Yeah mate, still have days where i feel a bit on edge with anxiety but nothing compared to how i was before i started taking them.
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jaycee
Player Valuation: £60m
Glad things are looking better for you,the thing with the meds,a lot of people think they will work like pain killers,almost instantly thats not the case,it takes a few weeks to make any kind of difference,after that if they still dont seem to be taking any effect tell the GP get the dosage changed or a different type,they are not a cure,more of a crutch or plaster cast to help you while you're suffering
GwladysBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
Everything has gone bad again, absolutely everything.
I went out last night and got rotten drunk, hardly remember anything.
A friendship/relationship that was 12 years strong recently ended and I'm completely lost. I've tried to get over it, but I can't.
I went back to some man's flat last night and I can't remember if anything happened. I'm guessing/hoping it didn't because I got myself back home.
I hate being gay, absolutely hate it. I just wish I was normal. My mum and dad know, but I drive them up the wall coming home in hysterics saying I don't know what's gone on.
I've tried my best to have a girlfriend, but I can't make it work.
My counselling recently finished, I thought I got myself to a manageable level, but blatantly I haven't.
I don't see a happy future for me, just a life of misery.
I'm 24years old, and the thought of having to bear this life for another 50+ years makes me sick.
I went out last night and got rotten drunk, hardly remember anything.
A friendship/relationship that was 12 years strong recently ended and I'm completely lost. I've tried to get over it, but I can't.
I went back to some man's flat last night and I can't remember if anything happened. I'm guessing/hoping it didn't because I got myself back home.
I hate being gay, absolutely hate it. I just wish I was normal. My mum and dad know, but I drive them up the wall coming home in hysterics saying I don't know what's gone on.
I've tried my best to have a girlfriend, but I can't make it work.
My counselling recently finished, I thought I got myself to a manageable level, but blatantly I haven't.
I don't see a happy future for me, just a life of misery.
I'm 24years old, and the thought of having to bear this life for another 50+ years makes me sick.
Have you tried speaking to somebody. I've only ever heard good things about this helpline.
http://switchboard.lgbt/?gclid=CjwK...hwG5Lr_y8Ngpu4k40LOJZFSki7sjJSVYvdRoCPUHw_wcB
Armel
Player Valuation: £15m
Mate stuff like that happens. You'll get over it in time; it's bound to go with ups and downs. If it's the one from your first message I answered to, I think it's best to cut completely cut him out of your life (if you haven't done that already).
It doesn't sound to me that anything happened with that guy.
I realize being gay isn't easy from time to time. You are normal. You don't have to fight it or such; just embrace it, you are perfectly normal.
You shouldn't try having a gf, it isn't for you and that's completely okay. Also it's not fair to her. No need to pretend to be things you aren't; that makes you unhappy also. Also the not being able to let go of a previous relationship also happens to straight people so...
You can have a perfectly happy future while being gay. I only have a couple close friends left. Two of them are gay. In 5th grade one of them told our class he was gay and that was that. Later on he met someone else and they have been in a relationship ever since (that's like +- 10 years now). They are perfectly happy. Funnily enough they met on the Nintendo forum.
It will get better. Also maybe some of the after-effects of the alcohol.
GwladysBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
He's cut me out of his life, never mind me doing it to him.
He was my best mate from the age of 12, ironically I came out to him.
He said nothing would change if we went with each other. He promised me. Now he doesn't even reply to my messages. He knew how bad my depression/anxiety got and I would phone him up and he would make everything feel okay.
He was the only person in my life who made me feel like I was worth something.
Now he's got an American girlfriend and they're off going around all American cities together. I'm left here, on my own dealing with the fallout.
If it wasn't for the fact that it would completely destroy my mum's life, I don't think I'd be here.
I just hope everyday that a lorry smashes through my car on the motorway. I don't wear my seat belt to make sure of it.
I didn't even want much from life, just a family of my own and going on holidays together. Instead I'm stuck with this.
Please get help. And wear your seatbelt. You are only 24, there's a whole lifetime ahead of you to find your soul mate and have a loving happy family who have lovely happy holidays together. Being gay does not preclude you from doing that. I understand how you feel about your friend going to America- it's a horrible feeling when somebody close to you moves far away. My brother emigrated to Australia some years ago. I felt absolutely lost- it was as if he had died and I was grieving for him.
Please please get some help about the way you feel x
Armel
Player Valuation: £15m
Mate you might not realize yet but ironically he has done you a favour there. If my memory serves me well you wrote in one of your previous posts that he was also violent. Violent people are not pleasant people.
Yes you lose people from time to time. This one, was one for the best.
He lied to you, treated you badly... Stop messaging him, just delete him. It will hurt in the short term, but believe me you'll be much better of in the long run.
Ignore him and his American girlfriend. He doesn't sound like a pleasant person so no need to get yourself worked up about that.
Mate wear a seatbelt. Your life is worth living; you might not think so now but in the future you'll see. You're only 24 ! You still have numerous opportunities to reinvent yourself in every possible way.
You'll be able to have a family of your own, no worries. Gay people also have that; loads of examples there.
Also maybe it's in your interest to return into counselling; just to have a confidant whilst you sort stuff out. Also you can write here, I don't always reply but I read everything. As do loads of others.
If I remember correct only a couple of weeks ago you were feeling very happy; so you'll know you'll bounce back and you can have everything you want to.
I knew a lad years ago who was gay and his dad, who was a licensee of a rough boozer, just wouldn't accept it. He sent the lad away to some extreme church run " re programming " camp, where they attempted to brain wash him into becoming straight. Needless to say it didn't work. He didn't want to be gay, as he knew his dad was ashamed of him, but he was what he was and nothing would ever change that.
What I'm trying to say is just be who you are and be comfortable in your own skin mate x
I know it seems like your world has ended with the loss of your relationship, but it's got nothing to do with being gay at all.
Most people have had their heartbroken at least once in their life mate. I have and it hurt like hell, but it got better with the passing of time and eventually I met someone else. You will too, time is a great healer x
GwladysBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
He wasn't always that horrible, he is probably just scared too.
We went to the same school, and it was a really rough school. We both had to create masks for ourselves just to hide/survive it. Believe it or not, I was a popular kid, the thought of ever being found out was hell. Probably the same for him too.
He was everything to me. We used to text every single day for about 12 hours. We'd talk about everything. We'd go the match together, too.
If being gay was seen as being perfectly normal, I just know that we could have had the best life together. I wouldn't be like this now.
He's already cheated on his girlfriend with me. I did the same to mine with him, which is why I finished with her because she was one of the nicest people you could ever meet, she didn't deserve that and it ripped me up inside.
My experiences of gay men is that they just want to sleep with me and then it's onto the next one.
I have massive issues with sleeping with men still. Hence my anxiety over last night.
Most normal people would know if they had/hadn't of slept with someone. I even vaguely remember saying no. But the thought keeps coming in my head that say if I have and caught something from doing it.
My mum has even said that when I got in my exact words were "I was going to do it but then I said to myself, no, don't do it".
jaycee
Player Valuation: £60m
Mate you are the same as everyone else your not abnormal,your a young gay male,you are going to go through the same heartache,rejection and bull that a young straight person will,
GwladysBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
Thanks mate.
My Dad wouldn't accept it at first. He didn't speak to me for ages after I told him. He is very much a man's man.
If you hear someone shouting his head off at Goodison, it is probably him.
He was worried about what type of life I would have.
Now he is the person I lean on most.
He actually got into a massive argument on a work night out because a fella he works with was being homophobic to two gay men.
I'm just watching all my mates get girlfriends, having kids, etc and life is just passing me by.
I'm going on holiday with my mates in a few weeks, but I'm not even excited about it.
I have a really good job, but it means nothing to me.
I genuinely feel like I need to be put in rehab or something just to have a break from my own mind, because it's killing me.
It isn't just gay men. I had a few experiences of thinking somebody was the love of my life and then discovered that it was all about sex. Once they had had a sh)g they moved on. It wasn't pretty and I felt like a complete loser for being taken in by them. You just haven't met the right person yet - who you want to have a stable relationship with. And who feel the same about you.
Honestly being gay is no big deal these days - it may still raise a few eyebrows but generally there is much more acceptance than there was. I live in County Durham, which is pretty much a collection of former mining villages where "men are men" and sheep are frightened (sorry, inappropriate) I know loads of gay blokes, some are former miners, one was a steel worker, one works at Nissan. They tell me they have no issues at work or at home. Please don't think of yourself as not being "normal" Normal doesn't exist - we all have our quirks that make us truly unique.
Be comfortable with yourself. That's the start. easier to say than do, especially when you are young but it works.
D
Deleted member 28206
Guest
You are normal mate. Depression will have you believing otherwise. Don't let it deceive you mate.
Armel
Player Valuation: £15m
Sorry mate but there is no scenario in which being violent is acceptable. If he's struggling he should get help also but not resort to violence.
I understand how you had to create a facade to survive. I feel sorry for that you had to resort to such a thing. However being gay is really considered perfectly normal amongst people who are worth knowing.
The texting etc; we all had that. It sucks.
There are also loads of gay men who just want a relationship. Cf the two that I know; have been together for ages, never been with other men. Their other gay friends have something similar going. It's like for straight people I guess; you have to know where to look to find what you want to find. Try to get yourself out there, but in a more relaxed setting I would assume.
I can understand your issues about sleeping with men; taking into account your history. I think therapy could help you there.
Everything you tell me now clearly indicates that you haven't slept with anybody yesterday.