Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Elong]

Thanks mate.

My Dad wouldn't accept it at first. He didn't speak to me for ages after I told him. He is very much a man's man.
If you hear someone shouting his head off at Goodison, it is probably him.

He was worried about what type of life I would have.

Now he is the person I lean on most.

He actually got into a massive argument on a work night out because a fella he works with was being homophobic to two gay men.

I'm just watching all my mates get girlfriends, having kids, etc and life is just passing me by.

I'm going on holiday with my mates in a few weeks, but I'm not even excited about it.

I have a really good job, but it means nothing to me.

I genuinely feel like I need to be put in rehab or something just to have a break from my own mind, because it's killing me.

I know what you mean. You feel like you need locking away just to get some rest. But that rest is only from yourself, and you're gonna be taking yourself in there with you.

Depression will make you think you're not worth anything. It's not true! You're a fantastic bloke. I'm glad your Dad supports you now, that's a real positive, I'm jealous that you have someone to look up to and support you, my father was a pos.

I genuinely wish I could take your pain away from you, you have experiences I will never go through. The stigma of being gay and being depressed must be terrifying. We're all here to listen though mate.

 

[Tim's tourettes]

The last few posts on here just show the value of this thread. I hope Glawyds blue can take comfort from it. Whilst I can't relate to being gay all I can say is that at 38 my generation (and all ages since) are so much liberal. I honestly couldn't care less whether someone is gay , straight or whatever they want. Be who you want to be mate and anyone who has a problem with it isn't worth knowing. You're 24, so many years ahead of you in this big liberal world. Good luck mate

 

[GwladysBlue]

Sorry mate but there is no scenario in which being violent is acceptable. If he's struggling he should get help also but not resort to violence.

I understand how you had to create a facade to survive. I feel sorry for that you had to resort to such a thing. However being gay is really considered perfectly normal amongst people who are worth knowing.

The texting etc; we all had that. It sucks.

There are also loads of gay men who just want a relationship. Cf the two that I know; have been together for ages, never been with other men. Their other gay friends have something similar going. It's like for straight people I guess; you have to know where to look to find what you want to find. Try to get yourself out there, but in a more relaxed setting I would assume.

I can understand your issues about sleeping with men; taking into account your history. I think therapy could help you there.

Everything you tell me now clearly indicates that you haven't slept with anybody yesterday.

My old therapist, Gemma, said that I have the anxiety about making up these scenarios in my head as it is internal homophobia.

I know I went back to the flat, but I also know that I would 100% remember sleeping with the fella. It isn't something you forget.

I need my best mate back, he really is the only person that can pull me out of these phases. I've been debating phoning him all day, but I don't think I could take it if he ignored me.

I've relied on him since I was 12. It's just so hard to think that it's gone.

8 months ago we were on our way to Wembley together, had the best journey going down there just laughing. Then we went to see The Stone Roses, etc. He was my life.

The worst thing is, I can't tell anyone because I wouldn't ever out him.

 

[GwladysBlue]

I know what you mean. You feel like you need locking away just to get some rest. But that rest is only from yourself, and you're gonna be taking yourself in there with you.

Depression will make you think you're not worth anything. It's not true! You're a fantastic bloke. I'm glad your Dad supports you now, that's a real positive, I'm jealous that you have someone to look up to and support you, my father was a pos.

I genuinely wish I could take your pain away from you, you have experiences I will never go through. The stigma of being gay and being depressed must be terrifying. We're all here to listen though mate.

Thanks mate, really appreciate it.

Although my counselling is over now, I'm going to text Gemma and ask her can I come back to it.

1 hour a week, but when you can just let everything out it really helps.

She used to even hug, etc and say that things are going to get better.

I also think I need to stop drinking. It's a terrible thing for me.

 

[Armel]

My old therapist, Gemma, said that I have the anxiety about making up these scenarios in my head as it is internal homophobia.

I know I went back to the flat, but I also know that I would 100% remember sleeping with the fella. It isn't something you forget.

I need my best mate back, he really is the only person that can pull me out of these phases. I've been debating phoning him all day, but I don't think I could take it if he ignored me.

I've relied on him since I was 12. It's just so hard to think that it's gone.

8 months ago we were on our way to Wembley together, had the best journey going down there just laughing. Then we went to see The Stone Roses, etc. He was my life.

The worst thing is, I can't tell anyone because I wouldn't ever out him.

I see mate but it's your jerkbrain telling you such things. You can do all those things you think you can't. Might not realize it now, but you will in time and you'll be happy.

 

[cronullasharks]

Thanks mate, really appreciate it.

Although my counselling is over now, I'm going to text Gemma and ask her can I come back to it.

1 hour a week, but when you can just let everything out it really helps.

She used to even hug, etc and say that things are going to get better.

I also think I need to stop drinking. It's a terrible thing for me.

Definitely stay off the drink mate, for us poor souls who have depression/anxiety it is pure evil when done in excess.

 

[Woolly Blue]

I've tried my best to have a girlfriend, but I can't make it work

Mate of mine is gay. Before he came out he was married with a kid, but he was just trying to be something he wasn't, because he was going through much the same kind of stuff you are. Until he met his now husband, he hadn't realised just how much he was trying to fool himself.

You have to be yourself mate. Sooner or later you'll likely find someone else who wants to have a long-term relationship with you.

There are doubtless still plenty of people in the world who won't understand your sexuality, but there are far more who, at worst, are ambivalent about it.

I know that's easy for a middle aged hetero bloke to say, but if he was in your position, it's what I'd say to my son, while giving the silly sod a big hug

 

[chrismpw]

Everything has gone bad again, absolutely everything.

I went out last night and got rotten drunk, hardly remember anything.

A friendship/relationship that was 12 years strong recently ended and I'm completely lost. I've tried to get over it, but I can't.

I went back to some man's flat last night and I can't remember if anything happened. I'm guessing/hoping it didn't because I got myself back home.

I hate being gay, absolutely hate it. I just wish I was normal. My mum and dad know, but I drive them up the wall coming home in hysterics saying I don't know what's gone on.

I've tried my best to have a girlfriend, but I can't make it work.

My counselling recently finished, I thought I got myself to a manageable level, but blatantly I haven't.

I don't see a happy future for me, just a life of misery.

I'm 24years old, and the thought of having to bear this life for another 50+ years makes me sick.

There is no logical reason why your future will be the same as the past. Everybody experiences friendships ending and starting throughout life. I remember many friends with whom I was inseparable. Inevitably, as you grow older, jobs and relationships get in the way of friendships (women are masters at separating their fellas (your pal) from their circle of friends (you) and convincing them that a Friday/Saturday night is best spent at home watching crappy TV, or sharing a glass of ghastly fizzy wine with THEIR friends. It is hard wired evolutionary instinct, and humans are not as sophisticated as they believe themselves to be. Those who can lift themselves above animal instincts are, in all reality, pretty rare, but they're out there and given patience will be found. The important thing is to realise that such changes of friendships are not personal, they are just inevitable. It doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it does make it more understandable.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Mate of mine is gay. Before he came out he was married with a kid, but he was just trying to be something he wasn't, because he was going through much the same kind of stuff you are. Until he met his now husband, he hadn't realised just how much he was trying to fool himself.

You have to be yourself mate. Sooner or later you'll likely find someone else who wants to have a long-term relationship with you.

There are doubtless still plenty of people in the world who won't understand your sexuality, but there are far more who, at worst, are ambivalent about it.

I know that's easy for a middle aged hetero bloke to say, but if he was in your position, it's what I'd say to my son, while giving the silly sod a big hug

A lot of people are, some people you'd never even guess it about. They just hide it very well.

As I said, I had a girlfriend who was honestly one of the best people you could ever meet. Nothing would ever get her down and she would always put a smile on my face. When things would go bad for her, she would always find something good at the same time. I actually really miss her being in my life. She is also an Everton fan.

She couldn't give me everything that I wanted though. When I cheated on her, it killed me. I had to end it with her, because I couldn't let her have a bad life just because I do.

Thankfully she has another boyfriend now. She seems happy from the little I see on social media.

I'm not on the gay scene at all. That's why on the rare occasions I go into gay bars, or let a gay man near me I panic like mad incase something has happened and I can't remember.

I look down on other gays. It's internalised homophobia.

As I said, my mum and dad do know. Two of my mates know. None of my others mates do or my mates in work.

When I go out, I've got to chat up girls and make it look like I'm into them. It's what they excpect me to do. I don't even think my mates would care. I care though, because the more people who know makes it more real to me, if that makes sense.

 

[jaycee]

A lot of people are, some people you'd never even guess it about. They just hide it very well.

As I said, I had a girlfriend who was honestly one of the best people you could ever meet. Nothing would ever get her down and she would always put a smile on my face. When things would go bad for her, she would always find something good at the same time. I actually really miss her being in my life. She is also an Everton fan.

She couldn't give me everything that I wanted though. When I cheated on her, it killed me. I had to end it with her, because I couldn't let her have a bad life just because I do.

Thankfully she has another boyfriend now. She seems happy from the little I see on social media.

I'm not on the gay scene at all. That's why on the rare occasions I go into gay bars, or let a gay man near me I panic like mad incase something has happened and I can't remember.

I look down on other gays. It's internalised homophobia.

As I said, my mum and dad do know. Two of my mates know. None of my others mates do or my mates in work.

When I go out, I've got to chat up girls and make it look like I'm into them. It's what they excpect me to do. I don't even think my mates would care. I care though, because the more people who know makes it more real to me, if that makes sense.

Seems to me you're struggling to accept you're gay,and having a terrible internal battle with yourself to become self accepting of it,the drink isnt helping your struggle,alcohol is a depressant its not going to help,the gf you mention does she know your situation? Maybe she could be some one you could use as a outlet

 

[GwladysBlue]

Seems to me you're struggling to accept you're gay,and having a terrible internal battle with yourself to become self accepting of it,the drink isnt helping your struggle,alcohol is a depressant its not going to help,the gf you mention does she know your situation? Maybe she could be some one you could use as a outlet

Been this way since I was around 11.

Drink has always been the devil for me. I never learn from my mistakes though.

She doesn't know.

I wouldn't put her through that, though. She's moved on now, I don't want to drag old feelings up for her.

 

[jaycee]

Been this way since I was around 11.

Drink has always been the devil for me. I never learn from my mistakes though.

She doesn't know.

I wouldn't put her through that, though. She's moved on now, I don't want to drag old feelings up for her.

Its difficult but until you accept you are what you are,the struggles will go on,you really need to find peace within, I cant begin to understand the feeling you go through but if your parents have accepted it then thats a massive help because you know they will be there for you,which a lot of people who come out dont have

 

[Prevenger17]

A lot of people are, some people you'd never even guess it about. They just hide it very well.

As I said, I had a girlfriend who was honestly one of the best people you could ever meet. Nothing would ever get her down and she would always put a smile on my face. When things would go bad for her, she would always find something good at the same time. I actually really miss her being in my life. She is also an Everton fan.

She couldn't give me everything that I wanted though. When I cheated on her, it killed me. I had to end it with her, because I couldn't let her have a bad life just because I do.

Thankfully she has another boyfriend now. She seems happy from the little I see on social media.

I'm not on the gay scene at all. That's why on the rare occasions I go into gay bars, or let a gay man near me I panic like mad incase something has happened and I can't remember.

I look down on other gays. It's internalised homophobia.

As I said, my mum and dad do know. Two of my mates know. None of my others mates do or my mates in work.

When I go out, I've got to chat up girls and make it look like I'm into them. It's what they excpect me to do. I don't even think my mates would care. I care though, because the more people who know makes it more real to me, if that makes sense.

You need to come out to your mates. All of them who matter anyway. I realise that's easy for us to say and a lot harder in reality, but it's your only logical course of action.

I have a few gay friends, but only one who ever really struggled with it. For years he kept it going to the detriment of his mental health until, eventually, he just came out. One of our mates did take it surprisingly badly, but he eventually came around to it.

The difference was unbelievable. My mate is now infinitely happier, had a long term relationship (ended recently as relationships do but it was a healthy union) and all down to relieving a pressure he never should have felt in the first place.

 

[Ashtonian]

Everything has gone bad again, absolutely everything.

I went out last night and got rotten drunk, hardly remember anything.

A friendship/relationship that was 12 years strong recently ended and I'm completely lost. I've tried to get over it, but I can't.

I went back to some man's flat last night and I can't remember if anything happened. I'm guessing/hoping it didn't because I got myself back home.

I hate being gay, absolutely hate it. I just wish I was normal. My mum and dad know, but I drive them up the wall coming home in hysterics saying I don't know what's gone on.

I've tried my best to have a girlfriend, but I can't make it work.

My counselling recently finished, I thought I got myself to a manageable level, but blatantly I haven't.

I don't see a happy future for me, just a life of misery.

I'm 24years old, and the thought of having to bear this life for another 50+ years makes me sick.

Mate, first of all you shouldn't run away from being gay, you should embrace it. What is wrong with it? Why isn't it normal in your eyes? Because I know a hell of a lot of people who would disagree with that notion.

If you are gay then why try to pretend otherwise with a girlfriend?

 

[cronullasharks]

Thankfully attitudes have changed to people coming out and it'd only be knuckledraggers that aren't worth your time @GwladysBlue.

However as prev said it's easier for us to say this and your struggle seems to be mainly with yourself. Definitely go back to your councillor mate.