There are lines you can't cross because one day you might have to do a disciplinary on them or call them to account for something but you don't have to hide your personality from them.. I used to line manage 23 staff and I never went on nights out with them because let's face it, what do you do on nights out- slag off the boss. It's still early days, make time to go in the staff room and just be yourself. don't forget, you got that job, you were the best person of all who applied so don't doubt yourself.

As for your parents I'm sure they love you being round there- I bet you get spoilt rotten by them. You'll get used to your new house but please don't beat yourself over how you feel. I only know you through here but from your posts you seem to be one of the good guys. I know we are nearish neighbours, I have a husband, two grown up children (who I don't think will ever leave home!) and a cat. You're welcome to come round for a cuppa any time if you feel lonely. x
 
Durham Toffee said:
Been hit out of left field by various emotions tonight and I honestly didn't see it coming. I'm lonely.

I haven't even been registering how lonely I was until just tonight. I see my daughter three or four times a week; I see my parents almost every day - but I'm lonely as hell. In my new job, I'm having to be the leader; I'm having to take on responsibility and be a straight and decisive guy and I find that hard because it means I can't fully reveal myself to people and I have to be reserved in how much of my character I can share. And I hate that. I haven't been in the staffroom yet in three weeks as that's their domain and I'm often too busy to get in there anyway.

Then I come home to a house that is a mess as it's halfway through renovations and the place just feels cold, empty and awful. On the nights I see my daughter, it's a home.

On the nights I don't...it's an awful shell.

Tonight it struck me just how lonely I am; just how quiet this house is without anyone in it. And I feel so worried for my future. I'm not sure who I'm going to be and what I'm going to amount to. This wasn't what I planned and I think it's only hitting me now that I don't get a family anymore. I get to spend 50% of my time with myself and I'm not even sure who I am. The place is empty and silent and I often find myself putting on an audiobook or YouTube to feel less alone. I'm as empty and torn up as my own home and I'm reminded of that every time I come home.

I see my mam and dad more than I ever did, but it's not enough. I love being at their home. It feels like a loving place; somewhere I feel safe and warm and welcome and valued. But I can't keep going round there and staying. I'm 31 years old and I've spent over £100,000 on a new house. It's ridiculous to want to stay somewhere else, but I can't help it.

I worry who I'll become without them - I've taken them for granted and I'm only seeing now just how amazing they are and how much I rely on them and I can't imagine life without them. Same with my daughter. I get panic attack and night anxiety when I think of not being able to hold her in my arms and protect her in the night. I feel like I'm not in control of who I am. But I can't be weak.

I'm a father and a senior leader. Two roles that require me to be decisive and focused and positive. Wearing my mask is tiring me out.

All I've done tonight is cry and drink. And I'm becoming a wreck.

I'm sick of how I feel. I never wanted this. I wanted a wife and a family and security and a home.

I feel like I don't know what my purpose is anymore and I'm just floating from one day to the next.

I'm sorry, lids.

I know it's ridiculous. I know it seemed like I was past all of this and I genuinely thought I was. But tonight has hit me like a train and I'm not sure if I can get back up.

I'm so lonely.
Click to expand...


Brave post mate.

Your life's been turned upside down and the way your feeling is a natural reaction to what's happened over the recent past. It's all part of the grieving process if that's the right way to put it. You're at the low point now and I'd strongly suggest moving back in with your mum and dad for a bit. Just because you have a responsible job and position, doesn't mean your made of steel and without feelings or emotion.

I'm sure your mum and dad wouldn't want you to be suffering alone like you are and would want you back home mate.
I know if you were my lad I'd want you back home. There's no disgrace or shame in going back home until your own your feet again.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Been hit out of left field by various emotions tonight and I honestly didn't see it coming. I'm lonely.

I haven't even been registering how lonely I was until just tonight. I see my daughter three or four times a week; I see my parents almost every day - but I'm lonely as hell. In my new job, I'm having to be the leader; I'm having to take on responsibility and be a straight and decisive guy and I find that hard because it means I can't fully reveal myself to people and I have to be reserved in how much of my character I can share. And I hate that. I haven't been in the staffroom yet in three weeks as that's their domain and I'm often too busy to get in there anyway.

Then I come home to a house that is a mess as it's halfway through renovations and the place just feels cold, empty and awful. On the nights I see my daughter, it's a home.

On the nights I don't...it's an awful shell.

Tonight it struck me just how lonely I am; just how quiet this house is without anyone in it. And I feel so worried for my future. I'm not sure who I'm going to be and what I'm going to amount to. This wasn't what I planned and I think it's only hitting me now that I don't get a family anymore. I get to spend 50% of my time with myself and I'm not even sure who I am. The place is empty and silent and I often find myself putting on an audiobook or YouTube to feel less alone. I'm as empty and torn up as my own home and I'm reminded of that every time I come home.

I see my mam and dad more than I ever did, but it's not enough. I love being at their home. It feels like a loving place; somewhere I feel safe and warm and welcome and valued. But I can't keep going round there and staying. I'm 31 years old and I've spent over £100,000 on a new house. It's ridiculous to want to stay somewhere else, but I can't help it.

I worry who I'll become without them - I've taken them for granted and I'm only seeing now just how amazing they are and how much I rely on them and I can't imagine life without them. Same with my daughter. I get panic attack and night anxiety when I think of not being able to hold her in my arms and protect her in the night. I feel like I'm not in control of who I am. But I can't be weak.

I'm a father and a senior leader. Two roles that require me to be decisive and focused and positive. Wearing my mask is tiring me out.

All I've done tonight is cry and drink. And I'm becoming a wreck.

I'm sick of how I feel. I never wanted this. I wanted a wife and a family and security and a home.

I feel like I don't know what my purpose is anymore and I'm just floating from one day to the next.

I'm sorry, lids.

I know it's ridiculous. I know it seemed like I was past all of this and I genuinely thought I was. But tonight has hit me like a train and I'm not sure if I can get back up.

I'm so lonely.
Click to expand...


Ps one of my best mates went through an horrendous divorce a few years ago and was in a bad way as a result.
He found counselling very helpful, as it helped him understand why he was feeling the way he was feeling and taught him coping mechanisms ( not ale ). I'd advocate paying for a few sessions, as you sound like you could do with talking to someone asap.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Oh mate that's really sad. But well done for getting it out in the open. So in the last few months you appear to have got a new job with new responsibilities, a new house and a divorce. Major major stress factors. No wonder you feel so bad. It was always going to hit you at some point.

It's hard taking a leadership role- it is completely different to being one of the gang. There are lines you can't cross because one day you might have to do a disciplinary on them or call them to account for something but you don't have to hide your personality from them.. I used to line manage 23 staff and I never went on nights out with them because let's face it, what do you do on nights out- [Poor language removed] off the boss. It's still early days, make time to go in the staff room and just be yourself. don't forget, you got that job, you were the best person of all who applied so don't doubt yourself.

As for your parents I'm sure they love you being round there- I bet you get spoilt rotten by them. You'll get used to your new house but please don't beat yourself over how you feel. I only know you through here but from your posts you seem to be one of the good guys. I know we are nearish neighbours, I have a husband, two grown up children (who I don't think will ever leave home!) and a cat. You're welcome to come round for a cuppa any time if you feel lonely. x
Click to expand...

Thank you, so much.

I'm just being a dipstick, I know. It's massively appreciated
 

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